If I Don't Return: A Father's Wartime Journal

by Mark Hertling

"This journal was once a gift to our young sons. It is now a gift to anyone who cares to read it."
When Major Mark Hertling deployed to Iraq in 1990 as the operations officer of an armored cavalry squadron, his unit was told 50 percent of them would likely sustain casualties. To him, that meant he might not return home and may perhaps never see his family again. To prepare for that potential outcome, he began keeping a journal, hoping that one day, if he didn't return, his stories and wisdom would be passed to his young sons.
In an army-issued green notebook, Mark began recording his thoughts and hopes for his boys. He wrote of character, leadership, camaraderie, battles, cultural differences, religion, love, fear, and the things he wanted his boys to know about him and his experiences. In unfiltered, handwritten entries, Hertling captured the reality of combat in Operation Desert the waiting and missions, the chaos and courage, the brotherhood and grief, and the lessons of duty and humanity forged in war. What began as a father's private messages became a rare chronicle of leadership and life in preparation for the crucible of battle.
But he survived, returned home, and was able to watch his boys grow into men. Decades later, after both his sons became combat veterans themselves, one of them typed those original pages as a gift to his dad—to preserve the legacy for the family's next generation. In revisiting those original journal entries, Hertling—having been promoted, having served in various positions, and having returned to the battlefields of Iraq over the next two decades—added reflections drawn from his life. Reflecting on various military assignments, then his post-retirement jobs as a cable news analyst, health care executive, and professor of leadership, these journal entries now provide valuable lessons on character, leadership, and service.
Part battlefield memoir, part father's journal, part meditation on the challenges of leadership, If I Don't Return is the story of a soldier who faced death, returned home, and continued to live a life of service.

Genres: Memoir, History, Nonfiction, American History, Military Fiction

350 pages, Hardcover

Published March 10, 2026

Reviews

[Curtis C. MacRae · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good father, a good man

I was surprised his notes to his sons only went for a few months, but what great lessons he provided. A good read and some nice life lessons. Wishing we had this kind of integrity at the highest levels today.

[Bill Gentilesco · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow !!!! Wonderful and heartfelt reflections and insight a young soldier wrote for his sons in the event he did not return from war. I have to admit that I was so overtaken with emotion at times I had to put the book down and return to it later, even though I was anxious to read what was next. The reflections as well as the original entries were excellently combined.
A code of trust and humility for all of us to aspire towards. Thank you Lt General (retired) Mark Hertling !!!!!!

[Peter Tillman]

WSJ's reviewer gave this book high marks:
https://www.wsj.com/arts-culture/book...
(Paywalled. As always, I'm happy to email a copy to non-subscribers)
Excerpts:
"Both of Mr. Hertling’s sons grew up to become Army officers, deploying multiple times to Iraq and elsewhere. (I belonged to the same ROTC battalion as Mr. Hertling’s eldest; he once spent a long afternoon teaching me how to march.) Military service in 21st-century America has increasingly become a family trade—according to Pew, 70% of new recruits report a family member serving before them...."

"Mr. Hertling didn’t return home after Saddam’s defeat in 1991. In the liminal space after combat, Mr. Hertling played volleyball with Iraqi deserters. A group of American soldiers found rotting corpses in the desert that had been left there for weeks. They buried them as no one else was around to do it. Returning from war is never clean nor quick."

This sort of thing makes me eternally grateful that I manged to stay out of combat during my service, during the Vietnam war.

[Fay]

An essential read.

[Gail Sullivan-bertran · Rating 5 out of 5]

I heard an interview with the author and it sounded so fascinating that I went right out and got the book and am listening to it now. UPDATE, I just finished it, it was long and since I am not of a military nature some parts were very dry but it was still very worthwhile to read. After all the whole reason he kept a journal was the main point!! So I listened to all of his remarks that he made afterwards and I agree that it is very worthwhile to listen to and really appreciate that he took the time to write this!!

[Michael McCallum · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great read!

One of the best, if not the best, memoirs I have ever read. Every person who aspires to leadership should read and heed the leadership lessons in this text.

[Bonnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

The humility that he possesses is so powerful for his experience as a US Army General, is truly remarkable.

[Thad Seymour · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those books that I expect to refer back to many times in the years ahead. It is personal, but intellectually rigorous. It conveys messy historical events, with important life and leadership lessons drawn from each. Lieutenant General Mark Hertling is a patriot and a role model, to his family, professional colleagues, and to all who read his insightful words. I highly recommend setting aside focused time to absorb his wisdom, told through a career of experience in service to his country.

This book is a particularly valuable contribution to the extensive literature on leadership. At the core of effective leadership, Lt. General Hertling argues, is trust -- hard to earn, easy to lose. He also provides excellent examples of why values are core to effective leaders and to successful organizations. But, as he sums up, "values only matter when they are whole and lived." Lt. General Hertling has lived his values throughout his remarkable life and we are fortunate that he has opened a window for us through which we can see what shaped him as a respected public servant and leader.

I have known Lt. General Hertling for many years and he is in person the same humble yet impactful leader who comes across so powerfully on every page of this remarkable book.

[Joanne Bollhofer-White · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful insight into a soldier's journey

I really enjoyed LTG (ret) Hertling's journal and his follow on comments. He takes the reader through many emotions as he grows during his time deployed in Operation Desert Storm. He shows that true leadership is based on what you can do not what is done for you. This is especially important during the chaotic times we are living through.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

The subtitle under sells it IMHO. It is the book that every family needs to promote dinner conversations. It’s the book every school principal, counselor, and teacher needs. It’s the book every faith leader needs when counseling young couples. I plan on buying copies to gift to my friends.

Thank you!

[MARIBETH GRAY · Rating 5 out of 5]

so elegantly written

Lieutenant General Mark Hurtley

This a beautiful book all the details.

Job well done. Thank you for your service. Thank your family for their service