Zaprzyjaźnij się ze swoim mózgiem. Jak żyć zdrowiej i szczęśliwiej dzięki odkryciom neurobiologii

by Rachel Barr, Barbara Łukomska (Translator)

How to Make Your Brain Your Best Friend autorstwa Rachel Barr to przystępny i inspirujący poradnik oparty na najnowszych badaniach z dziedziny neuronauki. Autorka, uznana neurolożka, tłumaczy złożone procesy zachodzące w mózgu w sposób zrozumiały dla każdego. Książka pomaga lepiej zrozumieć, jak działają emocje, nawyki, pamięć i stres oraz jak możemy wspierać nasz mózg, aby żyć zdrowiej i szczęśliwiej.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Science, Neuroscience, Mental Health, Health

352 pages, Paperback

Published October 15, 2025

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Reviews

[Sarah Jensen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book Review: How to Make Your Brain Your Best Friend: A Neuroscientist’s Guide to a Healthier, Happier Life by Rachel Barr

Rating: 4.5/5

Reviewer’s Perspective & Initial Reactions
As a female sociologist and public health professional, I approached Barr’s work with both professional curiosity and personal skepticism. While the book targets a general audience seeking self-improvement, its neuroscientific foundation and emphasis on neuroplasticity offered unexpected relevance to my fields—particularly in understanding how structural stressors (e.g., poverty, discrimination) shape brain health. Barr’s blend of memoir and science—her journey from personal trauma to neuroscientific empowerment—struck an emotional chord. Her assertion that the brain is always trying to protect you felt validating yet bittersweet, given how often societal systems override this biological resilience in marginalized populations.

Strengths & Emotional Impact
-Science Made Accessible: Barr’s delight-filled explanations of complex concepts (e.g., neuroplasticity, habit formation) demystify neuroscience without oversimplifying. The balance of rigor and warmth reminded me of public health communication strategies for health literacy.
-Intersectional Potential: While not the book’s focus, her acknowledgment of trauma’s neural imprint invited implicit connections to ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) research—a missed opportunity to explicitly link individual recovery to social determinants of health.
-Emotional Resonance: Chapters on self-compassion and neural rewiring evoked both hope (for their transformative potential) and frustration (at their individualistic framing). As someone who studies community health, I longed for more discussion of collective healing practices.

Constructive Criticism
-Structural Context Needed: The book’s focus on personal agency risks obscuring how systemic inequities (e.g., healthcare access, environmental racism) constrain neuroplasticity. A public health critique would demand at least a chapter on policy-level interventions.
-Cultural Homogeneity: Barr’s Western-centric examples (e.g., new habits) overlook how cultural traditions (e.g., communal care in Indigenous cultures) already embody her principles.
-Practical Gaps: While the evidence-based guide excels in theory, more tools for applying these insights in high-stress, resource-scarce environments would enhance its utility for vulnerable populations.

Why This Book Matters
How to Make Your Brain Your Best Friend is a neuroscientific balm for our anxious era, offering a rare blend of intellectual substance and emotional solace. Its omission of structural analysis limits its radical potential, but doesn’t negate its value as a catalyst for individual and (with creative extrapolation) community resilience.

Thank you to the publisher and Edelweiss for providing a complimentary review copy. This book is a 4.5/5—a near-masterpiece that could soar higher by bridging brain science with social justice.

Pair With: The Body Keeps the Score (trauma-informed care) or NeuroTribes (neurodiversity frameworks). Ideal for readers seeking science-backed self-help, with caveats for scholars wanting systemic critique.

[CadmanReads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unbelievably Excellent. I really shouldn't be surprised given who the author is and how much I love her content after finding it on Instagram recently.

I want to do a proper review but wanted to at least leave a comment in the meantime, urging people to pick up this book!

[Owen Ferguson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a lovely read. The backstory for each chapter kept me curious, the scientific reasoning and references had me convinced, the jokes _often delivered in italics_ kept the writing fresh, and I came away with actionable advice.

Favourite chapter: I sleep, therefore I am. The section about sleep trackers will live in my head rent-free for many years.

[Bryan Tanner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bottom Line Up Front (BLUF):
Your brain isn’t your enemy—it’s your chemistry asking for honesty. When your choices match your values, your mind rewards you; when they don’t, it calls you out. This book shows how to align your actions with your identity so your neurobiology stops fighting you and starts backing you.

Executive Summary
- Happiness is a function of alignment between values and behavior.
- The medial prefrontal cortex (mPFC) affirms identity when actions match values; the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) flags dissonance when they do not.
- Goal: turn biology into an ally by closing the identity–behavior gap.

Peace-seeking Principles
- Self-compassion as regulation: Reduces stress reactivity, enables learning, and breaks the shame–anxiety loop.
- Authenticity = alignment: Live congruently to downshift internal conflict and upshift stability.
- Delight & savoring: Train attention on small positives to recalibrate a threat-biased brain.
- Exercise as medicine: Use movement for mood homeostasis and cognitive clarity, not performance chasing.
- Intentional boredom: Protect stimulus-free space to reset dopamine, incubate insight, and restore focus. (This means STOP doom scrolling.)
- Values-driven behavior: Lead with small, observable actions; let identity update from repeated proof. Only then will you experience an abiding sense of peace that feels earned.

Applied Takeaways
- Block daily input-free time for mental settling.
- Swap self-critique for curiosity: “What is my brain trying to protect?”
- Engineer cues and friction to make aligned actions the default.
- Use sensory savoring during anxiety spikes to re-ground in the body.
- Treat physical activity as emotional hygiene on a fixed cadence.
- Dress your truth: Wear what feels authentic and congruent.
- Micro-pledges: Pick three visible actions that match your values this week.
- Friction audit: Spot where you act against your beliefs and remove one trigger.
- Identity check-ins: Ask weekly, “Did I act in character or out of it?”

Who Should Read
- Anxious achievers toggling between drive and burnout.
- Values-driven professionals seeking congruence.
- Readers who prefer insight over heavy science.

Read Also
- How Will You Measure Your Life? by Clayton Christensen — explores purpose, integrity, and aligning life with values.
- The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt — examines how ancient wisdom and modern psychology converge on well-being.
- Atomic Habits by James Clear — demonstrates how small, consistent actions reshape identity and reinforce alignment over time.

[Jaclyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read/listen! The audiobook (read by the author) was incredibly informative, lovely, and funny at times. I’d recommend this book to anyone.

[Carrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reduced half a star because there wasn't spoiler warning for Klara and the Sun, otherwise this is an informative and instantly relatable read. At some point she mentions Mary Oliver and Ocean Vuong as two of her favourite poets, and I wasn't surprised. Girl, you get me!

[Ana · Rating 4 out of 5]

The chapter about symbolic processing and the importance of art was so interesting. Such a wholesome and well-written book. Also Gnocchi is a perfect name for a cat.

[Clara C · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not quite science-focused enough to be a new perspective, not quite inspiring enough to be self-help. Feels mostly like a recap of information you probably already know.

[Zainab Geissah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book at a particularly significant time in my life having just graduated from my undergraduate education in political science and feeling completely disillusioned with the potential of living a fulfilling life at least through my career. Keeping up with political events and trying to keep informed opinions is exhausting and a challenge to one’s faith in humanity. I say all this because despite this I am an optimist, I see my life as a constant opportunity for growth and everyday that perspective is challenged. This book affirmed my optimistic perspective by rooting it in science, as opposed to any moralistic judgement system. I truly deeply appreciate that, and although this book didn’t change my life it has definitely given me a little pep in my step. In a world where what is good for you is defined by its productivity and at a particularly unproductive time in my life, it can be hard to not internalize this structure. However this book has helped me recognize and hone in on the many things, whether they add to my pay cheque or not, that enrich my life from nature, movement, community, kindness and creativity. Rachel has a knack for explaining things in a way that my genius friend would, you know? Like I am simultaneously captivated by her words and in trying to deeply understand them while also in awe of her ability to translate something that seems so complex that I would never attempt to understand it on my own. I have been taking pictures of quotes and pages and sending them to friends and family all week and am happy to give you your flowers, you truly deserve them. I hope everyone who reads this book enjoys the experience as much as I did if not more.

[GONZA · Rating 4 out of 5]

It does not happen every day that a neuroscientist writes a self-help book that is full of feaseble advice without being a scientist or pharmacist or psychotherapist. So I really appreciate the effort, and even though I didn't learn very much in therms of theories, some things will definitely be very useful to me.

Non capita tutti i giorni che un neuroscienziato scriva un libro di auto-aiuto che sia pieno di consigli attuabili senza essere scienziati o farmacisti o psicoterapeuti. Quindi apprezzo molto lo sforzo e, anche se non ho imparato moltissimo in termini di teoria, alcune cose mi saranno sicuramente molto utili.

I received from the Publisher a complimentary digital advanced review copy of the book in exchange for a honest review.

[Jung]

In "How to Make Your Brain Your Best Friend: A Neuroscientist’s Guide to a Healthier, Happier Life", Dr. Rachel Barr invites readers to see their own minds not as mysterious, uncontrollable forces but as companions that can be understood, trained, and treated with kindness. The book begins with a familiar scene - the hypnotic pull of the phone screen, the endless scrolling that leaves us drained yet strangely unable to stop. These small moments, Barr explains, reveal a fundamental truth: our brains often function in ways that don’t serve our best interests. Much of what we call 'choice' or 'self' is the product of automatic processes. But by understanding how the brain shapes identity, emotion, and attention, we can learn to work with it instead of against it. The journey toward well-being, Barr argues, begins with befriending the brain itself.

One of the book’s central ideas is that identity is deeply rooted in brain activity. We like to think of ourselves as fully in control, but the reality is that our brains constantly shape our thoughts, behaviors, and even our self-image. The medial prefrontal cortex, for instance, plays a key role in maintaining a coherent sense of who we are. The brain doesn’t just guide our actions - it absorbs influences from the outside world, often indiscriminately. This means that the information, people, and environments we surround ourselves with all become part of who we are. Just as the hunter in early human history defined his identity through the tangible experience of tracking and killing animals - experiences stored and integrated by the hippocampus - modern humans too rely on experiences to ground their sense of self. Yet many of our modern identity symbols, from luxury watches to social media personas, are detached from authentic experience. The result, Barr argues, is a kind of neurological confusion. Our brains, deprived of concrete memories to support these identity markers, produce a sense of inner dissonance. We end up with fragile, unstable self-concepts that wobble under pressure.

To counteract this instability, Barr encourages a return to authenticity - a life grounded in lived experience rather than image. The brain thrives on coherence between what we believe and what we do. But when we chase external validation or define ourselves through consumerism and digital approval, our neural circuits struggle to reconcile those signals. This mismatch leaves us anxious and unfulfilled. Living in accordance with our values, however, reinforces identity from within. The brain registers this alignment as safety and stability, rewarding us with calm and confidence.

Another major theme of the book is the power of self-compassion. Our brains are highly sensitive to social rejection and criticism. When we feel excluded or humiliated, the anterior cingulate cortex registers the pain much like a physical wound. This explains why a small social slight can linger for days. But while self-esteem is often unstable - easily shaken by failure or others’ opinions - self-compassion provides a sturdier foundation. Neuroscientific research shows that practicing kindness toward oneself actually changes how the brain responds to setbacks, softening threat responses and strengthening emotional resilience. The trick is to notice the critical inner voice and replace judgment with empathy. When you stumble, speak to yourself as you would to a close friend - with patience, forgiveness, and understanding. Barr points out that this idea, though supported by modern neuroscience, is as old as philosophy itself. Ancient thinkers like Socrates and the Stoics taught that wisdom begins with self-awareness and acceptance of one’s imperfections.

Self-compassion, however, doesn’t mean self-indulgence. It’s about balance - being honest about weaknesses while refusing to define yourself by them. When practiced regularly, it reshapes neural patterns, training the brain to respond to life’s challenges with perspective rather than panic. Over time, the harsh inner critic loses its power, replaced by a calmer, more constructive mindset.

Barr also highlights the underrated importance of delight - the small, fleeting moments of joy that remind us we’re alive. After experiencing personal hardship in her own life, she realized that even in times of despair, she could still find delight in simple pleasures: a good cup of tea, the warmth of sunlight, laughter with friends. These moments, she explains, are not trivial. They’re neurological counterweights to the brain’s 'negativity bias' - the built-in tendency to dwell on threats and failures more than on joys and successes. Our ancestors evolved to notice danger because survival depended on it. But in the modern world, this bias often traps us in cycles of worry and dissatisfaction.

By deliberately paying attention to moments of pleasure and gratitude - through a practice known as savoring - we can rewire the brain to balance its natural negativity. Whether it’s a walk outside, a meal, or a creative project, savoring deepens the experience and strengthens the memory of joy. The result is not only greater immediate happiness but also a lasting sense of contentment. By choosing to look for delight, Barr says, we shift the brain’s focus from fear to appreciation.

Movement, too, is crucial to brain health. Evolution wired us to move - hunting, gathering, exploring - and physical activity remains deeply tied to mental function. Exercise boosts the production of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), a protein that supports learning, memory, and mood regulation. Even a single workout can elevate BDNF levels and improve cognitive performance. Yet Barr cautions against viewing exercise purely as discipline or punishment. The goal isn’t perfection, but joy in movement. Whether it’s dancing, walking, swimming, or stretching, what matters is consistency and enjoyment. Physical activity should be an expression of freedom - a reminder that the mind and body are meant to work together.

Barr also explores one of the greatest modern threats to brain well-being: the digital world. Our devices offer constant stimulation, but they also exhaust our cognitive systems. The brain was never designed to process endless streams of information or to multitask across dozens of tabs. Every time we switch tasks online, our attentional filter - the mechanism that prioritizes focus - becomes overloaded. The result is mental fatigue and reduced concentration. To protect our cognitive energy, Barr advises taking regular breaks, ideally every 30 to 90 minutes, and resisting the urge to 'relax' by scrolling through more content. Real rest happens when the brain disengages completely - through nature, conversation, or quiet reflection.

Another of Barr’s counterintuitive suggestions is to embrace boredom. Modern humans treat boredom as something to eliminate, but the brain experiences it as a signal to explore, imagine, and create. When we constantly fill every spare moment with stimulation, we deprive the brain of the downtime it needs for insight and memory consolidation. Letting yourself sit in boredom - even for a few minutes - allows the mind to wander, make connections, and generate new ideas. In other words, creativity depends on giving the brain room to breathe.

By the end of "How to Make Your Brain Your Best Friend", Barr has transformed the way we think about the mind. The book’s message is simple but profound: your brain is not a machine to be controlled, nor an enemy to be conquered. It is a living, adaptive organ that responds to how you treat it. When you feed it meaningful experiences, practice compassion, move your body, and give it rest, it thrives. When you overload it with noise, comparison, and self-criticism, it falters.

In conclusion, Dr. Rachel Barr’s "How to Make Your Brain Your Best Friend" offers a compassionate, science-based guide to mental well-being. By understanding that the brain shapes identity, emotion, and attention, we can begin to nurture it rather than fight it. Living authentically, treating ourselves with kindness, seeking delight, and moving regularly all strengthen our neural foundations for happiness. Meanwhile, stepping back from digital overload and embracing stillness help restore clarity and creativity. The book reminds us that peace of mind is not found by silencing the brain, but by befriending it - listening, caring, and learning to work in harmony with the most powerful companion we have.

[Samma · Rating 5 out of 5]

First book the of year 🤸
Dr. Rachel Barr takes complex ideas in neuroscience and applies them practically. The brain is important because all change starts internally. Attributing mindset as an insignificant matter dismisses the notion that most of our experiences are defined by the meanings we give them. Identity and the brain are core components of mental health so understanding the neuroscience of mental disorders is such an important perspective. My main takeaways are life is not an optimization problem and that you should work with your brain not against it.

[Marios · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rachel offers an incredibly accessible and engaging exploration of neuroscience, turning complex concepts into an emotional but easily digestible journey. The book successfully provides listeners with practical tools and insights for cultivating a healthier and happier life by fostering a positive relationship with their own minds. This is an exceptional book that feels less like a dry lecture and more like a warm, supportive conversation. It's a truly transformative experience that I would wholeheartedly recommend...

[Bookwormbadger · Rating 4 out of 5]

I very much enjoyed this non fiction book that is basically about making the most of our brain in order to get the best out of our time on earth. Full of inspiring ideas and concepts, as well as being a heartfelt testimony to the author's mother, this is an excellent read.
Meticulously researched and referenced too.

[Linda Balfoort · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing explanation of how the brain operates. Made me actually love my brain (although I do feel I have to read this daily to hold onto that feeling). A lovely reminder that we’re all social beings who want to cooperate - an additional beautiful line of evidence for Rutger Bregmans book “Human Kind”. Fastest read in a while. Thanks Rachel.

[Ólöf · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ég gæti ekki mælt meira með þessari bók vá

[Alejandro G. Rangel · Rating 4 out of 5]

The big idea—treat your brain like a partner, not a project—sounds soft until you see how ruthlessly practical it is. Instead of “optimize everything,” the book argues for micro‑adjustments: 30–90 seconds of real delight, single‑tasked attention, movement that feels like play, and sleep treated as a strategic asset, not a negotiable hobby.

What hit hardest for me was the self‑compassion vs. self‑esteem distinction. I’ve ridden the self‑esteem roller coaster for years—great when people clap, shaky when they don’t. The self‑compassion frame felt sturdier, like laying down shock absorbers for the week. I also loved the push to “curate inputs.” It’s amazing (and a little spooky) how quickly your feeds start ghostwriting your values.

This isn’t a neuro‑jargon dump. The science is there, but the tone is humane and a little mischievous. The sections on meaning (built, not discovered) and creativity (useful even when it’s “bad”) gave me permission to do small things that matter to me, without waiting for a life overhaul.

If you want a martyrdom manual, this isn’t it. If you’re exhausted by productivity theater and hungry for a smarter way to feel alive and do good work, this book earns a spot on the short, keep‑within‑reach shelf. I finished with a clearer plan and, weirdly, more tenderness for the brain that’s been hauling me around all these years.

[Giulia Zzz · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author had me when she describes the wonders of the brain to imagining one day walking into your kitchen and learning that the sponge can write sonnets. How delightful!

As a psychologist and fellow researcher, the information was not new (eg meaning is built not found, make space for creativity and delight, connection and action as an antidote to loneliness), but I found it incredibly refreshing to read a well written and accessible book on the brain that actually gets the science right. No tricks here, just straightforward explanations with a heart. Listened to the audio - loved the Scottish accent too :)

[Alexandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved the first chapter - very novel to me. And I hadn’t known about the exercise hippocampal link. And I loved the focus on want vs enjoy.
Some chapters seemed like the same advice (sleep, etc)

“Though I’m sure astronomers, astrophysicists, and other sky gazing sorts would admit that nothing they’ve observed is quite as baffling as the organ you’re using to read this sentence. Here’s a lump of fat that somehow pulls consciousness out of thin air then spends its days puzzling over its own existence. It’s a bit like discovering that your kitchen sponge has been secretly writing sonnets while you sleep. In a universe that is vast and uncaring the human brain is a rebellious anomaly. Here we are in a cold expanse of nothingness, thinking and feeling. The cheek of it: we ignored all the rules of the cosmos, carving out a place for ourselves creating meaning where it was never meant to exist. Of course, having asserted our right to meaning with such conviction, we now find ourselves saddled with the task of actually cultivating it. It’s a heavy burden isn’t it? Existence doesn’t always feel particularly wondrous or exciting.”

“We’re told perfection is the secret to happiness. There’s a lot of money to be made convincing you that suffering stems from not optimizing every inch of your life.”

“Self improvement has morphed from a simple quest for personal growth into an almost manic pursuit of productivity, perfection.”

“Gradually and imperceptibly, our understanding of identity has been subtly rewritten by the invisible hand of the marketplace. Every scroll and click is another lesson in this new language of identity where being has been replaced by buying.”

“These identity signaling products often do little to enhance the values we’re trying to project of course. When there’s a disconnect between projected identity and actual behavior you can end up in a state of existential vertigo where the NPFC struggles to build a coherent story of you. Enter the ACC. Its job is to spot inconsistencies and help resolve conflicts in the narrative. And boy does it have its work cut out for it here. As the ACC starts comparing memories of lived experience with these external signals, alarm bells start ringing.”

“We’ve created a world where the appearance of adhering to a value has become more important than actually embodying it. The result is an identity short circuit.”

Chapter 1 summary
scientist + lab rat → experiment for personal growth, keep track of experiences to find the works and doesn't, discard or adapt
Steer attention, select info you expose your brain to
Distance from marketplace, curate to reduce exposure to consumer driven identity signalling
Establish values and live them authentically, reward others living their values
Be kind, not deterministic. All in slightly different reality
Self compassion, use your strengths, talk to yourself like a friend

“The more drained our emotional cup is the more we try refilling it with things that drain it even more… But I've come to understand that these indulgences are best saved for when I'm not already worn thin. If it feels like you’re lacking the will to resist temptations you’d genuinely like to minimize, carving out moments of consequence free delight can help. Take the time to pepper your days and weeks with delightful things that don’t also have the power to make you feel worse… While seemingly inconsequential, delight can be used to break bad habits by giving your brain the fuel it seems to crave: feeling good.”

“Chasing pleasure isn’t always the key to feeling good but that’s not a moralistic perspective, it’s a neurobiological one.”
Wanting vs liking (dopamine makes want, not like) “It explains why we can yearn for things… without finding lasting satisfaction in them.” Addiction.
“We tend to lump desire and pleasure together, mistakenly assuming that anything that provides us with dopamine will also feel good. But the dopamine is simply there to guide us toward things that might feel good. It’s evolution’s oldest trick: threading our brains with circuits and chemistry designed for pleasure seeking but cleverly disguising them as paths to pleasure feeling.”
“I ask only that you remain eternally skeptical of wanting and craving in your search for true delight.”
Focus, savor “In psychology, savoring means making a deliberate effort to notice and appreciate the details and pleasures of your current experience. It means you pause, look around, and say ‘this is nice.’”

Chapter 2 summary
No happiness? Look for delight (reprieves from suffering)
Delights: nature, journal, savor
Balance hustle with delight
Cravings aren’t delight
Microdose delight

“Don’t waste your limited empathy on clickbait. Regulating your social media feed controls how much cynicism, catastrophe, and outrage you expose your brain to.”

“Loneliness isn’t just about not having people to hang out with. It’s about feeling untethered.”

“Loneliness, or at least parts of it, can be pacified by working from the inside out. Focusing on our ability to like others, humans in general, rather than on our own likability. It’s not about fitting in; it’s about belonging her on earth..”

Chapter 3 summary - connections
Loneliness is a health issue, treat it as such
Lonely brains lie to us - tricks into seeing rejection / hostility
Cultivate weak ties
Build friendships around shared interests, use web to build not replace
Expectations → outcomes (so expect to find meaningful connection)
Be intentional and open minds
Mission mindset for friendships
Choose empathy over judgement
Engage in prosocial behaviors
Manage empathy fatigue

“It’s not about whether a robot can create. The question is why would a robot create. That’s what separates humans from machines. And it’s the reason we, unlike robots, are not defined by our output. Besides, who cares if a robot can paint a masterpiece or write a symphony? We’d still be the ones enjoying them. And if a robot is bold enough to try its hand at art and creation, maybe we could all afford to be a little more daring.

Chapter 4 summary - sleep
Consistent schedule, no screens in bed, cool & quiet,
Prime pre-bed brain with positivity
Intentionality about late nights - does this truly enrich my life?
Early morning light, night dim, daylight exposure
Sleep trackers aren’t great
Gradual changes

Chapter 5 summary - art
Symbolic expression for when words won’t process
Create without judgement and no outcome
Integrate creativity to daily routine
Small consistent efforts
Use prompts and boundaries to reduce overwhelm
Creativity → brain plasticity → cognitive flexibility
Playfulness, experimentation, explore
Engage in works beyond their immediate resonance
Engage with art routinely

“Though the last thing I want to do is oversimplify mental illness as something that can be fixed with a few laps around the block, sometimes mental health is about marginal gains. Small, incremental steps that over time can help the brain build resilience and fight back.”

“..Movement in its truest form is about freedom.”

“Choose movement because you and your body are entitled to it as an evolutionary birthright.”

Chapter 6 summary - movement
Small start, simple goals
Fitness culture pitfalls (comparison, aesthetics)
Intrinsic motivation, enjoyment, playfulness
Respect body needs
Balance intensity with rest and self-compassion

“The more we scroll the more we feel; the more we feel the more we need to scroll. In response we begin to lie: to ourselves and to others. Rewriting our mental scripts in an effort to rationalize the very feelings being weaponized against us.”

Chapter 7 summary - info online
Gather info slowly and mindfully, pause to absorb and verify
Take breaks to recharge brain in non-tech activities
Guard limited attention, don’t give it away to low value digital distractions
Be bored, embrace single tasking, selective about emotional material
Break cycle of reaching for phone
Choose online battles wisely
Be aware of biases and seek out other perspectives.

“Human life is driven by a powerful undeniable need to shape the outside world, marking it with some small imprint of our existence, however modest.”

Chapter 8 summary
Meaning is created, not found. Journey to it needs effort and reflection
Significance can be found in connection, impact on others
Small purposeful actions that resonate with your values accumulate into impact
Challenge status quo, live authentically, not conforming
Find ways to put meaning into your work even if not meaningful at first glance (job crafting)
Time travel to shape your narrative (reflect on past, imagine future)
Counterfactual thinking (what if it had gone differently)
Acknowledge your pain and remain gentle, reaffirm your choice to be good in this world

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A well researched book presented in a cozy light read style. Key takeaways for each chapter including your online world, and when difficult things happen in life. I found the later chapters had some interesting takeaways. Thank you to the author. Thank you to #netgalley and the publisher for an ARC.

[Lottie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Recommending this to everyone I know

[Ingrid Winata · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gosh, where to begin…I was recommended to the author’s Instagram by my mom, who randomly stumbled across her neuroscience content on…I think it might’ve been anxiety? I love my mum, she’s always sending me helpful stuff ❤️ So I followed the author, and lo and behold, I found out that she organized the world exactly as I wished someone would—in terms of explicable stories! Someone was finally answering the questions I’d always asked with logic, coherence and the slightest bit of open-ending hypothesizing, and it really resonated.

I adored this book, mostly for its length—it’s a quick 200-ish page handbook, but each reference, story and example is hand picked to perfection. It’s not overwhelming but it’s sufficiently illustrative so as to convince you of the point.

And what was the point? It was something that I swear I’ve been starved for but no one seems to want to say! It was something along the lines of ‘you’re allowed to chill’. Well, that’s how I took it, anyways—maybe that speaks to the state I was in when reading this thing. Pretty much every chapter was giving permission to, and heck, even encouraging, me to step back, overlook the rage-baiting, ultra-productive screech of the modern world. Advocating for the middle way—saying stuff like, you should be creative, because it’s a uniquely human way of expressing emotion; you should loosely consider ideas without becoming to attached, so that you remain open-minded; you should cultivate your garden and curate the content you consume, because each word, visual, sound makes an imprint on your brain.

I really appreciate the message—it’s nice to have a neuroscientifically validated reason to slow down. And omg I really appreciate the chapter summaries where the actionable steps were bolded—more nonfiction authors should do that!

Also the random jokes were hilarious and so readable, and lowkey unexpected:

“‘10 poisons to Definitely Not Eat for a Long Life!’ Even then, I can already hear a few toxicologists out there smirking, thinking to themselves, ‘But at what dose?’

Like lmfao, I lowkey love the chaotic, random, non-neuroscience humor—it’s like Skinner’s rat, you never know what you’re gonna get when!

I also loved this one:
…the blood-brain barrier, a biochemical bouncer that turns away uninvited molecules with a flick of its metaphorical wrist. Even your own blood must show ID to get in: ‘Excusez-moi, do you know who I am?!’ Ngl interrobangs make the world a better place

OH! And I looooved the evolutionary theory sprinkled throughout—it’s actually so gratifying to read about the functions of modern day behaviour in terms of Neolithic tribes, especially with respect to modern online marketplaces. Makes me feel connected to the earth and stuff.

Anyways, I think I’m gonna periodically come back to the chapter summaries, because I’ve never read a self-help book quite like this one. It’s nice to take a step away from hustle culture—and this was the perfect thing to read during an insanely stressful time! The type of thing where you curl up with a hot chocolate by the fire (it’s nice and cold over here too!), or stare out at falling raindrops on the bus, contemplating the meaning of life. I felt like I was holding a crystal ball, reading this on public transport. Loved it!

Personal notes
Below I’m gonna leave a couple of notes of neuroscience stuff I wanna remember, because there were only really a few brain regions mentioned, but they can explain sooo much—and I’m sure I’m gonna forget soon!

In terms of identity:
- Hippocampus: encodes memories and sends them to the mPFC
- Median prefrontal cortex (mPFC): the sensory integrator, weaves memories into the sense of self
- Temporo-parietal junction (TPJ): integrates sensory, motor, visual and auditory info, regulates senses and proprioception. Encodes social norms
- Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC): the self reflexive internal lie detector, compares memories of lived experience with external signals. Signals socially-imposed standards
- Anterior insular cortex (insula): responsible for cognitive dissonance, responds to the insula

[Crinoid · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rachel comes across as very genuine; this felt more like talking to a friend rather than reading a self-help book, which is a very good thing. I'm not sure why I keep reading self-help to begin with, I don't really like the genre but there is something at the back of my mind that hopes that I'll stumble on some accessible nugget of wisdom maybe.

The book is indeed accessible and gives some good advice. The last chapter is more existential and had some interesting reflections on how the brain looks for narratives and coherence; it's bad at picking up on patterns in the present / recent past but when we look further back the meaning and trajectory of events is easier to notice. Or maybe it's just a narrative we make up with hindsight and space for some emotional detachment, it's an interesting thing to think about.

I was hoping for more neuroscience-y information.

As I was reading it I was telling myself that I'd give it 5 stars because I like Rachel and I watch her social media content, but I'm a pretty harsh rater and the idea of giving this 5 stars was giving me cognitive dissonance.

[tom boos · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Delightful Read

Starting with the Cat jumping on the keyboard in the preface, the advice to us humans, with the big brains, is well written and compassionate. She (the author😁) reminds us to care about each other, not lose focus on our sense of worth, and to think about what makes us happy.

She shows us safeguard strategies for today’s Zoomy world in the incessant (and enjoyable but addicting ) social media likeTicTok. Nice to know habits to help cope with loneliness, cravings, and social presence. She cites quite a few coming of age stories that were a delight to read.

It’s an impressive first book, remarkably researched, and a testament to the author’s passion to bring neuroscience to better mental health for anyone willing to listen. Nice advice for everyone!

[Hanna Bexley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Self-improvement has morphed from a simple quest for personal growth into an almost manic pursuit of productivity and perfection.

This book is one of the most fascinating nonfiction books I have ever read.

It is educational, yet it balances out science with jokes and stories and feels like a friend is talking to you. And I'm serious on the friend part. The author's writing is deeply caring for humans well-being and understanding our ancient brain, that helped us survive and strive all those thousand years before technologies and big cities.

True self-compassion involves acknowledging our own suffering without becoming consumed by it. It’s an active process that requires us to take responsibility for our own actions while also recognising our intrinsic worth.

I am definitely buying the audio version and copies for my friends!

Thanks to netgalley.com for providing a free copy for my honest review.

[Alistair Rae · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr Barr comes at the subject from both a professionally qualified and lived experience perspective, as an ADHDer who has now gained her PhD in neuroscience. She's very open about how she's struggled and the mechanisms she's used to address some of these challenges.

Very much a personal reflection on, she offers tools to help, founded in research and evidence. The last is a refreshing change, given the propensity of the genre to rely on unevidenced assertion.

Perhaps biased by my own Scots accent, she's very easy to listen to, and as ever it's good to hear the authors words in their own voice.

Nicely paced, this was an interesting and enjoyable read.

[M · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Dr Rachel Barr for teaching me about the importance of self-compassion. It has changed the ball game for my students & I. I have already taught my current cohort about it and has greatly resonated with them. I will teach every one of my pupils about self-compassion & how to look after our brains until the day I retire.

You have impacted many lives.

I hope you read this message (from past me to present day you) one day & it makes you smile.

From a grateful teacher.

[Ana Pau · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a big fan of learning how the brain works. I would’ve loved to be a neuroscientist (honestly, I probably was in another life!). I’m also constantly on the lookout for good self-help books, and this one brings together the best of both worlds. The topic is very important to me because, like almost everyone, I’ve dealt with difficult moments in my mental health, and I’m always searching for tools that genuinely help.

I’ve followed Rachel on social media for a long time, and I truly admire how clearly and compassionately she explains neuroscience in a way that feels easy, relatable, and immediately applicable.

In this book, she breaks down how our brains operate. Some of the tips she shares are things I had tried before, and they’ve genuinely helped me. Others are still on my list to try, but just reading them made me feel more equipped and hopeful to live a “better” and “happier” life.

Overall, the balance between science and practical wellbeing tools is great! If anyone asks me what to read to improve their mental wellbeing, this is definitely the book I’ll be recommending first

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book and recommending it to all my clients!

[Katie T]

Meh