Good Girl, Bad Mom: For Every Mom Who Has Ever Felt Imperfect

by Danielle Dowling

Motherhood burnout is real. So is the Invisible Labor, Emotional Labor, and quiet identity loss that so many Mothers carry alone. Good Girl, Bad Mom is a memoir-manifesto about Maternal Mental Health, Identity in Motherhood, and what nervous system regulation for Moms actually looks like in real life — not on a retreat, but on a Tuesday.

For every Mother who is grieving what she’s lost, simmering with unspoken anger, or trying to find herself again inside you are not alone, and you’re not too much. You’re just carrying too much.

Think Untamed meets Fair Play, with the depth of a seasoned coach, the humor of a Mom in the trenches, and the policy vision to imagine what real support could look like.

Good Girl, Bad Mom is a raw, deeply compassionate look at modern Motherhood — messy, maddening, occasionally magical, and heavier than anyone admits out loud. Danielle Dowling, Psy.D. — a mindset coach and Mom with nearly 12,000 hours of 1:1 coaching — names what you’re actually the anticipatory load, the nonstop mental list, the pressure to be a “good Mother,” and the cost of disappearing into it. This is matrescence in the real the transformation no one warned you about.

You’ll

— Relief you can tender, funny, 2 a.m. stories that say, “You’re not broken — you’re burdened,” and speak directly to Mom burnout and Maternal Mental Health.

— Tools that take Slivers of Self-Care (3–9 minute nervous system regulation resets for Moms), boundary scripts, and language swaps you can use today — in the middle of carpool and dishes, not only if you get a weekend away.

— A bigger what it looks like to Mother from truth, not performance. Why Motherhood is both love and labor. How naming Emotional Labor and Invisible Labor is the first step toward sharing it. And why this isn’t just personal, it’s structural — the Care Gap, the Motherhood penalty, the way culture benefits from your overload.

This isn’t a parenting manual. It’s a love letter, a life raft, and a quiet revolution. Part memoir. Part manifesto. Part movement.

Perfect
— Readers of Glennon Doyle, Eve Rodsky, and Jessica Grose
— Book clubs seeking honest, healing conversation
— Any caregiver who loves deeply but resents how invisible they’ve become

A curl-up-on-the-couch, highlight-the-pages, gift-it-to-a-friend kind of book.

277 pages, Kindle Edition

Expected publication February 26, 2026

Reviews

[Danielle | daniellereadslikealot · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh, I needed this book. It’s so important to acknowledge the fact that yes, Motherhood is wonderful and beautiful, but it is also hard, isolating and thankless a lot of the time. I really appreciated that this book wasn’t overly positive or negative about Motherhood. It was that perfect balance of realism that we can love our children with all of our hearts, but also not always love the job that comes with them. I got something out of every single chapter I read, but Chapters 3 (No One Told Me, But I’m Telling You Now), 5 (Aging + the Feel Good Formula) and 10 (Motherhood is A Joy, but It’s Also a Job) really stuck with me. I really loved how the book also explored the “good girl” tendencies some of us have and how that affects our Motherhood journey (and also our own personal journey). It’s also not only a self help book, but a call for change in the way Motherhood is viewed, not only by us as Mothers, but by society. It’s also very funny as times! This is a book I’d recommend to any and all of my Mom friends. It’s so important to know that we’re not alone in our frustrations and know how to support each other through the high and lows of this thing called Motherhood.

Thank you to Dr. Danielle Dowling for the digital reader’s copy!

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read countless parenting and self-help books, but none have made me feel as seen as Good Girl, Bad Mom. None have genuinely moved me to tears while simultaneously delivering hard data, actionable tools, and a vision for real policy change. By the end of it, I felt like I’d just been on a very productive roller coaster ride.

Danielle says the quiet part out loud. You can love your child deeply and still struggle with—or even resent—the role of Motherhood. And ready for it? That’s OK. Society tells us this is taboo, unforgivable even. While perhaps a little jarring at first, probably because it’s just not something discussed often, or at all, ultimately it was incredibly refreshing to learn that Danielle essentially calls BS on that, politely but earnestly, and in doing so, gives Moms permission to tell the truth without shame.

While her perspective on how little regard we have for Mothers seems obvious once stated, it was eye-opening to realize my own complicity. By accepting the status quo, I've been condoning generations of systemic undervaluing of arguably the most critical role in our society. That realization landed hard.

This book took me longer to read than usual—not because it's dense, but because I found myself dwelling on passages that resonated so deeply they touched places in my heart and psyche I'd buried in relentless survival mode. Danielle’s willingness to share raw, vulnerable moments made me feel comfortable to go there with her. Her honesty helped me recognize what I've perhaps been holding onto for nearly a decade of my own Motherhood journey.

We all know Motherhood is challenging, but I've never seen anyone so clearly articulate the grief of losing your former self—the person you were before kids. Women are taught not to speak of such things; we're supposed to be grateful, beaming with joy – in all aspects of our lives really but certainly when it comes to birthing and raising a human. I loved following along as Danielle takes a courageous, long overdue stand against lifetimes of gaslighting Moms with toxic positivity.

Danielle also doesn't just say "fix your mindset"—she backs up her point of view with real data (mothers perform $45K in unpaid labor annually) and proposes bold policy solutions like the MotherLoad Wage Act. This isn't just self-help; it's a roadmap for cultural change.

I love this book for several beneath the surface, hard to articulate reasons, not the least of which is that it cracked me open in places I didn’t know needed cracking, or maybe just a little readjusting. It is raw without being too heavy. The humor, fun and vivid metaphors and occasional sarcasm add levity exactly when you need it, making hard truths easier to digest.

While written for Mothers, this book transcends that audience. Anyone in a caretaker role, contemplating parenthood, or navigating a major life transition will find truth and tools here. Highly recommend.

[Susie Pettit · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don’t miss this book! It’s a masterpiece and such a timely work.
This is just what so many women need individually and what we need collectivley. Wow!

Grab the audio and then get the print copy when it comes out (Feb 26, 2026) because this is one for the highlighter and your book clubs.
Im so grateful to Dr. Dowling for putting this work into the world. This will help women (and men) everywhere 🌎🙏🏽

[Dani Burt · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’re a mother, you’ve likely thought at some point, “why did no one tell me?”
It always feels like there are so many important things that other mothers could have shared, so we wonder… am I alone in this? Is this struggle my own? Worse even, is it my fault?
We have an idea of what it’s going to be like, right up until our babies are born, and then we enter what feels like an alternate universe… why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like such a failure?

For mothers who understand the desire to embrace motherhood gracefully, becoming a higher version of oneself, while feeling so fulfilled…. Yet instead are left feeling inadequate and lonely… this book is for you, because no one says it better!

Danielle speaks about motherhood the way a tearful friend unloads all of her fears and pent up emotions. It is, FINALLY, the truth about how lonely, frightening, and demanding the stages of motherhood can be, regardless of how much we want it or how much we love our children.
This book dives deep into the expectations we place on ourselves, leaving us never to dare to ask for help, struggling as we barely wrap our minds around the emotions we had yet to experience.

The doctor is in and she’s asking the tough questions!
Questions like, “What does it mean to show ourselves care?”
We think we know what this means, especially as we cross into motherhood, where caring for another being is what our lives are now forever focused on.
Dr. Dowling breaks down how we are conditioned to treat self care and in that the scarcity in which we actually apply it.
But she goes a step further and shows you how you can create an ever-evolving process to understanding what your self care needs are and how to accommodate them. With access to her Feel-Good Formula guide and even affirmations to help you get into the right mindset, this book will help you feel less alone in all of the emotions motherhood has unearthed in you; less alone and more worthy than you’ve felt in a long time!

With tips on how to deal with stages of parenting, how to humble the expectations of balancing parenting and a career, how to be kind to yourself as you age, and especially how to embrace that the bridge between the old and the new self has been burnt. If you’re an expecting mother, there’s plenty of insight for you too!

Warning: you may feel like Dr. Dowling has stalked you, because the specifics in this book will possibly feel identical to your life. It can be startling at times, but I know that these specifics were just proof, every single time, that Danielle gets it - her experiences were so similar to mine, and even knowing just one other person felt that way, well, the world became all the more less lonely.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good Girl Bad Mom is an honest and deeply compassionate exploration of motherhood, not the picture-perfect version we often showcase on our social media platforms. It portrays real, complicated, exhausting, and profoundly meaningful experiences that motherhood thrusts on us.

What I appreciated most about this book is how freeing it felt to admit that motherhood is hard, and a job, while never diminishing the love or commitment I have for my children. In fact, acknowledging the challenges of motherhood helps make the journey more manageable, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling life. Danielle creates space for mothers to speak the unspoken and, in doing so, offers both relief and reassurance.

I found the second half of the book especially powerful. In the early stages of my own motherhood journey, I adapted well to the new experiences (of course sometimes with better ease than others), but as time went on and new challenges emerged, the weight and complexity deepened. The later chapters spoke directly to my evolution, offering insight and reassurance that felt deeply validating. After reading a few chapters one evening I asked my husband how he thought I adapted to motherhood in an effort to ensure I was not only remembering the good times or distorting my own experiences. I appreciated that this book helped me process feelings I didn’t even know I had.

I expect that this book will resonate with any mother who has ever felt overwhelmed, isolated, or unsure if they’re “doing it right.” It helps show that just because something is difficult does not mean you’re inadequate at it.

Good Girl Bad Mom is thoughtful, sincere, and supportive. It feels less like advice and more like a confidant for the journey of motherhood. I highly recommend this book for any mother searching for a truthful, and encouraging, reminder that motherhood is difficult and that is ok.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book courageously explores the parts of motherhood that are rarely discussed: the mental, emotional and physical challenges, the strain it can place on a marriage and the way women can lose themselves along the way. Because these truths are often treated as taboo, many women feel enormous pressure to present a perfect image of motherhood and family life.

What makes this book especially impactful is that it doesn’t just name the problem, it offers meaningful insight and practical exercises for women who are trying to reconnect with themselves and reclaim their sense of identity. I especially loved Chapter 9, The Motherhood Penalty, and Better is Better, for how clearly it captures the invisible cost of “doing it all,” and Chapter 12, Deep End Love: How Marriage Evolves After Baby, for its honest, compassionate look at what partnership really requires after kids.

As a childless woman, I found this book both eye-opening and validating. It reinforced the importance of choice and honesty around motherhood. And it’s not just for women, my husband Matt and I talked about the book, and he said it made him think, “How do women do it?” especially returning to work on barely any sleep and still powering through long meetings and complex material. (His exact words: “Women have balls of steel.”)

I believe this should be required reading for women considering having children, for their husbands and for women who have chosen not to, especially in a culture that so often judges that decision. A truly powerful and necessary book.

[Cheryl Amelang · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book that the young Mama version of me needed. I was in the trenches with a bunch of babies who I loved with my whole heart and soul, but I also wondered why I didn't/couldn't love all aspects of Motherhood. People around me told me that I was "doing such a good job" and that "being a mom is the best job in the world" but something was missing and I didn't even have the time to explore what that was. Dowling separates loving your children from loving Motherhood. Those are two separate things. We can love our children and not love Motherhood and we can voice it and it doesn't make us bad Mothers, it makes us humans. She also gives women permission to exist and have experiences outside of our identity as Mothers. As my children have grown and I've had a chance to think about who I am as a woman, I realized that was what was missing all those years ago - me. I was told that being a Mother was my calling, my duty, my blessing. I was never seen outside of that role. Dowling acknowledges, holds space for, and dives deep into what it means to be a woman *and* a Mother. We get to matter, too. I think this book is perfect for Moms who are starting to look around and wonder what happened to their identity. This book is a road map for new Mothers. It's also for Moms like me whose children are older but still found validation among these pages. It's for the young version of me who was trying so hard to love her children and lost herself in the midst of it all. I'm seeing the light as I've dug myself out, but Mamas out there, know that you are important and valuable and while Motherhood is all consuming in every way possible, don't lose yourself. Let this book help you remember who you are and how to find yourself again if you got a little lost on the way.

[Julie Bawden-Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for every Mom! I wish this book had existed when I was a new Mom--it would have allowed me to let go of the guilt surrounding Motherhood. I'm not talking about the nuts and bolts, day-to-day care--I figured that out quickly. I'm talking about how emotionally suffocating and limiting the role felt on so many days, while at the same time my heart overflowed with love for my kids while I did everything to ensure they had the best care and guidance, and always knew I loved them. Even from my perspective some years later, I found this book to be affirming and so encouraging. To know that other Moms--in fact many Moms--don't necessarily like the job of Motherhood while still loving their kids, made me feel seen and relieved. Because not liking the job of Motherhood is something I think many women endure all alone in silence. This book proves that doesn't have to be the case. It's okay to acknowledge you miss the independence you enjoyed before kids while at the same time you are so glad you took on the sacred role of Motherhood.

[Dr Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

We don’t need better mothers—we need better expectations. In Good Girl, Bad Mom, Dr. Dowling tenderly unravels the myth of the “Good Mother,” challenging the quiet insistence that mothers must be endless in their patience or invisible in their own needs. With honesty and grace, she illuminates the profound, often unseen labor of growing, birthing, and raising a child. This book meets Mothers wherever they are in their journey and offers something rare: a language that honors their work as both demanding, deeply worthy and reminds them they are human first.
And on a more personal level, I deeply appreciated hearing the words of acknowledgement, validation, forgiveness, and appreciation that every Mother deserves to hear.

— Dr. Laura Marie Rivera, Mom of four, Host of the Motherhood Advantage podcast

[ALF · Rating 5 out of 5]

At first, I didn’t think this book would apply to me—my oldest is 51 and my youngest is 46—but I couldn’t have been more wrong. This is a book for anyone who has experienced, is experiencing, or will experience motherhood.
It shines a gentle light into all the hidden corners of doubt we carry as mothers and made me feel part of a community of women I never knew existed. Reading it warmed my heart and soul and helped me offer myself grace, looking back on my own motherhood with more love and laughter, instead of guilt or second-guessing.
This would be a beautiful, meaningful gift for any mom—past, present, or future.

[Jennifer Masci · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me feel so seen in the messy, beautiful, impossible parts of motherhood that no one talks about. Danielle manages to tell the truth about anxiety, resentment, and invisible labor without ever making you feel judged or broken. I kept stopping to underline passages and think, “How is she in my head?!!” This is the kind of book I’ll be giving to every Mom friend who thinks she’s the only one struggling.

[Charlotte Muellers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good Girl, Bad Mom is a fantastic read. Honest call out of all the sacrifices that mothers make everyday 24/7 without societal recognition.

Dr. Dowling calls out what most mothers wouldn’t dare talk about aloud - maybe privately - with good bits of advice to think about along the way.

A great read for any mom who wants an honest (and inspiring) read on motherhood, identity and how she can gracefully grow from motherhood.

[Heather Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I read Dr. Danielle Dowling's admission that motherhood made her feel,

"disappointed by my ill-preparedness, and frankly, embarrassed by it"

I thought,

"Yes! Me too! And why aren't we talking more about it?"

Now, thanks to her book, "good girl, bad mom" we are! Get ready for an incredible conversation led by insight and humor that drives hope and action.

- Heather Campbell, Speaker and Author of "Good Is Amazing: Stop Overstriving and Celebrate Being Enough!"

[Patricia Gonzalez · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a coach for executive mothers, I've seen firsthand how the pressure to be the 'perfect mom' traps capable, ambitious women in cycles of guilt and exhaustion. Danielle Dowling's Good Girl, Bad Mom dismantles these impossible standards and offers something radical: permission to be whole. A must-read for any mother ready to reclaim herself.
— Patricia C. Gonzalez, Executive Coach and Co-Founder, Momarc

[Cassie Leonard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Danielle confronts the overlapping paradoxes of modern motherhood with grace, honesty, and much-appreciated humor. She’s not afraid to say the quiet parts out loud, and we are all the better for it. Blending practical tools, unflinching statistics, and personal narrative, Good Girl, Bad Mom keeps new, overwhelmed, burnt-out, and at-her-wits-end moms squarely at the center of the conversation.

[Rebecca A. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m raising two girls, and this book felt like a deep exhale. It’s raw, hilarious, and wildly validating. It doesn’t sugarcoat motherhood, but it also doesn’t shame you for struggling. I wish I had this years ago.