What do you think?
Rate this book
Arcane Prime
"Your spell has been delayed due to unforeseen circumstances. We apologize for any apocalypse this may cause."
Jack Thorne drives a beat-up van for Arcane Prime, delivering curses, blessings, and supernatural packages across a city where floating monoliths cause traffic jams and "dire omens" are valid PTO requests. He's not a wizard—he's a logistics specialist with an encyclopedic knowledge of metaphysical customs forms and a soul contractually bound to a company that treats magic like any other gig economy nightmare.
His final delivery was supposed to be transport the Spirit of Old Town—a repossessed local deity—to a corporate archive. But when the app glitches, rival couriers attack, and Jack discovers the package is scheduled for deletion by the exhausted programmer who runs reality's source code from her apartment in Nebraska, he realizes he's not just delivering a god. He's trying to prevent a system crash that could take down the entire magical economy.
In a world where spells have surge pricing, exorcisms require customer service tickets, and even immortality comes with a deductible, Jack must navigate corporate bureaucracy, metaphysical regulations, and his own crushing burnout to save a deity that the system was never designed to handle.
Because when magic runs on the same infrastructure as everything else, the scariest words aren't "ancient curse" or "eternal damnation"—they're "unexpected error, please restart."
ARCANE Your package has been delayed indefinitely.
Jack Thorne drives a beat-up van for Arcane Prime, delivering curses, blessings, and supernatural packages across a city where floating monoliths cause traffic jams and "dire omens" are valid PTO requests. He's not a wizard—he's a logistics specialist with an encyclopedic knowledge of metaphysical customs forms and a soul contractually bound to a company that treats magic like any other gig economy nightmare.
His final delivery was supposed to be transport the Spirit of Old Town—a repossessed local deity—to a corporate archive. But when the app glitches, rival couriers attack, and Jack discovers the package is scheduled for deletion by the exhausted programmer who runs reality's source code from her apartment in Nebraska, he realizes he's not just delivering a god. He's trying to prevent a system crash that could take down the entire magical economy.
In a world where spells have surge pricing, exorcisms require customer service tickets, and even immortality comes with a deductible, Jack must navigate corporate bureaucracy, metaphysical regulations, and his own crushing burnout to save a deity that the system was never designed to handle.
Because when magic runs on the same infrastructure as everything else, the scariest words aren't "ancient curse" or "eternal damnation"—they're "unexpected error, please restart."
ARCANE Your package has been delayed indefinitely.
93 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 29, 2025
4 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
December 14, 2025
This is a fun little story, packed full of references and shenanigans that anyone who has every worked for a large corporation will recognise easily.
Set in a near time version of our world, poor Jack just wants his soul back and has had enough corporate BS to last 12 life times. Tasked with an impossible delivery of a sentient parcel, we follow along on his journey.
Great for Hitchhikers fans, this story will amuse anyone who picks this up.
I received an advance review copy for free from booksirens.com, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
Set in a near time version of our world, poor Jack just wants his soul back and has had enough corporate BS to last 12 life times. Tasked with an impossible delivery of a sentient parcel, we follow along on his journey.
Great for Hitchhikers fans, this story will amuse anyone who picks this up.
I received an advance review copy for free from booksirens.com, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
October 3, 2025
I received a free ARC copy of the book and am voluntarily leaving a review.
A short but intense and hilariously absurd read about corporate ridiculousness and the exhausting bureaucracies of living in a society built around a need to classify and categorise everything.
The flavour of comedy is reminiscent of The Hitchhiker’s Guide and Discworld, both of which I love, and while some things likely went over my head because of cultural differences, many of the topics are internationally similar and I suspect that most people who enjoy comedy writing of the absurd kind or who have experience with corporate employment, needing to submit *exactly those four specific forms* which are all written in Legalese, or who have had to deal with anything even remotely bureaucratic (and honestly, haven’t we all?) will be entertained and able to relate.
In the last third or so of the story the amount of “chat messages” inpacted my reading flow a little, but in hindsight I’m inclined to consider that an intentional part of the experience (hello, multitasking office job).
My digital copy is full of highlighted and bookmarked quotes too hilarious not to go back to… and possibly use as comebacks (or touchstones) in my future contacts with the unavoidable systems we have constructed for ourselves.
Yeah, I enjoyed it a lot.
A short but intense and hilariously absurd read about corporate ridiculousness and the exhausting bureaucracies of living in a society built around a need to classify and categorise everything.
The flavour of comedy is reminiscent of The Hitchhiker’s Guide and Discworld, both of which I love, and while some things likely went over my head because of cultural differences, many of the topics are internationally similar and I suspect that most people who enjoy comedy writing of the absurd kind or who have experience with corporate employment, needing to submit *exactly those four specific forms* which are all written in Legalese, or who have had to deal with anything even remotely bureaucratic (and honestly, haven’t we all?) will be entertained and able to relate.
In the last third or so of the story the amount of “chat messages” inpacted my reading flow a little, but in hindsight I’m inclined to consider that an intentional part of the experience (hello, multitasking office job).
My digital copy is full of highlighted and bookmarked quotes too hilarious not to go back to… and possibly use as comebacks (or touchstones) in my future contacts with the unavoidable systems we have constructed for ourselves.
Yeah, I enjoyed it a lot.
October 1, 2025
(I received a free ARC of this book.)
3,5⭐
*Good enough that’s all anyone could ask for*
This book has the perfect balance between the weird, the wacky and the everyday grind of showing up to work, delivering parcels, and paying off debts.
It’s the kind of story that holds your attention without requiring much focus. It’s filled with fun little references and don’t be surprised if the fourth wall gets broken every now and then. I’m not sure if it's purely the clever mind of the author or if AI offered a helping hand 😉 but either way if you’re looking for a quick read or a palate cleanser I can fully recommend picking this one up.
Because it’s good enough, and that’s all you can ask for!
3,5⭐
*Good enough that’s all anyone could ask for*
This book has the perfect balance between the weird, the wacky and the everyday grind of showing up to work, delivering parcels, and paying off debts.
It’s the kind of story that holds your attention without requiring much focus. It’s filled with fun little references and don’t be surprised if the fourth wall gets broken every now and then. I’m not sure if it's purely the clever mind of the author or if AI offered a helping hand 😉 but either way if you’re looking for a quick read or a palate cleanser I can fully recommend picking this one up.
Because it’s good enough, and that’s all you can ask for!
October 9, 2025
This was a very funny and enjoyable read. If you’ve ever worked for a company—at just about any level—you’ll easily recognize and relate to the corporate shenanigans at the heart of this story.
It’s a quick read, not just because it’s short, but because it’s written so smoothly that the pages fly by. I found myself chuckling often.
The book is set in an America very similar to our own, and depending on how you view the future of our world, it might hit a little close to home. Most readers will probably see something in this story that feels familiar—something they’ve had to deal with themselves.
Overall, Arcane Prime is a fun little read that’s absolutely worth picking up.
I received a free copy of this book and am voluntarily leaving a review.
It’s a quick read, not just because it’s short, but because it’s written so smoothly that the pages fly by. I found myself chuckling often.
The book is set in an America very similar to our own, and depending on how you view the future of our world, it might hit a little close to home. Most readers will probably see something in this story that feels familiar—something they’ve had to deal with themselves.
Overall, Arcane Prime is a fun little read that’s absolutely worth picking up.
I received a free copy of this book and am voluntarily leaving a review.
October 31, 2025
I really enjoyed the humor element in this book and how it was used to tell the storyline, I enjoyed how it uses the genre perfectly and had a strong concept with Arcane Prime. I was invested in the characters and how well they worked in this concept, each character was written well and they had that magic element in this. Kellen Squire was able to weave a strong storyline and enjoyed the entire package of this book.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
November 10, 2025
I am not certain I have read a book like this before. It was very entertaining and poked fun at the ridiculousness of policies and procedures that often get in the way of actually being able to do a job. The main character has to deliver a package that cannot be cataloged and causes the system to go haywire. The moral of this story is that in order to do your job, sometimes you just have to make it someone else’s problem.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
October 8, 2025
loved it !! what a LOL story... ! your package has been delayed indefinitely !! we've all been there... this is the future... and there's more paperwork than ever... with magic...so funny !!.
I received a free copy of this book and am voluntarily leaving a review.
I received a free copy of this book and am voluntarily leaving a review.
October 2, 2025
I can absolutely read the Douglas and Pratchett in this, indictment of where we find ourselves today! I loved the "Jeff Bez-" cutoff, I cackled
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews