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Rules for Mothers: A Novel
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Expected 14 Apr 26256 pages, Paperback
Expected publication April 14, 2026
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
November 26, 2025
This was such a wonderfully written novel about motherhood and what it’s like being a woman in general. Watching Elly navigate marriage, motherhood, and all the stressors in between was relatable and so well portrayed in the pages. There are so many takeaways in this book and I loved how realistic everything was. This book was a therapeutic read. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
an enjoyable read. very detailed at the beginning but the end felt more rushed. I would have like more details.
December 15, 2025
This is an ARC review. Rules for Mothers is a quiet, emotionally layered novel set in the 1980s that follows Elly Sparrow, a stay-at-home mother of four who has slowly lost sight of herself. From the outside, Elly’s life looks orderly and complete, but internally she feels diminished by the narrow roles of wife and mother that have come to define her entire identity. When her marriage begins to unravel, Elly is forced to confront how little agency she has had in shaping her own life and what it might mean to finally choose herself.
As Elly navigates single motherhood, the day-to-day demands of raising children, and her own internal struggles, the novel explores how women of that era were often expected to suppress their needs and emotions. The book thoughtfully examines women’s mental health at a time when it was stigmatized. Elly’s journey toward independence is not dramatic or fast, but gradual and realistic, marked by uncertainty, fear, and small acts of courage.
What stood out most to me was how accurately the book captures the quiet drowning that can happen when someone lives primarily for others. Elly’s story highlights how easily personal dreams and autonomy can be lost within marriage and motherhood, especially in the cultural context of the 1980s. The novel does a strong job showing how societal expectations shaped women’s choices, or lack of choices, during that time.
This is not a fast-paced book, but a reflective and character-driven one that will resonate with readers interested in stories about identity, self-fulfillment, and the emotional realities of motherhood. Trigger warning: the book does address suicide, which may be difficult for some readers.
Overall, Rules for Mothers is a thoughtful and honest exploration of motherhood, mental health, and the long process of reclaiming one’s sense of self. Thanks to Net Galley and publisher for ARC.
#RulesforMothers #NetGalley
As Elly navigates single motherhood, the day-to-day demands of raising children, and her own internal struggles, the novel explores how women of that era were often expected to suppress their needs and emotions. The book thoughtfully examines women’s mental health at a time when it was stigmatized. Elly’s journey toward independence is not dramatic or fast, but gradual and realistic, marked by uncertainty, fear, and small acts of courage.
What stood out most to me was how accurately the book captures the quiet drowning that can happen when someone lives primarily for others. Elly’s story highlights how easily personal dreams and autonomy can be lost within marriage and motherhood, especially in the cultural context of the 1980s. The novel does a strong job showing how societal expectations shaped women’s choices, or lack of choices, during that time.
This is not a fast-paced book, but a reflective and character-driven one that will resonate with readers interested in stories about identity, self-fulfillment, and the emotional realities of motherhood. Trigger warning: the book does address suicide, which may be difficult for some readers.
Overall, Rules for Mothers is a thoughtful and honest exploration of motherhood, mental health, and the long process of reclaiming one’s sense of self. Thanks to Net Galley and publisher for ARC.
#RulesforMothers #NetGalley
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Thank you to NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group Press for providing an e-copy of Rules for Mothers by Julie Swendsen Young (publication date: April 14, 2026). Young delivers a moving, unflinching look at the complicated emotional terrain of motherhood—love and suffocation, devotion and loss of self, gratitude and resentment—all existing side by side.
The novel opens in 1984 with a deeply unsettling scene: Elly Sparrow appears to be in a psychiatric hospital, in the aftermath of a breakdown that’s clearly intertwined with the weight of being a mother. From there, Young rewinds the clock to the year before, when Elly’s seven-year-old daughter, Jane, asks a deceptively simple question: “When you were a little girl, did you want to be a mommy?” It lands like a stone. It’s the kind of question that cracks open everything many women are told they should feel—and everything they’re afraid to admit they don’t.
Young threads in glimpses of Elly’s earlier self: driven, adventurous, hopeful. And she sets this against the mid-1980s backdrop, when cultural messages to women were full of contradiction—be fulfilled, but not too fulfilled; be ambitious, but don’t neglect the home; have a career, but also make it look effortless. Elly is living inside that double-bind, and what makes the story so effective is how clearly Young shows that the “problem” isn’t Elly’s love or commitment—it’s the lack of emotional, practical, and societal support for women who are expected to do everything, beautifully, without complaint.
Elly is married to Dan, a lawyer barreling toward partnership. His long hours—stretching late into the night—leave Elly as the default parent in every way. Dan embodies a familiar 1980s expectation: the wife who manages the home, the children, and her own needs quietly, while he focuses on work. The marriage dynamic is painful to read at times; if gaslighting is a trigger for you, consider this your warning. The book captures how normalized dismissive, undermining “conversation” could be—especially when women tried to name their exhaustion or ask for help.
So what happens when one person is carrying the daily physical and emotional labor of four children, the oldest only seven? Young follows Elly into an identity crisis that feels both intimate and universal: who am I now, and who am I allowed to be? Rules for Mothers doesn’t question whether Elly loves her children—she does, fiercely. What it interrogates is the cost of being a “good mother” when goodness is defined as self-erasure.
This is a powerful story—especially for anyone who remembers (or wants to understand) the particular pressures placed on women in the 1980s. Julie Swendsen Young captures the aching struggle for self-fulfillment inside motherhood with compassion, honesty, and an emotional clarity that lingers.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
I was excited to receive an early copy of Rules for Mothers and was quickly pulled into the story. Julie Swendsen Young’s writing is often beautiful, and while it can occasionally feel heavy on description, there’s a lyrical quality to the prose that really sets the tone. At times I found myself skimming longer passages that might have benefited from more dialogue or action, but readers who love being fully immersed in mood and atmosphere will likely appreciate this style.
At the beginning, I found Elly very relatable, especially as a mother, and I connected with her early struggles. As the story went on, though, I increasingly struggled with her choices, which began to feel more self-focused and harder to reconcile. I also would have loved a bit more depth in some scenes and supporting characters, particularly Dan. The ending felt somewhat abrupt, and given how thoughtfully the story opens, I wished it had been given a little more room to fully land.
Even with these issues, I flew through this book. While Elly became harder to root for as the story progressed, her decisions lingered with me, and I found myself thinking about the story long after I finished. I can easily see Rules for Mothers becoming a strong book club pick, with plenty to unpack and discuss.
Thank you to Greenleaf Book Group Press and NetGalley for the early copy.
At the beginning, I found Elly very relatable, especially as a mother, and I connected with her early struggles. As the story went on, though, I increasingly struggled with her choices, which began to feel more self-focused and harder to reconcile. I also would have loved a bit more depth in some scenes and supporting characters, particularly Dan. The ending felt somewhat abrupt, and given how thoughtfully the story opens, I wished it had been given a little more room to fully land.
Even with these issues, I flew through this book. While Elly became harder to root for as the story progressed, her decisions lingered with me, and I found myself thinking about the story long after I finished. I can easily see Rules for Mothers becoming a strong book club pick, with plenty to unpack and discuss.
Thank you to Greenleaf Book Group Press and NetGalley for the early copy.
January 21, 2026
Thank you to NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group, this is an ARC review.
Rules for Mothers is an exploration of the demands, expectations and challenges of motherhood, within the societal context of 1980s Oregon. We follow Elly, wife and mother of 4, through her early seasons of motherhood, marriage breakdown and her battle with the sense of identity loss that comes with matrescence. As she navigates being a stay at home mother, return to work and solo parenting, we are privy to her internal battle with her adoration of her children, gender imbalances, sense of identity and the emotional realities of putting one’s own wants and needs last.
This book is not fast paced nor full of twists and turns, but rather a meandering and an introspective look at mental health, motherhood and existential yearning. It is a quiet validation of the internal battles and worries experienced by many mothers. This book will resonate with readers who have struggled with the shift in priorities, relationships and sense of self through motherhood. TW: there is discourse around suicide which some readers may find challenging.
Overall I think that Rules for Mothers is a poignant reflection of motherhood, and the pursuit of identity beyond being “just” a mum and wife.
Rules for Mothers is an exploration of the demands, expectations and challenges of motherhood, within the societal context of 1980s Oregon. We follow Elly, wife and mother of 4, through her early seasons of motherhood, marriage breakdown and her battle with the sense of identity loss that comes with matrescence. As she navigates being a stay at home mother, return to work and solo parenting, we are privy to her internal battle with her adoration of her children, gender imbalances, sense of identity and the emotional realities of putting one’s own wants and needs last.
This book is not fast paced nor full of twists and turns, but rather a meandering and an introspective look at mental health, motherhood and existential yearning. It is a quiet validation of the internal battles and worries experienced by many mothers. This book will resonate with readers who have struggled with the shift in priorities, relationships and sense of self through motherhood. TW: there is discourse around suicide which some readers may find challenging.
Overall I think that Rules for Mothers is a poignant reflection of motherhood, and the pursuit of identity beyond being “just” a mum and wife.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
Rules for Mothers narrates the life of Elly Sparrow. In particular how she navigates motherhood in the 1980s: how rigid social expectations turn into inner pressure and how those drive decisions and hinder her mental wellbeing and her ability to act as an autonomous adult. Honestly, this still feels relatable as mum nowadays.
The novel follows Elly as she navigates a tightly controlled system defining what “good” motherhood should look like. She has 4 kids and had to abandon her ambitions when she became a mum.
The book includes a few plot twists (one of them which I found a bit over the top)but its real momentum comes from character development, relationships, and the mounting pressure of everyday.
It took me a bit to get into the story but Elly is an engaging and nuanced character. It is a bit worrying that a lot of her struggles as a mum in the 1980s are still going on nowadays (and yes, still only a problem for mums not dads...).
I recommend giving this a shot, it will keep you thinking after you finish it. I am thankful to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to read an advanced copy.
The novel follows Elly as she navigates a tightly controlled system defining what “good” motherhood should look like. She has 4 kids and had to abandon her ambitions when she became a mum.
The book includes a few plot twists (one of them which I found a bit over the top)but its real momentum comes from character development, relationships, and the mounting pressure of everyday.
It took me a bit to get into the story but Elly is an engaging and nuanced character. It is a bit worrying that a lot of her struggles as a mum in the 1980s are still going on nowadays (and yes, still only a problem for mums not dads...).
I recommend giving this a shot, it will keep you thinking after you finish it. I am thankful to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to read an advanced copy.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
I enjoyed this book so much more than I'd expected I would. There were so many passages I could relate to as a mother, that I feel like I could really be friends with Elly.
This reading made me think so much about my own childhood and adolescence. It made me admire so much more my own mom and be so grateful for my dad. Because Elly's right about how unfair the world is to mothers but not so judging about fathers.
The story is so well written that through out its reading, it just didn't seem like I was following a fictional story. It got me specially hard in the end, I was crying and didn't notice.
The sad thing about it is that I can't help but think that probably not so many men are going to read this book, and if they do, I don't know how it will resonate on them. But women, with or without children, it might hit hard somewhere inside.
I took the opportunity to read this book in advance through Netgally, and must say it's title was the click bait for my decision, but the book's name is actually a good and a very appropriate one.
This reading made me think so much about my own childhood and adolescence. It made me admire so much more my own mom and be so grateful for my dad. Because Elly's right about how unfair the world is to mothers but not so judging about fathers.
The story is so well written that through out its reading, it just didn't seem like I was following a fictional story. It got me specially hard in the end, I was crying and didn't notice.
The sad thing about it is that I can't help but think that probably not so many men are going to read this book, and if they do, I don't know how it will resonate on them. But women, with or without children, it might hit hard somewhere inside.
I took the opportunity to read this book in advance through Netgally, and must say it's title was the click bait for my decision, but the book's name is actually a good and a very appropriate one.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
An honest, provocative, and thoughtful book about motherhood. In this novel, Elly is a newly married young mother who, in quick succession, has four children under age 7. Though she loves her children, she struggles with being a "mother," and all that comes with that title. Her husband is not too helpful, and her own mother does not live close to her; she does not seem to have many friends, either other young mothers or just friends in general. Though Elly is a "good mother" and everyone sees it, she really struggles, and this book allows one to see that motherhood does not fit everyone and also that you can be a mother, and you can love being a mother and still not love all the parts of it every day. I would have given this novel 5 stars, but for the abrupt change at the end - a bump in time which did not allow the reader to process what had happened and fully understand what had happened or was happening. Thanks to NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group Press for the e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Book 11 of 2026
Received this ARC from Netgalley (Thank you!) and finished reading it in under 2 days.
Elly has a very clearly etched character arc that expands as the book progresses. She's a tired, overwhelmed and exhausted mother and finds the art of parenting four kids beyond her scope, which mostly feels like a one-person job.
As the book unfolds, we get a peek into how the mother in her truly feels. How she struggles to balance her guilt alongside her immense love for the kids is written out very well. It's possible that every mother has felt this at some point in their lives.
Other characters could have done with a bit more depth and detail, in my opinion. I also felt like Dan, the husband/father of the kids, wasn't given enough air time in the novel. Perhaps his perspective could have added a different layer to the story, an interesting one for sure.
Overall, a worthwhile read.
Received this ARC from Netgalley (Thank you!) and finished reading it in under 2 days.
Elly has a very clearly etched character arc that expands as the book progresses. She's a tired, overwhelmed and exhausted mother and finds the art of parenting four kids beyond her scope, which mostly feels like a one-person job.
As the book unfolds, we get a peek into how the mother in her truly feels. How she struggles to balance her guilt alongside her immense love for the kids is written out very well. It's possible that every mother has felt this at some point in their lives.
Other characters could have done with a bit more depth and detail, in my opinion. I also felt like Dan, the husband/father of the kids, wasn't given enough air time in the novel. Perhaps his perspective could have added a different layer to the story, an interesting one for sure.
Overall, a worthwhile read.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Elly's story of motherhood and self-identity is one of implicit understanding in modern culture. Rules for Mothers challenges the balance of who you can be while maintaining the sacred title of 'mother'.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Review to come upon publication.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews