Love Hard On Purpose: Toss the Blueprints. Build Something Honest.

by John Kim

An essential guide to recognizing negative relationship patterns, embracing healthy love and attachments, and how to co-create a corrective new love experience, from bestselling author and therapist John Kim


What are the markers of a healthy relationship? How do you know if you are in love? When are you ready to choose the love that both holds you close and sets you free?

We all crave answers to these and many more questions about our intimate bonds with others. Trusted, highly sought-after, and influential therapist and podcast host John Kim addresses these tough questions and more with his signature blend of no-nonsense guidance and candid personal reflection. John helps us understand when to stay and when to leave, to recognize love as a form of medicine for the soul, and to discover the purpose of love is not just companionship but a loving transformation of the self. Love Hard On Purpose is an invitation to let go of toxic programming and discover genuine connection that lasts, grounded in the science of attachment.

If you’re ready to break free of misconceptions and see love with new eyes, you’ll begin to make different choices—choices that lead to deeper connections, growth, and a fuller understanding of yourself. In Love Hard On Purpose, you will

Awareness of your love “blueprints” and misguided definitions of loveHow to heal and attract healthy loveThe wisdom you need for cultivating and maintaining secure relationships
Welcome to a new relationship paradigm. Take a breath, open your eyes, and begin to love with, and on, purpose.

272 pages, Hardcover

Published June 9, 2026

About the author

John Kim is a licensed therapist, speaker, and author of the bestsellers I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck and Single on Purpose. He writes for Psychology Today, among many other publications, and has been featured in the New York Post and on Vice, NPR, and Armchair Expert. He lives in Altadena, California, where he is raising a daughter with his partner. He writes books, sends daily texts, and helps his online community of like-minded singles find themselves first—and, of course, he still rides his motorcycle to coffee shops.

Reviews

[Kimberly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sometimes the hardest relationship to change is the one built on the stories we’ve been telling ourselves for years.

John Kim’s Love Hard On Purpose challenged me to look at love from a completely different perspective. HarperOne, thank you so much for the gifted copy.

Rather than offering quick fixes or unrealistic relationship advice, John Kim encourages readers to understand the patterns they bring into relationships and why those patterns exist in the first place. This book isn’t just about finding love—it’s about becoming healthier, more self-aware, and more intentional in the way we love ourselves and others.

The conversations around attachment styles, emotional growth, and breaking unhealthy cycles really stood out to me. Kim’s writing is direct, honest, and easy to understand without feeling overwhelming. It feels like sitting across from a trusted therapist who isn’t afraid to ask the difficult questions but also wants to see you grow.

One quote that stayed with me was:

“Love is medicine when it’s healthy.”

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4 Stars

If you enjoy personal growth, relationship psychology, or books that encourage self-reflection without being preachy, I think you’ll find a lot to appreciate here. Whether you’re single, dating, or in a long-term relationship, there’s something valuable to take away.

Have you ever read a book that completely changed the way you viewed relationships or yourself? I’d love to hear your recommendations.

[Amy Avila · Rating 5 out of 5]

As always I love John Kim’s book. I feel like it was everything I needed to hear with practical applications.