The Make-Believe: A Memoir of Magic and Madness

by Hannah Murray

He sat me down in a chair and he told me, in no uncertain terms, that magic was real.

This is the true story of a spiritual awakening that turned into a mental breakdown. At the age of twenty-seven, an actress joins a wellness organisation and falls in love with its leader. She is sectioned for a psychotic break and diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

The Make-Believe is a deeply personal account of these events. It is a wild ride, a searching attempt for understanding and a call for radical empathy. Lyrical and playful, exploring light and dark, it takes readers on a journey to the edges of reality, to a seductive and dangerous world where magic seems possible.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Audiobook, Mental Health, Biography, Biography Memoir, Cults

357 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 28, 2026

About the author

Hannah Murray is an English actress known for her roles in the television shows Game of Thrones and Skins. Her film credits include The Chosen, Brigend, Lily and Kat, and God Help the Girl, among others.

Reviews

[Alana Bullock · Rating 3 out of 5]

Seriously though, why wasn't Kung Fu Panda 2 on the list???

[Holden Wunders · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are a lot of beautifully told celebrity memoirs and utterly moving cult survival stories, this happens to be both.

I grew up watching Hannah Murray on Skins and Cassie felt so close to home when it comes to the female experience and unfortunately there’s a lot of reason for that far beyond the talent of her as an actress. While this story doesn’t go into depth on her time in Skinsor Game of Thrones, they are of course mentioned as they are a part of her story.

Instead we focus on her humanity and frankly, it’s so much better than a tell-all of set days. People tend to forget actors, artists, and celebrities are just people trying to survive and this is a true testament on that.

We follow Murray on her journey towards healing and how warped and abused she was while fighting for something so wholesome. It’s definitely a rough story to hear. There is a lot of toxicity, abuse, mental health struggles but all you want to do is hold her through the tough times and remind her she will make it through.

This was an absolutely beautiful story and in the likeness of Jennette McCurdy, Murray has a voice and I truly hope she continues writing.

[Tina · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a must read!! I can’t believe what I’ve just read. Raw, shocking and impossible to put down, Hannah Murray’s memoir offers a fascinating and deeply unsettling insight into psychosis, vulnerability and the search for answers. Beautifully written, thought provoking and unforgettable.

I knew nothing about Hannah Murray before picking up this book. The memoir explores how she became involved in a wellness cult, which fuelled a devastating mental health crisis that ultimately led to her being sectioned and diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Along the way, Hannah writes about trauma, spirituality, drugs, sex, friendship, heartbreak, therapy, healing and self discovery. Her reflections are thoughtful and articulate, and I found myself completely drawn into her story.

What I found most upsetting was how easily her vulnerability was exploited. It was frightening to see how manipulative groups can prey on people who are searching for belonging, purpose or healing, and how spirituality can be twisted by those with harmful intentions.

I genuinely couldn’t put this book down and finished it in just two days. The subtitle, A Memoir of Magic and Madness, perfectly captures what lies within these pages. Reading about mental health or psychology isn’t usually for me, but I really hope more people pick up this book. It’s fascinating, eye opening and one that will stay with me for a long time.

[Rachel Louise ☆]

is anyone else insanely tired of being put on comment lock constantly? it's making Goodreads impossible to use 😩

anyway, I started this last night too - between this & the horror I started, I realised they were both exactly what I needed while I'm in my fantasy burn out phase 🥹 so interesting so far, can't wait to read the rest!

[Booksblabbering || Cait❣️ · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don’t want to crap on someone else’s awful experience, but this needed a better editor or should have been ghostwritten. 

The famous Skins and Game of Thrones actress accounts her spiritual awakening turned into a mental breakdown.

This was very repetitive. Not to mention, every single decision and action Murray made me go ‘Nooo, whyyy’. 
I feel uncomfortable having an opinion on a memoir, but Murray came across as irritating who continuously made bad decisions and was pretty selfish in any relationship. 

The narcissism and ego paired with the ‘guru saviour’ tone really put me off. 

I ended up dnf’ing at 50%, so the cultish elements and the breakdown hadn’t occurred, yet I was forcing myself through the audiobook. 

I applaud her bravery and vulnerability, but I think this book needed either better editing, or a tighter focus. 

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[Lilac Moon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this book is not so much about being in a cult as it is about finding out you have a mental disorder. Yes, she was in a ridiculous cult that charged her a lot of money for ridiculous classes, but unless they were actively drugging you, I don't think you can blame them for having a psychotic break.
Especially when you do as many drugs and alcohol as she does.

She just has a very obsessive personality. She gets obsessed with boys the same way she got obsessed with "magic" and with her mother's miscarriages. Also, this book should have been called 'Magic is real' because she says it so many times.

And I don't understand how are her parents so awful; she never gives us a clear example.

Anyway, I'm glad she's doing better now and I must see a photo of the wand.

[Stacie Scanlon · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don’t like rating memoirs on the lower end of the scale as they’re deeply personal. However, I just found her to be a profoundly irritating person that made a series of questionable life choices before she even got into the situation the book is about. I just struggled to like her- as awful as that sounds. She also uses a lot of crude language, which made me feel uncomfortable.

I also found the memoir went through events so fast and I’m not sure I actually understood the severity of the situation/group she found herself in. I was expecting this to be similar to ‘Dinner for Vampires’ which was excellent and it’s really nothing like it. Perhaps this disappointment has skewed my view of the book a little!

[Lukes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a truly phenomenal memoir. It’s so immersive and pacy that you almost forget this stuff actually happened. Hannah Murray really bares her soul here and I feel like she has a hugely successful career in writing ahead of her after this 🌟

[georgia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hannah Murray struggled with mental health during her late 20’s, and ended up consorting with an interesting bunch of people - an organisation called The Modern Mystery School. Pretty woo woo stuff.

While I don’t deny that they jumped on the chance to sell Hannah their courses, I don’t buy the narrative that she was a victim of a cult. IMO, it was instead an unfortunate and rare unfolding of events. Hannah at the time had undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder, and engaging in these spiritual courses triggered an extreme psychotic break for her. For much of the book, we follow her POV during her psychosis, including her time in a psych ward. The members of the organisation made it clear that she didn’t need to keep in contact, that she could leave at any moment, but in her psychosis Hannah was completely obsessed with Steve (the leader of the organisation). She was persistent in initiating contact with him, and even a year after her hospitalisation chose to attend more courses.

I just felt weird about how it was all framed in the end. Sure, the prices for their courses were extortionate and the subject matter was ridiculous, but I did not get abusive or coercive vibes from the organisation at any point.

All of that aside, I appreciate the insight into what it’s like for someone going through psychosis, and the challenges of Bipolar Disorder.

[Julie Tingberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Flew through this. The further I read, the more I found myself forgetting that I was reading a memoir - mirroring Murray’s own deteriorating ability to distinguish reality from fantasy during this period of her life. It’s an immersive and raw depiction of mental illness and of how someone vulnerable can, little by little, be drawn into cults in search of meaning.

Also, fuck Steve - not only for being a prick, but also for making me sit here with the lingering question of why on earth Kung Fu Panda 2 wasn’t on the cult’s movie watch list when the first and third were.

[Lisa San Martín · Rating 2 out of 5]

It’s difficult to rate a book written by someone who is very clearly vulnerable.
I listen to the audio book and found it challenging; it felt like the author used what I think of as ‘yoga teacher voice’, which didn’t feel very authentic and grated at times.

It’s hard to see this as a cult story, but rather an MLM that fixated on people’s desire to be cured, much like some of the dodgy coaches or wellbeing gurus out there. Perhaps if she’d continued her time with them, the cult aspect might have been more apparent, but mostly she seemed to be paying for reiki and classes on making bath salts.

What I did find difficult was the lack of reflection and introspection. Her thoughts and feelings at the time very much come across as fact, and the non-stop references to magic do come across as someone in arrested development.

I’m sorry for all she’s been through, but it doesn’t feel like she’s quite emerged through the other side and therefore able to write about this with some distance, but also personal responsibility.

[Sara]

I don't rate biographies and memoirs.

This was sort of exactly was I was expecting it to be - an honest recount of one woman's experience in a magical cult during her most vulnerable time, and also not because I thought it sort of skimmed a lot of the deeper level stuff. Hannah Murray is pretty honest with the experiences she describes, but I just thought she skirted around some of the more intimate moments and spent too long describing the intricate magical initiations and rituals, which I didn't find that interesting.

[Emily Katy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hannah Murray, actress from Skins and Game of Thrones, has bravely and candidly shared her mental health journey in her memoir. Following joining a cult that promised magic, healing and spiritual awakening, Hannah suffered a psychotic episode, was subsequently sectioned and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. This is an honest and brave account of what it is like to lose control over your own mind.

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

What Hannah Murray does here is nothing less than sawing open her own sternum, pulling apart her ribs like a demented butterfly and letting everything out. It is, perhaps, one of the most visceral reading experiences I have ever had.

Often the severity of mental health issues is brushed over, barely spoken of and still taboo. As a society we can barely reckon with the symptoms of depression and anxiety. Oh we can acknowledge they exist but we stumble when it comes to how these things actually impact people in the scope of hygiene, nutrition and general activity. Often, when we talk of mental health issues, we self censor, we strip the truly ugly out of it. Murray does not bother with this. And while her memoir is just as much about how easy it is to slip into the clutches of a cult, the heart of it is how ugly things can get inside ones own head.

The prose is good. Occasionally repetitive in spots. But I think this might have been a choice reflecting Murray's mental space at the time. She is unashamed in how she writes about her life at the time, recreational drug use, reliance on alcohol, an unhealthy relationship with food and family, and some boundary issues. It's, at first, maybe off-putting such a display of raw inner life, then also extremely comforting in its humanity. We all have inner ugly parts.

Divided into parts, Murray relates an intense filming experience that leads her to her first interaction with what she calls "the organisation". A healing that is another intense experience which Murray feels compelled to continue chasing once she returns home. As the hooks of "the organisation" slowly slip into her, so slip away the hooks that Murray retains on her own sense of reality leading to a horrendous episode in a bathroom at a hotel in which then lead to being sectioned by the NHS.

An amazing, harrowing, occasionally chilling and yet warming read.

[Nathan Shuherk · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cmon…
It’s good in the way of that we all have a friend that we watch from afar make decisions in a way that is both dumbfounding but wholly and uniquely predictable. Sadly, they (and this author) don’t seem to know that we watch it all happen without a bit of shock for all the weird stories we have to hear

[Lychee · Rating 2 out of 5]

Girl, I’m sorry this happened to you, but this book was so repetitive and boring to read

[Abby · Rating 2 out of 5]

When I saw that Hannah who portrayed Cassie on Skins had written a memoir I was elated. Hannah Murray dominated the Tumblr era during my teen years and I was intrigued to know how life had gone for her post Skins. Sadly this went a different way than I expected, I was hoping for a memoir along the writing style of Dinner for Vampires and I'm glad my mom died. The writing feels detached like an account of someone else's experience and even when she tries to reflect it doesn’t really feel believable. I will say she bravely recounts this era of her life without painting herself in a better light and I respect that so much. I do believe stories like these are important for those struggling with mental health and addiction because when you're most vulnerable, you're more susceptible to being taken advantage of. This does contain explicit material and profanity so please procced with caution. Sadly that was also another reason I did not enjoy this memoir.

[charliefrancesca · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel horrible rating a persons life experience, but unfortunately this was not the high ranking memoir I was expecting. I feel like there is a major disconnect or false advertising happening-because this was not a story of a cult. Not to say the company isn’t a cult, but this was not the story of one. This was, at most, the first person perspective of a rich and privileged person navigating a mental health crisis while simultaneously being involved with, essentially, a health based MLM.
Again, that may not be the case but from this book, that is how it is portrayed. I loved Skins and GOT and I was obsessed with Hannah Murray in the heyday of reblogging so to see a ‘Down the Drain by Julia Fox’ style memoir from another cool ass chick spoke deeply to me. And sadly it made me rethink my feelings about her and also question why the narrative of cult escapee is being pushed so hard? There is never any evidence or explanation on how it is a true cult and imo feels moreso like she has never experienced anything as middle class as a shitty MLM that meets in hotel banquet halls…which like yeah why would she? I feel very bad for her in regards to her mental health issues but I also feel like most people don’t get to immediately enter a treatment center and then leave to go on a consequence free shopping spree. I so badly wanted to like this but I really couldn’t. Bummer. Go read Down the Drain instead fr if you’re wanting to see the true underbelly of a celebrity.

[Alice Hadaway · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5! ⭐️

This felt deeply confessional in a way that makes you feel less like a reader and more like you’re sitting across from a best friend, listening to them unravel their thoughts in real time. Hannah Murray writes so beautifully and descriptively, where even the smallest observations feel vivid.

I especially loved the interrogative nature of the prose: the rhetorical questions, the constant probing and circling of thoughts, which made the book feel intimate and searching. There’s a fascinating blurring between reality and imagination throughout, as though we’re being pulled directly inside her mind.

What stayed with me most was the honesty of it. She lays herself completely bare on the page, and because of that, the ending hit me far more emotionally than I expected.

[will e · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best descriptions of mania and psychosis I have read. It is truly a fucking ride.. mid book and her mind is splitting and giving birth to a new world… I was pulling some faces reading this.

It feels less cult book and more a retelling of mental decline and fragility and vulnerability. And she tells it so, so well. It pulls you right in. All the descriptions of her mind falling away from her are so visceral. I really loved her writing.

[Ollie Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

feels pretty odd to say I loved this given the content and what Hannah went through, but my god did I. beautifully written, introspective and lucid, I could have read another 400 pages. perfect mix of celeb memoir, literary flair and wild subject matter; thank god she survived to write it

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hannah Murray the woman you are. Raw and utterly absorbing - one I’ll be thinking about for a while.

[Irene Mataraunlector · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cuando tenia 16 años, descubrí por casualidad una serie británica llamada “Skins”. Me atrapó por completo todo de ella: la estética, los personajes, la trama, la música… De esas series que te marcan como adolescente. Supongo que porque mi vida era todo lo contrario a lo que la serie reflejaba y contaba, porque era otro país, porque todo me parecía nuevo y distinto… Durante 6 años seguí viendo la serie y disfrutándola.

Las tramas eran tan variadas, se tocaban temas que yo hasta ese momento ni siquiera había oido mencionar. En sus dos primeras temporadas, uno de los personajes, Cassie, sufría un trastorno de anorexia nerviosa, todo esto mientras consumía drogas y se enamoraba de alguien que no la correspondía. Años después, me toparía con este rostro conocido viendo la famosísima Juego de Tronos.

Cual fue mi sorpresa hace un par de años cuando Hannah Murray, la actriz que daba vida a Cassie en Skins, reaparecía dando una entrevista, muy cambiada, y contando que había sido diagnosticada de una enfermedad mental después de haberse salido de una secta. ¿Perdón? Me quedé anonadada, y quería saber más. Por eso cuando supe que la actriz publicaría sus memorias contando qué había ocurrido, supe que tenía que leerlas.

“The Make-Believe” es el relato de una actriz rota. De un mundo demasiado oscuro, cruel y lleno de prejuicios y presiones. De como el ser humano a veces es lo peor del mundo, y se aprovecha de los más vulnerables para abusar (en todos los sentidos) de ellos.

Hannah cuenta cómo el deterioro de su salud mental (todavía no diagnosticado), sus inseguridades, su falta de amor propio, el abuso de drogas y alcohol, la llevaron a caer en una secta de bienestar. Un lugar supuestamente creado para la sanción interior en la que lo único que hicieron, fue corromper más a una persona que estaba débil y desvalida.

Creo que lo fácil al leer este tipo de casos es echar la culpa a la víctima, no sentir empatía, pensar que lo tenía todo, que algo habrá hecho. Creo que no somos conscientes de cómo la fama es una rosa envenenada. Por fuera es preciosa. Pero te pincha y envenena, y te corrompe, y puede destrozar a cualquiera. Y eso fue lo que le hizo a Hannah.

Me ha parecido un libro crudo, sincero, desgarrador, honesto, y una auténtica bofetada de realidad. Porque nadie pensaría que en pleno 2026 alguien puede caer en el cuento de una secta que se creen que la magia de la meditación y la energía van a conseguir sanarte. Pero cuando estás tan rota, tan desesperada, tan sola, te agarras hasta al último clavo ardiendo.

Unas memorias que estoy segura que han servido para que Hannah Murray sane muchas cosas. No solo consigo misma, sino también con los suyos.

[aglae]

Thank you to the publishers @penguinuk for this one!

This memoir was unlike anything I've ever read.
Hannah Murray's writing is vivid and simple, but flows very well; and had such nice pace that the events happening, which were so crazy, felt like reading fiction.
I truly appreciated the way her writing took on different forms as she was recounting different events. I found the prose reflecting her mental state of the time, to be very effective in explaining the effect of the cult on her mind. I think that's what I liked best.
Hannah is relatable and funny, and I was fascinated the whole time with her story!
You empathize with her early on, and it makes you 'understand' why she gets involved in this cult. Makes you even wonder, if you'd been in her shoes, whether you would have gotten involved too!

[ariana · Rating 4 out of 5]

"do you want to be Kanye or do you want to be yourself? or did no one tell you that you could have both?" frase mais assustadora do que It Inteiro i fear

[Noura · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting to be taken through the experience of a full-on psychosis and the mania-depression of bipolar disorder and, having personally been met with “I have experienced it so you can’t tell me that I haven’t felt the energetic fields”, I think there is value in an insider’s account of the insidiousness of new-age-healing-spirituality — but a lot of this dragged. She includes details of each step of the various ceremonies and classes such that I found myself skimming lots of the middle and second half of the book. I didn't care for the writing style and there is a lot of noticeable (and increasingly irritating) repetition of specific sentences and phrases. But I do really appreciate that Murray doesn’t hold back, for example re how she felt about her parents of close friends who are still in her life.

[Chelsea · Rating 3 out of 5]

DNF at 75%.

The descriptions of psychosis and mania were genuinely fascinating and compassionate, but I ultimately bounced off the narrator’s ongoing investment in being uniquely magical, gifted, and spiritually exceptional. I kept waiting for a deeper reckoning with that impulse and never got there.

The combination of New Age grandiosity and deeply commercial cultural references (Kanye, Starbucks, Harry Potter, crystal shops, mystery schools) just wasn’t my thing. I don’t think the organization itself was necessarily a cult so much as a very modern form of spiritual consumerism that happened to intersect disastrously with undiagnosed bipolar disorder.

Interesting premise, wrong book for me.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sorry Hannah doll, this felt like it just dragged on a lot. The post cult reflective parts I wish had been much longer, I also enjoyed hearing about her time in hospital but the actual cult description was so repetitive for me. Would probs still read her again though if she done a fiction as I enjoyed the writing style

[Lorena]

hmm weiss noch nicht ob ich es zu Ende lesen will. Hab ähnliche Storys schon zu oft konsumiert. Obwohl ich mich sehr für Hannah Murray interessiere, da ich Skins (die Teenie-Serie) unendlich oft angeschaut habe und Cassie auch immer sehr mochte.

[Marni Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

this was an incredibly intense and difficult read & i have an immense amount of respect for murray for how honest this memoir is. she really takes you on a journey where you have no idea what is real and what is not, and slowly unravels the narrative and shows the complicity and coercion of the organisation she falls in with. this book feels like an exposed raw nerve and is really uncomfortable, but incredibly well put together.