Fifty Days of Solitude: A Memoir

by Doris Grumbach

A New York Times Notable To truly understand herself, Doris Grumbach embraces solitude

With a busy career as a novelist, essayist, reviewer, and bookstore owner, Doris Grumbach has little opportunity to be alone. However, after seventy-five years on the planet, she finally has her Her partner has departed for an extended book-buying trip, and Grumbach has been given fifty days to relax, think, and write about her experience.

In this graceful memoir, Grumbach delicately balances the beauty of turning one's back on everything with the hardship of complete aloneness. Even as she attends church and collects her mail, she moves like a shadow, speaking to no one. Left only to her books and music in the midst of a Maine winter, she must look within herself for solace. The result of this reflection is a powerful meditation on the meaning of aging, writing, and one's own company--and reaffirmation of the power of friends and companionship.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Philosophy, Lesbian, Literature, Biography Memoir, Nature

98 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1994

About the author

Doris Grumbach is an American novelist, biographer, literary critic, and essayist. She taught at the College of Saint Rose in Albany, New York, and was literary editor of the The New Republic for several years. Since 1985, she has had a bookstore, Wayward Books, in Sargentville, Maine, that she operates with her partner, Sybil Pike.

Reviews

[Julie Ehlers · Rating 3 out of 5]

Is anyone ever going to be able to write a book about taking an extended amount of time to themselves ever again? I'd been meaning to read this book for years and thought lockdown would be the perfect time to do it, but by then I'd already experienced solitude for twice as long as Grumbach did, and I didn't feel like this gave me any new insights into it. If anything, I thought she should spend at least another fifty days in solitude and get back to me then. Probably this isn't a fair review given the circumstances under which I read this book, but we can only read and review under the circumstances we're in.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

Grumbach died last year at age 104. This was my third of her books; I read two previous memoirs, Extra Innings and The Presence of Absence, when they were brought back into print as Open Road Media e-books. I knew of Grumbach through her association with May Sarton, and the two in fact had a lot in common, including lesbianism, living in Maine and writing about older age. I was expecting something on a par with Sarton’s Journal of a Solitude, one of my favourite books, but this fell short in comparison. Grumbach spent a month and a half alone in Maine during the winter of 1993 while her partner, Sybil, was away amassing stock for their bookstore. The book is a collection of unconnected meditations about nature, the cold, creativity and so on. She finds herself writing fiction so the characters can keep her company, and notes “how much more I was aware of my vices.” Although she tries to avoid the news, word reaches her of acquaintances’ demises, and she recalls the recent death from AIDS of a young local man. Amusingly, she rereads Bear (which I also read in the last month) during the 50 days. Some atmosphere, but low on insight.

Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.

[Laura Lee · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I read a book like this I feel, essentially, envious. I don't understand how someone gets to publish a book like this. It is an edited journal of the author's thoughts about the books she is reading and her inner states during a period living alone. My journal is full of this type of observation, and I generally consider the musings to be material, not finished product. That is not to say that her reflections are entirely uninteresting.

If I were to suggest to my agent that I publish a cleaned up version of my reflections, I'd no doubt be told such things were not commercial. Some people have much more luck than I. I guess you have to become famous for more traditional novels first. The author was a contributing editor of The New Republic, a columnist for the New York Times Book Review and a reviewer for NPR. In other words, you have to first be very much out in the world in order to have an audience for your musings on being away from the world.

Of course, this was published in 1994. Today Grumbach would have to write about her experiences in solitude as a blog and get a bunch of Twitter followers before anyone would put it in print, if it they ever did.

I might have enjoyed this more at a different time in my life when I was more infatuated with the idea of finding my own voice and my authentic self-- who I am when I am not being influenced by all of the noise of the world around me. Lately, I've come to wonder if there is such a thing as an "authentic self" that exists separate from the rest of the world. I don't even like to write about my own inner states much any more except in the context of connecting it to something in the outer world. There are observations and ideas that you can only come to in silence, but they only have meaning when you come back to the world and share them.

[Mmars · Rating 3 out of 5]

I discovered Doris Grumbach through a GR friend's review, and finding "Chamber Music" to be a 5 star read (https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...) picked out this slim volume on one of those topics that ceaselessly fascinates me.

I have a little grumble with this book in that my definition of "solitude" would be more absolute. She received a prodigious amount of mail and had ample opportunity to have human contact with people in a community she was well acquainted with, though she does largely refrain from conversation and speech. I was somewhat taken aback by how she was impacted by a silent house and the absence of human noise. Even in a house filled with familiar belongings. Being somewhat younger than my siblings, and living in a rural area, my pre-school days were often spent entertaining myself - in solitude. Through much of my life I looked at it as being "isolated" but as I've aged, I've come to realize that that alone time has given me the ability to be comfortable with and appreciate solitude in a world filled with noise, interruptions, and thousands of virtual friends. That said, I have often wondered how I would handle a retreat of withdrawal for a month. Perhaps then I would look at this little grumble of mine as inconsiderate.

This is hardly a memoir, nor is it a diary. It is a collection of haphazard jottings or notes she makes during her solitude. The majority of these are inspired either by letters or news she receives concerning acquaintances (a lot of people passed away during this time, or else she knew a lot of people!) or by passages she reads or remembers that relate to the topic at hand. And it is these that make this a book to savor and turn to time and time again.

So, for you quote lovers, this slim book is a gem! I kept the internet close at hand to look up the numerous books and poems she mentions, many unknown to me. If this book is any indication, Doris Grumbach was an interesting reader. And if what one reads reflects upon the individual, she must have been delightfully interesting.

[Roxy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I believe May Sarton is a much better writer of the pleasure to be found in solitude.

[Erika Nerdypants · Rating 5 out of 5]

I used this book during my morning meditations and very much enjoyed the thoughtful reflections on solitude, that elusive thing, that we so often long for and then squander when we are gifted with it. Grumbach reflects that solitude takes on a deeper meaning as we age, and I certainly can agree with that. The older I get, the more willing I am to trade in the restless energy of youth for the quiet, if at times a bit lonely hours. Much like the author, I find that solitude elicits a craving for more time alone, away from the hustle and bustle of the world, a wish for a prolonged retreat into silence. The writing was moving, evocative, in parts quietly stunning, and I'll keep this book on my shelf to be re-read again and again.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

Until coming across this book, I had never heard of Doris Grumbach-novelist, critic, and teacher-to label a few of the roles she has played in this life. The title drew me to this work because having a busy life with many commitments, I often seek solitude. Eating a Taco Bell burrito alone in my car with a good book over the noon lunch hour and avoiding the cafeteria is my favorite kind of lunch.

Grumbach’s fifty days are spent trying to write a new work of fiction but are often derailed by the thoughts and memories that seem to circulate around her. She recalls her stint running a writers’ workshop where she selfishly (in her view) failed to meet a student’s needs with disastrous results.

The best part of the book is her vast command of literature, and her quotations from it on solitude and loneliness. Well worth reading.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nothing earth shattering, but full of some great observations about being alone.

[Lynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

a nice example of a writers' journaling and . . . "the exploration of solitude."

she lived to be 104 and
survived both flu of 1918 & pandemic of 2019

she was quoted to say,
"I think writing is an act of healing.”
▪︎
"the less one talks the more one thinks?"
▪︎
"silence and isolation are freeing agents."
▪︎
"even so protected, one is still not safe from the guerilla forces of painful memories and deeply hidden guilt."
▪︎
" . . . how much of his canvases were sky and clouds . . . "
▪︎
cover art
"Into White"
color etching by Donald Furst

[Joel Boh · Rating 3 out of 5]

The ultimate indulgence as a writer is to write like you would in your journal and have it published - as is. This is that sort of book. If you're something of an introvert where objects and places take on much meaning in your mind, then this book is for you.

I liked it myself.

[Pippin · Rating 2 out of 5]

she didn't have much to say. it was basically notes from her solitude very little of which was worth reading.

[Kari Yergin · Rating 3 out of 5]

This teeny little book is Grumbach’s reflections during her 50 day experiment of living mostly without interaction with other people in a cabin in Maine I found some of it interesting but found myself skimming over many of the vignettes. I wanted to like it more. My feelings of curiosity and — I think— envy at what she was doing made me hopeful. Perhaps with a bit more editing to make it feel more like a book and less like a sort of edited journal I may have. Im still glad I read it, if not just for the fact that as i read i kept thinking it was totally a book that my Mammaw would have read. And who knows? Maybe she did.

Excerpts:
We value most what we have begun to lose: sight. hearing. Hair. Teeth. Mobility. Height. Friends. Old age is somewhat like dieting. Every day there’s less of us to be observed. It differs from dieting and that we will never gain any of it back; we must settle for what remains in anticipate further losses. I was not being philosophical about this realization, because I was not adjusted to the state of affairs. I saw it as a bald piece of information to be handed down to the confident, the worldly, the strong: in other words, the young.


Man cannot long survive without air, water, and sleep. Next in importance comes food. And close on its heels, solitude. Thomas Szasz


Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self. May Sarton

So often in the past I had thought it preferable to be accompanied to the theater, to the opera, to the ballet, on travels and vacations. I had thought that there was a value to having someone along to “share” the experience. But I began to see in these weeks alone that a greater value lay in hearing and seeing from within that mysterious inner place, where the eyes and ears of the mind are insulated from the need to communicate to someone else what I experienced. The energy necessary to express myself to someone else seemed to have been concerved for the harder look, the keener hearing.

Evening prayer she decided to start saying: Oh Lord, support me all the day long, until the shadows lengthen, and the evening comes, and the busy world is hushed, and the fever of life is over, and my work is done. Then in thy mercy grant me a safe lodging, and a holy rest, and peace at the last.

To paraphrase Gertrude Stein, if anything means anything, this means something, but I was not sure exactly what.

She talked about Mark’s Gospel: in the morning, long before dawn, Jesus got up and left the house and went off to a lonely place and pray there. Humans have a need for such a lonely place without where’s our lives are in danger. The effects of lack of solitude and silence in our fevered lives: somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heels, that without distance closeness connect cure… Without a lonely place our actions quickly become empty gestures.

[Mark · Rating 5 out of 5]

Because of the absence of her companion, Doris Grumbach had the opportunity to spend fifty days alone in the village of Sargentville, Maine during the winter of 1993. It was a particularly hard winter, and Grumbach was 75 years old. This was a self-created experiment. Apart from essential visits to the post office and grocers, Grumbach kept her human interactions to a minimum, and either exchanged no words or the bare minimum necessary to complete her transactions. Though she had books and music, she avoided phone calls, keeping in touch with others by letter.

The solitude Grumbach experienced was almost therapeutic. Rather than turning dulled by the lack of external contact, her senses sharpened and focused inward. She had the time to devote to completing every thought, the luxury of exploring every aspect of imaginings with multiple dimensions. And she had the literary wherewithal—a writer’s intellect, ability, and patience—to commit her thoughts to paper. The result is Fifty Days of Solitude, a beautifully-written meditation on solitude.

Quoting from May Sarton’s Mrs. Stevens Hears the Mermaid Singing, Grumbach differentiates between loneliness and solitude thus: “Loneliness is the poverty of self, solitude is the richness of self.” This short book is filled with other references to numerous writers, whom Grumbach uses to illustrate and crystallize her own reflections about solitude. The eerie and prolonged silence accentuated her attention to both external stimuli and introspection. Using a metaphor related to dressing in layered clothing, she explained things thus: “In this way, metaphorically, I now needed to live, with the top layer of my person known to the outside world and displayed for social purposes. But, close to the bone, there had to be an inner stratum, formed and cultivated in solitude, where the essence of what I was, am now, and will be, perhaps, to the end of my days, hides itself and waits to be found by the lasting silence.”

Grumbach’s reflections are insightful:
“I have learned that, until death, it is all life.”
“There was a reward for this deprivation. The absence of other voices compelled me to listen more intently to the inner voice.”
And there was a clear goal to this self-imposed experiment: if the presence of other humans had interfered with her writing voice, or had silenced it altogether, Grumbach wanted to rescue or resurrect it through isolation, solitude, and intense reflection.

She concludes that her modest experiment is a triumph. “If I have learned anything in these days, it is that the proper conditions for productive solitude are old age and the outside presence of a small portion of the beauty of the world. Given these, and the drive to explore and understand an inner territory, solitude can be an enlivening, even exhilarating experience.

At the end of Grumbach’s 100-or-so pages, readers will be seeking their own opportunities for fifty days of “productive solitude.”

[Virginia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I started, then paused, this book a few years ago. My life was frenetically busy at work and I couldn’t get inside of the book. Now, after enforced lockdown due to the pandemic and with social life still somewhat in limbo, I was ready to read this … except there wasn’t really that much to read!

Grumbach contrived a plan to live in solitude during deep winter in her Maine coastal house for 50 days (while her partner was away on a book-buying journey for the store they owned). She did this for the purpose of returning to her core, to hear her inner voice over the voices from the external world of recognition and praise, in order to move forward finding new insights and forming good sentences for new books. She wanted to know if she still had enough in her inner life that would sustain and interest her during this self-imposed solitude. She defined solitude as absence of social contact, especially conversation, with anyone. She still listened to the radio and watched TV, read the newspapers and her mail. So she was still receiving input from the outside world, but if what she was primarily avoiding were accolades of previous works so as to have a fresh mind for new works, I suppose this did the trick.

This book is comprised of random musings jotted down during that time. Aside from a preoccupation with aging and death, these jottings were eclectic and surprisingly superficial. BTW, she was 75 years old at the time of this self-isolation, and she is still alive today at 103. I’m not sure I got much insight from her book. There is, however, one passage -a prayer - that resonated with me, as it did for her:

“O Lord, support me all the day long,
until the shadows lengthen,
and the evening comes,
and the busy world is hushed,
and the fever of life is over,
and my work is done.
Then in thy mercy
grant me a safe lodging,
and a holy rest,
and peace at the last.”

[Stoic Reader · Rating 3 out of 5]

👊 Introspective, reflective, and contemplative, Fifty Days of Solitude by Doris Grumbach is a memoir that explores the author's experience of spending 50 days in complete solitude at her coastal cottage in Maine.

Perhaps written in the early 90s, Ms. Grumbach ways of isolating herself from society were interesting from today's perspective.

I wonder if such a form of solitude where attention economy was not prevalent yet at that time somehow made the experience unadulterated and pure. I had no idea. But I also desire complete solitude - where there is no wifi, no social media, no TV; just me and some music and my books. No schedule, no agenda, no "shoulds." The idea is appealing when one is constantly bombarded with so much noise in all facets of life. I had this notion that complete solitude reorganizes the mind, confronts the past, and enters into a deeper intimacy with the self. It could be an enlivening,  even exhilarating, and powerful experience.

Ms. Grumbach beautifully captures the essence of solitude, the peace and quiet, and the inner journey that comes with being alone for an extended period. This short book reminds us that slowing down and simplifying can bring clarity, that nature can be a source of peace and inspiration, that we need to cultivate a sense of contentment and peace in ourselves rather than seeking it from external sources. 👊🙏

[Brian Wilcox · Rating 4 out of 5]

For me, this was a short, but slow read. Unlike most works of this genre, this was written not by a 'spiritual' or 'religious' teacher, and can easily be seen to be neither. The field of expertise for Grumbach was the world of literature, not the world of religion or spirituality. Yet, her religion does show through the writing at times. She, also, shows a fondness for the practice of Quakers, with their worship of sitting together in silence, receptive to the voice of the Light. She never identifies her own specific religion leaning, or that she did not did not have one.

A memoir to read piece-by-piece, savoring the little steps along the journey with Grumbach in her 70s and exploring the need and fruit of aloneness in a culture that devalues and dishonors the beauty and grace of silence and solitude. Enter the house with the author, in her house in wintry Maine, and share the pilgrimage with her, letting Silence itself be the Sage that does not so much provide an answer to our longing for and retreat from solitude, but welcomes us to be intimate with the quietness and stillness, and questions that arise from the Silence.

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably my favourite book this year. A lovely meditation on spending 50 days alone on the coast of Maine (Sargentville) in the winter of 1993, mostly without speaking or listening to the spoken word except for 40 minutes of NPR news per day. I read it in about an hour but I marked many passages to copy and consider more fully later. I also learned a few new words (inguement, endolithic -- neither of which my spell-checker seems to know either). She quotes from many other writers (and a few visual artists), including some of my favourites on solitude like May Sarton and Henri Nouwen. Politics oozes in, as she mentions Bill Clinton's election and inauguration and the AIDS epidemic particularly. Besides musing on solitude and loneliness, she talks about writing, community, the self, art, winter, planning and serendipity, among others.

[Emily Rooker · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this book up at the library on a complete lark without even reading the back cover. I spent two weeks almost entirely alone in Grand Marais, MN earlier this year, and was curious to read someone’s reflections on their own solitude. After reading this I am mostly interested to read some of Doris Grumbach’s other work. I enjoyed this but I feel this would perhaps be a bit of a chore for some people, as it is a bunch of loosely affiliated scrap bits of prose. I particularly enjoyed Grumbach’s stories of her friends in New York, and it was heartbreaking to read contemporary experiences with the AIDS crisis. Mostly I left this book thinking “we just don’t make people like this anymore,” and how in 2024, just 31 years after this was written, you’d be hard pressed to experience boredom in society, let alone solitude.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a treat! The author has the opportunity to spend some time and alone and then shares her experiences. it is not a diary but written after the 50 day experiment and she has time to process her thoughts. It is a simple meditation on solitude and so much more. She shares what she calls "snapshots" some only a few paragraphs or a page of a particular thought or topic. I found her very insightful and a delight to read. I am looking forward to reading more by her.

[Darlene · Rating 2 out of 5]

In this memoir Grumbach reports on her experiment with solitude which she defines as being alone and not talking to anyone, but she has props such as music and books and NPR for news. This experience was to improve her productivity as a writer. As a solitaire by nature, I found her game plan silly and her conclusions idiosyncratic. Solitude can be boisterous. Solitude is aloneness, not loneliness.

[Rita Ciresi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an introvert's delight--a slender meditation on silence and solitude by the wise and often cynical Doris Grumbach. If you loved Anne D. LeClaire's Listening Below the Noise or the works of Joan Anderson and May Sarton on honoring solitude and quiet, this is the next book for you to read!

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoughtful and wise

This little book comforted me and engaged me on an intellectual, as well as spiritual level. Thoroughly enjoyed it and highly recommend it for those wishing to dig deep into their souls.

[Cheryle · Rating 2 out of 5]

Faced with a rare opportunity to experiment with solitude, Doris Grumbach decided to live in her coastal Maine home without speaking to anyone for fifty days. The result is a beautiful meditation about what it means to write, to be alone, and to come to terms with mortality.

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn’t feel like this gave much insight on anything to do with solitude. It read more like a journal with memories of the author’s life. I was expecting something more in-depth and thought provoking

[Jovan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can't believe it took my 4 months to read this super short memoir. I just don't have enough minutes in the day it seems.

[Kathy Stinson · Rating 2 out of 5]

A beautiful little package this book. Sadly there was little in its content that I personally found particularly thought-provoking.

[Catherine Nisbet · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very different than I thought the book would be and learned to like it as I read along.

[Geri Degruy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many real-life reflections on solitude, silence and life. Well written and food for thought and meditation.

[Elysa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Such a quiet, thoughtful book, this, beautiful in places, like a winter snow scape, but on the whole not as profound as I had hoped. It's essentially a published journal of solitude.

[T · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was very short (thankfully). It mostly talked about other people's writings or thoughts, so I scanned through most of it. It was not what I had hoped for.