You Don’t Know Dick: How I Healed my Daddy Issues Fixing Broken Dicks

by Kristina Denton

In the wake of a family tragedy and a stagnant, sexless relationship, struggling actress Kristina unexpectedly finds herself in a bizarre new career path: a clinical "dick fixer" in the wild, wonderful world of Los Angeles wellness. Armed with a jackhammer-like machine and an unhealthy dose of imposter syndrome, she dives headfirst into the intimate issues of hundreds of men, from famous Hollywood types seeking "enhancement" to octogenarians wanting to reignite their love lives. What begins as a desperate attempt to earn rent money soon transforms into a hilariously unconventional journey, as Kristina discovers that repairing broken penises and mending fragile male egos might be the weirdest, most rewarding way to confront her own messy grief, deep-seated daddy issues, and the comical absurdity of her own non-existent sex life.

As she navigates a parade of dicks (all shapes and sizes), accidental "taint zaps," and intimate confessions from her clients, Kristina realizes her new calling is far more than just a job; it’s a spiritual classroom. From counseling a man on mermaid roleplay to smushing a fly on a client’s erect penis, she collects a treasure trove of "you'll never believe this" stories, all while grappling with the confusing emptiness left by her estranged father's death and her own inability to ask for intimacy. Ultimately, through the raw vulnerability of these encounters, Kristina uncovers profound truths about connection, healing, and what it truly means to be whole, even if it means letting go of fantasies and embracing the wonderfully weird reality of a life spent, quite literally, elbow-deep in other people's problems.

260 pages, Hardcover

Published June 30, 2026

About the author

Kristina Denton spent nearly twenty years hiding behind other people's characters.

As an actress, writer, and producer in Los Angeles, she was very good at telling everyone else's story. Her own she kept quiet - particularly the complicated one about her father, the first man who ever taught her what men were capable of, and what they were afraid of.

Then she accidentally became a d!ck fixer.

For one year, Kristina worked as a shockwave therapy technician at a Los Angeles erectile dysfunction clinic. She walked in expecting a paycheck and good dinner party material. What she found was something she didn't have a word for yet. Room after room of men who had run out of ways to pretend they were fine. Men who, pants off and vulnerable, finally said the things they'd been carrying for years.

She hadn't expected to recognize herself in them.

Her debut memoir YOU DON'T KNOW DICK: How I Healed My Daddy Issues Fixing Broken Dicks is published by Storyteller Media / Macmillan, out June 30, 2026. It is the funniest, most honest thing she has ever written and it begins, improbably, in a room full of broken men where she finally found something she'd been looking for her whole life.

She lives in Los Angeles. She's originally from Hollister, California - which explains a lot.

Reviews

[blakely mary]

This book is bold, hilarious, and unforgettable. Kristina Denton has a unique voice that keeps readers entertained while also sharing deeper personal experiences. The title grabs attention, but the storytelling keeps you hooked. One of the most original books I’ve read in a long time.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn't put this down. An incredibly moving memoir about how Kristina's stint at an ED clinic changed the relationship she had with her late father & all the men she's ever known.

If you like memoirs, humor, heart -- this one's for you.

[Rachaelsrisquereads · Rating 5 out of 5]

The type of memoir we all want to be reading! 

I was not expecting to be WOWed by this book, but it did exactly that. What a fantastic emotional roller coaster… I laughed, and I sobbed. I truly think everyone can learn a little from this book because we've all had a man in our life, whether it be a father, brother, uncle, or son. Men are hard to understand, and this book definitely opened my eyes to a different perspective. Kristina has such a refreshing writing style and has lived quite the interesting life! I kept thinking, damn... you can't make this shit up!

There were a lot of hard things for me to read in this book because, while my dad wasn't a dick per se, he wasn't the most open man, and I feel like there was a lot I didn't understand. He passed away four years ago from cancer, and parts of Chapter 19 were eerily similar.

Not only did this book give us a unique male perspective, but it also taught us how to live more freely. The chapters on the island were so immersive. I felt like I was exploring this gorgeous island alongside the author, all while thinking, YOLO.

Honestly, I couldn't believe how much this short read packed into so few pages. It is absolutely worth picking up. 

[Traci McCombs · Rating 5 out of 5]

So often in life, we have to laugh to keep from crying- and author Kristina Denton captures that tension beautifully in her new book, You Don’t Know Dick. She walks a delicate tightrope, exploring through her own exotic experiences how many ways a man can carry and/or hide his scars.

The book made me laugh, made me cry, and at times cringe-squeal (new word!) as it revealed the often unseen depths of men’s trauma and how it shapes the world around us. The courage it takes to write something this honest is remarkable- but to share it so boldly and with a sprinkling of humor is a true gift.

It’s my top “all the feels” read. I highly recommend for any women’s book club!

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have never cried tears of laughter and joy within the same book chapter — until now. “You Don’t Know Dick,” is simultaneously hilarious and deeply moving. In a cultural moment that desperately needs nuanced, honest conversations about male vulnerability, Kristina Denton’s work arrives as both timely and essential. After reading this book, I truly believe Denton is one of the most interesting and important thought leaders of our time. I can’t wait to see where the conversation around this book leads us.

[Ali Peterson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book had me laughing out loud and kept me entertained from beginning to end. It was a fun read! The only reason I gave it 4 stars instead of 5 is that I expected her "daddy issues" to be much more significant based on the title of the book....they just didn't seem that severe. Even so, I really enjoyed the story and would definitely recommend it if you're looking for a funny, entertaining read.

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I Laughed, I cried, I felt every emotion reading this book. Kristina does an amazing job taking everyday experiences and showing us what more we can find in the day to day (or what we need to cut away).

Thank you, Kristina, and to your wonderful mother, for delivering this story via early reader copy.

[Taylor Peyton · Rating 5 out of 5]

GET THIS BOOK!! :) Equal parts hilarious and moving, this is truly an enjoyable read! I loved how bravely Kristina reveals her story, while her sassy and playful personality shines through. She fully captivated my imagination and fed my soul through artful writing. Highly recommend if you’re looking for a fun read that is also deeply meaningful, and well-crafted!

[Tracy M Maiwald · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought I was picking up a fun, funny, light read. I was wrong! This book is powerful, moving, insightful, and hilarious. I truly laughed out loud, I cried (a lot), and my eyes were opened. I highly recommend.

[Chas Allen · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautifully written memoir. The author’s humor is whip-smart and she boldly shares deeply personal experiences that make the read feel relatable. Definitely recommend, especially for book clubs and conversation starters.

[Nikki Howard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely BRILLIANT! This book is so funny, smart, and has such heart, I couldn't put it down. 10/10

[Cheryl]

Interesting story of healing and what you can accomplish when . If you don't like hearing about male anatomy, it's not for you, but it had some laughs

[Ananda Mehta · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is raw, hilarious, and insightful. I couldn't stop reading!!! Kristina manages to write about grief with a dark humor that is lighthearted and intoxicating.

[Makena Metz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is both hilarious and moving! I really enjoyed reading it and learning about this really niche (yet essential) job 😬🍆✨

[Nicole · Rating 2 out of 5]

Funny in parts. Super self-indulgent with self-important vibes, though.

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny and surprisingly heartfelt. I was not expecting to cry.

[Jenn Kappes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has to be the next memoir you read. It will be like no other I can tell you that right now. If you have or think you have daddy issues...beware. This will make you question some feelings. If you have any male in your life, read it. If you just want to read about a job you wouldn't think anyone has, read it. If you are a people pleaser, the eldest sibling, a female, a male, in a toxic relationship, a dog lover, a vegan, a human...read it.
I may be a little biased with the author, but I also promise you, you will not regret this read.

[Fat Tony]

A sad but quick read. I don’t know what parts people are finding “hilarious”. Nothing was funny. I didn’t bond with the author. I found a lot of typos I hope they caught and fix before it’s released. Also the pages are thin and typing from other pages bleed through and make it hard to read. Donated.