Unraveling Together: Sharing the Threads of Grief

by Dianne Deaton Vielhuber

340 pages, Paperback

Published September 26, 2025

Reviews

[Deborah A. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unraveling Together: Sharing Threads of Grief

Hope For the Grieving Heart!

We all experience grief at one time or another and can find ourselves wondering if life will ever be normal. For me, Unraveling Together: Sharing Threads of Grief was informative and thought-provoking on the subject of grief, but Diane’s heart-felt words, offers hope and healing as she shares what she has learned from her own experiences with grief. Dianne uses the metaphor of a patchwork quilt to help the reader consider a variety of circumstances and life events that can trigger grief, in its various forms, and offers hope to those who find their lives unraveling because of unwanted circumstances, such as death of a loved, job loss, divorce, etc.

Dianne has an “easy to read” writing style, using a variety of personal stories about grief that she has experienced, as well as interviews from people going through circumstances in which grief has invaded their reality. This book offers many practical suggestions of how we can help someone else who is experiencing grief, such as suggestions of what to say or not say to someone who is grieving, as well as ideas for helping us move forward in our own grieving. She offers practical ways for people to move through grief to a new normal.

Throughout the book she emphasizes that hope and healing are possible as we realize that God is with us in our grief, and sharing scriptures which speak to God’s love, suffering, and faith. At the same time, she reminds us that there is no one quick fix for grief, and that healing often comes in the midst of community and our connection with others.

This book helped me to see grief through a wider lens than simply seeing grief in terms of death of a family member or friend. I appreciated her insight that “grief is not one emotion but a bunch of conflicting feelings that happen simultaneously.” I found her reflection questions on her “Pause for a Moment page” at the end of each chapter helpful by encouraging me to reexamine the part that grief has played in my own life journey.

As a retired pastor, I wish I had the opportunity to read this book earlier in my ministry, as I think it would have helped me to remember grief is a journey that people experience differently, and would have given me tools to help equip me to better be with others in the midst of grief. I fully intend to use this book as a resource in future ministry opportunities.

I highly recommend this book, for people who are struggling with grief in their own life, for those who want to encourage others who are in the midst of grief, and for anyone who will experience grief in the future (ie. All of us)!

[Amy Bell · Rating 5 out of 5]

In her book Unraveling Together, Dianne Vielhuber offers guidance for dealing with many different causes of grief. I was extremely impressed by the practicality of Dianne’s suggestions. However, let me start off by saying that Unraveling Together was an easy and pleasant read although it feels strange to phrase it that way. I felt as though I were reading personal letters from a loving and wise old friend. Dianne offers advice to those who are grieving and to those who are ministering to grieving loved ones. She helps them understand that grief is a personal, individual process for everyone.

Some of the things which stood out to me were the following:
While I benefitted from every chapter, my favorites were the ones with actionable lists. Sometimes, I need someone to hold my hand and tell me what to do next.
“Grief never has a finish line.” This spoke to me because I recently lost my sister.
“Grief changes cognitive capacity.” Two years ago, I was attacked by two dogs. Dianne covers the topic of PTSD in a way that helped me process the things I am still feeling.
“Supporting a person with a mental health disorder or an addiction can lead to compassion fatigue.” I’m so glad that Dianne named this effect for me. I still suffer from guilt at my lack of compassion for a loved one, and now I know that it’s a normal response to years of trying to help someone who refused to be helped.
“The ministry of presence cannot be overemphasized.” This is a lifestyle choice that I can incorporate immediately.
“God is not surprised where you are and what you are going through.”

Please pick this book up and read the first few chapters soon. If you’re like me, you’ll finish it rather quickly and treasure the sound wisdom for a lifetime. Regardless, do put it on your shelf and turn to it in times of confusion, sadness, fear, and yes…grief.

[Angela Roloson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dianne Deaton Vielhuber’s book Unraveling Together is a book about grief but filled with hope. Vielhuber asks the question “Does the world need another grief book?” After reading her book, my answer is a firm yes.

We need THIS grief book. This is not a book full of advice from psychologists; it is a conversation with an author who has experienced grief and is not afraid to share that experience. At times she speaks in extended metaphors of quilts and seeds. At other times, she gives us permission to sit with our grief rather than hiding it or trying to find a solution to make it disappear. This book reaffirmed for me that the goal of grief is not to stop feeling pain. It is giving us permission to be aware of our heart’s pain so we can be kind to ourselves and have empathy for others.

I have had plenty to grieve in my lifetime: a marriage that ended in divorce, alcoholism that eventually led to recovery, cancer that resulted in a mastectomy and chemotherapy, and the death of my 9-week old grandson to SIDS, and the current anticipatory grief that can be overwhelming when you have a family member struggling with dementia. This book covered all of that and so much more. There are so many things in this book that I wish I had known earlier in my life.

I recommend this book to anyone who is currently grieving, dealing with unresolved grief, or supporting a loved one who is grieving. You can read the book cover to cover or pick and choose what applies to you right now. I cannot guarantee that it will make you feel better immediately, but you will feel less alone. And you will leave the reading experience with tools you did not have when you opened the book.

[Kim Kinney · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author deals with grief compassionately. I found this very practical and helpful. This is a faith-based approach to grief. She reminds the reader that loss doesn’t have the final word—God does. She has obviously walked through this dark valley of loss and was able to find light again. Her reflections are raw yet she offers comfort without clichés and wisdom rooted in Scripture.

I loved the imagery and descriptions of the feelings of loss. And the loss isn’t always death. It can be the loss of dreams, relationships, or other things leading to disappointment. She uses quilt imagery throughout and it is very effective. She describes our lives as looking like torn quilts at times. I felt as if I was there in the room orchestrating my brokenness together with the author. We can stash away our quilt or bring it into the light and mend it.

I especially appreciated that she deals with the many facets and various challenges of loss/grief. “Grief never has a finish line.” “We can hurt and heal at the same time.” She emphasizes that God is present in every phase of grieving.

I highly recommend this book to anyone coping with and recovering from loss. If you need hope, honesty, and guidance from someone who has been there, this book is for you.

I was offered a free copy of this book for an honest review.

If you need hope, honesty, and a companion for the hard places, Unraveling Together will meet you there—and gently remind you that healing happens best when we heal together.

[Sara Pitcel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was immediately drawn in by the core concept: we all have a "before" and an "after." Dianne's honesty in navigating her own personal loss, alongside ministry experience, gives the book incredible grounding. What resonated most with me was the invitation to name the grief without shame and to honor the tension of sorrow and gratitude existing side-by-side. I learned that true healing comes not from rushing to put together our old routine, but to create a new routine by allowing God's presence to meet us in the raw, messy reality of the "after."

I highly recommend this book for anyone currently experience disappointment, loss, or for those who want to be a more supportive presence for someone they love. It serves as a necessary reminder that we heal best when we heal together, and that hope can co-exist with disappointment.

This book will become your companion through your path of grief, and it will feel like you're sitting down with a trusted, deeply empathetic friend who simply reminds you that you don't have to carry your burden alone.

[Stacie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good book. Easy read. Yes, the author is a Pastor however, this book is relatable to everyone even if you do not believe in God or Jesus. The beginning lines in Chapter 2 have really stayed with me, “Certain events change families forever. A death. An accident. A diagnosis. A tragedy. A divorce. Events are part of your family’s “before” and “after” timeline.” Dianne shares personal stories from people who have dealt with these kinds of griefs.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

In “Unraveling Together", Dianne has woven together guidance, wisdom and stories that provide a greater understanding of grief. While she reflects on the variety of events that we may grieve in our lifetime, Dianne’s words provide permission, inspiration and hope that we can heal from our suffering. This book teaches you to embrace your grief and appreciate the growth you can choose to take from it and use on your journey through life.

[Daphne Holterman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very practical advice. Grief is not just when people pass away and her approach is helpful all the way around