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The Greatest Christmas Story Ever Told: An Action-Horror Comedy
This is like a holiday version of The Monster Squad but with a ton of sex, violence, action, and naughty language.
It truly is the Greatest Christmas Story Ever Told but for all the wrong reasons.
Peter Topside has created a new version of the North Pole with different districts of the magical kingdom. The Krampus, Jack Frost, Santa Claus, Christmas Spirits, and the Grouch (not Grinch!) all maintain some sort of strange harmony with one another.
That is, until a small batch of killer, self-aware toys decide to wreak havoc and threaten Christmas by turning all these beloved figures against one another. And it becomes an all-out war for the ages.
Can the holiday be saved? Will Mrs. Claus keep her clothes on? Is the word elf even appropriate anymore? Get ready to have Christmas permanently tarnished by the most troubled mind of our generation, Peter Topside.
It truly is the Greatest Christmas Story Ever Told but for all the wrong reasons.
Peter Topside has created a new version of the North Pole with different districts of the magical kingdom. The Krampus, Jack Frost, Santa Claus, Christmas Spirits, and the Grouch (not Grinch!) all maintain some sort of strange harmony with one another.
That is, until a small batch of killer, self-aware toys decide to wreak havoc and threaten Christmas by turning all these beloved figures against one another. And it becomes an all-out war for the ages.
Can the holiday be saved? Will Mrs. Claus keep her clothes on? Is the word elf even appropriate anymore? Get ready to have Christmas permanently tarnished by the most troubled mind of our generation, Peter Topside.
96 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 23, 2025
2 people are currently reading
1715 people want to read
About the author
Peter Topside
6 books1,465 followersI am an author, reviewer, and horror fanatic. I am also an accomplished, self-taught chef and baker, a proud father and husband, and a Clinical Exercise Physiologist by trade.
I had a rough upbringing, which bestowed many traumas on me, that remained in place for a long time. I spent years struggling with crippling anxiety and depression, but once I got to my lowest point, I made the difficult decision to fight for better mental health. I traveled to a lot of dark corners of my mind, confronting the deepest and scariest aspects of my PTSD, but was able to make it through successfully. Throughout my recovery process, I was able to funnel all of the energy, thoughts and feelings into my writing. My books are the culmination of my own personal, life-changing journey.
Follow me;
https://www.facebook.com/topsidepeter
https://www.instagram.com/ptopside/
https://twitter.com/PTopside
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show...
https://www.bookbub.com/authors/peter...
I had a rough upbringing, which bestowed many traumas on me, that remained in place for a long time. I spent years struggling with crippling anxiety and depression, but once I got to my lowest point, I made the difficult decision to fight for better mental health. I traveled to a lot of dark corners of my mind, confronting the deepest and scariest aspects of my PTSD, but was able to make it through successfully. Throughout my recovery process, I was able to funnel all of the energy, thoughts and feelings into my writing. My books are the culmination of my own personal, life-changing journey.
Follow me;
https://www.facebook.com/topsidepeter
https://www.instagram.com/ptopside/
https://twitter.com/PTopside
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show...
https://www.bookbub.com/authors/peter...
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Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
October 8, 2025
A great read!
This was a hilariously different take on Christmas! I couldn't put it down, or stop laughing! A must read for fans of alternate takes on the classics!
This was a hilariously different take on Christmas! I couldn't put it down, or stop laughing! A must read for fans of alternate takes on the classics!
September 28, 2025
Four Point Three Stars
In the North Pole, Santa Claus (Mrs. Claus too), Grouch, Krampus and Jack Frost have their own territories and the Christmas spirits are around for their own reasons.
With Pyro and three other self-aware toys determined to destroy the North Pole things take a turn for the worse.
The book explains how sending toys to different good children (and the bad children’s fate) is not as simple as it seems.
With lots of passion and violence, this is by far a different version in the events of the North Pole.
I particularly enjoyed the movie quotes at the beginning of every chapter and the comments following it too.
Good fun (Christmas) read.
In the North Pole, Santa Claus (Mrs. Claus too), Grouch, Krampus and Jack Frost have their own territories and the Christmas spirits are around for their own reasons.
With Pyro and three other self-aware toys determined to destroy the North Pole things take a turn for the worse.
The book explains how sending toys to different good children (and the bad children’s fate) is not as simple as it seems.
With lots of passion and violence, this is by far a different version in the events of the North Pole.
I particularly enjoyed the movie quotes at the beginning of every chapter and the comments following it too.
Good fun (Christmas) read.
November 17, 2025
This isn’t my typical style of read. It was funny and totally unexpected!
September 30, 2025
Christmas is doomed to be destroyed by a rampage of violence in Peter Topside's festive tale. A musclebound gun totin', cigar smoking Santa is beset by grudges in the North Pole that are imminently coming to a climax, along with sexual climaxes dotted in the yarn. Definitely not a traditional Christmas read for youngsters.
The main protagonists among the bad are Jack Frost, bearing ill will at being relegated to a minor role, and a collection of faulty AI toys destined to be destroyed in a bonfire. They all possess superpower abilities, and with Jack form a formidable line up against Santa's forces in their mission to destroy Christmas.
Not so Saintly Nick and his supporters include loyal elves, and mighty creatures Krampus and Grudge who have an uneasy territory alliance with Santa, but are persuaded to join him against the common enemy. Along with them the powerful Christmas Spirits are on hand to mix it in the magical swashbuckling punch up. The ages old annual season of goodwill stands on the brink of wipe out.
The tale is highly imaginative with an adult cartoonish element that will appeal to fans of fantasy horror, heaped with deliveries of festive carnage.
The main protagonists among the bad are Jack Frost, bearing ill will at being relegated to a minor role, and a collection of faulty AI toys destined to be destroyed in a bonfire. They all possess superpower abilities, and with Jack form a formidable line up against Santa's forces in their mission to destroy Christmas.
Not so Saintly Nick and his supporters include loyal elves, and mighty creatures Krampus and Grudge who have an uneasy territory alliance with Santa, but are persuaded to join him against the common enemy. Along with them the powerful Christmas Spirits are on hand to mix it in the magical swashbuckling punch up. The ages old annual season of goodwill stands on the brink of wipe out.
The tale is highly imaginative with an adult cartoonish element that will appeal to fans of fantasy horror, heaped with deliveries of festive carnage.
December 17, 2025
What a strange, entertaining read!
I won this ebook from a Goodreads giveaway.
I won this ebook from a Goodreads giveaway.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews