Lack

by Cecilia Knapp

In the quiet, lonely hours of the middle of the night, a woman scrolls social media on her phone. Babies are everywhere. All her friends seem to have one. Her sweet partner Dan is desperate to start a family. But she is full of doubt – how can she consider the enormity of new life when the world outside is burning?

Besides, there’s something wrong in her body. She can feel it. A pain. A constant dull ache she is too frightened to investigate.

And then there is something darker, pulsing beneath the surface, threatening to catch up with her. Hers is a life deeply affected by grief and chaos; the death of her mother, a sexual assault, and a drawn-out affair full of glamour, hedonism, obsession and control.

Is it possible to rebuild when all you feel is lack?

This stunning literary novel explores and confronts the immense pressure and uncertainty of contemporary, consumable womanhood.

Genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Audiobook, Contemporary

265 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 21, 2026

About the author

Cecilia Knapp is a poet, playwright and novelist and the Young People’s Laureate for London 2020/2021.

Abridged from author's website.

Reviews

[Alwynne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Falling somewhere between rites-of-passage and slice-of-life, poet and novelist Cecilia Knapp’s sensitive, semi-autobiographical novel follows an unnamed narrator. A woman in her late twenties trying to work out who she is and what she wants. At first, she thinks that’s a baby, that’s what women are supposed to want at her stage in life, especially one with a job, a place to live, a dependable boyfriend, even an aging cat inherited from her mother. Yet she’s restless, distracted, addicted to doom-scrolling and advice forums, never fully present. Gradually she realises she’s confronting a void, a profound lack tracking back to when she was eleven, witnessing her mum’s slow death from cancer then struggling without her.

The narrator mentally retraces her footsteps, the adults around her were well-meaning but equally floundering. Her loving but hapless dad; Eva the aunty she stayed with from time to time. It’s at Eva’s she was not only sexually assaulted but dismissively disbelieved. The only solid ground was friendship with Mary which has lasted through school and beyond. She thinks back to fumbling boyfriends, bad sex, isolation at university in London. Bone-deep uncertainty, unresolved grief culminating in a disastrous affair with charismatic Kit, older, married, he traded on being an actor with minor celebrity status. He was also a coercive womaniser, a force who temporarily took over, an obsession dominating her waking thoughts. But piecing together the fragments of her past somehow leads to falling apart.

Knapp’s carefully-crafted narrative slowly pulled me in. There are no pyrotechnics here, the delivery’s incredibly restrained, muted even which somehow made this all the more powerful. I particularly liked her style, her writing’s persuasive, deeply felt, direct yet fluid and lyrical without ever becoming overly precious or intrusive.

Thanks to Netgalley and publisher The Borough Press for an ARC

Rating: 3.5

[Salomée Lou · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book i read this year and entering my fave reads of all times. Cecilia Knapp's pen is SHARP

Thank u NetGalley for the ARC 🫶

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lack follows a woman in current times fighting the battle of whether to have children or not and hearing the stories of her past that could be affecting her decision.
This book was an interesting read, I believe it brought up much needed conversations on how social media can persuade us and how everything we see online isn't real even to the 'simple' conversation of motherhood. You can see the main character is fighting the battle of pleasing everyone else including her partner but risk losing herself or make the decision that could disappoint not only her partner but what she believes is other people.
I can see that this character always seems to be worried about what people think even over the simplest decision. A character that lives in constant anxiety afraid to do the wrong thing.
The main plot seems to be based on what happened in the main characters past, how she was so loved but everyone around her but without her mum was never protected and taking advantage of. How she never really dealt with the feelings of losing her mum, to be sexually assaulted and being in a mentally abusive relationship, you can see how she learnt that she got her coping skills from her dad and just buried everything and moved on.
The main thing that bothered me was the fact this book was no where near as long enough as it could be, yes you get the idea of the story and see how it turned out but I felt like more could've been done with this story, to be able to see more into her current live, maybe a change of writing style that each chapter could go back and forth from the past to the present.
4/5

[Gem :) · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 rounded down. I don’t know how I feel about this book. It was good and I enjoyed it for the most part, i found parts of it touching and relatable. On the whole though, unsure how i feel on a deeper level… will have to consider that as time goes on.

[bee · Rating 5 out of 5]

6 stars

I’ve never read a book that made me feel so seen and understood. There are stories we move through, and then there are books that seem to understand us. Lack is a lyrical and insightful novel that explores grief, trauma, and the complexities of growing up, weaving in themes of friendship, love, motherhood, and mental health through the subtle details of everyday life.

The plot is quiet, thoughtful, and intentional. It doesn’t rely on dramatic twists or big moments, but instead builds its emotional impact through everyday experiences.

I found the main character extremely relatable, though I can see some readers finding her frustrating at times. She doesn’t always make the right decisions, but she feels real — her choices reflect the confusion and pain she’s navigating.

“These days, the pain I feel comes less from missing her and so much more from forgetting her.”

“Some days she won’t be able to explain why she feels so lonely and so irritable. She will have to tell people at parties that she lost her mother, too young, and she will have to receive their sad sympathetic faces, their downturned mouths. Her new life will grow around her grief, even when she doesn’t want it to, like a tree around a metal fence. She’ll forget parts of her mother. She’ll want to talk about her but won’t know how to bring it up without it seeming forced, or self-centred. Then a year will have passed. Then years.”

→ I found myself highlighting so many passages.
The way the author writes emotions is raw and poetic.

The novel handles sensitive subjects with care and nuance, including sexual assault, grooming, manipulative relationships, and depression.

There are so many parts of this book I could talk about — the way social media impacts metal health. The complexity of relationships. It’s all written in such a smart and engaging way.

Overall, this novel is a work of art. Lack is a deeply moving story exploring life, coming of age, grief, and the messy reality of healing.

[Lois · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lack is an absolutely gorgeous book. The protagonist was very relatable despite her past not necessarily being relatable to everyone her age and potentially not the entire readership (I.e., losing her mother early).

I adored her difficult relationship with her father - her clear love for him and worry, the vulnerability of him as a widower struggling between passion and making a living, and his clear love for her but also the boundary between them. Lots of things left unsaid. Cecelia Knapp shows us in such beautiful ways. There is always a need from both sides for closeness and love but neither of them are able to give it to each other.

I adored her exploration of life differences and ones perception of the self and others - the interpretation of thoughts and actions. The idea that the protagonist feels she is integrally lacking in some way from her entire childhood to adulting when comparing herself to Mary. And how Mary feels exactly the same. I love that this is essentially a thought tank of female paranoia.

The social media obsession and health anxiety was accurate to a tee. This book was so honest.

And finally, I especially loved her conflicting with Dan about having a child and how patient Dan was. I wasn’t sure his patience was entirely realistic and felt he might have been a little more frustrated! But nice guys like Dan DO exist and I did really enjoy the polar opposite representations of nice guy and troubled narcissist (Kit). I abhorred him and felt the balance of his character traits in scenes - dependency and abusiveness - were spot on.

This is such a wonderful story about acceptance, grief, life and choices. Ultimately, she finds her family and doesn’t feel that she’s lacking at the end. Everything feels fine.

Thank you so much to HarperCollins for letting me read this on NetGalley 🙂

[one.too.many.books · Rating 5 out of 5]

On the surface this is a book about a millennial woman who is in a stable relationship, has a pretty average life but isn’t too sure whether children is something she actually desires. Underneath it all however runs the deep-seated grief of a girl losing her mother early, and trauma from suffering sexual assault and a controlling and lacking relationship with a married older man.

This book had me staring at the wall after reading sections of it. Wow. The writing was incredible, it just sort of lulled me in with its narrative and then sprung pretty intense parts on me. I can’t quite explain but this is the work of such a talented author. A quietly profound book in a very insightful, complex and moving way.

“I hadn’t noticed the unremarkable sanctuary of all these things until I could no longer have them. So it wasn’t sadness I felt, it was something about never being able to return home.”

I highly recommend!

[Ruth · Rating 5 out of 5]

i really adored this and it was such an unexpected find -- i was scrolling through my audiobook app and found it and then it was my companion for the next day.

this is so beautifully written and also i sobbed a decent bit. at times, i was perhaps a little frustrated with the main character, who is often so passive, but she's clearly suffering hugely from depression and the titular 'lack' at her centre. this is one of those slow unfurlings of a book, which is very focused on its main character and all her building blocks. the author is so clear but careful in peeling away the narrative to present those to us and i enjoyed watching it be exposed.

it felt like a susurration at first, i suppose, and i liked understanding what those whispers were by the end. quiet, gorgeous prose, a clear sight on its characters. just really lovely. i'm glad i stumbled across this!!

[Big Bertha · Rating 5 out of 5]

"No one else would want me, no-one else would measure up"

A childhood that could have been mine, a non-descript cul-de-sac in the midlands, neighbours that scurried in and out to their cars nodding as they went and a daily life that was similar to many others.

But it wasn't the same as mine, the protagonist lost her mother at eleven and from there our lives went in very different directions.

This novel crept into my soul, it rooted around and came out clutching my deepest fears and insecurities with a familiarity that was both relatable and disturbing.

The writing is sublime. A life laid bare, its challenges unbearable, its friendship, love and kindness heartwarming. A thought provoking read that struck a cord and will stay with me for a long time.

[Esther Huntington-Whiteley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was really excited for this because I loved Cecilia Knapp’s Little Boxes, but this one didn’t do it for me.

I fear we may now have too many stories about women getting what they want but not exactly what they want.

[Nichola Gorji · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to Netgalley for allowing me to read this book in return for an honest review. I found this story to be gripping and beautifully written. The book has many elements including friendship, grief, trauma and love to name a few. Mental health and the effects of social media also play a huge role in this story. A very cleverly written and thought provoking story that I would definitely recommend.

[inapileofyarnandbooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really engagingly written book about grief and trauma and the ways our environments can hinder growth. The main character is a very different person to me so there was every reason for this book not to resonate, but I still found myself relating to her on her journey. I think I was expecting more of a messy book, but it was really thoughtful and intentional.

Thanks to netgalley and the publisher for the ARC

[Rahdika K · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wouldn’t say I enjoyed reading this book given the difficult and depressing themes. But at certain parts of the book, the protagonist was relatable and resonated with me strongly. I love a messy woman. I absolutely loved the writing style as well. Kinda reminded me of Annie Ernaux a little. Overall, a recommended read or if you are wondering what goes in an average millennial woman, this is the book for you.

[Rebecca Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5

[ruthie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Alexa, play Man I Feel Like A Woman by Shania Twain ✨

[Claire Lyttle · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️