The Art of Intimacy and the Hidden Challenge of Shame

by Vernon C. Kelly Jr.

Dr. Kelly tackles the difficult problem of shame in relationships. Using an understanding of the biology of emotion outlined by Silvan Tomkins, he takes the reader on a journey from the motivation for earliest infant-caregiver attachments to the complex arena of adult emotional intimacy. His conclusions will surprise you. An understanding of the biological purpose of shame leads to a better relationship with oneself and one’s significant others. He provides simple exercises in the practice of the art of emotional intimacy based on shame. This book gives hope to those whose relationships are tainted by repetitive, seemingly unresolvable arguments, and it can help all couples reduce negative emotion in their long-term intimate relationships. And finally, it tackles the shame issues created by normal human sexuality and chronic illness.

219 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 6, 2012

Reviews

[Corwin Slack · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful Insights on intimacy and shame

This is not a book about sex.

It surprised me when I learned that classical psychological theories and systems had no definitive theories of that most primal emotion--shame. Silvan Tomkins a PhD psychologist explicated his theories of innate affect and its effect on emotions in the 1950s through the 1990s. Affect psychology is the foundation upon which this highly readable primer is written. I recommend it.