My Brother Oliver

by R.L. Toalson

A beautiful and unforgettable novel in verse by about a boy struggling with guilt as his family reels from the fallout of his older brother’s extreme depression and tries to hold onto hope.

My brother’s not here.
My brother’s not here.
My brother’s not here.
And it’s all
because of
me.

Brooks loves and adores his older brother, Oliver. That’s why it was so hard—practically impossible, really—for him to have done what he did and told his parents about what Oliver wanted to do.

Now Oliver has been sent away. He’s miserable, and Brooks’s family is falling apart. His mom and dad are sad and scared, and it seems like nothing will ever be okay again. Maybe things would be better if Brooks had just kept his mouth shut. Can he and his family find the hope they need to keep going?

Genres: Middle Grade, Poetry, Novel In Verse, Mental Health, Realistic Fiction, Juvenile, Young Adult

464 pages, Hardcover

Published May 19, 2026

About the author

Arnold Adoff Poetry Honor award-winning MG author, poet | THE COLORS OF THE RAIN | THE WOODS | wife, mom of 6 (boys), long-distance runner, tea drinker

Reviews

[Wendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a hard, but important read. I would not give it to my elementary or middle schooler to read. It’s a story that needs some discussion with a parent.

It includes attempted suicide, mental health. Autism, bullying and some more serious issues. It’s definitely something that is happening to a lot of kids today and I think it’s a story that needs discussion.

I recommend, just go in knowing the trigger warnings.

[Jen Nishi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a beautifully written novel in verse. The poetry is fantastic, the emotional thoughts of the main character are very realistic and nuanced. I just loved everything about it. It felt very realistic and true.

[Carrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a heart-wrenching novel about one boy with autism who plans a suicide attempt and the way this affects his younger brother. It’s definitely sad, but not in a melodramatic way.

[Hoover Public Library Kids and Teens · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Told with tension and excellent pace, this is a heart-wrenching tale about the most difficult kind of forgiveness: forgiving oneself." [School Library Journal]

[Balbert Vega · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once in a blue moon you come across a story that makes you feel less alone, because it somehow describes everything you thought was only felt by you and you alone. This is one of those stories.

[Tracie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tired of living in the shadow of his brother, Oliver--a talented violinist who is cued autistic--sixth grader Brooks Rutley stops protecting Oliver from his bullies, and then must reconcile his own role in Oliver's subsequent suicide attempt.

This is one of those books that is so hard to read, especially as a parent—but it also felt so incredibly necessary and important, because Toalson does such a fine job of showing who her characters are and really getting into the heads of middle schoolers.

While some plot points felt underdeveloped to me (singular mentions of Pawpaw and a family cat in the last third of the book serve to create tension that, in my opinion, could have been expressed using the world Toalson had already spent hundreds of pages developing), this is nevertheless a brave and powerful conversation starter of a book that gently and carefully explores the family dynamics of autism—and does so in a compelling, easy-to-read verse novel format. This book tore me apart and made me cry, and then put me back together and gave me hope. It’s one of those stories that will stay with me, and one that I’ll be recommending to fellow parents and teachers.

Particularly noteworthy is that Toalson points out that the standards of psychiatric care are designed for neurotypical brains. This adds an extra layer of challenge for people with autism, as hospitalization causes extra stress by interrupting routines, which they may interpret as trauma. That isn’t something that gets talked about enough, and it needs to be part of the conversation.

[Claire Askew · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The best thing we can do is / take it one day at a time / and love each other / as hard as we can / for as long as we have."

I loved this! It was so moving and such a beautiful, accessible story of mental health, inpatient psychiatric care, and the weight of mental crisis not just on the person directly experiencing it but on their loved ones and wider community. As someone who's struggled a lot with mental illness and needed inpatient care, this was really affirming and made me even more grateful for the loved ones who showed up for me in those times. I really appreciated the nuance of Brooks's complicated feelings about his brother, as well as the author's note about her family's own experiences and the complexity of mental healthcare for people with autism or other neurodivergence. And as heavy as the subject matter is, the book never felt dreary or tedious. Brooks worries about (and loves, and resents, and supports) his brother, but that's not the only thing in his life. Thank you Edelweiss for the ARC! This is going to make so many kids feel seen and help others expand their perception of the world! 

[Tamera Mcmahon · Rating 3 out of 5]

- A book based on the authors family, her 13 year old autistic son making Suicide pact with a group and being in a treatment facility.

-Maybe we all carry secret things that bend us near to breaking. p 101

Brooks wonders why Oliver had to be the way he is; why he had to make them all miserable, on edge, like they lived in the mouth of a volcano that might explode at any minute?

Oliver invited people he believed were friends to a birthday sleepover, but some of them mocked Oliver. Some commented that he didn’t even talk to them anymore.

Brooks, Oliver’s brother, learns Oliver wrote a list of the reasons he should die: no one loves me; no one likes me; I’m stupid; I scares people; I hurt people; I make mom and dad cry. The list included a picture. p 388 Brooks took the information to the office. And Oliver’s and Brooks’s parents have Oliver admitted to a hospital for treatment.

Brooks and Oliver are musically talented, brooks vocally and Oliver with a violin.

Apologies are made, regret is experienced, changes occur.

- Oliver didn’t tell them, so I shouldn’t either. Isn’t that the universal law of brothers? p 161

[Karol Silverstein · Rating 4 out of 5]

Writing My Brother Oliver in verse was a terrific choice to exhibit the raw emotions of Brooks' experience, clearing away unnecessary detail and narrative elements. We are in Brooks' head and heart for the duration, slowly finding out what led to Oliver's crisis and what the aftermath looks and feels like. The story shifts back and forth between present day and the days leading up to "the incident," which helps build tension.

With books like this, there's always one question for me - what might the story have been like told from Oliver's POV? Siblings of disabled and neurodivergent kids will always need great books that reflect their experiences accurately. But there seem to be many more of them than there are books that center disabled and neurodiverse kids. That wasn't this story, of course, and that's fine. But I do think there's an incredible story to be told about this type of experience from a kid like Oliver's perspective as well.

[Kristen · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Brother Oliver is a novel in verse about a thirteen year old boy who attempts suicide and how his twelve year old brother copes with having been the one to tell, the one who set off the incident, who feels that he has to be perfect to make up for his "on the spectrum" brother who takes most of the energy of his parents without realizing. It is an highly emotional book, written from the author's own experience. It is a hopeful book with a happy ending, but there are a lot of feels along the way. It is completely appropriate for older elementary grades on up.

I received a free advance reader copy.. All opinions are my own.

[Jan Raspen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a beautiful and heart-wrenching book to read. It's a novel-in-verse format, and it's told from Brooks' POV. Brooks' older brother, Oliver, has autism and a host of behavioral problems, and the whole family has been barely managing Oliver for a long time. Brooks got tired of always having to be the perfect brother and son and decided not to protect Oliver anymore. Things escalated and Oliver tried to kill himself and was put in a psychiatric facility for a short time. The story jumps back and forth in time to after Oliver was hospitalized and what led up to it, but it's easy to follow.
It's complicated and messy and oh-so-human. Highly recommended for middle school students.

[Zan Porter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brooks loves and adores his older brother, Oliver. That’s why it was so hard--practically impossible, really--for him to have done what he did and told his parents about what Oliver wanted to do. Now Oliver has been sent away. He’s miserable, and Brooks’s family is falling apart. His mom and dad are sad and scared, and it seems like nothing will ever be okay again. Maybe things would be better if Brooks had just kept his mouth shut. Can he and his family find the hope they need to keep going?"--

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really solid middle grade novel told in verse that tackles complicated feelings and actions regarding mental health. Brooks was a very effective main character in that he had all of these contradictory feelings and struggled with where his heart really was, but in a grounded way that I think young readers could relate to. The message of reaching out for help and learning that everyone has their own difficulties is also an important one to impart. Because it's told in verse, this was a very quick read, and I enjoyed all of it!

[Carlyn Morenus · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brooks has always had to be the perfect son. There's no room for him to make demands, or get upset, or cause any sort of problem. Because his older brother Oliver sucks all the energy. Oliver is volatile, on the spectrum, but also clearly dealing with depression. Brooks feels guilty for letting adults know when Oliver contemplates suicide, but what Brooks really needs to understand is that it's really not his fault. A haunting novel in verse for middle grade readers.

[Jen Donnalley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! This is perfect for bookapalooza. Covers a REALLY hard topic in the most beautiful and age appropriate way. And covers the topic of mental health with a new lens - what options are there for someone on the autism spectrum who can't tolerate a change in routine. Excited to get this into the hands of kids!

[Lizzy (reviewsshewrote) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a beautiful, heartbreaking, and important read. I’m so glad a story like this is going to exist for people of all ages to read, but especially for kids the sage age as Brooks who are going through similar situations and feeling similar things.

[Celina Vega · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an ARC copy of this book from an indie book store. This book pulls on your heart strings like no other. It's relatable and teaches many lessons you didn't know you needed to hear. I think everyone, all ages, should read the story of Oliver and Brooks.

[Jami Ellis · Rating 5 out of 5]

All I can say is WOW! This is such an emotional book with real world inspiration. I know the subject matter of this book may be difficult for some young readers out there, but that is exactly why such books MUST be on our shelves. Well done, Mrs. Toalson, well done.

[Tina · Rating 5 out of 5]

So many things I liked about this novel in verse. Toalson deals with the topic of mental health/suicidal thoughts with sensitivity. Her author’s note at the end shows how/why she is able to write of this book with such care.

[Carol Youssif · Rating 5 out of 5]

A compelling exploration of the before and after of an attempted suicide and the guilt those around the person experience.

[Suzze Tiernan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. A wonderful novel in verse about two middle school age brothers. Involves bullying, autism, depression and brotherly love.

[Carrie O'Maley Voliva · Rating 4 out of 5]

The novel in verse worked really well and Brooks was a completely smart and relatable main character. character. I hope this book finds its audience.

[Jude Cope · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heavy, but important.

[Hannah Fidler · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a mother of an autistic child who also struggles with depression, thank you for writing this book.

[Kim Bahr · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot to unpack with this story…

[Vicky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great NIV about Brooks feeling it’s his fault that his brother has to go to a mental health facility. What happened? #suicidaldepression
#bullying #hope

[Emily Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

YA

[Danielle Wood · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my heart - what an emotional read. Newbery material for sure!

[Alejandrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some day I'll talk about this.

For now - 5 stars.

[Ms. Yingling · Rating 3 out of 5]

E ARC provided by Edelweiss Plus

In this novel in verse, Brooks is very upset that he ruined his brother Oliver's birthday. After weeks of worsening depression, bullying at school, and more frequent outbursts at home, Oliver comes across a note his brother has written listing why he should die, with a sketch of how he would make this happen. Brooks has taken the information directly to people at school, who contact his parents in time to avert a tragedy. Brooks is feeling guilty that his brother is in treatment at Clearview instead of being at home, and even blames himself for his brother's suicidal ideation. Oliver's friends have grown apart from him, and are rather mean about turning down his birthday party invitation, and one student, Noel, bullies Oliver relentlessly. Brooks has always been the "good kid", since his older brother is very talented but also frequently has meltdowns, so keeps all of his fear and grief to himself as the family visits Oliver at Clearview in the evenings. Brooks does join choir and drops out of orchestra, which he didn't enjoy, and has some success there. He's struggling a bit himself with friendships. Rocco is still there for him, but their friend Jill has distanced herself because of the mean things middle schoolers say. The book goes back and forth between the events leading up to Oliver's crisis, and following the progress that he makes in treatment while Brooks is blaming himself. Eventually, Brooks is able to talk to his parents about why he feels guilty. Oliver is able to come home to a supportive network of friends and family, and the family starts to heal.
Strengths: There was a very helpful note at the end of the book explaining that this story was based on the author's own experience with her son's suicide attempt, and there is a trigger warning at the beginning, so readers know what to expect. Brooks is an engaging character who is frustrated by his brother's behavior, but still loves him very much. While it is hinted that Oliver is on the autism spectrum and his actions seem to clearly indicate that, it is not stated. It was fantastic to see that everyone who came in contact with Oliver and either heard him mention that he wanted to die (a bus driver), or saw the list (a friend who showed Brooks), did what they were supposed to do and contacted someone. Brooks even runs to the office to talk to an adult; it surprised me the parents weren't contacted immediately. Seeing Oliver in Clearview wasn't easy, but it was good that he was getting help. People do step up to help Brooks, but it is somewhat realistic that his parents don't pay as much attention to him while they are navigating Oliver's treatment, but they do eventually talk and unravel why he feels so guilty.
Weaknesses: We have a well developed program of "suicide prevention" lessons for the students in my school; the state of Ohio mandates that we deliver these. Students are told again and again that if they have ANY thoughts that another student might hurt themselves, they should immediately tell someone, so Brook's all encompassing guilt that he told on his brother and his birthday was ruined seemed odd to me. This hit a bit close to home for me; not all people with suicidal ideation exhibit noticeable clues in the same way that Oliver does.
What I really think: This is a good choice for students who benefitted from reading Bishops' Things You Can't Say or Morrison's Coming Up Short.