When You See It: How I Outsmarted & Outlasted Dirty John

by Tonia Bales, Amy Jauman

When a wife uncovers her husband’s sinister past and terrifying present, she wages a fierce battle to ensure the safety of her family and the integrity of her profession.

Tonia Bales married a handsome young man named John Meehan, who offered her a bright future. They had a happy marriage for nearly ten years, weathering the typical challenges couples experience. Then, Tonia sensed something was wrong. He started coming home late, spending more time traveling, and they were losing their connection. Her gut told her to start digging for answers. Her questions uncovered a web of lies and then a shocking Tonia had married a sociopath.

How could he have hidden the truth about himself for so long? They had two children and seemingly normal, busy lives when Tonia discovered that John had been diverting drugs. She struggled to understand this level of deception. Little did she know this was just the beginning.

The more questions Tonia had, the more distant and angry he became, accusing Tonia of sabotaging their marriage and blowing things out of proportion. With the devastating realization setting in that Tonia may not have known her husband at all, and the threat of divorce looming over her, Tonia must push herself to dig further into this mystery. The discovery of more dark secrets—aliases, affairs, a criminal record, and a dark family past—reveal that there is a story to be told, a story that can only be complete if John’s previous victims, lovers, coworkers, and family are willing to come forward.

251 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 13, 2026

Reviews

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a CRNA myself I am surprised I didn't know more about "Dirty John" before reading this book. The story's timeline made it so easy to see how we can be blinded to what is right in front of us. I hope this book opens the eyes of everyone to start seeing the red flags earlier and not after it is too late. Save a loved one and get them the help they need but always put your own (and any kids) safety first. Document EVERYTHING because the court system is no longer a JUSTICE system but a paper trail system.

Support a CRNA and read or listen to this story. It is a reminder to always be vigilant for signs of diversion or addiciton.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5/5 ⭐️

If you’ve seen Dirty John, season 1, on Netflix then you’ve got a major chunk of the story. This book was written by Meehan’s first wife and the Netflix is a story about his second wife. The type of psychopath behavior continues from his first to second marriage. This book is written like it’s a journal big sis is writing. It’s not a bad read but the reality of it also makes it nothing phenomenal. It’s wild to think this happens to so many women.

[Debbie Russell · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a former prosecutor specializing in domestic violence cases, I applaud Tonia’s courage in sharing her experience as the first wife of “Dirty John.” She has become a powerful voice for survivors of stalkers and manipulators, and this book is a must read for anyone who sees red flags in their own romantic relationship.

[Katy]

If you ever listened to the Dirty John podcast or watched the series on Bravo, then you’re familiar with this story. This was written by his first wife, who also happens to be a nurse anesthetist. I read it during CRNA week to support a fellow CRNA and enjoyed reading it. Proud of her for sharing her story and knowledge to potentially help someone else in an abusive or dangerous relationship.

[Kelsey Chance · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an amazing read of a brave, heroic woman! Tonia is an amazing CRNA and I commend her for being so brave for her kids and for sharing her story with us.

[Emily Van · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Such a profound read. I could hardly put the book down, so good.

[Allison Coil · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting because it’s all TRUE!