The Echoes of Us
I think Steele suffers from a lot of telling us what should merely be shown, lots of blunt directions to how characters think and feel towards certain things that would immerse the reader more in the text if they were to discover them through subtext. Take the passage in the hospital, for example. Just a few lines in we are told that Robbie hates hospitals. THAT’S OBVIOUS. The vast majority of the time hospitals are used as a set-piece in fiction, across all manners of media, it is a negative thing; the pov character doesn’t want to be there. Furthermore, the majority of the time we go to hospitals in our normal lives, we also don’t want to be there. This means that there is a prevalent, pre-existing emotional basis for how readers expect a character to think and feel about their presence in a hospital due to the many sociofictional contextual associations between hospitals and negative moods and experiences. We expect Robbie, or whoever the pov ch is at the time, to not want to be there. So, when you say ‘x doesn’t want to be here’, you show the reader that you don’t trust them, that you are infantalising your narrative, limiting your literary register and thus figurative and creative potential because of a lack of faith in your readers’ abilities to infer a character’s mood from their description of their surroundings. But this is so easy to fix. With a first-person perspective, the narrative is inherently unreliable due to the natural biases that arrive from personal description. We see what Jenn and Robbie see, we perceive how they feel, and so everything we know is tilted towards how they feel about what they see and know. Therefore, YOU CAN TELL US THAT X DOESN’T WANT TO BE THERE BY DESCRIBING THE HOSPITAL NEGATIVELY. Have x describe the itchy smells that creep their way up her nose, the high-pitched squeaking of leather shoes on dimly lit hallways, the echoes of coughing arising intermittently from the corners of the room, the dark circles under the eyes of every grisled, unshaven nurse hidden beneath a pile of aged scrubs.
I want to feel the world that these characters live in, not be spoon-fed a rudimentary representation of their general attitude towards general concepts.
SHOW. DON’T. TELL.
-Fairly repetitive writing style → dramatic simple sentences that re-emphasise an already-established point
-Not much figurative language use
-Some dialogue passages could be made more realistic
-Katy’s use of French feels very ‘postcard’
-The beach group in Colombia say ‘how do you say’ → feels very archetypal of bilingual individuals instead of unique or grounded
-When Jenn’s mum tells Jenn abt the money her dad left → v short convo, not many details given, feels like a dramatic conclusion of ‘he did care for us after all’ is drawn from a fairly minimal information reveal → ‘he left us money’ does not equal ‘he loved us all along’ → tenuous.
-I love the brief passage of when Robbie finally swings the car to the side → that’s exactly how it should have been done, so that we can really feel the impact. This drawn out love story, the ticking of time running out punctuated by a frantic wrench of a steering wheel —> perfecto
-I love the breakdown at the end where Robbie and Jenn hold each other crying, and the fact that it cuts off → they get a meaningful moment
-Swapping POVs is so important to wrenching that feeling out of the audience of pure empathy, of genuine, raw understanding for how much they love each other.
-True love cannot exist when diametrically opposing apathy → it must be reciprocated to the extent that both parties cannot believe their luck, to the point of lunacy at the hands of one another. Only by observing this lunacy from both perspectives, with all their idiosyncrasies and past experiences, can we understand just how much Robbie and Jenn mean to each other, just how worthy that love is of preserving
-As the story goes on, the understanding of how these two fit into each others lives becomes so much clearer, because no matter what difficulties we see them go through, eg Jenn’s dad leaving, or her breakup with Duncan, or Robbie’s slip into alcoholism, we know they’re going to find and, for the most part, fix, each other. Their lives build up to one another, and so when the narrative builds up to that final day after the wedding, it feels far less like a dramatic conclusion of their love story, but the rightful continuation of the emotions that have been laid out before us. This should not be their end.
-The image of Jenn watching Robbie’s speech is so raw → the superlative moment of their love. All it takes is a rich image of someone looking at someone they love, with a sense of occasion around them, to make all those pages of love story feel real. A lifetime of love can be told with a single look.
-Trauma & mistreatment is circular
-Robbie’s drinking & Jenn’s dad’s drinking
-Jenn leaves Robbie in the same way her dad left her
-Jenn’s mum leaves her in a similar way to how her dad left her
-Steele’s character work is fantastic, they’re all very grounded, believable characters with their own nuances and difficulties and impacts on one another
-I would have liked a slightly deeper dive into these nuances at moments though
-Characters like Fi had their stories left somewhat open → ‘they’re splitting up’, ok, good, but give her a moment, please, where she and Robbie truly talk to one another.
-Also Robbie’s dad → I think should have a more substantial role in his mind
-Maybe that’s the point → Robbie ran out of time and so was unable to do anything with his final moments but realise the errors of his ways with Jenn
-I think Robbie needed to reconcile properly with Marty asw, for leaving him to die on a holiday, for caring more abt his own shit w Jenn than the wedding