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Rules for Mothers: A Novel
A provocative exploration of purpose under the weight of motherhood
Elly Sparrow’s four small children are clean and cute, and her workaholic husband is a good provider, but she often feels as if her life has been whittled down to two defining mother and wife. She yearns for something more, but what?
When her marriage begins to crumble and her husband moves out, Elly must navigate the challenges of single motherhood while confronting deeper turmoil within herself. As she balances the demands of everyday life, she embarks on a transformative—and at times daring—journey to redefine her purpose and learn to live on her own terms.
Set in the 1980s, Rules for Mothers is a poignant depiction of the enduring complexities of gender roles, motherhood, and mental health. Elly’s struggles and discoveries paint a picture of the importance of self-fulfillment and the battle women must wage to build a life that works for them—rather than one that is rooted in the needs of others.
Elly Sparrow’s four small children are clean and cute, and her workaholic husband is a good provider, but she often feels as if her life has been whittled down to two defining mother and wife. She yearns for something more, but what?
When her marriage begins to crumble and her husband moves out, Elly must navigate the challenges of single motherhood while confronting deeper turmoil within herself. As she balances the demands of everyday life, she embarks on a transformative—and at times daring—journey to redefine her purpose and learn to live on her own terms.
Set in the 1980s, Rules for Mothers is a poignant depiction of the enduring complexities of gender roles, motherhood, and mental health. Elly’s struggles and discoveries paint a picture of the importance of self-fulfillment and the battle women must wage to build a life that works for them—rather than one that is rooted in the needs of others.
256 pages, Paperback
Published April 14, 2026
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
⭐️ 3.5 ⭐️ The weight of motherhood, ohh how familiar it is to me..but set in 1980's. Being a parent can definitely feel overwhelming, draining and mothers often lose a part of themselves in the process of raising the children. It doesn’t help when the dads don’t help & dump everything on the woman. Nowadays most women work full time while simultaneously taking care of kids, cooking, cleaning, housekeeping. Our responsibilities have doubled in this coming age and have you ever wondered why our divorce numbers are ever so high and growing!?
Why do women have this need to maintain the illusion of a perfect life underneath all the hidden, exhausting layers of motherhood? This book is a perfect dive into motherhood and its complexities and I appreciated how the author portrays Eleanor’s life, her responsibilities, her relationship with her husband Dan, her isolation. I’ve connected with Eleanor’s plight—motherhood is a lifelong commitment. It’s demanding and a never ending fight of balance. In 256 pages, the books packs on a lot but also serves as an eye opener to all women or soon to be mothers—to never forget about ourselves, our needs, our rights, our own space and that it’s OK to want MORE out of life. No one is more harder on themselves than a mother. This book will definitely make you feel a little less alone!
Great debut!
Many thanks to NetGalley, Greenleaf Book Group Press and the author, Julie Swendsen Young for an early copy.
Publication date: April 14, 2026
Why do women have this need to maintain the illusion of a perfect life underneath all the hidden, exhausting layers of motherhood? This book is a perfect dive into motherhood and its complexities and I appreciated how the author portrays Eleanor’s life, her responsibilities, her relationship with her husband Dan, her isolation. I’ve connected with Eleanor’s plight—motherhood is a lifelong commitment. It’s demanding and a never ending fight of balance. In 256 pages, the books packs on a lot but also serves as an eye opener to all women or soon to be mothers—to never forget about ourselves, our needs, our rights, our own space and that it’s OK to want MORE out of life. No one is more harder on themselves than a mother. This book will definitely make you feel a little less alone!
Great debut!
Many thanks to NetGalley, Greenleaf Book Group Press and the author, Julie Swendsen Young for an early copy.
Publication date: April 14, 2026
November 26, 2025
This was such a wonderfully written novel about motherhood and what it’s like being a woman in general. Watching Elly navigate marriage, motherhood, and all the stressors in between was relatable and so well portrayed in the pages. There are so many takeaways in this book and I loved how realistic everything was. This book was a therapeutic read. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
an enjoyable read. very detailed at the beginning but the end felt more rushed. I would have like more details.
May 4, 2026
Rules for Mothers is the kind of book that quietly gets under your skin and stays there. I finished it a couple of days ago, and I'm still thinking about it. Julie Swendsen Young takes on the 20th-century mother — not the sentimental version, but the real one: a woman slowly erased by the roles assigned to her, seen only as someone's wife, someone's mother, rarely as herself.
The book's greatest strength is its raw honesty. Swendsen goes to the places most domestic fiction politely avoids — identity collapse, mental breakdown, suicide, and the specific, complicated grief of a mother teetering on the edge of herself. What makes Elly's story so unsettling and so uncomfortably recognizable is that her struggle is internal as much as it is circumstantial. She has her workaholic husband, Dan, and her mother, Millie, who shows up when she can — but no real female friendship, no one to witness her. That isolation is quietly devastating, and it shapes everything.
Dan and Millie orbit Elly more than they anchor her. Which may be the point. Their limitations are not cruelties — they simply cannot give her what she needs, and Swendsen is honest about that without turning anyone into a villain.
There is also a cultural double standard at the heart of this book that it refuses to let us look away from. A father who struggles is sympathetic. A mother who struggles with the same things is something else entirely — something harder to name and harder to forgive. Swendsen names it anyway.
For any mother — of any generation — this book will leave a mark. The quiet griefs of family life it excavates are real, and Swendsen writes them with the seriousness they deserve.
Thank you, NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group Press, for the chance to read and review this ARC.
The book's greatest strength is its raw honesty. Swendsen goes to the places most domestic fiction politely avoids — identity collapse, mental breakdown, suicide, and the specific, complicated grief of a mother teetering on the edge of herself. What makes Elly's story so unsettling and so uncomfortably recognizable is that her struggle is internal as much as it is circumstantial. She has her workaholic husband, Dan, and her mother, Millie, who shows up when she can — but no real female friendship, no one to witness her. That isolation is quietly devastating, and it shapes everything.
Dan and Millie orbit Elly more than they anchor her. Which may be the point. Their limitations are not cruelties — they simply cannot give her what she needs, and Swendsen is honest about that without turning anyone into a villain.
There is also a cultural double standard at the heart of this book that it refuses to let us look away from. A father who struggles is sympathetic. A mother who struggles with the same things is something else entirely — something harder to name and harder to forgive. Swendsen names it anyway.
For any mother — of any generation — this book will leave a mark. The quiet griefs of family life it excavates are real, and Swendsen writes them with the seriousness they deserve.
Thank you, NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group Press, for the chance to read and review this ARC.
April 29, 2026
Many thanks to NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Press for an early copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
"Her mother and Dan were right: Mothers don't leave their children. Never mind that fathers all over the world did this, many of them multiple times, and the Earth kept turning. Dan had called her vile but she wasn't; the rules for mothers were vile."
It is the early 80's in Portland Oregon, and Elly is a young mother of four children, whom she loves, but also feels trapped by. She has a husband who completely ignores her needs and dismisses her labors. (Make no mistake... Dan is an asshole.) Once, Elly had dreams, was free spirited, untethered. Now, she has lost any sense of who she is and what she wants or where her worth comes from, but she wants to find out.
This is a hard, hard read. It is depressing and sad. It is also true for so many women, even women with supportive partners, even 40 years after the book takes place. It is well written and nuanced, and honest even when the author takes the risk that Elly's thoughts and actions might bring harsh judgment from the reader. I had to frequently question my own reactions, checking my own expectations of mothers, even as I empathized greatly with Elly. This of course just emphasizes truly how different the "rules for mothers" have always been, even now, when women have greater financial freedom and fathers are expected to be more active parents.
This a very well written book, and it is brave. I have heard no one talking about this book, and I think it's a shame. It would also make an excellent read for book clubs.
"Her mother and Dan were right: Mothers don't leave their children. Never mind that fathers all over the world did this, many of them multiple times, and the Earth kept turning. Dan had called her vile but she wasn't; the rules for mothers were vile."
It is the early 80's in Portland Oregon, and Elly is a young mother of four children, whom she loves, but also feels trapped by. She has a husband who completely ignores her needs and dismisses her labors. (Make no mistake... Dan is an asshole.) Once, Elly had dreams, was free spirited, untethered. Now, she has lost any sense of who she is and what she wants or where her worth comes from, but she wants to find out.
This is a hard, hard read. It is depressing and sad. It is also true for so many women, even women with supportive partners, even 40 years after the book takes place. It is well written and nuanced, and honest even when the author takes the risk that Elly's thoughts and actions might bring harsh judgment from the reader. I had to frequently question my own reactions, checking my own expectations of mothers, even as I empathized greatly with Elly. This of course just emphasizes truly how different the "rules for mothers" have always been, even now, when women have greater financial freedom and fathers are expected to be more active parents.
This a very well written book, and it is brave. I have heard no one talking about this book, and I think it's a shame. It would also make an excellent read for book clubs.
May 24, 2026
RULES FOR MOTHERS
BY: JULIE SWENDSON YOUNG
I am at a loss for how I missed this Exquisitely well written story on my shelf. I don't know any other Good Reads friends who have read this but I know it starts off at 1983 and although it's hard to believe fifty years have passed, but either the title should be changed, since there weren't "RULES FOR MOTHERS," back then either. Not all men were like the Main Female Character, Elly's husband Dan. I did think that this Author or anyone that reads this is mistaken to think that all men expected their Wives to be responsible for four young children, and to work as many hours as he did, during the 1980's as far back as it might seem. I remember what it was like then, and it just wasn't that different than it is now. I thought both the Main Female Character, Elly acted as if her identity got lost and I agree that it did, but not because she had four children under seven, and those children didn't ask to be born. A lot had to do with her husband Dan never helping out at home, and his working to make Law Partner, and him working to the point that she had no time to have a break. It wasn't as simple as Mothers having children. She decided not to go to Graduate school, and just like during the 1980's there were a lot of Women who had not any less freedom back then than now in 2026. I was a child and if anything Women that have their act together don't decide they aren't sure if they like being a Mother, after they decide to get married to the same type of guy that talks you out of getting a graduate degree. Especially her husband had pursued his education, and talked her out of not needing it since they had seemed to be drawn to one another because she was an English major. English majors never run out of things to talk about. It is printed in text in this novel that when it flashes back in time within the first 40 percent both of them had that conversation about what one of the things he was drawn to. Within the very beginning Elly Sparrow, the mother of four kids is asked by her oldest daughter who is under seven one day while her mother was combing her daughter Jane's hair when Jane asks her mother "if she likes being a Mommy?" The Mother named Elly who is asked that question by her child doesn't tell her daughter what's she's truthfully thinking, but I don't think her, or her husband Dan, liked being around their four children for what it appeared like they both aren't happy spending extended amounts of time around their kids without giving spoilers. I'm going to get to her husband, Dan in a minute. I think he is constantly working as if being around your family, isn't any less if not more of a priority than going away a couple overnight work trips to make Law Partner. He is gone a couple of nights per week overnight every week, leaving her to take care of everything with four kids under eight. I also don't like how her husband Dan insinuates that his colleague Mike will never makes Law Partner because he stays home taking his vacation in days so he can stay home and help his wife, Liz who Elly likes and saw at the Law Firm's holiday celebration who makes it known to Elly, that she is getting help hired to help her out with the kids. Liz's husband Mike helped her by taking days off from work to help and he worked with Dan. I also think that if Elly's husband Dan didn't gaslight his wife Elly, by making Liz out to be what he called, "Loony Tunes," because she was hospitalized for example it must be Post Partum Depression, just like in 1983, it might have been more stigmatized back then, even though the 1980's wasn't the dark ages. I was a child and the oldest and my mother had friends and used to go out for a Saturday and see her girlfriends. The Wives like my mother wanted to work to get some stimulation even though my Dad earned enough she didn't need to. I also don't know about Elly the Main Female Character since I don't necessarily think that she lost her identity by being a mother, because I had two graduate degrees and I loved choosing to stay home and raise my children and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I sound like a broken record but I think there is definitely a loss of identity and there were a couple of early questions raised here was her good friend Peggy who the one day she decided to go and visit Peggy on her houseboat or riverboat her neighborhood friend Mrs. Abel offered her the services of her teenager family member to babysit named Trixie. I should deduct a star since this starts out in 1983, and nobody had spiked blond hair with dark roots and flip flops, and maybe during the 1990's, and so what about her appearance Elly the mother that other reviewers felt so sorry for was bright enough to leave her husband Dan's law firm number at home for the babysitter. I know if Elly was bright enough to leave an emergency contact for her husband Dan's, Law firm because their were no Cellphones during the 1980's so I don't even remember how Elly knew her young son ended up in the Emergency Room while she was relaxing with the youngest child finally enjoying herself. While visiting Peggy on that River boat for Elly to get the alert about her younger son getting hurt. She didn't need to be friendless, and you don't lose your identity over putting your children's needs before yours since I feel my review is all over the place since I absolutely put my children first. I still believe that the title was bad for this novel. Since there's plenty of men that aren't all like Elly's husband Dan since the title implies that the eighties were the dark ages, and I think the few reviews that I read acted like women weren't treated as equals, and maybe you should just read the book since the author would have received five stars if she dated it in the 1950's, but it seemed like her book had two people who either should have never got married, and had as many kids if they were both going to act like it was not a family of two people that had acted like two self absorbed parents that treated each other as equals. Those kids were young and you do put their needs first especially at their young ages. Those kids seemed like both parents didn't want them after they both husband and wife wanted to both act like they were both wanting to not remember that there own lives as parents was to be not a lifetime responsibility. I thought both parents were self absorbed, and you don't decide to act like both of these two did and I thought that they were both self absorbed and I am just highly recommending this book since it was an emotionally difficult but fast paced book that as a debut it was riveting, fast paced and would be a great book club pick. As an older reader I have more to say, but luckily I don't have a husband like Dan, and being a Mother I have not found anything as rewarding, There is a suicide so please know that if you are triggered that you might be better off learning that should be considered to know if that is going to be upsetting you might want to skip this. I had written a much longer review but it is a very complex matter of that I really loved this and I just think it was a fast paced novel that I decided to just say that I loved it, and I wish to say that this was so good that it was never dull and I am impressed how well written this was that I had a much longer review but that just know that it seemed to pack a lot of great storytelling and an Author who I look forward to reading whatever she writes next. Not all women felt like Elly about motherhood because Women aren't all expected to be just a housekeeper and a full time mother without ever getting a break like Elly. If she had more friends like Peggy she probably wouldn't have felt as overwhelmed. There were many contributing factors that one big one is her husband. Her husband, Dan was a selfish husband, and not like most fathers because there still aren't men who expect their Wives be made to follow rules, even in the eighties book, because I remember getting about 25%, and in the the end of the Chapter ended up with asking is Elly a "MARTYR?" Her husband was not my idea of a great husband since he went out of his way to work all the time since I was fortunate and my husband and I both had no babysitters and we both had no extended family close by. We took our kids everywhere we went as a family. My husband didn't mind that I went out with my girlfriends, he enjoyed spending his time with our kids. This is a thought provoking novel that is also rare that this topic is covered so well. I found it unforgettable and amazingly well above most debuts in its ability to be so focused on the plot which most debuts suffer from the kitchen sink syndrome trying too hard to be going into many directions that didn't happen here.
Publication Date: April 14, 2026! Now Available to buy!
A huge thank you to Net Galley, Julie Swendsen Young, and Green Leaf Book Group for generously providing my ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review. All opinions are my own, as always.
#RulesforMothers #JulieSwendsenYoung #Green Leaf Book Group #NetGalley
BY: JULIE SWENDSON YOUNG
I am at a loss for how I missed this Exquisitely well written story on my shelf. I don't know any other Good Reads friends who have read this but I know it starts off at 1983 and although it's hard to believe fifty years have passed, but either the title should be changed, since there weren't "RULES FOR MOTHERS," back then either. Not all men were like the Main Female Character, Elly's husband Dan. I did think that this Author or anyone that reads this is mistaken to think that all men expected their Wives to be responsible for four young children, and to work as many hours as he did, during the 1980's as far back as it might seem. I remember what it was like then, and it just wasn't that different than it is now. I thought both the Main Female Character, Elly acted as if her identity got lost and I agree that it did, but not because she had four children under seven, and those children didn't ask to be born. A lot had to do with her husband Dan never helping out at home, and his working to make Law Partner, and him working to the point that she had no time to have a break. It wasn't as simple as Mothers having children. She decided not to go to Graduate school, and just like during the 1980's there were a lot of Women who had not any less freedom back then than now in 2026. I was a child and if anything Women that have their act together don't decide they aren't sure if they like being a Mother, after they decide to get married to the same type of guy that talks you out of getting a graduate degree. Especially her husband had pursued his education, and talked her out of not needing it since they had seemed to be drawn to one another because she was an English major. English majors never run out of things to talk about. It is printed in text in this novel that when it flashes back in time within the first 40 percent both of them had that conversation about what one of the things he was drawn to. Within the very beginning Elly Sparrow, the mother of four kids is asked by her oldest daughter who is under seven one day while her mother was combing her daughter Jane's hair when Jane asks her mother "if she likes being a Mommy?" The Mother named Elly who is asked that question by her child doesn't tell her daughter what's she's truthfully thinking, but I don't think her, or her husband Dan, liked being around their four children for what it appeared like they both aren't happy spending extended amounts of time around their kids without giving spoilers. I'm going to get to her husband, Dan in a minute. I think he is constantly working as if being around your family, isn't any less if not more of a priority than going away a couple overnight work trips to make Law Partner. He is gone a couple of nights per week overnight every week, leaving her to take care of everything with four kids under eight. I also don't like how her husband Dan insinuates that his colleague Mike will never makes Law Partner because he stays home taking his vacation in days so he can stay home and help his wife, Liz who Elly likes and saw at the Law Firm's holiday celebration who makes it known to Elly, that she is getting help hired to help her out with the kids. Liz's husband Mike helped her by taking days off from work to help and he worked with Dan. I also think that if Elly's husband Dan didn't gaslight his wife Elly, by making Liz out to be what he called, "Loony Tunes," because she was hospitalized for example it must be Post Partum Depression, just like in 1983, it might have been more stigmatized back then, even though the 1980's wasn't the dark ages. I was a child and the oldest and my mother had friends and used to go out for a Saturday and see her girlfriends. The Wives like my mother wanted to work to get some stimulation even though my Dad earned enough she didn't need to. I also don't know about Elly the Main Female Character since I don't necessarily think that she lost her identity by being a mother, because I had two graduate degrees and I loved choosing to stay home and raise my children and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I sound like a broken record but I think there is definitely a loss of identity and there were a couple of early questions raised here was her good friend Peggy who the one day she decided to go and visit Peggy on her houseboat or riverboat her neighborhood friend Mrs. Abel offered her the services of her teenager family member to babysit named Trixie. I should deduct a star since this starts out in 1983, and nobody had spiked blond hair with dark roots and flip flops, and maybe during the 1990's, and so what about her appearance Elly the mother that other reviewers felt so sorry for was bright enough to leave her husband Dan's law firm number at home for the babysitter. I know if Elly was bright enough to leave an emergency contact for her husband Dan's, Law firm because their were no Cellphones during the 1980's so I don't even remember how Elly knew her young son ended up in the Emergency Room while she was relaxing with the youngest child finally enjoying herself. While visiting Peggy on that River boat for Elly to get the alert about her younger son getting hurt. She didn't need to be friendless, and you don't lose your identity over putting your children's needs before yours since I feel my review is all over the place since I absolutely put my children first. I still believe that the title was bad for this novel. Since there's plenty of men that aren't all like Elly's husband Dan since the title implies that the eighties were the dark ages, and I think the few reviews that I read acted like women weren't treated as equals, and maybe you should just read the book since the author would have received five stars if she dated it in the 1950's, but it seemed like her book had two people who either should have never got married, and had as many kids if they were both going to act like it was not a family of two people that had acted like two self absorbed parents that treated each other as equals. Those kids were young and you do put their needs first especially at their young ages. Those kids seemed like both parents didn't want them after they both husband and wife wanted to both act like they were both wanting to not remember that there own lives as parents was to be not a lifetime responsibility. I thought both parents were self absorbed, and you don't decide to act like both of these two did and I thought that they were both self absorbed and I am just highly recommending this book since it was an emotionally difficult but fast paced book that as a debut it was riveting, fast paced and would be a great book club pick. As an older reader I have more to say, but luckily I don't have a husband like Dan, and being a Mother I have not found anything as rewarding, There is a suicide so please know that if you are triggered that you might be better off learning that should be considered to know if that is going to be upsetting you might want to skip this. I had written a much longer review but it is a very complex matter of that I really loved this and I just think it was a fast paced novel that I decided to just say that I loved it, and I wish to say that this was so good that it was never dull and I am impressed how well written this was that I had a much longer review but that just know that it seemed to pack a lot of great storytelling and an Author who I look forward to reading whatever she writes next. Not all women felt like Elly about motherhood because Women aren't all expected to be just a housekeeper and a full time mother without ever getting a break like Elly. If she had more friends like Peggy she probably wouldn't have felt as overwhelmed. There were many contributing factors that one big one is her husband. Her husband, Dan was a selfish husband, and not like most fathers because there still aren't men who expect their Wives be made to follow rules, even in the eighties book, because I remember getting about 25%, and in the the end of the Chapter ended up with asking is Elly a "MARTYR?" Her husband was not my idea of a great husband since he went out of his way to work all the time since I was fortunate and my husband and I both had no babysitters and we both had no extended family close by. We took our kids everywhere we went as a family. My husband didn't mind that I went out with my girlfriends, he enjoyed spending his time with our kids. This is a thought provoking novel that is also rare that this topic is covered so well. I found it unforgettable and amazingly well above most debuts in its ability to be so focused on the plot which most debuts suffer from the kitchen sink syndrome trying too hard to be going into many directions that didn't happen here.
Publication Date: April 14, 2026! Now Available to buy!
A huge thank you to Net Galley, Julie Swendsen Young, and Green Leaf Book Group for generously providing my ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review. All opinions are my own, as always.
#RulesforMothers #JulieSwendsenYoung #Green Leaf Book Group #NetGalley
December 15, 2025
This is an ARC review. Rules for Mothers is a quiet, emotionally layered novel set in the 1980s that follows Elly Sparrow, a stay-at-home mother of four who has slowly lost sight of herself. From the outside, Elly’s life looks orderly and complete, but internally she feels diminished by the narrow roles of wife and mother that have come to define her entire identity. When her marriage begins to unravel, Elly is forced to confront how little agency she has had in shaping her own life and what it might mean to finally choose herself.
As Elly navigates single motherhood, the day-to-day demands of raising children, and her own internal struggles, the novel explores how women of that era were often expected to suppress their needs and emotions. The book thoughtfully examines women’s mental health at a time when it was stigmatized. Elly’s journey toward independence is not dramatic or fast, but gradual and realistic, marked by uncertainty, fear, and small acts of courage.
What stood out most to me was how accurately the book captures the quiet drowning that can happen when someone lives primarily for others. Elly’s story highlights how easily personal dreams and autonomy can be lost within marriage and motherhood, especially in the cultural context of the 1980s. The novel does a strong job showing how societal expectations shaped women’s choices, or lack of choices, during that time.
This is not a fast-paced book, but a reflective and character-driven one that will resonate with readers interested in stories about identity, self-fulfillment, and the emotional realities of motherhood. Trigger warning: the book does address suicide, which may be difficult for some readers.
Overall, Rules for Mothers is a thoughtful and honest exploration of motherhood, mental health, and the long process of reclaiming one’s sense of self. Thanks to Net Galley and publisher for ARC.
#RulesforMothers #NetGalley
As Elly navigates single motherhood, the day-to-day demands of raising children, and her own internal struggles, the novel explores how women of that era were often expected to suppress their needs and emotions. The book thoughtfully examines women’s mental health at a time when it was stigmatized. Elly’s journey toward independence is not dramatic or fast, but gradual and realistic, marked by uncertainty, fear, and small acts of courage.
What stood out most to me was how accurately the book captures the quiet drowning that can happen when someone lives primarily for others. Elly’s story highlights how easily personal dreams and autonomy can be lost within marriage and motherhood, especially in the cultural context of the 1980s. The novel does a strong job showing how societal expectations shaped women’s choices, or lack of choices, during that time.
This is not a fast-paced book, but a reflective and character-driven one that will resonate with readers interested in stories about identity, self-fulfillment, and the emotional realities of motherhood. Trigger warning: the book does address suicide, which may be difficult for some readers.
Overall, Rules for Mothers is a thoughtful and honest exploration of motherhood, mental health, and the long process of reclaiming one’s sense of self. Thanks to Net Galley and publisher for ARC.
#RulesforMothers #NetGalley
April 15, 2026
Wow. That was a tough read. Heartbreaking and beautiful, Julie Swensden Young captures so much of what it is to be a mother. As much as we love our children, it is the most difficult job in the world. Even harder, to not lose yourself in it. The pressures of society, your partner (even if they don't realize they are doing it) can be unbearable. In this book we follow the story of Elly, who is a stay at home mom to four, struggling to meet the demands of her life, her husband and society. She's also battling herself internally about whether this is even the life she wants, or ever wanted. I was shocked to find out this was a debut novel, because everything about it was experienced and so powerful. While maybe not the experience of everyone, I was able to relate to Elly even more than I thought I would, and I know so many mothers will be able to as well. This is such an important portrayal, that honestly I wish I'd read when my children were younger and I was in the thick of it, like Elly. Knowing that I wasn't alone in some of the feelings I had, be it her inner thoughts, her actual experiences, the kids' reactions (or lack thereof), could have done wonders for my mental state. It is far too realistic, in that too many women try to do it all without ever asking for help, with or without kids, the idea that men can just choose to walk away and women are expected to just make it work, stay strong, and never choose themselves is outrageous, heartbreaking, horrible (not enough words). This was a reminder of one of the darkest times of my life, but also a reminder of how I survived, and just how fortunate enough I was to have a supportive partner, even if it didn't always feel that way. While I understand it was a different time, and her husband, Dan had a lot of his own issues, too many men/husbands/fathers refuse to acknowledge any of the difficulties mothers face. They truly believe that it's a vacation for women to be able to stay home with the kids. Yet they aren't willing to do the job themselves. They can also just pick up and leave and hardly get judged, but god forbid a women need to take time to work on herself, let alone choose a child-free life. Even when a woman is literally institutionalized she can't be taken seriously, because it's an inconvenience for a man to actually be present. I wanted to reach into the book and punch him so many times. My heart breaks for women like Elly who didn't/don't have the support they need. I especially loved how the author brings in experiences outside of Elly to demonstrate some different levels of not only the stresses of motherhood, but as a wife, and simply as a woman. Meeting and learning the stories of Elly's own mother and friends Liz and Peggy, as well as others along the way, was so impactful. I personally wish there was a little more emphasis on asking/reaching out for help, but I also understand why there wasn't, and how this portrayal is more realistic. An incredibly powerful story of mental health struggles, and what can happen if you don't speak up for yourself or ask for help, this is one that everyone should read, not just women, just be sure to check trigger warnings.
Thank you so much to NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group Press for the eARC of Julie Swendsen Young's debut novel, Rules for Mothers.
Thank you so much to NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group Press for the eARC of Julie Swendsen Young's debut novel, Rules for Mothers.
June 19, 2026
Rules for Mothers: A Novel by Julie Swendsen Young is a deeply perceptive, emotionally layered, and thought provoking exploration of identity, motherhood, and the quiet tension between duty and selfhood.
Set in the 1980s, the novel follows Elly Sparrow as she navigates the pressures of raising four young children while grappling with a sense of personal diminishment. What begins as a portrait of domestic routine gradually unfolds into a more complex examination of emotional isolation, unspoken dissatisfaction, and the search for meaning beyond prescribed roles.
One of the novel’s most compelling strengths is its psychological realism. Elly’s internal world is rendered with sensitivity and nuance, capturing the often-invisible emotional labor of motherhood and the subtle ways identity can become subsumed within family and marital expectations. The narrative does not rush her awakening; instead, it allows her evolution to feel gradual, conflicted, and deeply human.
As her marriage unravels and she is forced into single motherhood, the story shifts from quiet endurance to active self exploration. This transition is handled with care, avoiding melodrama in favor of introspection and authenticity. Elly’s journey is not portrayed as a simple break from constraint, but as a complicated and sometimes painful redefinition of self.
The novel’s 1980s setting adds an additional layer of resonance, highlighting the cultural expectations placed on women during the period and deepening the reader’s understanding of the limitations Elly is pushing against. These social undercurrents enrich the narrative without overpowering its intimate focus.
What makes Rules for Mothers particularly impactful is its honesty about the emotional contradictions of motherhood the love, exhaustion, devotion, resentment, and longing that can coexist within a single life. It challenges the idea of fixed identity and instead presents selfhood as something evolving, especially under pressure.
This is a novel that will strongly resonate with readers who appreciate character driven literary fiction centered on women’s lives, marriage, mental health, and personal transformation. It offers both emotional insight and quiet reflection, leaving a lasting impression long after the final page.
Ultimately, Rules for Mothers is a powerful reminder that beneath roles and responsibilities lies a persistent human need for self definition and the courage it takes to pursue it.
Set in the 1980s, the novel follows Elly Sparrow as she navigates the pressures of raising four young children while grappling with a sense of personal diminishment. What begins as a portrait of domestic routine gradually unfolds into a more complex examination of emotional isolation, unspoken dissatisfaction, and the search for meaning beyond prescribed roles.
One of the novel’s most compelling strengths is its psychological realism. Elly’s internal world is rendered with sensitivity and nuance, capturing the often-invisible emotional labor of motherhood and the subtle ways identity can become subsumed within family and marital expectations. The narrative does not rush her awakening; instead, it allows her evolution to feel gradual, conflicted, and deeply human.
As her marriage unravels and she is forced into single motherhood, the story shifts from quiet endurance to active self exploration. This transition is handled with care, avoiding melodrama in favor of introspection and authenticity. Elly’s journey is not portrayed as a simple break from constraint, but as a complicated and sometimes painful redefinition of self.
The novel’s 1980s setting adds an additional layer of resonance, highlighting the cultural expectations placed on women during the period and deepening the reader’s understanding of the limitations Elly is pushing against. These social undercurrents enrich the narrative without overpowering its intimate focus.
What makes Rules for Mothers particularly impactful is its honesty about the emotional contradictions of motherhood the love, exhaustion, devotion, resentment, and longing that can coexist within a single life. It challenges the idea of fixed identity and instead presents selfhood as something evolving, especially under pressure.
This is a novel that will strongly resonate with readers who appreciate character driven literary fiction centered on women’s lives, marriage, mental health, and personal transformation. It offers both emotional insight and quiet reflection, leaving a lasting impression long after the final page.
Ultimately, Rules for Mothers is a powerful reminder that beneath roles and responsibilities lies a persistent human need for self definition and the courage it takes to pursue it.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
This is a short but incredibly poignant book on motherhood, its complexities, rewards and pitfalls. Those not mothers reading this book the caveat is that this is neither a paean to nor a denigration of motherhood. It’s a brutally honest look into the motherhood choice.
Eleanor “Elly” Sparrow of a mother of four. It’s 1980. She and her husband, Dan, a lawyer, were excited to start their family and then reality set in for Elly - is this what motherhood is: sacrifice, isolation, 24 hours on call, etc.? To answer these questions, Elly’s “aha moment” comes when her daughter, Jane, asks her if she always wanted to be a mommy? This brings up her discontent with her motherhood role, “trapped in her tidy image of suburban perfection” and realizing she’s isolated by the demands of motherhood. We get flashbacks into her life before motherhood and she her as engaged, thriving on adventures and pursuing her life goal of being a teacher. We also see her wonderful relationship with Dan pre-children break apart as Elly grows crushed by the demands of parenting. When she and Dan separate she’s faced with a “fork in the road.” Which direction will she go?
I really connected to Elly’s plight. When your children are young, your first commitment is to them. Everything revolves around them and sometimes you wish it weren’t that way. The conundrum then is how to accept that and still have your own personal identity. In our age of tradwives, Elly’s plight might be viewed as selfish and egotistical but motherhood is demanding and the balancing between self and altruism is an everyday commitment.
I also was angry with Elly as I read. I felt four children who didn’t ask to be born deserved having a two parent home. While Dan may have lost some of his fatherhood purpose too, I felt he was willing to work on keeping the family in tact. But as the flashbacks continued, I also felt Elly’s pain. Sometimes hard choices have to be made and personal fulfillment trips the scales.
This is a very compelling read. It takes on tough issues associated with motherhood and its balance with personal identity. Trigger warning: suicide is discussed.
I’d like to thank NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Press for allowing me yo read this book.
Eleanor “Elly” Sparrow of a mother of four. It’s 1980. She and her husband, Dan, a lawyer, were excited to start their family and then reality set in for Elly - is this what motherhood is: sacrifice, isolation, 24 hours on call, etc.? To answer these questions, Elly’s “aha moment” comes when her daughter, Jane, asks her if she always wanted to be a mommy? This brings up her discontent with her motherhood role, “trapped in her tidy image of suburban perfection” and realizing she’s isolated by the demands of motherhood. We get flashbacks into her life before motherhood and she her as engaged, thriving on adventures and pursuing her life goal of being a teacher. We also see her wonderful relationship with Dan pre-children break apart as Elly grows crushed by the demands of parenting. When she and Dan separate she’s faced with a “fork in the road.” Which direction will she go?
I really connected to Elly’s plight. When your children are young, your first commitment is to them. Everything revolves around them and sometimes you wish it weren’t that way. The conundrum then is how to accept that and still have your own personal identity. In our age of tradwives, Elly’s plight might be viewed as selfish and egotistical but motherhood is demanding and the balancing between self and altruism is an everyday commitment.
I also was angry with Elly as I read. I felt four children who didn’t ask to be born deserved having a two parent home. While Dan may have lost some of his fatherhood purpose too, I felt he was willing to work on keeping the family in tact. But as the flashbacks continued, I also felt Elly’s pain. Sometimes hard choices have to be made and personal fulfillment trips the scales.
This is a very compelling read. It takes on tough issues associated with motherhood and its balance with personal identity. Trigger warning: suicide is discussed.
I’d like to thank NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Press for allowing me yo read this book.
July 20, 2026
Rules for Mothers is a deeply thoughtful and emotionally honest novel that explores the often unspoken realities of motherhood, identity, and the search for personal fulfillment. Julie Swendsen Young delivers a story that feels intimate and authentic, capturing the quiet emotional struggles that can exist beneath the surface of what appears to be a perfectly ordinary family life.
Elly Sparrow is a remarkably relatable protagonist whose journey is portrayed with compassion and realism. As her marriage begins to unravel, she is forced to confront not only the practical challenges of raising four children on her own but also the deeper question of who she is beyond the roles of wife and mother. Her search for purpose is neither simple nor straightforward, making her growth feel genuine and emotionally rewarding.
One of the novel's greatest strengths is its nuanced portrayal of the expectations placed on women, particularly during the 1980s. Rather than offering easy answers, the story thoughtfully examines the pressures of gender roles, the emotional weight of caregiving, and the personal sacrifices that often accompany motherhood. These themes remain just as relevant today, giving the novel a timeless quality that will resonate with many readers.
Julie Swendsen Young writes with warmth, honesty, and emotional insight, allowing readers to connect deeply with Elly's fears, hopes, setbacks, and moments of courage. The relationships feel authentic, the emotional conflicts are believable, and the story balances heartbreak with hope in a way that feels earned.
Overall, Rules for Mothers is a compelling work of contemporary women's fiction that celebrates resilience, self discovery, and the courage it takes to redefine one's life. It is a moving and beautifully written novel that will resonate with readers who appreciate character driven stories about family, identity, and the pursuit of a life lived on one's own terms.
Elly Sparrow is a remarkably relatable protagonist whose journey is portrayed with compassion and realism. As her marriage begins to unravel, she is forced to confront not only the practical challenges of raising four children on her own but also the deeper question of who she is beyond the roles of wife and mother. Her search for purpose is neither simple nor straightforward, making her growth feel genuine and emotionally rewarding.
One of the novel's greatest strengths is its nuanced portrayal of the expectations placed on women, particularly during the 1980s. Rather than offering easy answers, the story thoughtfully examines the pressures of gender roles, the emotional weight of caregiving, and the personal sacrifices that often accompany motherhood. These themes remain just as relevant today, giving the novel a timeless quality that will resonate with many readers.
Julie Swendsen Young writes with warmth, honesty, and emotional insight, allowing readers to connect deeply with Elly's fears, hopes, setbacks, and moments of courage. The relationships feel authentic, the emotional conflicts are believable, and the story balances heartbreak with hope in a way that feels earned.
Overall, Rules for Mothers is a compelling work of contemporary women's fiction that celebrates resilience, self discovery, and the courage it takes to redefine one's life. It is a moving and beautifully written novel that will resonate with readers who appreciate character driven stories about family, identity, and the pursuit of a life lived on one's own terms.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
I picked up Rules for Mothers solely because of its title.
Rules for mothers?
Growing up in a traditional Chinese household meant there were rules for children. Listen and obey, otherwise you get scolded or caned. A young me would have asked this question: what do you mean there are rules for mothers? Aren’t the rules always for the children?
But I'm one, so I kinda know...
There are books, podcasts, endless advice telling you what motherhood is like. But no one truly understands what it is like to be a mother ( NOT a parent, but a MOTHER) until they are one.
And suddenly, the unspoken rules become obvious:
- Child(ren) before self. Always.
- Want time alone? Dare to ask for a break? Do you even deserve to call yourself a mother?
- Out with friends just to catch up, or to catch a concert or a musical? “What about your kids?” As if they don’t have a father.
- Your husband changes a diaper and prepares milk? Wow. You’re so lucky. You have help at home! (WOW I didn't know I engaged a helper.)
Set in the 1980s, the story follows Elly as she struggles deeply with her role as a mother. She loves her children, but does she enjoy being a mother? That’s where it gets complicated.
We see her longing for more freedom, her strained and unsettling marriage with Dan, and her fragile mental and emotional state. Her self-conflicting thoughts felt painfully real to me. Mothers are human beings with needs, identities, and rights. But in that era, wanting space or a life outside the home could easily be seen as selfish, even wrong. To be fair, that judgment hasn’t entirely disappeared. If anything, it just looks different now.
This was an okay read for me. I sympathised with Elly and understood her frustrations, but the overall tone felt too negative for me. I found myself wishing she would find clarity or purpose earlier than she did.
Rules for mothers?
Growing up in a traditional Chinese household meant there were rules for children. Listen and obey, otherwise you get scolded or caned. A young me would have asked this question: what do you mean there are rules for mothers? Aren’t the rules always for the children?
But I'm one, so I kinda know...
There are books, podcasts, endless advice telling you what motherhood is like. But no one truly understands what it is like to be a mother ( NOT a parent, but a MOTHER) until they are one.
And suddenly, the unspoken rules become obvious:
- Child(ren) before self. Always.
- Want time alone? Dare to ask for a break? Do you even deserve to call yourself a mother?
- Out with friends just to catch up, or to catch a concert or a musical? “What about your kids?” As if they don’t have a father.
- Your husband changes a diaper and prepares milk? Wow. You’re so lucky. You have help at home! (WOW I didn't know I engaged a helper.)
Set in the 1980s, the story follows Elly as she struggles deeply with her role as a mother. She loves her children, but does she enjoy being a mother? That’s where it gets complicated.
We see her longing for more freedom, her strained and unsettling marriage with Dan, and her fragile mental and emotional state. Her self-conflicting thoughts felt painfully real to me. Mothers are human beings with needs, identities, and rights. But in that era, wanting space or a life outside the home could easily be seen as selfish, even wrong. To be fair, that judgment hasn’t entirely disappeared. If anything, it just looks different now.
This was an okay read for me. I sympathised with Elly and understood her frustrations, but the overall tone felt too negative for me. I found myself wishing she would find clarity or purpose earlier than she did.
April 21, 2026
First of all I want to thank the publisher and author for sending me a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review! I truly appreciate it!
As a mom, this book was quite relatable. Honestly, I do kind of get the feeling of having lost yourself after having kids… how difficult it is at times to think of where you could be in life if you had went down a different path.. however I would never give up my kids for anything.
Thankfully, unlike the main character who isn’t being supported or listened to, I have an amazing husband who treats me like a wife and an equal, and not like a maid and childcare worker. I don’t blame her for having enough of it and leaving!
As a parent —mother or father— who cares for others and provides for a family we all go through moments where we feel overwhelmed, where we feel like we’re in over our heads, like we can’t possibly juggle all of the things. It feels like you’re drowning and don’t know how to break back above the waves…. This book did a wonderful job of showing the emotions and feelings of how overwhelmed a parent can get.
The main character goes through a journey of trying to find herself again while not losing her ever loving mind… she doesn’t do a great job of not losing her mind, but she kind of ends up getting where she was trying to go in the end. I wasn’t a fan of how she went about getting there, and I greatly disliked her plan for the divorce, that was an odd decision to me.. but I see maybe why she felt like that could have been a good decision at the time.
Overall it was a deep and very emotional book, a book that I would absolutely recommend any parents who feel unseen and trapped to read. It would make you gee seen.
As a mom, this book was quite relatable. Honestly, I do kind of get the feeling of having lost yourself after having kids… how difficult it is at times to think of where you could be in life if you had went down a different path.. however I would never give up my kids for anything.
Thankfully, unlike the main character who isn’t being supported or listened to, I have an amazing husband who treats me like a wife and an equal, and not like a maid and childcare worker. I don’t blame her for having enough of it and leaving!
As a parent —mother or father— who cares for others and provides for a family we all go through moments where we feel overwhelmed, where we feel like we’re in over our heads, like we can’t possibly juggle all of the things. It feels like you’re drowning and don’t know how to break back above the waves…. This book did a wonderful job of showing the emotions and feelings of how overwhelmed a parent can get.
The main character goes through a journey of trying to find herself again while not losing her ever loving mind… she doesn’t do a great job of not losing her mind, but she kind of ends up getting where she was trying to go in the end. I wasn’t a fan of how she went about getting there, and I greatly disliked her plan for the divorce, that was an odd decision to me.. but I see maybe why she felt like that could have been a good decision at the time.
Overall it was a deep and very emotional book, a book that I would absolutely recommend any parents who feel unseen and trapped to read. It would make you gee seen.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
(em português:)
Recebi este livro como uma advanced reader copy do NetGalley. Gostei imenso, e passei uma parte substancial do livro a pensar em dar cinco estrelas. Tem momentos absolutamente geniais e catárticos e outros mais subtis na sua genialidade. Senti que empatizávamos de igual forma com ambas as personagens principais (a Elly e o Dan), o que nem sempre acontece neste tipo de livros com uma narrativa mais centrada na 'mãe sofredora'. Diria que ali a partir dos 80% comecei a ter dificuldade em empatizar com a Elly, talvez pelas minhas próprias vivências como mãe de três frequentemente sobrecarregada. Mas gostei muito e é um bom livro que faz pensar sobre esta vida difícil da parentalidade e sobre a necessidade de construirmos pontes (não é à toa que tenho tentado fazer mais amigos em Évora).
(in english:)
I received this book as an advance reader copy from NetGalley. I really enjoyed it, and for a substantial part of the book I was convinced I would give it five stars. It has moments that are absolutely brilliant and cathartic, and others that are more subtle in their brilliance. I felt that I empathised equally with both main characters (Elly and Dan), which doesn’t always happen in this type of book with a narrative more centred around the 'suffering mother'. I’d say that after the 80% mark I began to struggle to empathise with Elly, perhaps because of my own experiences as a frequently overwhelmed mother of three. Still, I enjoyed it a great deal, and it’s a good book that makes you think about the difficult reality of parenthood and the need to build bridges (it’s no coincidence that I’ve been trying to make more friends in my new town).
Recebi este livro como uma advanced reader copy do NetGalley. Gostei imenso, e passei uma parte substancial do livro a pensar em dar cinco estrelas. Tem momentos absolutamente geniais e catárticos e outros mais subtis na sua genialidade. Senti que empatizávamos de igual forma com ambas as personagens principais (a Elly e o Dan), o que nem sempre acontece neste tipo de livros com uma narrativa mais centrada na 'mãe sofredora'. Diria que ali a partir dos 80% comecei a ter dificuldade em empatizar com a Elly, talvez pelas minhas próprias vivências como mãe de três frequentemente sobrecarregada. Mas gostei muito e é um bom livro que faz pensar sobre esta vida difícil da parentalidade e sobre a necessidade de construirmos pontes (não é à toa que tenho tentado fazer mais amigos em Évora).
(in english:)
I received this book as an advance reader copy from NetGalley. I really enjoyed it, and for a substantial part of the book I was convinced I would give it five stars. It has moments that are absolutely brilliant and cathartic, and others that are more subtle in their brilliance. I felt that I empathised equally with both main characters (Elly and Dan), which doesn’t always happen in this type of book with a narrative more centred around the 'suffering mother'. I’d say that after the 80% mark I began to struggle to empathise with Elly, perhaps because of my own experiences as a frequently overwhelmed mother of three. Still, I enjoyed it a great deal, and it’s a good book that makes you think about the difficult reality of parenthood and the need to build bridges (it’s no coincidence that I’ve been trying to make more friends in my new town).
February 20, 2026
🌹 Rules for Mothers / Julie Swedensen Young 🥀
“Funny to realise that I haven’t had the time to notice time. No intervals for reflection, for consideration, for preparation.”
This book was a heavily characterized view on motherhood, the breakdown of marriage and the guilt that comes with both of these things We follow Elly, who is struggling with 4 young children. It shows how she unwinds with the pressure of looking after herself and everyone else, highlighting the physical and emotional toll of doing so, whilst keeping up appearances for herself and family.
By focusing so heavily on the family, we get a deep dive into Elly and Dan's relationship through a span of time. While the pacing is slow in places, this allows us to fully inhabit Elly’s exhaustion and growing sense of guilt as the story unfolds. This may have been more prominent if I was a mother myself, with me only being able to relate to this so far, however, this didn't mean that the book was completely unrelatable to me.
I feel that a lot of people will have had a partner like Dan at some point in their life, with his outlook and traits being uncomfortably familiar. It is testament to the writing how he got under my skin through the decisions he made, and the consequences of these for Elly hit harder because of this.
The ending did feel a little abrupt to me, with the rest of the book being slow paced and introspective, the events of the last 3/4 chapters felt to be rushing to a conclusion. However, it was overall a well written, enjoyable read for a debut novel.
Thank you NetGalley for the advanced copy!
“Funny to realise that I haven’t had the time to notice time. No intervals for reflection, for consideration, for preparation.”
This book was a heavily characterized view on motherhood, the breakdown of marriage and the guilt that comes with both of these things We follow Elly, who is struggling with 4 young children. It shows how she unwinds with the pressure of looking after herself and everyone else, highlighting the physical and emotional toll of doing so, whilst keeping up appearances for herself and family.
By focusing so heavily on the family, we get a deep dive into Elly and Dan's relationship through a span of time. While the pacing is slow in places, this allows us to fully inhabit Elly’s exhaustion and growing sense of guilt as the story unfolds. This may have been more prominent if I was a mother myself, with me only being able to relate to this so far, however, this didn't mean that the book was completely unrelatable to me.
I feel that a lot of people will have had a partner like Dan at some point in their life, with his outlook and traits being uncomfortably familiar. It is testament to the writing how he got under my skin through the decisions he made, and the consequences of these for Elly hit harder because of this.
The ending did feel a little abrupt to me, with the rest of the book being slow paced and introspective, the events of the last 3/4 chapters felt to be rushing to a conclusion. However, it was overall a well written, enjoyable read for a debut novel.
Thank you NetGalley for the advanced copy!
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Rules for Mothers is a thoughtful exploration of motherhood, but more strikingly, it is a study of a woman’s struggle with identity.
Set in the 1980s, the novel follows Elly as she attempts to reconcile who she is with who she is expected to be. Throughout different stages of her life, she finds herself performing versions of womanhood shaped by societal expectations rather than personal truth. This tension creates a kind of “double life,” where her authentic self exists in quiet opposition to the roles she feels compelled to inhabit.
Elly’s internal conflict is mirrored in her marriage to Dan, whose romanticized vision of family life leaves little room for her individuality. While he expects her to prioritize domestic responsibilities and relinquish her ambitions, he remains largely insulated from the pressures such expectations impose. Their relationship gradually narrows into functional exchanges about their children, with meaningful adult connection fading into the background. In this dynamic, Elly becomes increasingly isolated, dismissed, and made to feel intellectually inadequate.
One of the novel’s most compelling elements is its portrayal of performance, the exhausting need to maintain the illusion of a perfect, enviable life while everything beneath the surface is quietly unraveling. This dissonance drives Elly into a profound identity crisis, raising the question of relevance: who is she beyond the roles she fulfills?
Thanks to #netgalley for the eARC
Set in the 1980s, the novel follows Elly as she attempts to reconcile who she is with who she is expected to be. Throughout different stages of her life, she finds herself performing versions of womanhood shaped by societal expectations rather than personal truth. This tension creates a kind of “double life,” where her authentic self exists in quiet opposition to the roles she feels compelled to inhabit.
Elly’s internal conflict is mirrored in her marriage to Dan, whose romanticized vision of family life leaves little room for her individuality. While he expects her to prioritize domestic responsibilities and relinquish her ambitions, he remains largely insulated from the pressures such expectations impose. Their relationship gradually narrows into functional exchanges about their children, with meaningful adult connection fading into the background. In this dynamic, Elly becomes increasingly isolated, dismissed, and made to feel intellectually inadequate.
One of the novel’s most compelling elements is its portrayal of performance, the exhausting need to maintain the illusion of a perfect, enviable life while everything beneath the surface is quietly unraveling. This dissonance drives Elly into a profound identity crisis, raising the question of relevance: who is she beyond the roles she fulfills?
Thanks to #netgalley for the eARC
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
I was excited to receive an early copy of Rules for Mothers and was quickly pulled into the story. Julie Swendsen Young’s writing is often beautiful, and while it can occasionally feel heavy on description, there’s a lyrical quality to the prose that really sets the tone. At times I found myself skimming longer passages that might have benefited from more dialogue or action, but readers who love being fully immersed in mood and atmosphere will likely appreciate this style.
At the beginning, I found Elly very relatable, especially as a mother, and I connected with her early struggles. As the story went on, though, I increasingly struggled with her choices, which began to feel more self-focused and harder to reconcile. I also would have loved a bit more depth in some scenes and supporting characters, particularly Dan. The ending felt somewhat abrupt, and given how thoughtfully the story opens, I wished it had been given a little more room to fully land.
Even with these issues, I flew through this book. While Elly became harder to root for as the story progressed, her decisions lingered with me, and I found myself thinking about the story long after I finished. I can easily see Rules for Mothers becoming a strong book club pick, with plenty to unpack and discuss.
Thank you to Greenleaf Book Group Press and NetGalley for the early copy.
At the beginning, I found Elly very relatable, especially as a mother, and I connected with her early struggles. As the story went on, though, I increasingly struggled with her choices, which began to feel more self-focused and harder to reconcile. I also would have loved a bit more depth in some scenes and supporting characters, particularly Dan. The ending felt somewhat abrupt, and given how thoughtfully the story opens, I wished it had been given a little more room to fully land.
Even with these issues, I flew through this book. While Elly became harder to root for as the story progressed, her decisions lingered with me, and I found myself thinking about the story long after I finished. I can easily see Rules for Mothers becoming a strong book club pick, with plenty to unpack and discuss.
Thank you to Greenleaf Book Group Press and NetGalley for the early copy.
January 21, 2026
Thank you to NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group, this is an ARC review.
Rules for Mothers is an exploration of the demands, expectations and challenges of motherhood, within the societal context of 1980s Oregon. We follow Elly, wife and mother of 4, through her early seasons of motherhood, marriage breakdown and her battle with the sense of identity loss that comes with matrescence. As she navigates being a stay at home mother, return to work and solo parenting, we are privy to her internal battle with her adoration of her children, gender imbalances, sense of identity and the emotional realities of putting one’s own wants and needs last.
This book is not fast paced nor full of twists and turns, but rather a meandering and an introspective look at mental health, motherhood and existential yearning. It is a quiet validation of the internal battles and worries experienced by many mothers. This book will resonate with readers who have struggled with the shift in priorities, relationships and sense of self through motherhood. TW: there is discourse around suicide which some readers may find challenging.
Overall I think that Rules for Mothers is a poignant reflection of motherhood, and the pursuit of identity beyond being “just” a mum and wife.
Rules for Mothers is an exploration of the demands, expectations and challenges of motherhood, within the societal context of 1980s Oregon. We follow Elly, wife and mother of 4, through her early seasons of motherhood, marriage breakdown and her battle with the sense of identity loss that comes with matrescence. As she navigates being a stay at home mother, return to work and solo parenting, we are privy to her internal battle with her adoration of her children, gender imbalances, sense of identity and the emotional realities of putting one’s own wants and needs last.
This book is not fast paced nor full of twists and turns, but rather a meandering and an introspective look at mental health, motherhood and existential yearning. It is a quiet validation of the internal battles and worries experienced by many mothers. This book will resonate with readers who have struggled with the shift in priorities, relationships and sense of self through motherhood. TW: there is discourse around suicide which some readers may find challenging.
Overall I think that Rules for Mothers is a poignant reflection of motherhood, and the pursuit of identity beyond being “just” a mum and wife.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Thank you to NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group Press for providing an e-copy of Rules for Mothers by Julie Swendsen Young (publication date: April 14, 2026). Young delivers a moving, unflinching look at the complicated emotional terrain of motherhood—love and suffocation, devotion and loss of self, gratitude and resentment—all existing side by side.
The novel opens in 1984 with a deeply unsettling scene: Elly Sparrow appears to be in a psychiatric hospital, in the aftermath of a breakdown that’s clearly intertwined with the weight of being a mother. From there, Young rewinds the clock to the year before, when Elly’s seven-year-old daughter, Jane, asks a deceptively simple question: “When you were a little girl, did you want to be a mommy?” It lands like a stone. It’s the kind of question that cracks open everything many women are told they should feel—and everything they’re afraid to admit they don’t.
Young threads in glimpses of Elly’s earlier self: driven, adventurous, hopeful. And she sets this against the mid-1980s backdrop, when cultural messages to women were full of contradiction—be fulfilled, but not too fulfilled; be ambitious, but don’t neglect the home; have a career, but also make it look effortless. Elly is living inside that double-bind, and what makes the story so effective is how clearly Young shows that the “problem” isn’t Elly’s love or commitment—it’s the lack of emotional, practical, and societal support for women who are expected to do everything, beautifully, without complaint.
Elly is married to Dan, a lawyer barreling toward partnership. His long hours—stretching late into the night—leave Elly as the default parent in every way. Dan embodies a familiar 1980s expectation: the wife who manages the home, the children, and her own needs quietly, while he focuses on work. The marriage dynamic is painful to read at times; if gaslighting is a trigger for you, consider this your warning. The book captures how normalized dismissive, undermining “conversation” could be—especially when women tried to name their exhaustion or ask for help.
So what happens when one person is carrying the daily physical and emotional labor of four children, the oldest only seven? Young follows Elly into an identity crisis that feels both intimate and universal: who am I now, and who am I allowed to be? Rules for Mothers doesn’t question whether Elly loves her children—she does, fiercely. What it interrogates is the cost of being a “good mother” when goodness is defined as self-erasure.
This is a powerful story—especially for anyone who remembers (or wants to understand) the particular pressures placed on women in the 1980s. Julie Swendsen Young captures the aching struggle for self-fulfillment inside motherhood with compassion, honesty, and an emotional clarity that lingers.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
Rules for Mothers narrates the life of Elly Sparrow. In particular how she navigates motherhood in the 1980s: how rigid social expectations turn into inner pressure and how those drive decisions and hinder her mental wellbeing and her ability to act as an autonomous adult. Honestly, this still feels relatable as mum nowadays.
The novel follows Elly as she navigates a tightly controlled system defining what “good” motherhood should look like. She has 4 kids and had to abandon her ambitions when she became a mum.
The book includes a few plot twists (one of them which I found a bit over the top)but its real momentum comes from character development, relationships, and the mounting pressure of everyday.
It took me a bit to get into the story but Elly is an engaging and nuanced character. It is a bit worrying that a lot of her struggles as a mum in the 1980s are still going on nowadays (and yes, still only a problem for mums not dads...).
I recommend giving this a shot, it will keep you thinking after you finish it. I am thankful to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to read an advanced copy.
The novel follows Elly as she navigates a tightly controlled system defining what “good” motherhood should look like. She has 4 kids and had to abandon her ambitions when she became a mum.
The book includes a few plot twists (one of them which I found a bit over the top)but its real momentum comes from character development, relationships, and the mounting pressure of everyday.
It took me a bit to get into the story but Elly is an engaging and nuanced character. It is a bit worrying that a lot of her struggles as a mum in the 1980s are still going on nowadays (and yes, still only a problem for mums not dads...).
I recommend giving this a shot, it will keep you thinking after you finish it. I am thankful to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to read an advanced copy.
May 25, 2026
I finished Rules for Mothers by Julie Swendsen Young and it resonated with me far more deeply than I expected it to.
The prose is lovely. It's elegant, thoughtful, and emotionally precise without ever feeling heavy-handed. But what stayed with me most was Elly herself and the slow, cumulative loss of identity she experiences while trying to care for everyone around her.
As someone who is not a biological mother, I was surprised by how profoundly I related to her. The book isn’t simply about motherhood in the literal sense. It’s about what happens when caregiving, responsibility, emotional labor, and constant accommodation slowly consume the space where you used to exist. It’s about how easy it is to disappear by degrees while still appearing functional from the outside.
That was the part that hit me hardest. Elly’s unraveling isn’t dramatic or sudden. It happens over time. She unravels through expectation, routine, exhaustion, compromise, and the quiet normalization of putting herself last over and over again. Julie Swendsen Young captures that erosion so honestly that at times it felt almost painfully familiar.
Dan frustrated me immensely. He was not a villain, but he was emotionally passive, entitled to her invisible labor, and he never saw what Elly was carrying. That dynamic felt heartbreakingly authentic. he was a self-entitled POS.
This is one of those novels that lingers after you finish it because it articulates feelings many people struggle to put into words themselves. Beautifully written, emotionally intelligent, and deeply human.
The prose is lovely. It's elegant, thoughtful, and emotionally precise without ever feeling heavy-handed. But what stayed with me most was Elly herself and the slow, cumulative loss of identity she experiences while trying to care for everyone around her.
As someone who is not a biological mother, I was surprised by how profoundly I related to her. The book isn’t simply about motherhood in the literal sense. It’s about what happens when caregiving, responsibility, emotional labor, and constant accommodation slowly consume the space where you used to exist. It’s about how easy it is to disappear by degrees while still appearing functional from the outside.
That was the part that hit me hardest. Elly’s unraveling isn’t dramatic or sudden. It happens over time. She unravels through expectation, routine, exhaustion, compromise, and the quiet normalization of putting herself last over and over again. Julie Swendsen Young captures that erosion so honestly that at times it felt almost painfully familiar.
Dan frustrated me immensely. He was not a villain, but he was emotionally passive, entitled to her invisible labor, and he never saw what Elly was carrying. That dynamic felt heartbreakingly authentic. he was a self-entitled POS.
This is one of those novels that lingers after you finish it because it articulates feelings many people struggle to put into words themselves. Beautifully written, emotionally intelligent, and deeply human.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
I enjoyed this book so much more than I'd expected I would. There were so many passages I could relate to as a mother, that I feel like I could really be friends with Elly.
This reading made me think so much about my own childhood and adolescence. It made me admire so much more my own mom and be so grateful for my dad. Because Elly's right about how unfair the world is to mothers but not so judging about fathers.
The story is so well written that through out its reading, it just didn't seem like I was following a fictional story. It got me specially hard in the end, I was crying and didn't notice.
The sad thing about it is that I can't help but think that probably not so many men are going to read this book, and if they do, I don't know how it will resonate on them. But women, with or without children, it might hit hard somewhere inside.
I took the opportunity to read this book in advance through Netgally, and must say it's title was the click bait for my decision, but the book's name is actually a good and a very appropriate one.
This reading made me think so much about my own childhood and adolescence. It made me admire so much more my own mom and be so grateful for my dad. Because Elly's right about how unfair the world is to mothers but not so judging about fathers.
The story is so well written that through out its reading, it just didn't seem like I was following a fictional story. It got me specially hard in the end, I was crying and didn't notice.
The sad thing about it is that I can't help but think that probably not so many men are going to read this book, and if they do, I don't know how it will resonate on them. But women, with or without children, it might hit hard somewhere inside.
I took the opportunity to read this book in advance through Netgally, and must say it's title was the click bait for my decision, but the book's name is actually a good and a very appropriate one.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
An honest, provocative, and thoughtful book about motherhood. In this novel, Elly is a newly married young mother who, in quick succession, has four children under age 7. Though she loves her children, she struggles with being a "mother," and all that comes with that title. Her husband is not too helpful, and her own mother does not live close to her; she does not seem to have many friends, either other young mothers or just friends in general. Though Elly is a "good mother" and everyone sees it, she really struggles, and this book allows one to see that motherhood does not fit everyone and also that you can be a mother, and you can love being a mother and still not love all the parts of it every day. I would have given this novel 5 stars, but for the abrupt change at the end - a bump in time which did not allow the reader to process what had happened and fully understand what had happened or was happening. Thanks to NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group Press for the e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
Thanks to NetGalley and Greenleaf Press for the e-book review copy.
Rules for Mothers is set in the mid-1980's and is about Elly, a mom of four young children, and her search for herself outside of her children and her marriage. At first I sympathized with Elly and the overwhelm she feels at being the caretaker of four children and a home and her need for space. Her husband Dan doesn't help and expects her to do everything.
As a mother the premise of this book sounded promising and relatable, and parts of it were. But I feel that when Dan left it kind of veered off the rails. After this I couldn't relate to the characters' actions - the motivations behind Dan and Elly's unraveling seemed false and forced - and I didn't like them very much. The end felt rushed, almost like it came out of nowhere, and unbelievable.
The writing was good for a debut novel and I read it very quickly. However, I was disappointed that the book wasn't what I thought it was going to be about.
2.5 stars
Rules for Mothers is set in the mid-1980's and is about Elly, a mom of four young children, and her search for herself outside of her children and her marriage. At first I sympathized with Elly and the overwhelm she feels at being the caretaker of four children and a home and her need for space. Her husband Dan doesn't help and expects her to do everything.
As a mother the premise of this book sounded promising and relatable, and parts of it were. But I feel that when Dan left it kind of veered off the rails. After this I couldn't relate to the characters' actions - the motivations behind Dan and Elly's unraveling seemed false and forced - and I didn't like them very much. The end felt rushed, almost like it came out of nowhere, and unbelievable.
The writing was good for a debut novel and I read it very quickly. However, I was disappointed that the book wasn't what I thought it was going to be about.
2.5 stars
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Book 11 of 2026
Received this ARC from Netgalley (Thank you!) and finished reading it in under 2 days.
Elly has a very clearly etched character arc that expands as the book progresses. She's a tired, overwhelmed and exhausted mother and finds the art of parenting four kids beyond her scope, which mostly feels like a one-person job.
As the book unfolds, we get a peek into how the mother in her truly feels. How she struggles to balance her guilt alongside her immense love for the kids is written out very well. It's possible that every mother has felt this at some point in their lives.
Other characters could have done with a bit more depth and detail, in my opinion. I also felt like Dan, the husband/father of the kids, wasn't given enough air time in the novel. Perhaps his perspective could have added a different layer to the story, an interesting one for sure.
Overall, a worthwhile read.
Received this ARC from Netgalley (Thank you!) and finished reading it in under 2 days.
Elly has a very clearly etched character arc that expands as the book progresses. She's a tired, overwhelmed and exhausted mother and finds the art of parenting four kids beyond her scope, which mostly feels like a one-person job.
As the book unfolds, we get a peek into how the mother in her truly feels. How she struggles to balance her guilt alongside her immense love for the kids is written out very well. It's possible that every mother has felt this at some point in their lives.
Other characters could have done with a bit more depth and detail, in my opinion. I also felt like Dan, the husband/father of the kids, wasn't given enough air time in the novel. Perhaps his perspective could have added a different layer to the story, an interesting one for sure.
Overall, a worthwhile read.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
3 Stars for this ARC via Netgalley for an Honest Review.
Set in the 1980's gives the reader a nostalgic yet realistic view of how life was for mothers/ women in that time period. Well written but leaves the younger mother readers a little frustrated as to the ' why ' behind some decisions. I was left wanting more details in the last 1/3 of the novel as I felt their could have been so many things happen! But - that is life... and being a woman... and motherhood! Would recommend to other mothers who feel like their life is worse than everyone else- we all struggle and we all should support each other and lift each other.
Thank you Netgalley and Greenleaf Publishing for the preview copy!
Angela Reads at least a book a day and you can Follow along @TheElectricStrawberry for indie bookstore and more!
Set in the 1980's gives the reader a nostalgic yet realistic view of how life was for mothers/ women in that time period. Well written but leaves the younger mother readers a little frustrated as to the ' why ' behind some decisions. I was left wanting more details in the last 1/3 of the novel as I felt their could have been so many things happen! But - that is life... and being a woman... and motherhood! Would recommend to other mothers who feel like their life is worse than everyone else- we all struggle and we all should support each other and lift each other.
Thank you Netgalley and Greenleaf Publishing for the preview copy!
Angela Reads at least a book a day and you can Follow along @TheElectricStrawberry for indie bookstore and more!
April 16, 2026
Rules for Mothers truly captured what it’s like to not only be a mother, but how easy it is to lose yourself in that role. This was a heartbreaking read but so well done.
The emotions I had for Elly as she navigated what it meant for her to be outside of the roles of a mom and wife, all while things around her seem to be crumbling, were all over the place. I FELT Elly while reading this book. So many times it was hard to read because it was like someone had taken a magnifying glass to my own inner thoughts and struggles when I was a new mom. It also felt healing though, to feel less alone in that. Elly was such a great character in so many ways.
I can’t wait to find out what’s next for Julie Swendsen Young! Thank you so much to NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group Press for this ARC.
The emotions I had for Elly as she navigated what it meant for her to be outside of the roles of a mom and wife, all while things around her seem to be crumbling, were all over the place. I FELT Elly while reading this book. So many times it was hard to read because it was like someone had taken a magnifying glass to my own inner thoughts and struggles when I was a new mom. It also felt healing though, to feel less alone in that. Elly was such a great character in so many ways.
I can’t wait to find out what’s next for Julie Swendsen Young! Thank you so much to NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group Press for this ARC.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Surprised that this is the author's debut novel - what a great read! Set in the 1980's, the reader accompanies Elly as she navigates motherhood and womanhood. While struggling to balance what she wants out of life against the expectations of a wife and mom, she seems to resent her lot in life and yearns for experiences outside of what she considers mundane and oppressive. There were moments that I think the book could have skipped or been condensed but overall it was a great read with even greater character development.
Many thanks to #netgalley #GreenleafBookGroupPress for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Many thanks to #netgalley #GreenleafBookGroupPress for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
March 8, 2026
I was surprised to find out that Rules for Mothers is Julie Swendsen Young’s debut novel. It reads like a seasoned author wrote it.
Elly Sparrow is a mother of four in a marriage that is unraveling. The time is the 1980’s and the expectations of mothers and wives are even more severe than they currently are. This book does a great job showing a mother’s love and commitment to her children, but also gives us the gift of knowing that it’s okay to want more for yourself. Elly is a good mom. Read this book to find out how she navigates a breakdown and comes out on the other side.
Thank you to Greenleaf Book Group Press and NetGalley for the free ARC!
Elly Sparrow is a mother of four in a marriage that is unraveling. The time is the 1980’s and the expectations of mothers and wives are even more severe than they currently are. This book does a great job showing a mother’s love and commitment to her children, but also gives us the gift of knowing that it’s okay to want more for yourself. Elly is a good mom. Read this book to find out how she navigates a breakdown and comes out on the other side.
Thank you to Greenleaf Book Group Press and NetGalley for the free ARC!
June 18, 2026
Although it had an interesting premise I didn't like the execution. Pretty slow pacing. And the MC was so incredibly selfish. I know being a mother is hard but before she made the decision to have FOUR children she should have known she wasn't cut out for it. This was set in the 80s and birth control was readily available at that time.
And then the ending just jumped to twenty years later and gave a brief description of what she was doing then. There was no explanation of how she felt as the children grew up and moved out.
And then the ending just jumped to twenty years later and gave a brief description of what she was doing then. There was no explanation of how she felt as the children grew up and moved out.
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