Whether you love or hate Amis, the sentences he crafts are as sparkling and witty and imaginative as anything, and his pronouncements are somehow uttered with this devastatingly quiet authority of hipness that you sort of can't help but take him seriously. He's the guy at the party you want to like you...
I initially found out about him through my years-long obsession with all things Hitch, so learning about Amis' life and work has been an unexpected bonus.
Check it:
"I said in the car, the hired Chevrolet Celebrity,
-Now no sinister balls, okay?
-...No sinister balls.
-Promise?
-Promise.
My passenger was Christopher Hitchens and I was taking him to Vermont to meet Saul Bellow. We would have dinner and stay the night and drive back to Cape Cod the following morning. Cape Cod was where I spent eight or nine summers with my first wife, and with the boys, on Horseleech Pond, south of Wellfleet...
The trope sinister balls went back to our days at the New Statesman. In 1978 the incumbent editor, Anthony Howard, bowed to historical forces and honorably stepped down. I and the Hitch were part of the complicated, two-tier, six-member committee that would decide on his successor. During an interview Neal Ascherson, one of the three candidates on the final shortlist, came up with the following: "Anyone who resists the closed shop is going to get the biggest bloody nose of all time.' I said afterwards that this was sinister balls, and Christopher, whether or not he agreed (he was, of course, much more pro-union than I was), certainly seemed to be taken by the phrase. So 'no sinister balls' meant no vehement assertions of a left-wing tendency. In 1989 temporary fluctuations- going under the name of Political Correctness- had rigged up Saul Bellow as a figure of the right; he was under frequent attack, and I felt that he deserved a peaceful evening in his own house. As it happens I now believe that Bellow and Hitchens are not dissimilar in their political intuitions- especially in their sense of how America is managed or carved up...As the Chevrolet Celebrity moved boldly down Route 6, I was pretty confident that the evening would go well. There would be no sinister balls...
At about 11.15 a silence slowly elongated itself over the dinner table. Christopher, utterly sober but with his eyes lowered, was crushing in his hands an empty packet of Benson & Hedges. The Bellows, too, had their gazes downcast. I sat with my head in my palms, staring at the aftermath of the dinner-that evening's road smash, with its buckled headlights, its yawning hinges, its still-oscillating hubcap. My right foot was injured because I had kicked the shins of the Hitch so much with it. It would be a simplification to say that Christopher has spent the last ninety minutes talking up a blue streak of sinister balls. But let us not run in fear of simplification. Simplification is sometimes exactly what you want...
The theme of the discord was, of course, Israel. Christopher was already on record with a piece called 'Holy Land Heretic' (Raritan, Spring 1987), where he had adduced 'the generalized idealizations of Israel commonly offered by Saul Bellow, Elie Wiesel, and others'. Much of Christopher's discourse, at the dinner table in Vermont, can be found in this 8,000 word essay, which he wrote, so to speak, as a gentile. And the rest of his discourse can be found in 'On Not Knowing the Half of It: Homage to Telegraphist Jacobs' (Grand Street, Summer 1988), which he wrote as a Jew. Needless to say, it was a point of fundamental, of elementary intellectual honor that Christopher's changed ethnicity should have no effect whatever on questions of political science and political morality. Grandmother Dodo's disclosure had not rendered Israel any less mechanistic or expansionist or quasi-democratic. Christopher would do no thinking with his blood, neither at his desk nor at the dinner table. Emotions, atavisms, would be set aside, while reason- the nabob of all the faculties- went about its work....
Naturally Bellow was capable of a rational- indeed a Benthamite- discussion of Israel, pros and cons. But it wasn't that kind of evening. No, it wasn't that kind of evening. Very soon Janis and I were reduced to the occasional phoneme of remonstration. And Saul, packed down over the table, shoulders forward, legs tensed beneath his chair, became more laconic in his contributions, steadily submitting to a cataract of pure reason, matter-of-fact chapter and verse, with its interjected historical precedents, its high-decibel statistics, its fortissimo fine distinctions- Christopher's cerebral stampede.
Then it was over, and we faced the silence. My right foot throbbed from the warm work it had done beneath the table on the shins of the Hitch, availing me nothing...As I shall explain, I too think about Israel with the blood. But my blood wasn't thinking about Israel, not then. A consensus was forming in the room, silently: that the evening could not be salvaged. A change of subject and a cleansing cup of coffee? No. Nothing for it, now, but to finish up and seek out bedding. But for the time being we sat there, rigid, as the silence raged on.
Christopher was still softly compacting his little gold box of Benson & Hedges. He seemed to be giving this job his full attention. Before him in the silence lay the stilled battlefield: the state of Israel, thoroughly outmanuvered, comprehensively overthrown....In his clef-ish novel of London literary life, Brilliant Creatures (1983), Clive James said of the Hitchens-based character that the phrase 'no whit abashed' might have been invented for him. But Christopher did now seem to be entertaining the conception of self-reproof. During the argument the opinions of Professor Said had been weighed, and this is what Christopher, in closing, wished to emphasize. The silence still felt like a gnat in my ear.
- Well, he said. I'm sorry if I went on a bit. But Edward is a friend of mine. And if I hadn't defended him...I would have felt bad.
- How d'you feel now? said Saul."
And there's the hilarious (to me) moment where Amis fils observes papa Amis busily scratching through the newspaper crossword puzzle, crafted by a guy he knew from Oxford back in the day and who he clearly doesn't respect very much, furiously mumbling to himself "Oh, Thompson, that was so obvious, you, you swine ...."
Gets me every time.