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3 Things: Real Moments. Honest Coaching. Practical Leadership
Leadership isn’t about knowing everything. It’s about focusing on the three things that matter most.
In 3 Real Moments. Honest Coaching. Practical Leadership, Jay Sternberg distills decades of experience leading global teams into clear, actionable lessons. Through real stories and practical insights, he shows how leaders at every level can cut through complexity, build trust, and create lasting impact.
Each short chapter ends with a Leadership Cue and reflection questions designed to help you apply the lessons right away, not someday.
Whether you’re stepping into your first leadership role, guiding a team through change, or shaping culture at the top, 3 Things offers clarity, honesty, and practical coaching you can use immediately.
“3 Things is the leadership book every manager should keep within reach. Jay Sternberg delivers practical, real-world coaching rooted in clarity, empathy, and trust. This is what effective leadership actually looks like in the moments that matter.”
— Paul Falcone, former CHRO of Nickelodeon Animation Studios and bestselling author of 101 Tough Conversations to Have with Employees (HarperCollins Leadership)
Jay Sternberg is a retired global consulting partner who spent nearly two decades leading international teams at EY. Known for his clear and practical coaching style, he now writes, speaks, and mentors the next generation of leaders, helping them find clarity in the moments that matter most.
In 3 Real Moments. Honest Coaching. Practical Leadership, Jay Sternberg distills decades of experience leading global teams into clear, actionable lessons. Through real stories and practical insights, he shows how leaders at every level can cut through complexity, build trust, and create lasting impact.
Each short chapter ends with a Leadership Cue and reflection questions designed to help you apply the lessons right away, not someday.
Whether you’re stepping into your first leadership role, guiding a team through change, or shaping culture at the top, 3 Things offers clarity, honesty, and practical coaching you can use immediately.
“3 Things is the leadership book every manager should keep within reach. Jay Sternberg delivers practical, real-world coaching rooted in clarity, empathy, and trust. This is what effective leadership actually looks like in the moments that matter.”
— Paul Falcone, former CHRO of Nickelodeon Animation Studios and bestselling author of 101 Tough Conversations to Have with Employees (HarperCollins Leadership)
Jay Sternberg is a retired global consulting partner who spent nearly two decades leading international teams at EY. Known for his clear and practical coaching style, he now writes, speaks, and mentors the next generation of leaders, helping them find clarity in the moments that matter most.
124 pages, Kindle Edition
Published October 15, 2025
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October 15, 2025
Jay’s style is clear and concise but also colloquial and relatable. The book’s format is a series of anecdotes that each take less than a couple minutes to read with three takeaways at the end about what he wishes he knew going into it. Like Jay says at the start, “Leadership books often start with frameworks, models, or acro-nyms. This one starts with moments”.
These anecdotes not only feel real “my hands were sweating before I even reached the front of the room”, but even though I hadn’t experienced all of them exactly, I could relate to all of them and learn something from them.
I feel like the mark of a good self improvement business book is whether or not you respect the author and want to learn from them. Jay starts the book by saying, “I didn’t start leading well until I started leading as my true self”. Throughout the book you get to know Jay more as an empathetic leader who defines success as more than just his own professional outcomes.
He makes it clear that he assumes best intent from those he works with. From the section on something he wish he knew for giving his first hard performance review he states, “Start with empathy. Most people want to be good at their jobs, and most already know when they are falling short. But not everyone has the same work ethic, the same support system, or the same responsibilities outside of work. Honest conversations require context. That means seeing the whole person, not just their performance”. WOW - that hit me in the heart strings and that is not something I expected based on the title to be honest.
He also talks about making people feel seen and having an off ramp when the project is not moving forward with their position on a decision, “One idea I’ve always held onto comes from The Art of War: “Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across.”When resolution isn’t possible, preserving dignity is essential. That’s true in business, and it’s especially true on teams where people work side by side.”
Jay is not only an empath, but he has some practical advice on clarity and conciseness. He states, “Three things that drive clarity:
Why the discussion and conclusion/actions would matter.
What success looks like.
Who’s responsible for each action”.
Jay continues the book with lessons on team dynamics which I expected to be the fluffiest section and wondered how he would bring in new content. I was pleasantly surprised to see the scenario “when life happens”. He starts, “you can’t lead people without seeing their humanity” and his first takeaway in the section is “Start the conversation. Don’t wait. A quiet, “How are you really doing?” might be the most powerful question you ask all year.” That was another wow moment for me. How often to we see someone in passing and ask how they are doing without waiting for a response. Jay calls it as it is, real leadership is about keeping a pulse check on how people are really doing by taking time and attention to listen to the answer to that question.
Jay concludes the book by saying this is the notebook he wish he had as a leader. He doesn’t expect it to be transformational, but he does think that the stories included will probably help someone learn something second hand rather than making the mistake firsthand. I know several of the scenarios are ones I have experienced and several are ones I expect to experience one day. I feel better prepared to head into them.
My favorite part about this book is that it doesn’t feel like a PowerPoint presentation, it felt like a white boarding session where I was brainstorming with Jay along the way.
These anecdotes not only feel real “my hands were sweating before I even reached the front of the room”, but even though I hadn’t experienced all of them exactly, I could relate to all of them and learn something from them.
I feel like the mark of a good self improvement business book is whether or not you respect the author and want to learn from them. Jay starts the book by saying, “I didn’t start leading well until I started leading as my true self”. Throughout the book you get to know Jay more as an empathetic leader who defines success as more than just his own professional outcomes.
He makes it clear that he assumes best intent from those he works with. From the section on something he wish he knew for giving his first hard performance review he states, “Start with empathy. Most people want to be good at their jobs, and most already know when they are falling short. But not everyone has the same work ethic, the same support system, or the same responsibilities outside of work. Honest conversations require context. That means seeing the whole person, not just their performance”. WOW - that hit me in the heart strings and that is not something I expected based on the title to be honest.
He also talks about making people feel seen and having an off ramp when the project is not moving forward with their position on a decision, “One idea I’ve always held onto comes from The Art of War: “Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across.”When resolution isn’t possible, preserving dignity is essential. That’s true in business, and it’s especially true on teams where people work side by side.”
Jay is not only an empath, but he has some practical advice on clarity and conciseness. He states, “Three things that drive clarity:
Why the discussion and conclusion/actions would matter.
What success looks like.
Who’s responsible for each action”.
Jay continues the book with lessons on team dynamics which I expected to be the fluffiest section and wondered how he would bring in new content. I was pleasantly surprised to see the scenario “when life happens”. He starts, “you can’t lead people without seeing their humanity” and his first takeaway in the section is “Start the conversation. Don’t wait. A quiet, “How are you really doing?” might be the most powerful question you ask all year.” That was another wow moment for me. How often to we see someone in passing and ask how they are doing without waiting for a response. Jay calls it as it is, real leadership is about keeping a pulse check on how people are really doing by taking time and attention to listen to the answer to that question.
Jay concludes the book by saying this is the notebook he wish he had as a leader. He doesn’t expect it to be transformational, but he does think that the stories included will probably help someone learn something second hand rather than making the mistake firsthand. I know several of the scenarios are ones I have experienced and several are ones I expect to experience one day. I feel better prepared to head into them.
My favorite part about this book is that it doesn’t feel like a PowerPoint presentation, it felt like a white boarding session where I was brainstorming with Jay along the way.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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