Stop me if you've heard this one. An albino, a female version of The Flash, and a tech expert named The Drummer all walk into a bar... If you haven't heard this one it's probably because you haven't because its not funny. And this non-joke is just as mirthless as the aforementioned protagonists of Warren Ellis' Planetary.
For a series that has received innumerous accolades its a little disheartening (to say the least) that such boring and uninspiring characters drive it. And the lackluster doesn't stop just at the characters. Featuring more beaten path than the most beaten to dead horse, innumerable insertions of well known comic archetypes, plot-devices, and mcguffins come across as incredibly dull and trite (to say the least).
This is particularly irritating on multiple levels. First, Planetary (at least initially) doesn't come across as your typical cape comic. Without the well demarcated limits of the aforementioned universes, there should be a larger flexibility in approach in an original series to character development, powers, and setting. Instead we get just more of the same. There is nothing the least bit surprising about multiverses, speed/ice powers, or secret societies etc... in a comic book.
How boring.
Next there is an equally irritating vagueness in this first offering that is as boring as it is uniform. Most every issue follows a bland formula: A few pages of dialogue, followed by some action, then a large single page blow-up (that's supposed to amaze us), more dialogue, more action, another large single page blow-up, and then a(n) (unsatisfying) conclusion. Not only is this predictably uninteresting but, with the most tenuous of threads tying individual issues, it feels like the first collection amounts to a series of (mediocre) one-shots cobbled together more than anything.
Next there is something (alliterative, as it were) to be said about about references and racism. In the fifth issue there are some painfully obvious references to Watchmen in tone and depiction. With jaded appeal there are allusions to the Crimebusters (just like the old JLA style superhero supergroup) as well as to the faux-newspaper/magazine excerpts that grace Watchmen. Where Watchmen used internalized references to create a comic that was utterly self-aware as it was self-referencing, Planetary uses an abbreviated (read:lazy) application of such devices to mediocre effect. With single page (again: lazy) inserts that are simple as they are uninspiring, what should come across as a homage or a nod toward the giants of yore instead reduces to puerile rip-offs.
Just as the references are poorly replicated and well on display, so too is the not-so-subtle- racism readily visible that besmirches issues two and three of the series. Issue two features some pretty shoddy dialogue of Japanese people that recalls a similarly despicable representation of denizens of The Land the Rising Sun in Breakfast at Tiffany's. All the more disappointing is the representation of Hong Kong in issue three. As someone who has lived (quite delightfully I might add) in Hong Kong (for years) the depiction of the freest market on the planet is orientalized at best, pathetic at worst.
In conclusion, for a series that typically tops numerous top comic book lists, (for me at least) Planetary is a real let down. While featuring pretty art and generally enjoyable colors, a plethora of failures drag down it down. For whatever reason, Planetary has been unnecessarily propped up to be much more than it's pencil thin structural plinths (a new word I actually learned in the series) would allow.
To best sum up my personal opinion on Plantary I will defer to the words of one of the most talented MC's of all time, Flava Flav from Public Enemy, "Don't believe the hype."