Asperger Love: Searching for Romance When You're Not Wired to Connect

by Amy Harmon

Pulitzer Prize–winning New York Times correspondent Amy Harmon chronicles with humor and pathos the ups and downs of a 19-year-old boy in western Massachusetts and his 18-year-old girlfriend as they work to figure out how to live together. The e-book expands on an award-winning article that was published in The Times in December 2011.

Harmon watches and listens and writes in novelistic detail as Jack and Kirsten struggle to master romance and intimacy the way other kids struggle with math. Because of what is sometimes described as “mindblindness,” many parents, teachers and mental health professionals have assumed that individuals with Asperger syndrome are incapable of, or indifferent to, intimate relationships. The therapies and school programs designed to help them as the condition became better identified have focused instead on academic success, forging friendships and finding employment.

Yet as they reach adulthood, the quest of many in this first generation diagnosed under a broader definition of autism is turning out to be the same as that of many of their nonautistic peers: to find someone to love, who will love them back. With one in 88 American children estimated to have an autistic disorder, how they fare at reaching that goal, experts say, is sure to figure into the prevalence of symptoms that are not part of autism but often come to coexist with it: depression, anxiety, and loneliness.

In Asperger Love, parents and friends of those with the syndrome will learn what to expect of the Aspergian children in their lives. And every reader will discover, again, what it is to be human.

Genres: Nonfiction, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Self Help, Health, Psychology

40 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 12, 2013

About the author

New York Times reporter covering the impact of science and technology on everyday life

Reviews

[jasmine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not sure what to categorize this as - it was a journalist's piece, something clearly intended to not be a book as much as an article, but it was powerful nonetheless. I found myself swooning and smiling like a goof, sympathizing with their fights and struggles,and even feeling a pang or two of recognition and familiarity about some things the two of them suffer from. It gave me a sensation of feeling like maybe people aren't so different after all, that acceptance is what needs to come, not change - although I have to admit that I would still love to be relieved of my own sufferings, personally.

This was as informative as it was adorable, though. I feel like I learned quite a bit about the autistic spectrum and the effect it has on relationships. There were quite a few notable resources offered here, too.

[Jade Lauron · Rating 1 out of 5]

Why are people giving this stars? How did this woman win two Pulitzers? This book is badly written, and I mean B-A-D-L-Y written. It's like the notes for a book before you actually get around to writing the book, or possibly a homework assignment. I would be embarrassed to put my name down as an author to something this unpolished.

Go read something by Temple Grandin instead, anything in fact.

[Rob Hermanowski · Rating 3 out of 5]

This short Kindle single (part of the always excellent NY Times Byliner series) is an exploration of the romantic challenges of two young adults with social problems stemming from Asperger's Syndrome (now called Autistic Spectrum Disorder). I found it to be both interesting and informative, and liked Amy Harmon's writing very much.

[Mary Wanderpolo · Rating 3 out of 5]

While awkwardly written this was one woman's engaging look at the complexity of social relationships for people with Asperger's disease.

[Ed Jakmauh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Uniquely insightful.

Might have been longer. I am curious what the couple may have to say after reading the observations. I liked how the mutual attraction was much more than just physical to my reading.

[charlotte arnold · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thought Provoking


The trouble we have with understanding others is, I belie e, we think everyone else is lime we are are

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short, but informative

[Jen Jenson · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was ok. I had hoped that I would have gained more insight of Aspie relationships. Somethings were quite helpful, others not as much but good to be aware of. The writing was weird. It was dismissible as long as you thought it was written by an aspie, but the moment you realize it was written in almost a shadow reporter type style, you loose patience. Also there is no conclusion, and it has a rapid change of pace and style, as if the deadline had arrived and the author was not prepared. The book was poorly put together and did not flow well at all. I think the concept was great, and had great potential, but missed the mark.

Review needs to be written.
Finished 1 November 2013

[Azra tariq · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good insight on how autism effects individuals lives according to any kind of touch and sexual intimacy. It helps one to understand better on how to recognises some of the the signs that can trigger any ideas to this condition. Other then that it also enlightens one on how they should perceive and acknowledge autistic individuals difficulties during their interactions of any kind and at least be more preserved and patient in their response.

[Sasha Boersma · Rating 4 out of 5]

The original article in the NYT had mixed reviews, with the negative coming in from folks who don't see the AS logic in relationships. This more extended novel goes into more detail, and I hope it helps those understand AS logic a bit more than the original. Personally, I'd have liked to see this as a more extended book, but I was still happy with this read. Gave me a lot to think about.

[Cath Go · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would agree that Autism should be not considered as pathological but most likely, in much more art sense, considered as a different way of thinking. It is like a different perspective to things and what not. Well, hardwired to connect or not, there much more to understand on how human beings love another human being, or anything. Developmental Pediatrics, you getting more interesting.

[Amy Robertson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first read the long form article on this in the NYT. Was excited to see there is a longer version. If you are interested in Asperger's this is very illuminating. A completely engaging read. I feel fortunate that it is available in ebook.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting feature, covering the trials and tribulations of two young adults with varying degrees of Aspergers trying to find love and intimacy with one another, requiring constant negotiation.

[Sean Halpin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was not particularly impressed with this book. The author provides some interesting insights into the two main characters life--yet the brevity of the book and it's failure to delve deeper into their lives left me feeling unsatisfied.

[M.M. Clem · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nice "inside" look at how a person with Autism/Asperger's might relate in a romantic relationship. It's short and doesn't go into a lot of detail but still worth a read, especially for as short as it is.

[Melissa Acuna · Rating 4 out of 5]

An Amazon Short about one couple, each with Asperger Syndrome, who fall in love, and try to maintain a relationship.

[Mike Sullivan · Rating 3 out of 5]

ok

[BookishBitchyWitchy · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very interesting and informative piece of journalistic reporting on how people in the Autism spectrum struggles to fit in social settings and to develop romantic relationships and friendships.