I stayed inside the tree and wrote a poem since I didn’t have words I used my heat by the time I left the trunk it was dark in the trees I hadn’t become smaller in fact my thinking had unwound and grown in the forest small and large were the same
is history the same thing as story if story is made of language then what if language is made of hollow then what if language is made of money then what if language is made of whiteness then what when humans die language will outlive us if we live forever we outlive hope
My second book of poetry from this author, and inspired by a giant eucalyptus tree being cut down in front of her home, one that was dangerous if it fell, but the poet still feels the grief and deep sadness of such a being destroyed. I had a similar experience with a cottonwood tree that was not potentially harmful to anyone, just in the way, and I love the way these poems connects that with art and aging. There aren’t many poems about menopause, and the poet has said her intent is to make art of it. Her lens as an Chinese or Taiwanese American woman also informs the poems, not shying away from the harsh treatment this country heaps on people of Asian descent time and time again. Very thoughtful and important collection that remains in the mind for a long time.
Excerpts:
ODE TO JOY
I once believed in the gold because I was born excessive. Maybe we all are. But how can I write more like the gold lines near the bottom of the painting? How can I move radiance forward? Can language do what a painting does, evoke joy?
Just let the words fall in love. Let me go back to the beginning of this poem and let it drip down.
HEMLOCK, 1956
A wooden door in front of everything. A door on my country. A door in the lake. My poems prefer wooden hunting dogs. If I say there is a door on my heart in the poem, then there is. Now I can open this door. The door is a short door though. I must kneel down to crawl in, drag my body through with my wooden elbows. I bump into my wooden mother who is also crawling in my heart. She smiles so large that her suffering lights up the tunnel. I can now see my whole heart, not empty as I had thought.
A BOOK FROM THE SKY
Just a tall trunk remained, the height of the man who stood on top of it.
Paul Valéry said, I write half the poem. The reader writes the other half. I’ve crossed out the rest of this poem. Maybe every hole never needed to be filled.
TREES [STUDIES], 1944
To be alive is to accept perception but to use the perceived.
That the earth is a collage of the sky, the leaves, and its own grave. Things stay alive by eluding our perception.
I realized the stars made the leaves move, not the wind, a sixth object. Why does so much knowledge come at the end of something? I have so many last questions for the tree. Is there more than one afterlife? Can beauty be cut? What does he want? Does time move by shivering? Can death fall in love?
A MUSE
Dead trunks on their sides, surrounded by cones. Two lengths and widths of a body. Occasionally, the sun shined on the bark and it lit up loneliness.
So much radiance cut out of the tree that even with my eyes closed, I could see everything brightly. My melancholy had lost its needle.
Maybe we are our own muses. All my usual words caught fire. What remained—pomegranate, filament, flutter.
SEATED WOMAN
Thomas Hardy calls the men who cut down the tree two executioners. Then the moon needled into the new space it couldn’t before. Maybe the moon is the earth’s tiny mouth, which is why the earth is so hard for us to love. I look up at the eucalyptus in the backyard and watch it looking across the street to where the dead eucalyptus was. To be alive is to be in the middle of two things.
SPRING
I used to think that grief was heavy. But it is actually like an edge. It weighs nothing. It consumes itself to remain a line. On some days, when I am too heavy with joy, I divide myself into cubes and triangles so that I can once again be faceted.
MID DAY A square table just for me. In Emily Dickinson’s bedroom. My back to her dead mother in the other room. My front to her bed. Lace curtains remind me of the eyes everywhere. She lived until 55. Anne Truitt until 83. I am 52, prowling at the edge of revelation. How Truitt painted the bright red horizontally, then vertically to smooth out the eyes. Then sanded down the tears that came through. How she wanted what was left to be even, burnished alive. I imagine Dickinson’s head on the bed, tilted past death, her dashes in my retina. Who gets to speak, who gets to brush. Whose tendons of mind are visible. Who gets to scratch. Who gets to sand down thinking.
How strange to be in this room demanding awe. To sit down and write a poem where I could never have been. On the other side of the country, Chinatowns were being burned down. What am I to do with all these seams. History that keeps growing back. The women who are adjuncts to the world. What if I am no longer in awe of the stiff light. Expiring rims of time, smoothing only itself. I had an hour and now my time is up. She’s gone and she’s gone. Still I am here pressed between her and light, between the cross-talking ghosts.