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About the Real Stages of Grief: A Journey Through Loss
The truth about it has filled countless pages in clinical studies and personal stories, but no words can prepare us for its reality. When I lost my beloved husband, I searched for solace in grief groups and forums, longing to make sense of my experience. There I discovered something rarely spoken aloud—that many of us carry the same hidden aches and side effects of loss, the ones that seldom find their way into books.
Love does not die, and so grief never truly leaves us. It lingers, reshaping itself, teaching us to live with its many faces. This book is the story of my own passage through loss—an endurance of sorrow, and a testament to the strength of those left behind.
Grief is a heart-wrenching journey each of us will one day face. I write not only for those who are grieving, but also for the ones who walk beside them—for the friends, family, and witnesses to heartbreak—so they might understand, even a little, what it means to live with loss.
Love does not die, and so grief never truly leaves us. It lingers, reshaping itself, teaching us to live with its many faces. This book is the story of my own passage through loss—an endurance of sorrow, and a testament to the strength of those left behind.
Grief is a heart-wrenching journey each of us will one day face. I write not only for those who are grieving, but also for the ones who walk beside them—for the friends, family, and witnesses to heartbreak—so they might understand, even a little, what it means to live with loss.
- GenresMemoir
114 pages, Kindle Edition
Published October 13, 2025
1 person is currently reading
4 people want to read
About the author
D.G. Kaye
11 books146 followersD.G. Kaye is a nonfiction/memoir writer. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.
Kaye writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and the lessons that were taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome some of the many obstacles that challenged her. From an emotionally neglected childhood, to growing up with a narcissistic mother, leaving her with a severely deflated self-esteem, D.G. began seeking a path to rise above her issues.
When Kaye isn't writing intimate memoirs, she'll bring her natural sense of humor into her other works.
D.G. began writing when pen and paper became tools to express her pent-up emotions during a turbulent childhood. She began writing notes and cards for the people she loved and admired when she was afraid to use her own voice. She journaled about life, and her opinions on people and events. Later she began writing poetry and health articles for a Canadian magazine as her interest was piqued by natural healthcare.
D.G. began reading extensively on the subject of natural health care after encountering quite a few serious health issues. Against many odds, Kaye has overcome adversity several times throughout her life.
Kaye looks for the good and the positive in everything and believes in paying it forward.
“For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”
Her Favourite Saying: "Live. Laugh. Love …and don’t forget to breathe!" is her website logo, to remind herself and others that we often forget to take a pause.
You can find D.G. on social media and her author and blog pages:
www.dgkayewriter.com
www.goodreads.com/dgkaye
www.amazon.com/author/dgkaye7
www.linkedin.com/in/dgkaye7
www.google.com/+DebbyDGKayeGies
www.twitter.com/@pokercubster
www.facebook.com/dgkaye
www.about.me/d.g.kaye.writer
Books: www.smarturl.it/bookconflictedhearts
www.smarturl.it/bookMenoWhatAMemoir
www.smarturl.it/bookwordswecarry
www.smarturl.it/bookHaveBags
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
October 15, 2025
This book is a very personal insight to living with grief after losing a loved one. Death is one of the areas we are most likely to be reluctant to talk about, but it is something all of us will experience in life at some stage, and is therefore important to acknowledge and understand.
From the first page the empathy and authentic emotion is evident, and can only be expressed by someone who has experienced a devastating loss... something that can be missing in books or articles written by professional therapists.
The author highlights the phases we might already be aware of by reading articles or books, but she also underlines the fact we are all individual in how we will deal with grief. This includes the often overlooked grief that is suffered as we watch the decline of someone we love and care for over a prolonged period of time.
The chapter on anticipatory grief is very important as millions of carers around the world will experience this on a daily basis. In this particular case, this was compounded because of Covid and the automatic delays in diagnosis and treatment. It is only expected that part of the grieving will include frustration and anger at the injustice of being let down at a time of great need.
Depression and isolation often follow the loss, especially if the griever is alone. Others feel awkward and find it hard to respond with the right words or actions. Life does go on, daily functions such as shopping, house maintenance etc. have to be taken care off, but having been joint efforts, they now provide triggers for deeply emotional moments.
Even dealing with family can be challenging with normally celebratory events turned into awkward moments where you can suddenly feel like a stranger. The most difficult times are the holidays, the special dates such as wedding anniversaries and birthdays, celebrations shared and treasured.
So where do we turn to when we are at this point in our lives and grief? This is covered in a number of chapters, which acknowledges that those we expect to support us may be absent and new friends and groups are necessary, and how this opens up an opportunity to talk about our loved one, and share the stories from the years we have loved them as well as offering a new form of relationship with others as a single person.
And as part of the expected stages of grief, acceptance is included but is it as easy as talking about it to achieve? Certain aspects may well be accepted, but not necessarily of all of the experiences we went through are so easy to be put aside.
Even everyday activities lead to anxiety and importantly self-care can become neglected leading to health issues and also a loss of identity. For some this might lead to a dependence on a crutch, perhaps alcohol or anti-depressants but whilst they might offer a temporary fix, they are not healthy in the long run.
One of the chapters is about seeking out others who are going through grief, either physical groups or forums. It is clear that spammers also frequent these areas meant to bring comfort, and there is some very good advice on how to verify those you are in contact with.
It is clear how long and challenging, from an emotional perspective, the journey of writing and publishing this book has been. The author has done a wonderful job of comforting those who grieve and preparing others for an event we are all likely to experience in our lives. I highly recommend this book as a guide and a comfort.
From the first page the empathy and authentic emotion is evident, and can only be expressed by someone who has experienced a devastating loss... something that can be missing in books or articles written by professional therapists.
The author highlights the phases we might already be aware of by reading articles or books, but she also underlines the fact we are all individual in how we will deal with grief. This includes the often overlooked grief that is suffered as we watch the decline of someone we love and care for over a prolonged period of time.
The chapter on anticipatory grief is very important as millions of carers around the world will experience this on a daily basis. In this particular case, this was compounded because of Covid and the automatic delays in diagnosis and treatment. It is only expected that part of the grieving will include frustration and anger at the injustice of being let down at a time of great need.
Depression and isolation often follow the loss, especially if the griever is alone. Others feel awkward and find it hard to respond with the right words or actions. Life does go on, daily functions such as shopping, house maintenance etc. have to be taken care off, but having been joint efforts, they now provide triggers for deeply emotional moments.
Even dealing with family can be challenging with normally celebratory events turned into awkward moments where you can suddenly feel like a stranger. The most difficult times are the holidays, the special dates such as wedding anniversaries and birthdays, celebrations shared and treasured.
So where do we turn to when we are at this point in our lives and grief? This is covered in a number of chapters, which acknowledges that those we expect to support us may be absent and new friends and groups are necessary, and how this opens up an opportunity to talk about our loved one, and share the stories from the years we have loved them as well as offering a new form of relationship with others as a single person.
And as part of the expected stages of grief, acceptance is included but is it as easy as talking about it to achieve? Certain aspects may well be accepted, but not necessarily of all of the experiences we went through are so easy to be put aside.
Even everyday activities lead to anxiety and importantly self-care can become neglected leading to health issues and also a loss of identity. For some this might lead to a dependence on a crutch, perhaps alcohol or anti-depressants but whilst they might offer a temporary fix, they are not healthy in the long run.
One of the chapters is about seeking out others who are going through grief, either physical groups or forums. It is clear that spammers also frequent these areas meant to bring comfort, and there is some very good advice on how to verify those you are in contact with.
It is clear how long and challenging, from an emotional perspective, the journey of writing and publishing this book has been. The author has done a wonderful job of comforting those who grieve and preparing others for an event we are all likely to experience in our lives. I highly recommend this book as a guide and a comfort.
October 30, 2025
In About the Real Stages of Grief author D. G. Kaye speaks directly from her heart to her readers. In her memoir, Kaye notes that “We grievers will pass through various stages after grief begins, eventually making our way out of the fog and into our new lives. But here’s the thing: we don’t escalate through stages as though we’re passing an exam and will one day graduate. Grief never ends.” In fact, she continues, “As much as we have loved is as much as we will grieve.”
The author admits that she “longed for a familiarity that becomes akin to the feeling of tucking ourselves under a blanket of comfort, but it eludes us.” She continues with a discussion of her experience of anticipatory grief, a limbo between life and death. In the section on fog, shock, denial, numbness, she says “I would equate this phase with someone going through a traumatic situation and blanking out, mercifully, to distance her physical self from her brain.”
Every chapter is headed with an epigraph, like this one in the chapter on Triggers and Guilt: “Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion to death.” — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, known for outlining the stages of grief. D. G. Kaye coined a new word, “griefdom,” to capture the all-encompassing state of grief, the realm where sorrow reigns and mourners dwell. Another epigraph I noticed was this one: “I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief.” — C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed.
D. G. Kaye’s memoir discusses a sad topic, but her references to other authors perks things up like quotes from Anne Lamott. I also learned a new term for a broken heart: “There is a Japanese word for this syndrome—takotsubo. This is a temporary form of cardiomyopathy. It can last weeks or months.”
The author’s grief is palpable throughout the book. She says, “My husband and I were like Velcro.” Now in retrospect, she says, “grief is simply love with no place left to go, so we learn to carry it with us.” And she continues, “Despite carrying it in shattered pieces, I’ve found friendships to fill a different space in my heart. These are the people who make me feel alive, make me smile, and give my life a fulfilling meaning. No, it doesn’t mean my heart is any less broken or that I don’t still cry for my husband. But it’s a giant leap from where I was in the depths of my grief, when I didn’t care about anything anymore.” So, she began with “baby steps, with the goal of learning to walk steadily in our own brand-new shoes.”
As I read D. G. Kaye’s heartfelt memoir, it struck me that losing a spouse may be physically equivalent to having major surgery without anesthesia. I applaud the author for her courage to write this book, one that will encourage others who will walk a similar path with a spouse or other loved one.
The author admits that she “longed for a familiarity that becomes akin to the feeling of tucking ourselves under a blanket of comfort, but it eludes us.” She continues with a discussion of her experience of anticipatory grief, a limbo between life and death. In the section on fog, shock, denial, numbness, she says “I would equate this phase with someone going through a traumatic situation and blanking out, mercifully, to distance her physical self from her brain.”
Every chapter is headed with an epigraph, like this one in the chapter on Triggers and Guilt: “Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion to death.” — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, known for outlining the stages of grief. D. G. Kaye coined a new word, “griefdom,” to capture the all-encompassing state of grief, the realm where sorrow reigns and mourners dwell. Another epigraph I noticed was this one: “I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief.” — C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed.
D. G. Kaye’s memoir discusses a sad topic, but her references to other authors perks things up like quotes from Anne Lamott. I also learned a new term for a broken heart: “There is a Japanese word for this syndrome—takotsubo. This is a temporary form of cardiomyopathy. It can last weeks or months.”
The author’s grief is palpable throughout the book. She says, “My husband and I were like Velcro.” Now in retrospect, she says, “grief is simply love with no place left to go, so we learn to carry it with us.” And she continues, “Despite carrying it in shattered pieces, I’ve found friendships to fill a different space in my heart. These are the people who make me feel alive, make me smile, and give my life a fulfilling meaning. No, it doesn’t mean my heart is any less broken or that I don’t still cry for my husband. But it’s a giant leap from where I was in the depths of my grief, when I didn’t care about anything anymore.” So, she began with “baby steps, with the goal of learning to walk steadily in our own brand-new shoes.”
As I read D. G. Kaye’s heartfelt memoir, it struck me that losing a spouse may be physically equivalent to having major surgery without anesthesia. I applaud the author for her courage to write this book, one that will encourage others who will walk a similar path with a spouse or other loved one.
January 13, 2026
I've had this book for a while and put off reading it because of fear. I lost my husband sixteen years ago and one thing I know for sure is we never stop living in some state of grief, although it changes over time.
As the author points out in her book, anything can trigger that deep hurt and we never really know what it will be. It can be a photo, a song, or even just a thought.
But I found, by reading this book, that I am not alone in my feelings. They are validated. While there is no way to ever get over the loss of a spouse, there are ways to get through it and keep living and that is what the author shares from her own experience. I saved a couple of quotes from the book as they really hit home to me.
"When the mind is steeped in grief, nothing else feels like it matters."
This is so true.
Then moving forward, alone, in this state of grief is an entirely difficult task. The author has this to say:
"Adapting to a new life is hard work, emotionally, and mentally. Putting ourselves back into the land of the living is a big step that is beneficial to us all, but no easy task. So, we begin with baby steps, with the goal of learning to walk steadily in our own brand new shoes..."
If you've experienced a loss so devastating you've forgotten how to breathe, I highly recommend this book to help you find your way. Again, the author writes from experience, not from theories and it is raw honesty.
As the author points out in her book, anything can trigger that deep hurt and we never really know what it will be. It can be a photo, a song, or even just a thought.
But I found, by reading this book, that I am not alone in my feelings. They are validated. While there is no way to ever get over the loss of a spouse, there are ways to get through it and keep living and that is what the author shares from her own experience. I saved a couple of quotes from the book as they really hit home to me.
"When the mind is steeped in grief, nothing else feels like it matters."
This is so true.
Then moving forward, alone, in this state of grief is an entirely difficult task. The author has this to say:
"Adapting to a new life is hard work, emotionally, and mentally. Putting ourselves back into the land of the living is a big step that is beneficial to us all, but no easy task. So, we begin with baby steps, with the goal of learning to walk steadily in our own brand new shoes..."
If you've experienced a loss so devastating you've forgotten how to breathe, I highly recommend this book to help you find your way. Again, the author writes from experience, not from theories and it is raw honesty.
November 28, 2025
The death of a loved one, especially if it’s a soul mate, is a subject I don’t like to think about. I wouldn’t usually read books on this subject, but I’ve read this author and knew it would be handled well. I wasn’t wrong; this was a quick read but had a lot of depth. Ms. Kaye was open and honest with her feelings, and I could see myself reacting in several of the same ways. Everyone loses someone they love and will have to deal with the grief that follows. Most shy away from thinking about the death of a loved one, much less know how to comfort one who contends with it. This book opens a dialogue and lets the reader know that no one is alone through the process; there is support and help, but sometimes we just need to feel what we are feeling. I know it is healing to write, but reading it can be equally healing. After closing the book, I take away the author’s journey and know that when I need this insight, it will be there, waiting. This is a book I can easily recommend.
November 16, 2025
This book about grief is based on the author’s research and her personal experience after the death of her beloved husband. It adds another perspective to the broad array of books exploring a difficult journey that the vast majority of us will someday take, often more than once. It’s well worth the read.
My professional career was in counseling, specifically grief counseling, and specifically for children who were losing or had lost someone important. Kaye was clear that her advice reflects the experience of someone who lost a spouse, and I appreciated that she wrote many times that each grief experience is different, based on the relationship with the deceased, the circumstances of the death, one’s personality and coping skills, support systems, and other factors.
At the same time, experiences overlap, and the author shared her personal struggle, which many grievers will identify with. The book addresses the crazy-making experiences of loss: the well-known stages, emotional reactions, and triggers. She also dives into lesser-discussed topics of loss of identity, vanishing support systems, distractions, self-medicating, and boundaries. Death is a subject many people struggle with; therefore, the author’s advice on how to best support a grieving person was extremely valuable.
Finally, Kaye shares the gradual process of moving forward, making healthy choices, and forging a new life with grief as a companion. A highly recommended read for those seeking information for themselves, their loved ones, and the grievers in their lives.
My professional career was in counseling, specifically grief counseling, and specifically for children who were losing or had lost someone important. Kaye was clear that her advice reflects the experience of someone who lost a spouse, and I appreciated that she wrote many times that each grief experience is different, based on the relationship with the deceased, the circumstances of the death, one’s personality and coping skills, support systems, and other factors.
At the same time, experiences overlap, and the author shared her personal struggle, which many grievers will identify with. The book addresses the crazy-making experiences of loss: the well-known stages, emotional reactions, and triggers. She also dives into lesser-discussed topics of loss of identity, vanishing support systems, distractions, self-medicating, and boundaries. Death is a subject many people struggle with; therefore, the author’s advice on how to best support a grieving person was extremely valuable.
Finally, Kaye shares the gradual process of moving forward, making healthy choices, and forging a new life with grief as a companion. A highly recommended read for those seeking information for themselves, their loved ones, and the grievers in their lives.
November 6, 2025
One of the frequent pieces of advice that writers are often given is, "Write what you know." Author D.G. Kaye does that in her moving memoir of her very personal experience in dealing with grief following the death of her husband, a man she was married to for more than 20 years. As if losing her husband wasn't enough, she shares her anger and frustration that this took place during the period when hospitals were packed with Covid patients. She sensed something was wrong, but she could not admit her husband to the overcrowded hospitals. While the author shares her journey, she makes the point that everyone grieves differently. She takes us through the stage of anticipatory grief, the experience of knowing your loved one is about to die without wanting to acknowledge it to oneself or others. Kaye compares it to being on autopilot, focusing all of her energy on caring for her husband. She experiences shock, denial, numbness, and partial acceptance, while still experiencing grief years later. Her grief comes and goes, often triggered by everyday things that refresh memories of her husband. One excellent example she provides is shopping at the grocery store, walking by the foods she used to pick up for her husband.
One of the points that struck me was how some of her family and closest friends distanced themselves from her. Kaye understandably wrestles with this, thinking that perhaps people avoid her because they don't know what to say. She makes the critical point that grievers just want others to be present and to listen rather than to offer unsolicited advice.
Another important experience that Kaye shares is that while many people don't like to discuss death and a loved one's final wishes ahead of time, it's essential to do that rather than immediately before a loved one's death.
The first year after her husband's death was especially difficult. The author writes about not taking care of herself and remaining in isolation until her health began to suffer. After that exceptionally challenging year, she makes healthy changes to lessen her grief by finding new friends at the gym, writing about her feelings, and connecting more with others through blogging and in person. She is reluctant to move into the acceptance stage because by doing that it would seem she's not being loyal to the man she loved.
Sadly, while Kaye was writing this book, she experiences another grief-altering moment, when her best friend dies. She simultaneously has to process these losses at the same time.
I recommend this book not only for grievers, who will likely recognize some of the same feelings they're going through, but for those who have friends who have recently lost someone close.
One of the points that struck me was how some of her family and closest friends distanced themselves from her. Kaye understandably wrestles with this, thinking that perhaps people avoid her because they don't know what to say. She makes the critical point that grievers just want others to be present and to listen rather than to offer unsolicited advice.
Another important experience that Kaye shares is that while many people don't like to discuss death and a loved one's final wishes ahead of time, it's essential to do that rather than immediately before a loved one's death.
The first year after her husband's death was especially difficult. The author writes about not taking care of herself and remaining in isolation until her health began to suffer. After that exceptionally challenging year, she makes healthy changes to lessen her grief by finding new friends at the gym, writing about her feelings, and connecting more with others through blogging and in person. She is reluctant to move into the acceptance stage because by doing that it would seem she's not being loyal to the man she loved.
Sadly, while Kaye was writing this book, she experiences another grief-altering moment, when her best friend dies. She simultaneously has to process these losses at the same time.
I recommend this book not only for grievers, who will likely recognize some of the same feelings they're going through, but for those who have friends who have recently lost someone close.
October 20, 2025
This is an excellent book and one that’s perfect for those who’ve recently lost a loved one as well as anyone who knows someone like this and needs advice on ways to respond to grief.
The author was so finely attuned to her husband that she knew, when on a vacation, that something was physically wrong with him and arranged an immediate hospital appointment for when they returned. Tragically, Covid struck and he was unable to see anyone until it ‘was too late to do anything to save him. The ensuing flame of rage still burns within me’.
She stresses that every grief is different, but that there is much to share and learn from each other. Connection and companionship are essential to help with the grieving process.
This is a frank and honest account about coping with the different stages of grief that can come in any order and randomly repeat. As she says. ‘We don’t escalate through stages as though we’re passing an exam and will one day graduate. Grief never ends. We only learn how to adjust to it’.
There is an explanation of anticipatory grief when you know that your loved one is dying, but you push it to one side because you need to be strong and supportive.
There’s also an account of building anxiety because everything is different, from buying groceries, cooking for one, and dealing with the things that your partner always handled.
This isn’t a book that glosses over grief and tells you to ‘get over it’. The author writes that there is ‘No time limit to grief’, but she does offer comfort: ‘Grief may eventually come down to a slow simmer rather than constantly bubbling over’. There is also sage advice on how to stop merely existing, look after oneself and enjoy life again.
This is a powerful, moving, helpful and comforting book. It should be on everyone’s bookshelf.
The author was so finely attuned to her husband that she knew, when on a vacation, that something was physically wrong with him and arranged an immediate hospital appointment for when they returned. Tragically, Covid struck and he was unable to see anyone until it ‘was too late to do anything to save him. The ensuing flame of rage still burns within me’.
She stresses that every grief is different, but that there is much to share and learn from each other. Connection and companionship are essential to help with the grieving process.
This is a frank and honest account about coping with the different stages of grief that can come in any order and randomly repeat. As she says. ‘We don’t escalate through stages as though we’re passing an exam and will one day graduate. Grief never ends. We only learn how to adjust to it’.
There is an explanation of anticipatory grief when you know that your loved one is dying, but you push it to one side because you need to be strong and supportive.
There’s also an account of building anxiety because everything is different, from buying groceries, cooking for one, and dealing with the things that your partner always handled.
This isn’t a book that glosses over grief and tells you to ‘get over it’. The author writes that there is ‘No time limit to grief’, but she does offer comfort: ‘Grief may eventually come down to a slow simmer rather than constantly bubbling over’. There is also sage advice on how to stop merely existing, look after oneself and enjoy life again.
This is a powerful, moving, helpful and comforting book. It should be on everyone’s bookshelf.
October 22, 2025
5 Stars
Reading this very informative book, I can tell that D.G Kaye's anger and grief at the death of her beloved husband is still raw. His decline because of Stage IV cancer happened during Covid lockdown and was not noticed by doctors, even though Kaye took him to all his medical appointments. Such neglect by the medical profession leaves me absolutely speechless, and I can only guess at how much pent-up anger she still suffers.
Left alone and bereft, she finds that some friends and family desert her when she is at her most vulnerable. It takes her over a year to dig herself even halfway out of her well of grief and start to take care of herself again. When the initial fog of grief lifts a little more, she realises that to save her sanity she must get out into the world again and make new friends. She moves into a smaller apartment, joins a gym, and tries hard to get some form of social life again.
D.G Kaye's experience reminds me very much of my mother's grief after losing Dad. She also found that people stopped calling, unsure of what to say or do. Mum clung to me, but I was too young to give her any kind of solace. She was a 'people' person; she learned to drive and joined various clubs and lunch clubs. In time she overcame her loneliness and found new friends.
However, everyone copes with grief in a different way. This fairly short but informative book gives hope to the bereaved that it is possible to move forward after the death of a loved one, but it takes time to accept the loss. Our niece is still in shock 18 months after her 20 year-old-son took his own life. His bedroom stays just as he left it, in a kind of shrine. For me that isn't good, but at the moment that's the only way his mother can cope. Grief hits all of us at some point in our lives, and the harder we love, the harder it will hit us.
A recommended 5 star read.
Reading this very informative book, I can tell that D.G Kaye's anger and grief at the death of her beloved husband is still raw. His decline because of Stage IV cancer happened during Covid lockdown and was not noticed by doctors, even though Kaye took him to all his medical appointments. Such neglect by the medical profession leaves me absolutely speechless, and I can only guess at how much pent-up anger she still suffers.
Left alone and bereft, she finds that some friends and family desert her when she is at her most vulnerable. It takes her over a year to dig herself even halfway out of her well of grief and start to take care of herself again. When the initial fog of grief lifts a little more, she realises that to save her sanity she must get out into the world again and make new friends. She moves into a smaller apartment, joins a gym, and tries hard to get some form of social life again.
D.G Kaye's experience reminds me very much of my mother's grief after losing Dad. She also found that people stopped calling, unsure of what to say or do. Mum clung to me, but I was too young to give her any kind of solace. She was a 'people' person; she learned to drive and joined various clubs and lunch clubs. In time she overcame her loneliness and found new friends.
However, everyone copes with grief in a different way. This fairly short but informative book gives hope to the bereaved that it is possible to move forward after the death of a loved one, but it takes time to accept the loss. Our niece is still in shock 18 months after her 20 year-old-son took his own life. His bedroom stays just as he left it, in a kind of shrine. For me that isn't good, but at the moment that's the only way his mother can cope. Grief hits all of us at some point in our lives, and the harder we love, the harder it will hit us.
A recommended 5 star read.
October 16, 2025
The author writes about her journey of grieving, sharing how profoundly challenging the loss of her beloved husband was. She felt anger, confusion, guilt, and fear, and so many other things. He was her best friend, a loving partner, the love of her life. Grief is an emotional rollercoaster. You could feel her heartache and loneliness, feeling an emptiness that gave her sleepless nights, all these changes from grief.
The author's thoughts on mental fog and the void that comes with losing a loved one are hard to grasp. Sharing her experience will heal her broken heart. She feels incomplete, disconnected, bound in her home, sobbing, and can't be with people for the moment. I could relate to the grieving process; it's different for individuals, but yet the same.
I know her pain and anguish, losing my own son; everything she wrote was familiar, and the sorrow of her words made me feel I wasn't alone.
No one can truly understand until you've gone through this journey. The heatbreak never disappears; it's as if your shadow becomes your darkness, the author writes in the book. I believe the memories will continue to make her strong and healthy. Life is harsh in many aspects. The experience and her words will help others, and discussing self-care is crucial; it's a vital part of the healing process.
The wisdom of her words matters; it strengthens and transforms into thoughtfulness, kindness, and helpful support to others. I'm glad to read this extraordinary book. I wholeheartedly advise buying a copy.
The author's thoughts on mental fog and the void that comes with losing a loved one are hard to grasp. Sharing her experience will heal her broken heart. She feels incomplete, disconnected, bound in her home, sobbing, and can't be with people for the moment. I could relate to the grieving process; it's different for individuals, but yet the same.
I know her pain and anguish, losing my own son; everything she wrote was familiar, and the sorrow of her words made me feel I wasn't alone.
No one can truly understand until you've gone through this journey. The heatbreak never disappears; it's as if your shadow becomes your darkness, the author writes in the book. I believe the memories will continue to make her strong and healthy. Life is harsh in many aspects. The experience and her words will help others, and discussing self-care is crucial; it's a vital part of the healing process.
The wisdom of her words matters; it strengthens and transforms into thoughtfulness, kindness, and helpful support to others. I'm glad to read this extraordinary book. I wholeheartedly advise buying a copy.
October 20, 2025
A journey through grief is a torture that can never be explained yet Kaye gathers the strength to talk about it, as it is cathartic; it provides inner strength and gives a reassurance that grief may be personal but not individualistic. Grief changes us, it alters our life and we wonder where are the friends and family who disappear after the funeral. It is a deserted path and we have to traverse it alone. “Grief never leaves, it just finds its way into a comfortable spot within.” I could relate to these words of the author. We have to learn to live with it.
In this book, Kaye calls grief “a disease” and urges grievers to pay attention to their health. They should get out and go for a walk, talk to people, as human connection at such a time is extremely important. We may be sad and unmotivated, but we have to take up some activity to get out of the darkness, and find a new way of living. Another meaningful advice is that It is better to face the grief demons than become susceptible to addiction of any sort.
Real Stages of Grief may be different for each griever; we may seek a comforting hand, but solace eventually comes from within. “It is not words we need in our hours of grief; it’s an ear and hugs,” says Kaye. However, she warns against scammers and lurkers who want to be friends with you. “Beware of sob stories from those seeking financial gain.” Many more significant aspects of grief, and ways of emerging from those dark alleys have been shared in this book.
In this book, Kaye calls grief “a disease” and urges grievers to pay attention to their health. They should get out and go for a walk, talk to people, as human connection at such a time is extremely important. We may be sad and unmotivated, but we have to take up some activity to get out of the darkness, and find a new way of living. Another meaningful advice is that It is better to face the grief demons than become susceptible to addiction of any sort.
Real Stages of Grief may be different for each griever; we may seek a comforting hand, but solace eventually comes from within. “It is not words we need in our hours of grief; it’s an ear and hugs,” says Kaye. However, she warns against scammers and lurkers who want to be friends with you. “Beware of sob stories from those seeking financial gain.” Many more significant aspects of grief, and ways of emerging from those dark alleys have been shared in this book.
October 27, 2025
D G Kaye lost her beloved husband to cancer in spring 2021, and she has written here about much that she has been through during his illness and since.
The blurb says 'I write not only for those who are grieving, but also for the ones who walk beside them—for the friends, family, and witnesses to heartbreak—so they might understand, even a little, what it means to live with loss', and she's achieved that in spades - DG is so open about her emotions that it made me want to go round and hold her hand. Could be that I found it so because it's something anyone who has a long and happy marriage dreads, especially as we get older; I could feel her pain all the way through it - and I felt angry on her behalf, too, about how the situation was exacerbated by the 'Covid' fiasco.
The book is divided into many short chapters, delving into so many aspects of loss - emotional, practical, health, social, keeping yourself safe, the zigzagging between coping and not coping, distraction mechanisms, dangers and acceptance of sorts. Her writing is so honest and I can see how much thought has gone into the structure. It's not a long book, and is very easy to read.
I hope it helped DG to write this, in some way - if nothing else, she should be assured that this is bound to help others, if it hasn't already. Buy it for anyone who is going through this, read it yourself if someone close to you is suffering.
The blurb says 'I write not only for those who are grieving, but also for the ones who walk beside them—for the friends, family, and witnesses to heartbreak—so they might understand, even a little, what it means to live with loss', and she's achieved that in spades - DG is so open about her emotions that it made me want to go round and hold her hand. Could be that I found it so because it's something anyone who has a long and happy marriage dreads, especially as we get older; I could feel her pain all the way through it - and I felt angry on her behalf, too, about how the situation was exacerbated by the 'Covid' fiasco.
The book is divided into many short chapters, delving into so many aspects of loss - emotional, practical, health, social, keeping yourself safe, the zigzagging between coping and not coping, distraction mechanisms, dangers and acceptance of sorts. Her writing is so honest and I can see how much thought has gone into the structure. It's not a long book, and is very easy to read.
I hope it helped DG to write this, in some way - if nothing else, she should be assured that this is bound to help others, if it hasn't already. Buy it for anyone who is going through this, read it yourself if someone close to you is suffering.
October 28, 2025
“We are different people now. We have to find a new way of living.”
Books on grief written by professionals in the field can sometimes come across as ‘technical’ and rather cold and analytical – after all, not all psychologists and analysts will have been through a serious grieving process, and hence their experiences are at one remove (or, worse, maybe even just academically-based). On the other hand, books written by those of a non-professional calling can be too deeply personal and specific to have a more general application. It’s a tightrope in other words, but one which the author navigates adroitly.
Ms Kaye here reveals her experiences of coping with the loss of her life partner and her search for her ‘tribe’ – those who have suffered similarly and who ‘understand’. She doesn’t hold back, but neither does she deluge you with misery. The narrative style is accessible, the journey engaging and full of pointers as to what she found most useful in dealing with the aftermath. Structured, yet both human and humane. As the author says:
“I have discovered that grief is just something we can’t explain to anyone who has never endured it. My own search for like-minded people living this same journey, those of us who have worn the shoes, has revealed to me that we have much to share and learn from one another.”
If you find yourself in the author’s situation, this is a book that will offer both comfort and the knowledge that you are not alone.
Books on grief written by professionals in the field can sometimes come across as ‘technical’ and rather cold and analytical – after all, not all psychologists and analysts will have been through a serious grieving process, and hence their experiences are at one remove (or, worse, maybe even just academically-based). On the other hand, books written by those of a non-professional calling can be too deeply personal and specific to have a more general application. It’s a tightrope in other words, but one which the author navigates adroitly.
Ms Kaye here reveals her experiences of coping with the loss of her life partner and her search for her ‘tribe’ – those who have suffered similarly and who ‘understand’. She doesn’t hold back, but neither does she deluge you with misery. The narrative style is accessible, the journey engaging and full of pointers as to what she found most useful in dealing with the aftermath. Structured, yet both human and humane. As the author says:
“I have discovered that grief is just something we can’t explain to anyone who has never endured it. My own search for like-minded people living this same journey, those of us who have worn the shoes, has revealed to me that we have much to share and learn from one another.”
If you find yourself in the author’s situation, this is a book that will offer both comfort and the knowledge that you are not alone.
November 22, 2025
About the Real Stages of Grief is Kaye’s emotionally raw and heartfelt journey grieving the tragic loss of her beloved husband, the love and center of her life. The circumstances of his death and the helplessness of the situation are gut-wrenching. This is not a “how to” recover or steps to follow to feel normal again or the medically accepted stages you will go through. Kaye splays her broken heart and shares the harsh realities dealing with her grief. The anger, loneliness, isolation, betrayals, and life-changing realities that are not discussed or acknowledged in books, that compound her grief and loss.
One important point Kaye makes is that everyone grieves differently, and although there are stages most people go through at some point, they all experience them differently in their own time. Grief never really goes away and can be triggered in many ways without warning, making the grief feel anew. Grief can devastate you emotionally and physically, affecting every aspect of your life.
“We must learn to acknowledge our grief, because grief isn’t a disease we get over; it’s learning to live without our lost loved ones while always trying to keep them with us.”
I can relate to many things in this beautifully written memoir, and I shed many tears.
One important point Kaye makes is that everyone grieves differently, and although there are stages most people go through at some point, they all experience them differently in their own time. Grief never really goes away and can be triggered in many ways without warning, making the grief feel anew. Grief can devastate you emotionally and physically, affecting every aspect of your life.
“We must learn to acknowledge our grief, because grief isn’t a disease we get over; it’s learning to live without our lost loved ones while always trying to keep them with us.”
I can relate to many things in this beautifully written memoir, and I shed many tears.
October 16, 2025
In "About the Real Stages of Grief" D.G. Kaye offers a raw, unvarnished testament to widowhood and the labyrinth of loss. This is not a clinical guide but rather a companion for those who grieve in silence, who seek not theories, but kinship. With striking honesty, Kaye dismantles the myth of linear stages and instead reveals grief as a lifelong, shifting presence woven from shock, rage, loneliness, love, as well as the aching need to keep speaking a name no longer answered.
Written during the isolating shadow of lockdown, her reflections are deeply personal yet profoundly universal. She speaks frankly of anticipatory grief, the abandonment that often follows loss, and the desperate search for signs that love endures beyond death. Her strength lies not in offering cures, but in validating pain: you are not alone. You are not “doing it wrong.”
This book is a lantern in emotional fog: gentle, truthful, yet fiercely human. A must-read not only for grievers, but for anyone seeking to understand the invisible weight carried by those left behind.
Written during the isolating shadow of lockdown, her reflections are deeply personal yet profoundly universal. She speaks frankly of anticipatory grief, the abandonment that often follows loss, and the desperate search for signs that love endures beyond death. Her strength lies not in offering cures, but in validating pain: you are not alone. You are not “doing it wrong.”
This book is a lantern in emotional fog: gentle, truthful, yet fiercely human. A must-read not only for grievers, but for anyone seeking to understand the invisible weight carried by those left behind.
October 24, 2025
This was one of the most difficult books I have ever review. Not because it's not a great book. Because, this book hit me so deeply. From the very first pages of About the Real Stages of Grief, D.G. Kaye makes it clear that grief is not neat, tidy, or predictable. She writes of the seismic shift that occurs when loss enters your life—how “grief becomes our new life companion.” This sentiment struck me as incredibly honest and raw—especially when reading it through your lens of losing your parents, sister, and grandfather to cancer. The book’s refusal to sugar-coat the experience of loss is one of its greatest strengths. Continue: https://writingthroughthesoul.org/202...
February 9, 2026
‘About the Real Stages of Grief’ is one of the most life-affirming books I’ve read in a long time and totally unexpected in a book about grief.
D.G.Kaye reaches into the heart of grief as she tracks its various stages, but instead of the many rather clinical books available, she writes from the perspective of her own deep, relentless grief. It is an incredible personal yet universal exploration of sorrow and the direct and intimate nature of the book is enhanced as the author directly addresses the reader.
‘Grief is simply love with no place left to go, so we learn to carry it with us.’
As the world closed down owing to the global pandemic, the author’s husband became increasingly ill with cancer and she fought for help from the medical establishment in her home in Canada — to no avail.
The anger she felt at the lack of medical provision for everyone else apart from Covid victims is overwhelming and only slowly abating, if at all.
Grief, we learn, is not something one ever comes through, it becomes ‘our constant companion’. The power, warmth and love between Debby and her husband shine throughout the book and defines it; truly a beacon to life and love.
‘Keeping the spirits of our loved ones alive is the gift we continue to give them.’
I was shocked at how many friends drop away after one loses a partner, as if death is contagious! While suffering such deep grief, this extra sudden loss is heartbreaking. Yet, so many do step up to help which is heartwarming.
Perhaps surprisingly, grief begins even before the actual death of a loved one. This is in the form of anticipatory grief and is only the beginning of the darkness and heartache.
With courage, fortitude and insight Debby negotiated and is negotiating the loss of her husband and her book captures the stark moments including the first year of almost hibernation and the small steps into the world again.
‘We learn to carry our broken hearts in a smaller suitcase.’
Throughout, the author stresses the importance of self-care — and one can imagine this is something that would fall to the wayside. As her own health suffered she starts her own programme to reclaim her health, both physically and mentally.
‘When we are in the depths of grief, it’s so easy to sabotage our own health unknowingly.’
One section of the book had me seething. The author warns of the scammers preying on people who have suffered grief, who are living in its shadow, who are often feeling extremely lonely and vulnerable. That others try to and do take advantage of them is unforgivable and despicable. She offers advice on how to avoid and deal with these people and situations.
Triggers are another aspect of grief I had not considered before and Debby writes how she comes upon them at the most unexpected times and of course, during significant dates and occasions as well. Inevitably, this leads to a reawakening of the pain, loneliness and sense of isolation.
Within the book, the author’s advice gives hope through the coping mechanisms that helped her. These include the busyness of her new life, through new friends and old friendships deepened. Just being one of the girls is something she values so much, to be with people ‘who love to laugh and have compassionate hearts’. Above all else, she implores others to ‘just be present’ to those in grief and that ‘an ear and a hug are what we really crave.’
The author’s innate wisdom will stay with me. Reading her words has been like having a long conversation with a close companion, sharing thoughts, experiences, emotions.
I can only thank D.G.Kaye for taking the time and effort to write what must have been an extremely emotional book. Where death and grief is hidden in our society, this book will be indispensable to so many suffering loss or to those wanting to understand it more. None of us are immune to grief.
‘Grief does not change you. It reveals you.’ John Green
*All quotations are copyright D.G.Kaye unless otherwise notated.
D.G.Kaye reaches into the heart of grief as she tracks its various stages, but instead of the many rather clinical books available, she writes from the perspective of her own deep, relentless grief. It is an incredible personal yet universal exploration of sorrow and the direct and intimate nature of the book is enhanced as the author directly addresses the reader.
‘Grief is simply love with no place left to go, so we learn to carry it with us.’
As the world closed down owing to the global pandemic, the author’s husband became increasingly ill with cancer and she fought for help from the medical establishment in her home in Canada — to no avail.
The anger she felt at the lack of medical provision for everyone else apart from Covid victims is overwhelming and only slowly abating, if at all.
Grief, we learn, is not something one ever comes through, it becomes ‘our constant companion’. The power, warmth and love between Debby and her husband shine throughout the book and defines it; truly a beacon to life and love.
‘Keeping the spirits of our loved ones alive is the gift we continue to give them.’
I was shocked at how many friends drop away after one loses a partner, as if death is contagious! While suffering such deep grief, this extra sudden loss is heartbreaking. Yet, so many do step up to help which is heartwarming.
Perhaps surprisingly, grief begins even before the actual death of a loved one. This is in the form of anticipatory grief and is only the beginning of the darkness and heartache.
With courage, fortitude and insight Debby negotiated and is negotiating the loss of her husband and her book captures the stark moments including the first year of almost hibernation and the small steps into the world again.
‘We learn to carry our broken hearts in a smaller suitcase.’
Throughout, the author stresses the importance of self-care — and one can imagine this is something that would fall to the wayside. As her own health suffered she starts her own programme to reclaim her health, both physically and mentally.
‘When we are in the depths of grief, it’s so easy to sabotage our own health unknowingly.’
One section of the book had me seething. The author warns of the scammers preying on people who have suffered grief, who are living in its shadow, who are often feeling extremely lonely and vulnerable. That others try to and do take advantage of them is unforgivable and despicable. She offers advice on how to avoid and deal with these people and situations.
Triggers are another aspect of grief I had not considered before and Debby writes how she comes upon them at the most unexpected times and of course, during significant dates and occasions as well. Inevitably, this leads to a reawakening of the pain, loneliness and sense of isolation.
Within the book, the author’s advice gives hope through the coping mechanisms that helped her. These include the busyness of her new life, through new friends and old friendships deepened. Just being one of the girls is something she values so much, to be with people ‘who love to laugh and have compassionate hearts’. Above all else, she implores others to ‘just be present’ to those in grief and that ‘an ear and a hug are what we really crave.’
The author’s innate wisdom will stay with me. Reading her words has been like having a long conversation with a close companion, sharing thoughts, experiences, emotions.
I can only thank D.G.Kaye for taking the time and effort to write what must have been an extremely emotional book. Where death and grief is hidden in our society, this book will be indispensable to so many suffering loss or to those wanting to understand it more. None of us are immune to grief.
‘Grief does not change you. It reveals you.’ John Green
*All quotations are copyright D.G.Kaye unless otherwise notated.
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