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168 pages, Hardcover
Published January 1, 2025
We fall into uneasy silence. The words were beautifully delivered, but I’m unsure what they mean. And I don’t trust George to know what it means to love, to commit to meeting another person’s expectations and needs. Does George understand that people you claim to love feel betrayed when you fail to meet their expectations? Failure of that kind takes one through a bleak landscape of guilt and, sometimes, grief that will make you want to add to the books of the Bible. The book of Babamukuru Jimson?
But the more I think about it, the more I feel silly. Silly because I’m afraid of resetting how my head is wired, afraid to lose myself and forget all I know. Silly because it is undeniable now that when I thought I could be George’s transition object, I was standing on my head. Here I am with George, River God, flowing in and out of forms, a multitude whose variability I can only follow so far. I can’t yet free myself and flow to where I’m best placed to receive and give love
I’m ready to leave the country, leave Europe. Escape European languages, their highly gendered grammatical structures that simplify so much you can slice a black woman without seeing what you’re doing. The disciplinary committee will think I’m insane, but they’re thinking people; they will understand when I say Africans become homophobes when they learn to speak European languages, that they love the macho far-right Western politicians when they cease to see that we prioritised other categorisations over gender until we learnt to speak European languages. They must understand that languages produce different worlds.