The Red Thread

by Bryan Michael Ellis

After a suicide attempt left him hospitalized for seven months, Jesse Holbrooke is returning home to live with his parents. Despite the treatment he received, his depression hangs like a cloud over his head, casting his life in a perpetual darkness he can't seem to escape. But just when the obstacles become insurmountable, a glimmer of light appears.

Life hasn't been easy for Adam Foster, a barista with a bad stutter, but he keeps his chin up and tries not to let the mockery of others get to him. Though shy, Adam is sweet and romantic, and Jesse knows they could be perfect for each other. Adam's support gives Jesse the courage to face the darkness and believe in the possibility of happiness at last. But if their romance is going to last, both young men will have to look inside and find acceptance—for themselves as well as for each other.

Genres: M M Romance, Disability, Contemporary

314 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 2, 2016

About the author

Bryan Michael Ellis grew up in New York and graduated from SUNY New Paltz with his BA in English because all he ever wanted to be was a writer. When he isn’t watching horror films, he creates stories inside his head and performs them with Legos, something he’s done since birth. Bryan loves horror films, often found quoting them and forcing his friends and family to watch them. As an openly gay male, he feels it is important to give a voice to people who are normally silent.

Reviews

[BWT · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 Stars

I'll start by saying I think I was way too invested in this story.

The day I realized I was depressed, I was seven years old. I was sitting in the playground of my elementary school, and all the kids around me were running around, playing. I listened to their laughter, and I watched them have fun. Then there was me. I sat alone on the swing. I stayed away from everyone else. My teachers thought I was merely shy, but I knew even at that age I was sad. For as long as I’ve known, I’ve been a sad person.

Jess Holbrooke attempted suicide about nine months ago and, as a result, spent seven months hospitalized and is now trying to learn to deal with the dark thoughts that plague him daily with weekly therapy sessions and living life one day at a time.



I liked the way that Ellis describes Jess's depression, along with the very realistic way he describes how Jess's family deals with his prior suicide attempt and his "dark days", and the very sweet portrayal of Jess and Adam's initial relationship. I loved Adam and his sunny personality, the way that he looks positively on the world, and his giddiness in text.



But, for me, having the story come solely from Jess's perspective meant that his depression was overwhelming. It smothered me almost without respite. I think it would have been easier if I'd gotten Adam's POV too, just for some breathing room from all the dark. But then I have a history with family members with depression, so most will probably not be as invested or affected by this part of the storyline.

Side note: It ticked me off every time Jess would complain about Adam's texting or attitude (which is bubbly happy) as "childish".

The writing style also contains one of my biggest pet peeves: Short sentence bursts. Now, keep in mind this peeve will probably be completely ignored or unnoticed by most, if not all, but me, but since this is my review I get to complain. It just made it an awkward read for me.

Now for the big complaint I have about the story: the ending. It absolutely did not work for me in any way, shape, or form. No, seriously - this is a major spoiler. If you click on this be sure you really want to know...

After Jess returned home after his first suicide attempt he makes it clear that it had not occurred to him before he slashed his wrists that it would affect his family or friends the way that it does.

Mom was crying. She apologized repeatedly and told me how she should have paid more attention to me. She felt it was her fault. That was the first time I felt guilty over what I did. I didn’t think of my family or anyone else. Clara took a short leave of absence from school to come see me. She hugged me close and told me she loved me. Like Mom, she said sorry for not being there for me. I told her the same thing I told our mother: it’s not their fault. I’m just an incredibly sad person.

So it made it twice as upsetting when he tries to commit suicide again at the end of the book. I mean, I loved how real Ellis made it seem when it's literally triggered by a single moment that creates a snowball effect in Jess's mind where everything comes crashing down (brilliantly written scene btw)...

Don’t look back. Don’t look back. This is for the best. I know it is. I can’t let him be with me. All he is going to do is get hurt. Or he’ll hurt me. I don’t see the point in this relationship anymore. He says he loves me, but is it real? Or is it just an illusion that we all create for ourselves. Maybe love is nothing more than a magic trick our minds perform.

...but when Jess's saved yet again he only spends two months in the hospital...

I feel that my story is nothing but a tragedy only existing to repeat itself.

Then it's just rainbows and puppies and it all made me so livid I honestly wanted to rage cry. I understand Jess is a selfish nineteen year old kid, but his actions and the lack of consequences absolutely extinguished any good feelings I had about the story.

Because even though we get a HFN, I don't believe it. I don't trust it. I don't trust Jess. It makes me sad knowing what Adam will deal with as long as they're together, however short a time that may be. So, yes, this was an emotional read for me. It left me angry, which is obviously not the intention of the HFN.

Most will probably not focus on these negatives. I encourage all to check it out for themselves.

Advanced Review Galley copy of The Red Thread provided by Dreamspinner Press in exchange of an honest review.

This review has been cross-posted at Gay Book Reviews.

[Vallie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ugh, I absolutely hate to rain on a first-time author’s parade, but I had so many issues with this one.

Mental health issues tackled within the context of a romance novel is a favourite trope of mine. I was hoping good things from this book after reading the blurb but, unfortunately, I was disappointed.

The writing style was melodramatic and completely over the top. Constantly. From the main protagonist being 19 but sounding like he was 70, to the directionless plot, it was just all over the place. The present tense, first person POV just made it worse. A few examples of the very stilted, weird turns of phrase:

“So how is school?” I inquire of her.

That was Jess talking to his sister by the way –a sister whom he is very close to.

Oh and:

“I proceeded to spend the next seven months locked away in a mental asylum.”

Asylum? Asylum? Really? What is this, the 40s?

The whole premise of the book was about Jess having attempted suicide due to severe depression. The entirety of his condition was reduced to mundane descriptions of “sadness” and “dark days”, over and over and over, juxtaposed with wanting to be “happy.” It is my understanding that the intention was to focus on the depression and how it affected Jess. And to an extent, I got that. Jess was not just a moody teen. He was suicidal, he did not connect with his therapist, and while his family was supportive, this was not consistent. Jess struggled to accept that he deserved anything good, including being in a relationship. He encompassed the hopelessness and helplessness typically seen in people with clinical depression. But all of this was not conveyed in an organic manner. It felt forced. And repeating the same words and their derivatives certainly did not help matters. The words “sad” and “happy” were repeated 58 and 133 times respectively. Honestly, if I had to read one more time about Jesse wishing to be “happy” and not “sad”, I’d blow a gasket.

The romantic interest, Adam of the adorable stutter and bow ties (I refrained from doing a count on the word “adorable) was just odd. Adam was clearly into Jess, and tried to woo him, but I had serious concerns about Adam’s mental state. Adam was supposedly 22 but acted like he was 12. No joke. Even Jess worried about that. Adam giggled and danced in his seat when he got excited. Here’s Jess and Adam texting:

“Dork.”

“You like me.”

“Shut up.”

“Jesse Holbrook liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees me!”

So. Amongst all of this, there is a subplot about Jesse’s best friend who becomes an addict and changes his personality overnight –but changes right back a week later, a town that makes fun of the depressed kid and villainises him wherever he goes, and NO SEX. Nothing to make this a little bearable.

I appreciate the intention, but the execution of this story fell horribly short. I want to root for books choosing to explore harder storylines, like this one, so I hope the author keeps at it and gets it right in future books.

But this one, I’m afraid I cannot recommend.

ARC provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review. See this review on Gay Book Reviews.

[FantasyLiving]

DNF @ 12%

There is something in the tone of this story that made it very difficult for me to read. This story is about a man with depression, and to be quite honest, the way this is written caused me to sink into a not good place. I doubt that is what the author intended, and I like to believe that Jesse would start to move into a slightly more level headspace while developing his relationship with Adam, but unfortunately, after trying twice, and being triggered twice, I cannot put myself through it.

From what I read, there was a lot of internal monologuing. Not my favourite style of writing. Coupled with the darker emotional content, and it stalled the story too much for me. I felt like I was sinking into a fog and I had to stop reading for a few days just to get my headspace back.



I’m sure there is an audience for this. I think it’s an important topic to write about. It is also important for love stories to be written with characters who live with depression, and for it to be realistic and not presented with ‘love cures all’. I think this story was going to be that. Jesse’s depression and Adam’s stutter would push both into acceptance of the other’s needs and differences. But alas, since I didn’t get far enough into it to know, I’m just going to have to have faith that the author put a lot of love and care into the way the main characters were authentically presented from start to finish.



A review copy was provided for an honest opinion

[Tracy~Bayou Book Junkie · Rating 4 out of 5]

**copy provided to bayou book junkie by author/publisher via Dreamspinner Press in exchange for an honest review**


This was a powerful book, but it was a daunting task to read at times. Jess faces so much darkness in his life, darkness I understand and can relate to. I have walked in his shoes. I have been to those dark places and faced those doubts and fears. I've let and still let those little voices tell me I'm not good enough, and people don't or can't love me. I've felt as alone as Jess has and he's right, sometimes you can be in a room full of people and still feel so alone and helpless, like you'll never be happy again.

I do have a couple friends, but I also have my books. They have always been there for me throughout everything. I’m one big stereotype. A depressed person who reads books.

This is so me. I could have spoken these words myself. I escape into books, as well. I think the reason I am so drawn to books is an escape, but I also find myself drawn to very dark reads, and I think it's because I want to know that I'm not alone, and that there is hope. Jess is a complex and well developed character, but he was also a frustrating character. I'm not sure if he didn't want help at times, or if he was just too far gone to ask for it. Others can't make you better and they can't force you to ask for help, and although I understand that, it was hard to watch him fall back into that black pit.


Let's talk about Adam. I absolutely loved him! Adam was so sweet and caring. He was sort of childlike and had a refreshing innocence about him. I wish we had gotten a few chapters with his POV and gotten to know him better. I think his POV would have broken the book up a bit, so it wasn't so dark throughout. Adam was so good for Jess and he cared so much for him. He was an amazing character.


For the most part the book is well-written and while some parts were slow moving, most of it flowed well. At the beginning of the story I found the author's writing to be overly descriptive. (Jess picked up his red hoodie, put it over his head, zipped it up, and picked up his black Chuck Taylor's off the beige carpeted floor, slipped them on over his white socks and tided them tightly.) Jess put on his hoodie and shoes would have sufficed just fine. I don't need all that detail. Thankfully, as the book moved forward, this wasn't as much of an issue.

“G-g-give me your, your hand,” he orders, and I follow suit. He begins to wrap the red thread around my fingers.
“There is, is this ancient p-proverb that I l-l-l-love. It g-g-goes like this: ‘An in-invisible r-r-r-red thread c-c-connects those who, who are d-d-destined t-to meet, r-r-regardless of t-t-t-t-time, p-place, or cir-cir-circumstance.’”

He continues to wrap the thread through our fingers, tangling it as much as he can. “‘The thread m-may s-s-s-s-s-stretch or t-tangle, but it, it w-will never b-b-b-b-b b-b-b-b-break.’”

When he is done talking, the long red thread is wrapped around both our hands, and he clasps his hands in mine. The thread is tangled between our fingers. Right now it feels as if we are one. With his hand in mine, as we are tangled in the thread, I, for the first time in my life, believe that maybe something did bring us together. Maybe there is such thing as fate, and maybe Adam and I are meant for one another. “I think the w-w-w-world brought m-m-me you, Jess. S-s-s-s-s-some things a-a-a-aren’t c-c-coincidence.”

I thought the ending was realistic. With a mental illness you fight everyday, even with proper medications, you'll fight the rest of your life. The darkness will likely swallow you up once more, but with professional help, family, friends and med changes you can get through. I'm so glad in the end Adam is there by Jess' side, every step of the way. They had an amazing chemistry and you could feel the love they share coming off the pages at you.

As I said, it wasn't always an easy read, but I think it was a realistic account of someone suffering from severe depression. If suicide is a trigger, I wouldn't recommend it. If you do read it, I'd recommend a light and fluffy read on the side for some cheering up. All in all, this was an enjoyable read.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was given a copy of this book to read and review for Wicked Reads.

Wow. This is an intense, difficult and powerful story. It is narrated by Jesse, a 19 year old suffering from severe depression and recovering from a recent suicide attempt. Especially at the beginning, Jesse’s voice is choppy, awkward and difficult to warm to. He feels uncomfortably, horribly real. Having lived with someone suffering from a similar depressive disorder, there were moments that I found this too difficult and I wanted to walk away from Jesse’s awkward honesty.

But I kept reading. Because this is a beautifully written story. The author manipulates language exquisitely, crafting characters that feel incredibly real. As Jesse repairs relationships and attempts new ones, we see Jesse grow stronger, but we also see and hear his internal struggles.

Ultimately, this is an romance between the depressive boy with a love of words and the geeky boy with a stutter who loves Dr. Who. The tentative, stilted relationship between Jesse and Adam is wonderfully tender. This is a new adult story, but neither Adam nor Jesse feels young. Beyond his insecurities, the prospective primary school teacher does have an innate sense of joy that calms Jesse, muting some of his inner turmoil.

There isn’t an easy HEA in this story. But this isn’t an easy book. It is, however, an honest, insightful and beautifully written story. I look forward to reading more from this author.

[Michael Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jess is trying to recover from a chronic depression but having little luck doing so. He meets and falls in love with Adam but is so filled with doubt that he finds it hard to believe anyone could love him. I thought this book was just an average read at first but more and more became deeply involved and caring for the characters. Couldn't decide if it was a YA novel but it is written from a mature point of view and so led me to consider it aimed for a wider audience. In the words of love interest Adam it is adorable. Highly recommended for all without equivocation, and re-readable.

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 STARS

I wasn’t the reviewer who originally requested this book to read for Love Bytes. I’d had my eye on it, but the blurb seemed to ooze “depressing”, and that’s not why I read romances. But the reviewer who requested the story sent out an SOS, citing a tsunami of emotional angst as the problem, so I stocked up on tissues and picked up the book.
So where on earth do I begin with this book? The story is told in the first person point of view of Jesse Holbrooke, one of the most severely depressed characters that I’ve ever come across. Jesse has just spent seven months in hospital after attempting to kill himself. He’s nineteen years old, but has been “sad” for as long as he can remember. In some ways he’s very mature for his age, and in other ways he comes across as behind the curve. Such as his sexuality. He knows that he’s gay, but unlike most teenagers sex isn’t really something he spends much time thinking about. The idea of a serious relationship alarms him, because the possibility of someone breaking his heart, and further breaking him, is just terrifying. When we first begin the story I found Jesse’s narration to be rather zombie like. It was as though he was going through the motions of life in a daze, because if he allowed himself to feel anything, it wouldn’t be anything pleasant. I really enjoyed the anticipation of knowing that Adam was going to come along and break Jesse out of the haze he was living in. But as soon as that happened the anticipation became more trepidation, because you just knew that something (or things) really bad would happen. The happier Jesse became, the tenser I would become, just waiting for that axe to fall. Which of course, it did, multiple times, over major things and minor things, and completely imagined things. As Jesse says repeatedly, there is no escaping the voices in his own head.
As a counter to Jesse, Adam was perfect. His sunny disposition really added some much needed lightness to every scene he appeared in. I must admit that his stutter worried me at first. His stuttering is fully written out on the pages…
"Blanket forts are c-c-cool. I, I even b-built y-you this nice f-f-fire."
I can’t argue with that. You’re never too old to enjoy a good blanket fort, but my point was…that stutter. I was concerned that by the end of the book I was going to develop some sort of tic it bothered me so much. I can’t even say why. In real life stutters don’t faze me, but reading those stutters in my head was driving me bonkers. At first. Then somehow, as I got to know Adam a bit better it just became part of his character, and I hardly noticed. There was also a lot of texting back and forth between the main characters, I don’t know if the author did this on purpose but it allowed for huge chunks of conversation sans stutter.
The secondary characters were very important in giving us the full overview of Jesse’s life. Family, friends and work – every aspect was covered as we moved with Jesse through his day to day life. In my opinion the author did a brilliant job of using these other characters to draw out different reactions from Jesse and show us the way his depression affected all facets of his life, and also the lives of those around him.
What struck me most about this book though, is the way the author obviously understands what he’s writing about. I have no idea if the author has experienced depression first, or even second hand or if the man is just a damn fine researcher, but I think this story will be a bit too much for some readers. I appreciated that the importance of medication was stressed, and the fact that Jesse falling in love didn’t “fix” him. Some of Jesse’s thoughts and the things he said just really hit home, because I think even if you haven’t experienced depression yourself, you can relate to them in different ways. My favourite example of that is when Jesse has enough of trying to be happy and just gives up, not caring that he’s upset everybody. Now I’m not saying that I’ve ever wanted to take my own life, but sometimes it feels so damn good to just say – stuff it, I’m giving up. Even if only for a little while. And the author has conveyed these mindsets so well, that you really feel what he wants you to.
The one and only complaint that I had with this story was that the ending all happened too fast. The plot climax doesn’t occur until after the 90% mark. It’s resolved quickly as we’re told – this happened, then this happened and then this happened. I didn’t really feel any closure, although perhaps that was to be expected given that Jesse will never be “cured”.
I absolutely recommend this as an insightful look into the struggles that some people with depression face. Although I found that I didn’t need those tissues I stocked up on, it is definitely an emotional read. As my fellow reviewer found out, it may prove too realistic for some readers.

Reviewed for Love Bytes Reviews
http://lovebytesreviews.com/2016/09/0...

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

i loved it..it just hit all my buttons.. i like the a defective MC....first time read by this author

[The Novel Approach · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve taken forever to get this review in because I didn’t want to be the dissenting opinion on this book of all books. I think The Red Thread is an important novel—it’s important that stories like this get told, and get told well—and the author’s depiction of depression, and how overwhelmingly all-encompassing it can be, was extremely realistically expressed. I so appreciate Bryan Ellis for giving us Jess’s story. Unfortunately, much of the time the writing style just didn’t work as well for me.

First, I can’t decide if first person was not a good choice for this book, or if it was the perfect choice. I mean, who better than Jess to tell his story, right? His is really the only perspective that counts. Take this passage for example:

“For as long as I’ve known I have never been happy. People look down on me for being sad. Ever since I got out of the hospital, the people in this small town stare at me like I’m some kind of pariah, but are any of these people truly that content with their own lives that they can stick their noses down at me?”

That is just one example of when it feels like maybe it was the right choice; there are many thoughts that make absolute sense coming directly from Jess’s head. But, for obvious reasons, his voice can be dull and flat at times, and if you’re not a fan of first person narratives, especially present tense first person narratives, it can make for sort of a rough read.

I also had an issue with the flow of the story itself. The writing felt choppy in places, and the plot wandered. There were elements that I felt could have been cut out entirely, like a ridiculous shopping trip Jess takes with a co-worker, and some of the scenes driving or sitting around with his friends that simply lent nothing to the story. And, one of my biggest problems with the book was the dialogue, which was so childish and stilted at times. Most of the time, to be honest. In fact, some of the word or phrase choices in general just felt so strange—i.e., what nineteen-year-old you know would use the term ‘mental asylum’? I don’t know anyone in 2016 who would use that term. And Jess uses it a few times. I thought it was odd.

I don’t want to be a complete Negative Nelly, though…there were things that I liked. Jess being one of them. He was honest and real, and I was so moved by him on many occasions. I have immediate family members who suffer from acute anxiety and depression, and there were several things in the story that hit home for me. This in particular:

“When something good begins to happen, my mind must add doubt to the equation, and doubt is always only the beginning. Once doubt is added to any situation it’s like a disease. It starts slowly, and then it makes its way through your body, never ebbing away. But it takes its time, making sure to plant its roots in so deep you can’t pull them out. It poisons your entire blood and soul until you think everything to be false.”

I can’t personally imagine what it’s like for that doubt to constantly take hold, but I see my family going through it a lot. I wish I could take those feelings away for all of them, just as Jess’s family wished they could help him.

And, of course, I also liked Adam. How could you not adore Adam? He was incredibly sweet—and cute in his bowties—and, as the blurb says, he does come along at the perfect time and becomes a bright light for Jess. He makes Jess start to feel ‘normal’, and like he could have a life.

So, there was good mixed in with the not-so-good. There were moments that I think were supposed to be funny—like, wink-wink, nudge-nudge funny—sadly, though, they were just so dry they fell flat. But, then there was this line…

“Trying to pinpoint why I’m depressed is like trying to find the hipster in a room full of the homeless.”

I can almost overlook all the misses for that one great line!

Even though this wasn’t my favorite read, I did get something out of it. It’s always good to walk around in someone else’s shoes, especially when it comes to gaining some understanding about mental illness. We can all use some of the insight this book provided. I just wish the story itself had been a bit more polished.

Reviewed by Jules for The Novel Approach Reviews

[Joyfully Jay · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Joyfully Jay review.

5 stars

The Red Thread was a beautiful, elegantly written novel of one man’s journey through depression. This is one of the few books I’ve read that truly depicts depression in a meaningful way. I believe that people with depression experience the condition differently, but Jesse’s descriptions ring true, at least from my perspective. He is far from a pathetic figure. Instead we see him as a man struggling against impossible odds and managing to tackle each day with a fragile kind of bravery. Unless you have chronic depression, I think it’s hard to fully appreciate how difficult simple things like getting out of bed, interacting with people, and getting to a job can be. But through Jesse we are given a glimpse into how everyday activities become mountains that must be scaled.

And if Jesse is our inspiration, then Adam is a reflection of pure joy. He occasionally seems naive, but we all know someone like Adam, or wish we did. He builds blanket forts and wears bow ties and loves Doctor Who and he is a wonderful reflection of happiness in action. Though, as I said, he occasionally seems naive, he isn’t foolish or immature. Rather he accepts pain and translates it into something life affirming. He can’t “fix” Jesse, but he can bring joy into his life and does with so with patience and determination.

Read Sue’s review in its entirety here.

[Dawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was given an ARC for an honest review.

Jess was recently released from a mental hospital after an attempted suicide. He’s trying to find his way through life while weighed down by the depression that has plagued him his whole life. He works at a quaint little bookstore, has a few friends and a family that doesn’t know how to talk to you or treat him.

Adam is a sweet, caring man with a terrible stutter. He avoids talking to people as much as he can because his stutter embarrasses him.

When Jess and Adam run into each other three times in one day, they both take a chance that fate might be pushing them together. The relationship that grows between these two is absolutely beautiful to watch unfold. They accept one another without judgment.

The red thread that binds them together is fragile as is life and yet this thread is strong enough to carry them both on their wonderful journey throughout the book.

The author told an amazing story that was heartbreaking, uplifting, romantic, sweet, and a brutally honest portrayal of what depression feels like. I was at times moved beyond words. I was astounded at how his description of depression was exactly what I’ve felt but didn’t know how to describe.

This is an amazing book that I highly recommend. I definitely be on the lookout for more books from this author.

[Jamie Zaccaria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bryan Ellis know how to express himself, that's for sure. Anyone who has suffered from depression, anxiety, or other mental illness will feel uncomfortable connection to the main character. As awkward as it was at times, I felt it cathartic to read as it helped me stand up to my own darkness.

The romance is adorable and the main character is so incredibly real. I am greatly looking forward t reading whatever Bryan has to publish next!

[Jenni · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this whole book in one evening. It was simply brilliant. The writing is good and the descriptions of Jess and his depression was spot on. Having dealt with depression this felt so familiar. Nothing in this book is wrote for sensationalism it was not over dramatic. The descriptions of Jess and his dark moods were so real. Adam was a delight.

[Dale Hankins · Rating 5 out of 5]

very eye opening, intense. have dealt with depression myself at times but never to the extent that Jess, the main character, does. Not sure what drew me to read this book, but I am glad I did.