Give Me a Memory: A Complex Trauma Memoir

by Robyn L Parkinson

What do you do, when your grief has no memory and you are haunted by love that was never there?
From the tropics of Jamaica to the affluent North Shore of New Zealand’s largest city, Robyn’s childhood looks like paradise.
Her adult life seems successful, too – until she stands for election to a city council. After years of local leadership, the unexpected loss spirals her into a life-threatening hunt to get the support she desperately needs.
Robyn comes to realise that her childhood of chronic emotional neglect cannot simply be left behind. Denial and dissociation helped her survive her experience, separating her from the unbearable pain and grief. But the result is complex trauma, a condition akin to PTSD, only worse. Now as an adult, that survival instinct to dissociate is the very thing making her symptoms so hard to heal – along with a poorly equipped health system that retraumatises survivors at every turn.
Readers of What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo and No Words for This by Alison Mau will be drawn by this brave, tender, insightful, honest, and hopeful book, backed by thorough research and references to leaders in the field of childhood trauma.

298 pages, Paperback

Published October 14, 2025

Reviews

[Kiefer H]

Give Me a Memory is a well-written look at how our current systems are failing vulnerable, traumatised folks. I stayed up until 1am reading the first 70% before deciding that maybe sleep would be appropriate, then immediately finished it the next morning. I evidently struggled to put it down, thanks to the writing! It is easy to follow while packing a punch in important moments.

"I'm a monster, I think. Other people love this whale-watching thing. It's an international tourist attraction. I'm that broken."

Robyn is very open with her experiences, weaving facts, experiences, and emotions in a logical manner. The reader is taken on a journey of frustration, as things continue to trend downwards for the author, with no help from systems that are meant to support us. I wish I could more strongly convey the need for the folks in these systems (and those who make the systems) to read experiences of folks like Robyn.

"Acute or chronic psychological distress doesn't listen or respond to campaign slogans, and reaching out for helps is only ever okay if that helps exists, is accessible, and matches your needs. It's like the marketing campaign has changed, but the product and availability hasn't."

I don't have CPTSD, but am neurodivergent (including depression and anxiety), so I could definitely relate to some of the (very human) experiences Robyn is great at articulating. I can relate to the unhelpful experience of reaching out to a helpline, only to feel worse than before you reached out. The long waiting lists despite your acute, desperate need. The confusing and unreliable systems that seem to forget you ever existed; it's like starting over again every time you attend an appointment. Feeling like you don't quite fit into any existing frameworks e.g. therapy (including specific modalities).

"Two weeks later, I try once more, to the other helpline. This is my sixth try at reaching out to helplines. I think. [...] I'm so, so over this kind of 'support'."

Robyn is great at being honest and up front about her feelings and experiences. I imagine this will bring other folks with dissociation and trauma recognition.

"We can learn all the psychology, all the terminology in the world, read all the books, watch all the podcasts. But more awareness is not enough, more intellectual understanding is not enough, to change my traumatised brain."

I hope for clearer waters for Robyn and other survivors, whatevery that looks like for them.

[Joelle Gibson]

This memoir follows the authors life through years of outward success before things begin to unravel, sending her into an unexpected spiral that forces her to confront parts of her past she had pushed down for many years. I found that aspect of the story very relatable! Just how easy it can be to keep moving forward without realizing how much unresolved trauma is still sitting beneath the surface.

As someone who has also worked through trauma with EMDR, I appreciated the way the author brings attention to this therapy and explains some of the science and benefits behind it. I also found the many resources she quotes throughout the book helpful for anyone interested in learning more about trauma and healing.

I always admire when people are willing to share their personal journeys so honestly and Robyn does just that. If you enjoy memoirs and are curious about trauma recovery or EMDR, this is one to add to your list.

[Red Goddess Reads]

First of all a huge thank you to Robyn Parkinson for being brave enough to share the horrors of CPTSD. As someone recently diagnosed and trying desperately to not feel alone, I was so excited to receive this book from NetGalley. This is the second autobiography I’ve read now and as difficult and sometimes triggering as it was, I was left feeling a little less alone and seen. I am sorry to see that this book is not getting the attention it deserves but just believe; because honestly that is all we can do sometimes. My eternal gratitude. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the e arc of this book.