The 5 Connection Styles: Why Emotional Intelligence is the New Love Language

by A.M. Benjamin

The Five Love Languages helped millions name how they give and receive love. But relationships have changed, and so have you. Today, love needs more than a checklist. It needs emotional intelligence.

The 5 Connection Why Emotional Intelligence is the New Love Language shows you how to move beyond scripted gestures and create a connection that feels alive, mutual, and safe. Dr. A.M. Benjamin reframes the classic five love languages into five EQ-driven connection Verbal, Action, Giving, Time, and Contact.

You’ll learn how

❤️ Pair each connection style with emotional presence so love feels real, not mechanical.

❤️ Spot and meet shifting needs instead of sticking to a single “language.”

❤️ Handle conflict with respect and repair disconnection without blame.

❤️ Set boundaries and express care without losing yourself.

If you’ve ever given the “right” love language but still felt unseen, this book explains why. Emotional intelligence turns words, gifts, time, and touch into moments of trust and intimacy. With clear tools, real examples, and practical steps, you’ll build relationships where love lasts and connection grows.

Stop performing love. Start living it.

224 pages, Paperback

Published October 3, 2025

About the author

Dr. A.M. Benjamin has dedicated his career to leadership and management across federal, state, and local government sectors. With over 12 years of experience teaching at the graduate level, he is passionate about equipping teens and young adults with the skills they need for lifelong success. Dr. Benjamin empowers young people and working professionals alike to build strong money, people, and management skills.

Reviews

[Tenkara Smart · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘The 5 Connection Styles’ is a must-have for anyone who wants to have genuine connections in their relationships. The 5 Connection Styles is a complementary book to the classic 5 Love Languages and takes it a step further by discussing the importance of Emotional Intelligence and how this is the key to genuine connections and a deep, lasting love. The book is easy to understand and full of great tools to help you connect, recognise when connection is lacking, words to use during important conversations to make the other person feel heard, and even personalised worksheets to take a deeper dive into your own EQ needs and those of the people important to you. So much of this book touched me deeply, and a quote I loved is, ‘Love is a connection. It is not just something you feel but something you choose.’ That summed it up for me, and this book is an excellent resource and tool for anyone wanting a long-lasting, loving relationship. Highly recommend.

[Vikstar · Rating 5 out of 5]

The right way to explore love languages

I am so glad I picked up this book. It details the five love languages of verbal, action, giving, time, and contact and explains the right and wrong ways to use them. It’s also full of fantastic relationship advice.

Interestingly, it made me identify my love languages and realise it was more than I thought. Although I identified contact as one, verbal connection is just as desirable. My hubby and I are great at saying “I love you” to each other multiple times a day, but this book made me realise we don’t listen as well as we should.

This book made me realise the parts of our relationship that we could improve. Neither of us is a gift giver, which we worked out relatively early, so no need to change that, as we are happy to forgo gifts in our relationship. However, we probably need to put more time into doing activities together like we did in the early days. We are in comfortable old shoes territory and need to put in more effort rather than phoning it in by behaving like loving ships sailing around our house, connecting for hugs a few times a day before moving on to our separate solo activities.

I will refer to this book often now that it is in my Kindle library. An excellent read!

[Nora Rushwick · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book didn't teach me anything new. However, Im very self aware. But I will definitely say that i often see these misconceptions and misunderstandings in other persons who dont understand EQ. And even if like me, you do understand it, then it is still as enjoyable read as it forces you to slow down and reflect on the relationships in your life. Sometimes even if you understand, its not always the easiest to process, or practice, in the heat of the moment. In today's modern society, I think this is a very useful book. People are overusing the word "love" everywhere and for everything, callously throwing around strong terms of endearment when its not what they actually mean and they struggle to form real, intimate connections. They dont "practice" love. Maybe they dont think they have to. But love is definitely something that needs to be built upon, rather than just fleeting emotions. It makes one a little disappointed. But perhaps this book can help persons shed light on things they might not have previously considered.

[Mehmet Çalışkan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. A.M. Benjamin’s The 5 Connection combines the classic 5 Love Languages with emotional intelligence (EQ), offering a highly practical guide for modern relationships. The book defines love not just as a feeling but as a daily, conscious practice of connection, showing how the five connection styles—verbal, action, giving, time, and touch—can be made more meaningful through EQ.

I highly recommend this book for anyone looking to build deeper connections in their relationships, understand their love languages, and gain practical tools for conflict management and relationship repair.

Personal view: I believe that the key factor making these practices healthy and sustainable is a developed sense of empathy. This empathy extends not only to relationships but also to all living and non-living things in our environment, reflecting a broader harmony with nature.

Note: This review was based on a pre-publication copy obtained through Revvue.

[Andrea Campbell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Insightful, Grounded, and Emotionally Transformative

This is an enlightening exploration of how emotional intelligence shapes the way we bond, love, and communicate. Blending psychology, neuroscience, and practical wisdom, the author introduces a framework that helps us understand our emotional patterns and connection needs in relationships of all kinds: romantic, familial, and professional.

The author unpacks five distinct connection styles, helping us identify our own style and learn how to better relate to others. I like the idea of appreciating the shifting needs, a novel concept, I think. I like the learning but couldn’t help thinking that in some places it felt somewhat mechanical. For example, the author suggests that to keep touch respectful and comfortable use phrases like “Would you like a hug?”, “Can I hold your hand?”, and “Do you want me to keep holding you?” I really wouldn’t be able to handle that, if I am totally honest!

[Izzy Bond · Rating 4 out of 5]

The 5 Connection Styles is a refreshing, modern take on relationships and emotional intelligence. Dr. A.M. Benjamin goes beyond the traditional “love language” model to show how real connection comes from emotional awareness, not just actions or words. The book is practical, insightful, and incredibly relevant to today’s relationships.

I loved how it reframes love through the lens of EQ — helping you understand not only how you express care, but how to do it with presence and empathy. The real-life examples make the concepts easy to apply, and the tone feels both compassionate and empowering.

If you’ve ever felt like you were “doing everything right” in love but still missing something, this book explains why — and how to change it. Honest, wise, and deeply human, it’s a must-read for anyone who wants to build genuine, lasting connection.

[Arriah Kiprujistho · Rating 5 out of 5]

“The 5 Connection Styles” is a must-read for anyone seeking genuine, lasting relationships. A perfect complement to The 5 Love Languages, it goes further by exploring how emotional intelligence is key to deep, authentic connection. The book is clear, practical, and full of useful tools—helping you recognise disconnection, choose the right words in tough conversations, and reflect through personalised EQ worksheets. One line that stayed with me: “Love is a connection. It is not just something you feel but something you choose.” This book made me reflect on my own relationship—we realised we’re not gift-givers, which works for us, but we do need to invest more time in shared activities instead of coasting in comfortable routine. Highly recommended for anyone wanting to rekindle or strengthen their bond.

[Ollie Kayuro · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the second book by Dr. A.M. Benjamin I have read, and I’m sure both books are worth reading.

"5 Communication Styles: Why Emotional Intelligence Is the New Language of Love" is not just another inspirational book. It is a thoughtful and attentive work that encourages reflection without punishment and honesty without judgment. The author invites me to think about my words and actions, identifying areas where I may have lost my balance. It’s about restoring trust and the science of conscious love.

"Languages of love open the door, but emotional intelligence keeps you inside." I was impressed by the extensive references at the end of the book, which are proof that the topic was thoroughly researched and well thought out.

It is a beautiful, intelligent, and healing book.

[John Bray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent!

This is a really well put together book with practical exercises to help guide you at the end of each chapter. It has made me excited to look closely at the love language of the people I am close to and see if I can find ways to spark a little joy in their day to day life.

There were a couple of statements that really stood out to me:
Love - " How can one word cover everything from cheeseburgers to marriage vows."

"I want to know who you are beneath what the world sees."

Overall a great book and I'd highly recommend.

[Julio Bandeira de Melo · Rating 5 out of 5]

An update to the Love languages

This book suggests that the popular "Five Love Languages" idea is a good start, but it's missing a key piece: emotional intelligence. The author explains that just knowing what your partner likes (such as gifts or quality time) isn't enough if you're not emotionally present. The book introduces five "Connection Styles" and teaches you how to use them to handle conflict, set boundaries, and build real trust. It's a guide for anyone who wants to build a stronger relationship that feels more genuine and connected.

[Linda Meris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Dr. Gary Chapman for your wonderful work teaching proper communication techniques for successful relationships. This book is a bible of incredible wise information of how to’s. We need to accept who we are, trust ourselves, and never deny our emotions. Love is gentle, love is kind.
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[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fresh, insightful look at how emotional intelligence shapes relationships. The five connection styles are easy to understand and genuinely useful. A quick, thoughtful read that makes you reflect on how you connect with others.

[Victoria Tudor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read if you like 5 love languages

This is a great information if you like 5 love languages theory. It adds additional layer and gives practical examples of how to use it.