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348 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1964
come to my blog!I had the odd sensation that the nothingness began at the surface of my skin and went on forever, in every direction, to infinity. Well, I finally had what I wanted, I was alone!so Rod recommended this to me after reading my review of the equally superb The Story of Harold. the books are radically different in style and tone and certainly in their narratives, but they do share a common agenda. namely: There is hope for you yet. you can find your place, person without affect or hope or dreams, person who lives an unlife. life is full of small moments, meaningful and otherwise, you can make a life out of those moments. you can build yourself into a real person. life is a series of choices; even choosing not to make a choice is its own choice. you can choose stasis or you can choose movement but the important thing is recognizing your ability to make choices in the first place - and that you have to make those choices.
Nobody gives it to him; only gradually does he free himself from the things that have made him, and create his unique nature, his self. He does this by making choices... And in choosing between A and B he creates his own freedom, because freedom is simply the state of being able to make decisions.Mortal Leap and Story of Harold are inspiring antidotes to books like Zone One that posit that all of those small moments, the regularity of day-to-day life, the familiarity of it all... that all of those things are symptoms of the meaninglessness of life. Zone One really impressed me with its astonishing prose but it also felt like a work of condescension and pretension, the product of a mind that views the world with a sense of anomie and then assumes that putting that alienated viewpoint on the page is somehow meaningful. Zone One is the story of an author who is smart but immature; Mortal Leap and The Story of Harold are works from actual adults who are able to understand that not only is meaning something to strive for, but it is something that can be found in both the extraordinary and the mundane. neither of these books make the journey easy for the protagonist - or the reader. the reader must deal with these anti-heroes on a very intimate level. it's uncomfortable and sorta awful. these guys are assholes and we see the world through their asshole eyes. "asshole eyes" - nice phrase, mark. Mortal Leap's protagonist is a special sort of asshole.
“The Korkasow syndrome is characterized by a lack of affective feeling, along with a breakdown of imagination and thought-production. The key to it lies in a failure of registration of sensory stimuli. The patient is aware of his environment, but he sees each event around him as isolated and meaningless.”the novel's first half is... well, it's something. for an emotional reader like myself, it was often pure torture. I'm usually repulsed by people without affect and so being forced to deal with this kid wasn't just irritating or wearying, it was practically debilitating. words can barely convey the kneejerk loathing I had for this character; I wanted to slap him, shake him, smash his face in, just do something to cause an actual reaction.
I realized what I was angry at and what had become my enemy: the survival instinct. Well, what was so damned important about staying alive anyhow? That was the question that needed answering.but for an intellectual reader (also like myself), the first half was in its own way completely enthralling. MacDonald Harris is an excellent writer. he's a rigorous one as well. the first half was an almost hypnotic experience. Harris conveys his protagonist's lack of affect perfectly, he gets you inside that unpleasant little head and makes you live there. not a word, not a sentence out of place - everything contributes to how Harris wants to illustrate this kid's viewpoint. there is absolutely no kowtowing to the reader yearning for something positive or pleasant to cling to, whether it be some sneaky humor or some bit of empathy, some sexiness or some adventure, just some ray of light in the landscape of bleak banality. I was rather in awe of the choices the author made time and again in depicting this world. tones of gray. squalid, depressing, without meaning. dead soul, dead soul. Marguerite Duras' dead-soulmate.
Inside was nobody. There was only a nexus of existence, buried very deep and only gradually working to the surface.but then that second half. there is no sudden shift in tone, no parting of the clouds to let the sun in - it's gradual.
The yelling came out of a different world, a world where I didn’t belong, a world where men felt different courages and despairs and were moved by emotions that were inexplicable to me....and then another insane thing, and then another. at first the protagonist reacts to all of it in his typically alienated, fuck-off, I-could-give-a-shit, I-may-as-well-be-dead way. at first. but life has a way of happening to people and change can come in different ways. he starts to come to life. it is not so much a thawing that happens, it is a life beginning where there was no life before. a planet takes a while to develop life and the same goes for a person. sometimes creating that life, creating that person, means scrapping what came before and starting fresh. sometimes it means taking on a role, living that role, fake it til you make it, until that role is you, until you equal that role that is no longer just a costume you put on, a role you chose - it is a new you.
I still had the sensation I was playing a role but it didn’t bother me any more, because I knew now that everybody else played a role too; it was just that some played them well and some badly.so "Ben Davenant" takes one step and then another, he decides to sample life - and he finds the taste to his liking. he takes a mortal leap. the circumstances of his leap are crazy, a one-of-a-kind sort of leap, right outta a book. but he takes the leap that all adults should take in their lives, a leap into a life that you, yourself, and no one else, has created.
In this way my situation was a kind of a metaphor of the whole human predicament; I sensed I was balancing over a chasm but I preferred not to look down. And probably I was right; now that I had walked out over the chasm what good would looking down do?he creates his life and then he slowly embraces it. I rejoiced, watching that embrace. I like rejoicing when reading a book.