Sorry I Was Such a D!ck, When I Had One!: A Story of Gender Joy, and the Messy Road to Authenticity

by Dee McWatters

How does a forty-three-year-old straight white man suddenly realize she has always been a gay woman?

This is the story of Dee McWatters, a father, husband, wine industry professional, volunteer firefighter, and hockey referee, who appeared to be living an ordinary life in small-town British Columbia. Beneath the surface, she carried decades of secrecy, shame, and confusion, never able to name the ache that followed her through childhood, relationships, and career.

With raw honesty and sharp humor, Sorry I Was Such a D!ck, When I Had One! traces Dee’s messy, liberating journey toward authenticity. From purging closets to coming out in hockey rinks, from the heartbreak of loss to the joy of finally being seen, Dee takes readers on a roller coaster of unmasking, unbecoming, and beginning again.

This isn’t just a transition story, it’s a memoir about claiming truth, finding gender joy, and refusing to live one more day as someone you’re not.

For anyone who has ever struggled with identity, belonging, or the courage to start over, Dee’s story is a reminder that it’s never too late to live authentically,... and joyfully.

344 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 9, 2025

Reviews

[Alex Casper · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book! I find reading non-fiction as physical books a little difficult but I was up late reading it and had to make myself stop and go to bed some nights.

It was an empowering look into her transition and I actually learned quite a bit about the process! Very insightful.

I enjoyed the short chapters, font, the pictures of her life mid way through the book and her writing style was very engaging and easy to read. I was never once bored reading it!!

I think everyone can learn something from this book, even if it’s just learning to be your authentic self. 💕

[Caro]

I devoured this memoir in a day. For a debut writer, Dee’s voice was sometimes raw, sometimes funny, but always concise. I was definitely impressed by her writing skills! I would assume that for anyone considering MTF gender affirming care (or anyone curious, or any queer allies), this memoir may answer questions on the process start to end. I really enjoyed Dee’s authenticity and humour, and would definitely recommend her memoir to others.

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful and vulnerable book about hard subjects. I loved the story, the style and the honesty Dee shares in this book about her life, transition and authentic self. Inspiring for all people whether Trans or Cis.