The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse

by Wendy Maltz

Considered a classic in its field, this comprehensive guide will help survivors of sexual abuse improve their relationships and discover the joys of sexual intimacy. Wendy Maltz takes survivors step-by-step through the recovery process using groundbreaking exercises and techniques. Based on the author's clinical work, interviews, and workshops, this guide is filled with first-person accounts of women and men at every stage of sexual healing. This compassionate resource helps survivors

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Sexuality, Mental Health, Counselling, Health

368 pages, Paperback

First published June 19, 1991

About the author

Wendy Maltz LCSW, DST is an internationally recognized author, speaker, and sex therapist. Her books include The Porn Trap, The Sexual Healing Journey, Private Thoughts, Passionate Hearts, Intimate Kisses, and Incest & Sexuality. Wendy’s highly acclaimed videos are Relearning Touch and Partners in Healing. In 2014 she received the prestigious Carnes Award from the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health. Wendy and Larry Maltz LCSW, an esteemed therapist with more than 30 years of experience, provide consultation and counseling services at Maltz Counseling Associates in Eugene, Oregon.

Reviews

[Susan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had trouble getting into this one and did not finish it. Not due to the 'heaviness' of the subject matter or my emotional responses to it. Rather, it was more the tone of the author. She comes across as fairly priggish and judgmental and often condescending. It often seemed as if any thought someone might have outside of vanilla heterosexual couplings we 'wrong' and must be avoided. Her repeated admonishments about eschewing masturbation and porn were also really unhelpful and judgmental (yes there are some problems with porn but Maltz only pretends to make any distinctions).

I have to say that I started and did not finish this book a couple of years ago. But at that time I had thought that not being able to complete the book had something to do with me. Recently, however, I borrowed The Survivor's Guide to Sex by Staci Haines and had an AHA! moment. The tone of Haines' book is so different than that of Maltz's book that I was finally able to see that the problem was not with me but with Maltz's attitude and presentation. I am planning on buying Healing Sex by Staci Haines (the updated version of her book) and regret having bought The Sexual Healing Journey by Maltz.

Overall, if you are looking for help in this area avoid this book. Haines, or likely many others, is a much better choice.

[Carlie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has changed my life. I was definitely reading it at the right time, a time when I was ready to face what happened to me and find healing. There are so many ripples in my life now that I didn't realize were related to the waves of abuse that happened over 20 years ago. I let go of a lot of burdens while reading this. Highly recommend it.

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have found very few books for survivors of rape & sexual abuse that talk about sex specificaly with much detail. So frustrating since (almost) every survivor wants to talk about sex & healing! I love some of the exercises and suggestions in this book. The only complaint I have is it's sometimes a bit too text booky & it feels like "wait, i couldn't actually say that to my partner. i don't talk like that at all!"

[Buzz H. · Rating 2 out of 5]

Useful, but very hetero-centric.

[Hester Rathbone · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book for work, obviously, but I honestly loved every minute of it. As odd as it is to say, the basis of it isn't so much sexual relations (although that's certainly part of it), it's getting people to learn to pay attention to their own needs and levels of comfort or discomfort, as well as practicing communicating those needs to the people in their lives - a skill which we all struggle with from time to time. I think that this book is so well written that even people who have never experienced a sexual trauma or difficulty would benefit from it.

I think that there's a lack of communication and understanding in most couples in terms of how they experience intimate relationships and how they process things that their partner asks of them. It's difficult to know how to begin the dialogue between people - this is a great first step. I think that most people would be able to start taking the small steps needed to open those doors, and succeeding at those first steps is what will give them a sense of security that they continue having the conversation.

[Jaclyn Goss · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very well written book about sexual healing Do not read if you do not have a lot of time on your hands! It gave me to access blocked memories, which I hadn't remembered. So when I say time, I mean emotional time. Definately a book you will revisit, and one you should buy rather then check out or borrow, due to it's nature to emotionally shock you. Plan on reading this slowely, I bought it four years ago, and I still haven't finished it. Healing takes time.
Chapter on learning possitive touch is a bit over the top, and seems more relevant for people who have had a very recent assault, or otherwise someone who hasen't had a sexual relationship since the assualt.

[Lisa Butterworth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I updated to give 4 stars, I'm struggling with the rating because I feel like it's a 5 star review for most folks, really really good read, revolutionary for when it was written, just about everything you need to know about healing from sexual abuse. However for the 1-5% of folks who are kinky or who have kinky fantasies this book assumes that this is a result of abuse (this is not backed up by research) and unhealthy (also not backed up by research) so not sex positive for the kinky folks. So that that bit with a big grain of salt, and use all the tools in here because it is a really great resource overall. It also isn't great on the whole *hypnosis lost memories* controversy.

[ash ☁️ · Rating 3 out of 5]

big ups to my therapist merrill for recommending this one 🙌🙌🙌

[Michaela · Rating 5 out of 5]

This should be a bible for people who have been through some sexual trauma. I was sexually abused as a child by my grandfather, rapes by my boyfriend at age 17, and later raped by friend at age 25, and this book covered almost every confusion, thoughts, emotions and behaviors I've ever had (and have). Very helpful tips on how to re-learn healthy sexual life.

[Brandon · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great resource for those that are in a relationship, but may still suffer from past sexual trauma. This can be read by those not in a relationship, but the focus really is on healing a relationship. I recommend this highly.

[Sierra · Rating 5 out of 5]

I imagine this book may be triggering for survivors, since it often outlines specific instances of sexual abuse, but as a clinician this was so valuable to read. Maltz explains a vast array of relevant research in a way that is easily digestible and thorough. She also offers specific techniques and exercises survivors can use to approach a variety of problems in recovering from sexual trauma and reclaiming one's sexuality. Highly recommend.

[Alessandra · Rating 3 out of 5]

I decided to pick this book up when I was ready to confront what had happen to me... I had reached a really low point, was more depressed than I wanted to admit and didn't think I was worthy of anything. This book helped me tremendously. It helped me realize that I really needed to become aware and learn to love myself. It taught me awareness and techniques that have been working to help me better cope with intimacy. For awhile, even the idea of a man touching me scared me. I pushed men so far away so I didn't have to face my own intimacy problems. This booked helped me so much, I honestly can't say enough about it.

I'm excited to continue my sexual healing journey. And I feel like this book set me on the right path to being healed.

I now no longer feel the need to constantly call myself a victim, but rather, a survivor.

While this book did provide me with a lot of eye opening moments that helped me understand a lot of what I do, I wish it went into detail more on certain topics. I also feel like the author focused a lot on incest survivors and that was never really specified any where.

[Caroline · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great, valuable read. From beginning to end, Maltz (thoroughly) covers the topic of reclaiming your healthy sexuality following sexual abuse. While this book is certainly most useful for survivors of sexual abuse, their partners, and the clinicians who work with them, her discussion of healthy sexuality should be a must-discuss in every sex-ed classroom. Too frequently when we talk about sex and sexuality, we only focus on the mechanics and negative consequences of unhealthy sexuality. Her chapter on healthy sexuality completes this picture to give a full idea of what it means to be sexual in a positive, nurturing way.

You go, Wendy Maltz.

[Lisalit · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really liked how informative this book was. I particularly enjoyed reading testimonies but at the same time there were maybe too much testimonies and not enough supported facts about sexual abuse and sexual healing. The downside is that it gave the book a shallow aspect.
I could also tell that the book was a bit outdated on some aspects of sexuality, and even though I really appreciated how inclusive it was by adding almost as much men testimonies as women's, it was at times judgmental of some sexual practices.
Overall, it was interesting but not riveting.
I am glad I finished it because it was long and heavy to read.

[Maggie Millar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes part of healing is learning that we are not alone and the things we feel are normal things for us (as survivors) to feel.
I wasn't going to add this book to my reading list because I wasn't sure I wanted my friends to know that I've read this. I soon realized how hypocritical that was of me. I'm a survivor and I am not ashamed. That is what this beautifully written book helped me realize.
I would recommend it to anyone and everyone who has either been sexually abused or anyone who is close to someone who was sexually abused. There is so much useful information.

[Reita Jackson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This remains perhaps the best book on sexual healing for survivors of sexual abuse ever written. Written by a therapist who had, at the time of writing the book, seen hundreds of clients with damaged sexuality, this book addresses the topic few other authors tackle. It is best saved for the latter stages of healing, after the initial ground work and safety issues have been addressed. Sexual Healing Journey will likely have triggers, and is best used in conjunction with a skilled therapist. This book takes the reader from "surviving" to the "thriving."

[Jamie Hill · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent resource for people who experience any degree of childhood sexual abuse. I would highly recommend reading this only while under the supervision of a licensed therapist due to the emotional turmoil one might experience but the contents of this book are extremely helpful and aid in healing and sexual reconnection.

[Liaken · Rating 5 out of 5]

There aren't very many helpful books about wounded sexuality in this world. This book is the most helpful I have ever found. Maltz has done her research and writes in a validating and encouraging tone.

[Jerianne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Extreme bias against sex workers. Book written in 1991 and has second, third editions yet this dangerous bias made it very hard to keep reading. Sex work is work. Feeling shame about sexual desire is not okay, and this book felt very shame-y.

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

If I was just rating on how helpful it was, I might give it five stars, but I can't say that I loved it. Hardest book in the world to read!

[Rob · Rating 3 out of 5]

Caused a lot of AHA moments that explained behaviour of mine. Wish it delved deeper into certain topics as well as more instructions for non-dating singles.

[Shannonsady · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full of good information for friends and family of survivors as well as abuse survivors.

[Raychel · Rating 4 out of 5]

i read this book because a lot of the people i work with who have eating disorders also have a history of sexual abuse/trauma. this book was really helpful to me as a clinician for learning how to incorporate some of the sexual trauma work into the eating disorder work. i honestly would not recommend this book to someone unless they were working with a therapist and the therapist had approved them to read it. it's really intense, super detailed (ie: graphic), and could be extremely triggering if someone isn't already quite stable. for those who do choose to read it, i'd recommend reading it slowly.

[Holl · Rating 4 out of 5]

Incredibly useful as a clinician-in-training and I think everyone that’s a sexual human in the world should read something like this. Wish I read it way sooner. 4 stars because it did feel a lil outdated at times.

[Allie De Boer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m a therapist reading this for a class - Sometimes the writing is repetitive but gosh the content is good!

[Nicole Perry · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the things I appreciated most about this was the step by step instructions on reclaiming sex after sexual abuse. It's also a topic that I think gets overlooked when we work with people who have experienced trauma. I'm a big believer in healthy sex as an important part of life and this book provides a powerful way forward.

At times it's difficult to read, but take it in pieces, take care of yourself while you read, and it's well worth it. Helpful for partners as well.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource and guide for sexual abuse survivors who are struggling with intimacy with their partners when the mind and body tells them otherwise..Step by step precedures on how to ground and establish safety with partners...I recommended it to clients who had done therapy work on PTSD and were ready to take the next step on establishing healthy boundaries with their partners...A classic.

[Hannah Reinbeck · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great resource for victims of sexual abuse that helps them to reclaim a part of themselves as it relates to a sense of intimacy with their partner. I highly recommend this to those that may want to start their self-healing journey and to the partners of victims so they can better understand what they are going through.

[Tiquila Mcneill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Slightly dated but very insightful.

[Mathilde · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! Much like The Body Keeps the Score, this is a book that took me a long time to get through because it was so dense with information. I've learned so much and it's made me question things I took for granted about sex. There's a big questionnaire in the beginning to see where you are at in your relationship toward sex and I cannot wait to share it with my friends. It's a difficult book because of the subject but the author really tries her best to make it palatable. There are exercices for healing with a lot of how-to details

When I ask survivors who are new to sexual healing to finish the phrase Sex is..., they often respond with answers such as bad, dangerous, overwhelming, dirty, frightening, a tool, a duty, violent, secretive, humiliating, or a powerplay. And when I ask them to finish the phrase, Sex is like..., these same survivors may tell me a nightmare, a drug, a punishment, murder, being robbed, or being tortured.

The five conditions for healthy sexuality - consent, equality, respect, trust, and safety (CERTS) - are seldom taught at home or in school, or reinforced in our culture.

Five false ideas about sex: 1. Sex is uncontrollable. 2. Sex is hurtful. 3. Sex is commodity. 4. Sex is secretive. 5. Sex has no moral boundaries.

Our sexuality is a significant part of who we are. It exists within life, rather than outside or apart or secret from other experiences. Like the feeling of a breeze on our faces, the warmth of the sun on our skin, or the touch of a hand in ours, sex is part of a whole, large continuum of human touch. Sex is a way to tune into our aliveness.

During the past fifty years, excellent techniques have been developed to help both men and women successfully overcome their sexual problems. These techniques are based on behavioral methods that reduce anxiety and reshape sexual responses. They were developed on the premise that sexual behavior is learned and therefore can be unlearned and then relearned in a new way.