i was so beyond excited when this book was first announced that all i could think about was crossing my fingers for an arc. i don’t know how many times i checked netgalley to see if it was there yet. when it finally did pop up in the search results, and i was approved, i may or may not have teared up a bit. as a total nineties kid, grunge chick i could not wait to dive into some authentic, official, behind-the-scenes stories & moments from one of my favorite people from one of my favorite bands—grunge or otherwise.
… which is quite likely why i didn’t take into consideration how deeply emotional it would be to read so much about chris.
obviously, this is kim’s story, not chris’s. kim’s life, his background, his experience as the son of immigrants, and his foray into learning guitar, figuring out the next chapter of his life, and taking action that led to one of the most influential bands of the last several decades. kim always has something interesting, insightful, and/or funny to say in interviews from various documentaries, appearances, etc., both early in his career as well as more recent ones. ergo, i wasn’t surprised to learn he was a philosophy major in college. i think that background fed a lot into how this book was written, and it helped the way the information was presented make more sense.
the best way i can describe it is very matter-of-fact. again, watching kim in interviews, that’s very much his personality. he’s not going to sugarcoat things, but he’s also not going to disclose the private lives of those around him, including, to a large point, his own. i read a lot of fiction as well, so the best way i can explain this point is to say the forming of soundgarden and the trajectory of their career, the highs, lows, and in-betweens, is by far the A-story. the things going on around kim during that time, ie his romantic relationships, the friends he made or had reconnected with from his upbringing outside chicago, is the B-story. this is the perfect book for fans of soundgarden, of the members of the band, of their music. if you’re looking for gossip or insight into anything much more than that, then one, this book isn’t where you’ll find that, and two, rock stars or not, they still deserve their privacy. kim is under no obligation to divulge anything he or the people he writes about aren’t comfortable with, and i have so much respect for him for staying true to that. i see the same kind of balance in similar bands, pearl jam for instance, who want to be a part of their community and make the world a better place, but prefer to keep their personal lives as under-the-radar as is possible for them. i firmly believe that plays a large role in a lot of the bands that have stayed together (or successfully reunited) as long as these two have.
one thing i did love to find out, though, was the amicable split of soundgarden in the late nineties. as kim points out, a lot of the tabloids and media comments tried to make it into some big drama. in reality, they all remained friends. while chris did move out of seattle and get busy with audioslave, the other three members often saw each other, hung out with mutual friends, and even did some side projects together.
there are also some fun tidbits about johnny cash, elton john, and other big players in the rock and roll world. it was fun for me to hear more about subpop, as well as how much true respect the grunge bands have for people like jack endino—one of my favorite grunge co-creators, so to speak. i was surprised to learn that bruce pavitt of subpop also grew up in kim’s neighborhood in illinois, and that they were friends as kids. there are just a lot of cool, interesting connections like that with no other explanation than divine intervention. we’re so lucky to have gotten to experience the invention/discovery of a whole new style of music; so new, in fact, that major record labels had absolutely no idea what to do with.
sometimes the media plays up rivalries between bands in similar genres. often times those rivalries are not, in fact, actually happening. sometimes they are. reading about the true, supportive seattle grunge scene in the nineties from someone who was right in the center of it, confirmed how close these bands were to each other no matter who was more popular, successful, etc., makes the nostalgia that much more special. listening to soundgarden’s music even takes on a new meaning now, now that i understand how some of the recordings of certain songs happened, the frustrations of working with certain producers and the genuine ease with others.
kim doesn’t glaze over what happened to chris; obviously he has too much love and respect for his friend and bandmate to do that. he also doesn’t go into too much detail about his own grieving process, and i don’t think he should be expected to from anyone. it’s not an easy thing to deal with, and no amount of times reliving it make it any easier the next. kim does talk about the day it happened, and it was not easy to read due to the empathetic, emotional side of hearing someone’s first-hand experience over losing someone so close to them.
i often wonder how the people in the actual lives of celebrities feel when they suffer the loss of one of their famous loved one. tens of thousands of people are mourning the loss as well, but none of us actually knew them. i can see it might be flattering, but maybe a bit insulting as well? kim talks about that on a lesser scale, about how fans have this perceived relationship with their favorite bands, the members of that band, despite never having met any of them. if they do get the chance to meet, kim says it can be awkward to not really know how each individual fan perceives him in their head. i am 140% guilty of that, that kind of half-day-dream, half-connection through their music, that makes you feel like you do understand them, or at the very least, can relate.
there were, admittedly, some parts of this book that were a bit more stimulating than others, but it didn’t drag on or anything. i just got excited when reading about certain eras of soundgarden’s history, which i know is much more of a personal preference than anything else. one of the most difficult parts prior to the loss of chris was when soundgarden, on tour in europe, found out about kurt cobain’s death. the whole story of that, again hearing it from someone who knew him, was in the scene with him, felt the loss more deeply than even kurt or nirvana’s biggest fans, was absolutely gutting. yet, almost cathartic in a way? i hope it was for kim, too, to write about it.
to end on a less depressing note, i got a good laugh at the story of how kim “rescued” matt cameron from an aggressively persistent evangelist prior to matt joining the band. i’m not sure if that interaction—as they of course already knew each other—is what directly led to matt joining soundgarden, but i like the idea of a persistent evangelist helping form one of the best bands ever, in my totally unbiased opinion. i wonder if that person ever realized that.
thank you to netgalley, the publisher, adem tepedelen, and of course, kim thayil for providing me an arc of this book in exchange for an honest review. i’m still stuck in “a screaming life” in my head over having gotten to read it early. if you’re a fan of soundgarden, i highly recommend picking it up.