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Love’s Labour
An acclaimed author and psychoanalyst shares moving true stories from his practice to expore the central question of our how do we find and keep love?
In these brief but powerful true stories drawn from his more than thirty-five years counseling patients, Stephen Grosz brings us into the lives of people who cannot fully connect with lovers, spouses, parents, or friends. With patience and compassion, Grosz helps each patient draw a map of their internal world in order to uncover the unconscious fears and desires sabotaging their relationships.
One man obsessively tends to everyone around him, hoping to avoid love’s end; another retreats from the world, unable to live fully until he’s able to confront a tragic romance; adultery and betrayal tear apart two married couples, but love persists between spouses in surprising ways. Each one works with Grosz to decipher the language of their heart and learns to surrender to the difficult reality of truly connecting with another person.
More than just case histories, these deftly rendered encounters of everyday suffering—and profound relief—are true short stories, marked by Grosz’s deep understanding of the human condition and of obstacles on the path to true connection.
In these brief but powerful true stories drawn from his more than thirty-five years counseling patients, Stephen Grosz brings us into the lives of people who cannot fully connect with lovers, spouses, parents, or friends. With patience and compassion, Grosz helps each patient draw a map of their internal world in order to uncover the unconscious fears and desires sabotaging their relationships.
One man obsessively tends to everyone around him, hoping to avoid love’s end; another retreats from the world, unable to live fully until he’s able to confront a tragic romance; adultery and betrayal tear apart two married couples, but love persists between spouses in surprising ways. Each one works with Grosz to decipher the language of their heart and learns to surrender to the difficult reality of truly connecting with another person.
More than just case histories, these deftly rendered encounters of everyday suffering—and profound relief—are true short stories, marked by Grosz’s deep understanding of the human condition and of obstacles on the path to true connection.
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About the author
Stephen Grosz
10 books256 followersStephen Grosz is a practicing psychoanalyst—he has worked with patients for more than twenty-five years. Born in America, educated at the University of California, Berkeley, and at Oxford University, he lives in London. A Sunday Times bestseller, The Examined Life is his first book.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 89 reviews
March 17, 2026
3.5~4
"It is January 1983, the first Monday after New Year's. Dark skies; pounding, icy rain. Harley Street is filled with taxis. When the traffic lights change, the taxis don't move. There is nowhere for them to go. Umbrellas bob at odd angles, their users tilting to avoid collisions.
. . .
To become a psychoanalyst, you must have an analysis yourself, and this training analysis will have a profound effect on the way you do the work—how could it be otherwise? I am waiting to begin my first psychoanalytic session."
Thus begins the author's introduction to his future. He discusses what and how he's learned about himself and how he hopes to help others. This sounds more cut and dried than it is. There are personalities within 'the system', because doctors are not AI cookie-cutters of a category of practitioners… and there certainly are categories.
Psychiatrists and other medical doctors can prescribe medications, while psychologists, who are medical professionals, are usually the first port of call for people with behavioural or mental health issues.
If you have ever seen the long-running TV show "In Treatment" with Gabriel Byrne, and later, Uzo Aduba, as psychotherapists, you'll have a pretty good idea of what various cases may look like and how therapy progresses. Each case here could be the premise of a mini-series.
In "Lost Love" he discusses one of his early clients.
"Before the internet, before email and mobile phones, a marriage therapist I knew sent me a letter requesting that I see one of his patients. The patient's name was Dr. Ravi M., and he was a forty-three-year-old mathematics lecturer. Ravi and his wife were in marital therapy. The therapist thought Ravi's wife, Dr. Sonal M., a physics lecturer, was anxious to improve their marriage, and committed to the treatment. He found Ravi less enthusiastic."
We begin Season One of "Lost Love" with Ravi coming to Grosz for psychoanalysis. Ravi eventually reveals that Sonal is having an affair. He can't confront her or go with her to marriage counselling because it will lead to divorce and his parents' divorce was a family catastrophe. So, what does he do? Just avoids her.
When Grosz questions him further, it's obvious Ravi has become delusional to the point that he is completely convinced there is an affair, no matter what anyone says.
Grosz decides to consult his own therapist about the situation and how best to handle it. Again, I was reminded of "In Treatment", where Gabriel Bryne's character goes to see his own therapist. I have no idea how 'true' the program is (was), but I couldn't help being reminded of it.
"'A delusion is a fire that burns down reality. There will be times, like with the..., when you can show him that he has been evading reality rather than seeking evidence. Just continue as you've begun: pick up the delusion, and hand it back. Help him to speak about his feelings.'"
The cases are very different from each other, and I'm not sure how therapists at any level of the hierarchy can go home, relax, and let off steam. Sometimes they debrief with each other and enjoy the camaraderie of conferences around the world.
They present cases they've had and share a kind of they-said-I-said scenario of how the therapy went. One psychiatrist, Cora, told of 'John Smith', who talked about himself until she finally asked when she could 'meet' John, not just talk about him. He colleagues thought this was an interesting approach.
"Susan made the point that there are patients, diverse in their psychopathology, who present with one common feature: they give a performance of being a patient. How, she asked, can we reach a patient who will not bring himself into the analysis?"
Grosz loved these conversations and talks about some of the great friends he's made But he also regrets the complications that eventually arose when a few colleagues adhered to the principle of "what happens on the road stays on the road" (whether in Vegas or London). It busted up a few friendships - a familiar story to many, I'm sure.
I enjoyed meeting him and his clients (and even the wayward colleagues), and I think he chose his cases well for this "Love's Labor" collection. As we say, nobody knows what happens behind a closed door, but his job is to find out as carefully and helpfully as possible.
Thanks to #NetGalley and Random House for a copy of #LovesLabor for review.
"It is January 1983, the first Monday after New Year's. Dark skies; pounding, icy rain. Harley Street is filled with taxis. When the traffic lights change, the taxis don't move. There is nowhere for them to go. Umbrellas bob at odd angles, their users tilting to avoid collisions.
. . .
To become a psychoanalyst, you must have an analysis yourself, and this training analysis will have a profound effect on the way you do the work—how could it be otherwise? I am waiting to begin my first psychoanalytic session."
Thus begins the author's introduction to his future. He discusses what and how he's learned about himself and how he hopes to help others. This sounds more cut and dried than it is. There are personalities within 'the system', because doctors are not AI cookie-cutters of a category of practitioners… and there certainly are categories.
Psychiatrists and other medical doctors can prescribe medications, while psychologists, who are medical professionals, are usually the first port of call for people with behavioural or mental health issues.
If you have ever seen the long-running TV show "In Treatment" with Gabriel Byrne, and later, Uzo Aduba, as psychotherapists, you'll have a pretty good idea of what various cases may look like and how therapy progresses. Each case here could be the premise of a mini-series.
In "Lost Love" he discusses one of his early clients.
"Before the internet, before email and mobile phones, a marriage therapist I knew sent me a letter requesting that I see one of his patients. The patient's name was Dr. Ravi M., and he was a forty-three-year-old mathematics lecturer. Ravi and his wife were in marital therapy. The therapist thought Ravi's wife, Dr. Sonal M., a physics lecturer, was anxious to improve their marriage, and committed to the treatment. He found Ravi less enthusiastic."
We begin Season One of "Lost Love" with Ravi coming to Grosz for psychoanalysis. Ravi eventually reveals that Sonal is having an affair. He can't confront her or go with her to marriage counselling because it will lead to divorce and his parents' divorce was a family catastrophe. So, what does he do? Just avoids her.
When Grosz questions him further, it's obvious Ravi has become delusional to the point that he is completely convinced there is an affair, no matter what anyone says.
Grosz decides to consult his own therapist about the situation and how best to handle it. Again, I was reminded of "In Treatment", where Gabriel Bryne's character goes to see his own therapist. I have no idea how 'true' the program is (was), but I couldn't help being reminded of it.
"'A delusion is a fire that burns down reality. There will be times, like with the..., when you can show him that he has been evading reality rather than seeking evidence. Just continue as you've begun: pick up the delusion, and hand it back. Help him to speak about his feelings.'"
The cases are very different from each other, and I'm not sure how therapists at any level of the hierarchy can go home, relax, and let off steam. Sometimes they debrief with each other and enjoy the camaraderie of conferences around the world.
They present cases they've had and share a kind of they-said-I-said scenario of how the therapy went. One psychiatrist, Cora, told of 'John Smith', who talked about himself until she finally asked when she could 'meet' John, not just talk about him. He colleagues thought this was an interesting approach.
"Susan made the point that there are patients, diverse in their psychopathology, who present with one common feature: they give a performance of being a patient. How, she asked, can we reach a patient who will not bring himself into the analysis?"
Grosz loved these conversations and talks about some of the great friends he's made But he also regrets the complications that eventually arose when a few colleagues adhered to the principle of "what happens on the road stays on the road" (whether in Vegas or London). It busted up a few friendships - a familiar story to many, I'm sure.
I enjoyed meeting him and his clients (and even the wayward colleagues), and I think he chose his cases well for this "Love's Labor" collection. As we say, nobody knows what happens behind a closed door, but his job is to find out as carefully and helpfully as possible.
Thanks to #NetGalley and Random House for a copy of #LovesLabor for review.
March 21, 2026
Love’s Labor came to me right when I needed it in my life. Psychiatrist Stephen Grosz reflects on his life-long practice throughout this book. It showcases several anonymized patients and situations that really highlight the complexity of love that exists in human relationships, the different forms it can take, and how much work many of us put into self-improvement and maintaining those relationships. In other words, the true testaments of how much labour goes into love, all in the name of improving the ways we express and show love to others, and on the converse, ways we must believe we are loveable and can internalize and feel love from others.
On a personal note, specific chapters in this book really had me reflecting on the meanings behind some of my own habits, allowing me to have some epiphanies about my own inner self that I've never had before.
Stephen Grosz approaches his patients in such an understanding, non-accusatory, and non-judenental way. I found the care and insight he has towards the patients so healing and reassuring. You will be left feeling hopeful and inspired by this book!
Huge thank you to @randomhouseca for the #gifted ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review!
On a personal note, specific chapters in this book really had me reflecting on the meanings behind some of my own habits, allowing me to have some epiphanies about my own inner self that I've never had before.
Stephen Grosz approaches his patients in such an understanding, non-accusatory, and non-judenental way. I found the care and insight he has towards the patients so healing and reassuring. You will be left feeling hopeful and inspired by this book!
Huge thank you to @randomhouseca for the #gifted ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review!
September 8, 2025
Insanely captivating, couldn’t put it down!
January 11, 2026
Thank you to Random House and NetGalley for providing an advance copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. The book will be published on February 10th, 2026.
This book follows a practicing psychoanalyst in his professional practice, his education, and his personal internal musings and growth.
I found the stories about patient interactions both interesting and moving, such as the man who felt he was dead, despite being very much physically alive.
What I found most enjoyable was the way Grosz walks us through how each session impacts the way he thinks, not only when treating patients, but also in how he lives his life.
This book prompted deep introspection and thoughtfulness in myself in a way I found quite valuable, which warrants 5 stars.
This book follows a practicing psychoanalyst in his professional practice, his education, and his personal internal musings and growth.
I found the stories about patient interactions both interesting and moving, such as the man who felt he was dead, despite being very much physically alive.
What I found most enjoyable was the way Grosz walks us through how each session impacts the way he thinks, not only when treating patients, but also in how he lives his life.
This book prompted deep introspection and thoughtfulness in myself in a way I found quite valuable, which warrants 5 stars.
March 22, 2026
I listened to this hypnotic book, narrated by the author. Grosz tells us stories of his patients' analyses that are both troubling and optimistic.
The patients that Grosz reports on are troubled, and Grosz is interested in how their neuroses developed, and how during the analysis the pair figures things out, and how sometimes the process works. But more often we aren't told the patient’s outcome and are left to wonder how these people fare. The last chapter, aptly called Haunting, is particularly disturbing, with the patient finally reporting his girlfriend’s suicide 10 years earlier. I don’t know what to think. I suppose one must figure oneself out.
I’m not sure what young people are thinking about analysis, maybe I’ve read that it might be coming back into style, but most baby boomers grew up hearing about it, whatever their feelings about its efficacy. But it was certainly a mysterious and charged process – my best childhood friend’s parents were both analysts (!) – so I was in more than toe deep.
In any case Grosz leaves us with a beautiful concept – that happiness is wanting what you have. It seems that modern analysis and Buddhism do come together.
The patients that Grosz reports on are troubled, and Grosz is interested in how their neuroses developed, and how during the analysis the pair figures things out, and how sometimes the process works. But more often we aren't told the patient’s outcome and are left to wonder how these people fare. The last chapter, aptly called Haunting, is particularly disturbing, with the patient finally reporting his girlfriend’s suicide 10 years earlier. I don’t know what to think. I suppose one must figure oneself out.
I’m not sure what young people are thinking about analysis, maybe I’ve read that it might be coming back into style, but most baby boomers grew up hearing about it, whatever their feelings about its efficacy. But it was certainly a mysterious and charged process – my best childhood friend’s parents were both analysts (!) – so I was in more than toe deep.
In any case Grosz leaves us with a beautiful concept – that happiness is wanting what you have. It seems that modern analysis and Buddhism do come together.
March 26, 2026
I was surprised how much I enjoyed this. It reminded me a little of The Reflective Practioner by Schon but for personal relationships.
February 7, 2026
“love, too, can cause us to feel vulnerable and helpless. maybe it is only in this state of mind–when we are unsure of what to do, when we no longer know which way to go–that we are motivated to understand ourselves better.”
this book feels like sitting quietly in the corner of a consulting room, listening to the truths people only admit when love has already failed them. stephen grosz writes with a rare gentleness, allowing love to appear not as romance, but as work: slow, repetitive, often misunderstood. this book isn’t interested in grand gestures; it’s interested in patterns, silences, and the strange ways we protect ourselves from needing others even when we so desperately want them.
i’m drawn to books like this because i like reading about things i don’t understand. love is one of them. psychoanalysis offers a language for something that otherwise feels abstract or unsafe to name. grosz doesn’t define love neatly, and that’s what makes the book resonate. instead, he circles it through absence, fear, dependency, and loss, showing how often love is confused with control, fantasy, or familiarity. reading this felt less like learning what love is and more like learning why it so often goes wrong, and why that doesn’t make us foolish, just human.
this book feels like sitting quietly in the corner of a consulting room, listening to the truths people only admit when love has already failed them. stephen grosz writes with a rare gentleness, allowing love to appear not as romance, but as work: slow, repetitive, often misunderstood. this book isn’t interested in grand gestures; it’s interested in patterns, silences, and the strange ways we protect ourselves from needing others even when we so desperately want them.
i’m drawn to books like this because i like reading about things i don’t understand. love is one of them. psychoanalysis offers a language for something that otherwise feels abstract or unsafe to name. grosz doesn’t define love neatly, and that’s what makes the book resonate. instead, he circles it through absence, fear, dependency, and loss, showing how often love is confused with control, fantasy, or familiarity. reading this felt less like learning what love is and more like learning why it so often goes wrong, and why that doesn’t make us foolish, just human.
July 23, 2025
If you’re a fan of Stephen Grosz, after reading The Examined Life, then pick this one up! A set of life-changing revelations which make you deeply think about love, tenderness and togetherness.
Thank you PRH for an advanced reading copy.
Thank you PRH for an advanced reading copy.
August 30, 2025
so good I read it in a single sitting
February 18, 2026
✨️Thank you to #partner @prhaudio, @randomhousecanada & Stephen Grosz for my gifted audiobook & ARC in exchange for an honest review.
#PRHAudioPartner #PRHAInfluencer
Love's Labor is a collection of true stories from the author's work as a psychoanalyst. It was definitely interesting, the stories were compelling and had a nice depth to them but that's how far it went for me. The writing just didn't grab me or work for me in any way. I had a hard time truly connecting with the stories due to feeling so detached from the writing. I felt like it was very monotone and that the stories lacked emotion to give the full impact of each story.
Also, I felt like the stories were missing core parts. Some took years to reach a conclusion, but I felt like the journey to get there lacked. I just thought it would be more engaging, more emotional. I just needed more from this collection of stories to truly have the impact I was expecting from it.
Overall, this was just not the read for me. The writing threw me out of the story entirely, the stories were interesting, but the delivery missed the mark for me.
#PRHAudioPartner #PRHAInfluencer
Love's Labor is a collection of true stories from the author's work as a psychoanalyst. It was definitely interesting, the stories were compelling and had a nice depth to them but that's how far it went for me. The writing just didn't grab me or work for me in any way. I had a hard time truly connecting with the stories due to feeling so detached from the writing. I felt like it was very monotone and that the stories lacked emotion to give the full impact of each story.
Also, I felt like the stories were missing core parts. Some took years to reach a conclusion, but I felt like the journey to get there lacked. I just thought it would be more engaging, more emotional. I just needed more from this collection of stories to truly have the impact I was expecting from it.
Overall, this was just not the read for me. The writing threw me out of the story entirely, the stories were interesting, but the delivery missed the mark for me.
February 28, 2026
✨Love’s Labor✨
Quick Vibe
This book follows a psychoanalyst as he shares real stories from his practice, focusing on his patients and the struggles they carry. It explores love, heartbreak, grief, and the childhood wounds that shape us more than we realize. At its core, both the patients and the book are circling the same question: how do we actually find and keep love?
What I Liked
I’m not usually a huge non fiction reader unless it’s a memoir, but I flew through this. It’s short, but it doesn’t feel small. Every story had emotion behind it, and you can tell the author genuinely cares about the people he’s writing about.
There were a few moments where I literally paused and just thought about my own childhood and relationships. I love when a book makes you reflect without being obvious.
What I Didn’t Love
Honestly, nothing major. If you don’t love introspective, psychology type reads, it might not fully hit for you.
Overall Thoughts
Overall, Love’s Labor did exactly what it set out to do. It made me think. It made me reflect. I’d definitely recommend it if you like thoughtful reads with a theme of human behaviour and psychology.
⭐ Rating: 4.5 stars
Thank you to Penguin Random House Canada for sending me the advanced reader copy.
Quick Vibe
This book follows a psychoanalyst as he shares real stories from his practice, focusing on his patients and the struggles they carry. It explores love, heartbreak, grief, and the childhood wounds that shape us more than we realize. At its core, both the patients and the book are circling the same question: how do we actually find and keep love?
What I Liked
I’m not usually a huge non fiction reader unless it’s a memoir, but I flew through this. It’s short, but it doesn’t feel small. Every story had emotion behind it, and you can tell the author genuinely cares about the people he’s writing about.
There were a few moments where I literally paused and just thought about my own childhood and relationships. I love when a book makes you reflect without being obvious.
What I Didn’t Love
Honestly, nothing major. If you don’t love introspective, psychology type reads, it might not fully hit for you.
Overall Thoughts
Overall, Love’s Labor did exactly what it set out to do. It made me think. It made me reflect. I’d definitely recommend it if you like thoughtful reads with a theme of human behaviour and psychology.
⭐ Rating: 4.5 stars
Thank you to Penguin Random House Canada for sending me the advanced reader copy.
November 14, 2025
Thank you to Random House and NetGalley for providing an advance copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. The book will be published on February 10th, 2026.
This is a collection of client “stories” as told by Stephen Grosz, a psychoanalytic therapist in the Freudian school. I did enjoy some of the insights extracted from these encounters. Grosz comes up with the “actual” question buried in an initial complaint and these are both surprising and gut-feel correct. Unfortunately, I didn’t find the writing to be terribly engaging. It is the character’s neuroses that come to life, rather than the characters as whole people. But what is really missing for me is the journey. Some of these “stories” took literal years to achieve closure. I would have been far more interested in learning how the essential problem and possible resolution came to light. I have enjoyed books by Oliver Sacks, Irvin Yalom, and Lori Gottlieb quite a bit and was hoping to get some similar understanding from reading this book but it seemed to be missing the essential parts that would have led me to learn more about how human beings work and how people can solve their problems (the answer seems to be “spend several years in therapy” and I need a little more than that!
This is a collection of client “stories” as told by Stephen Grosz, a psychoanalytic therapist in the Freudian school. I did enjoy some of the insights extracted from these encounters. Grosz comes up with the “actual” question buried in an initial complaint and these are both surprising and gut-feel correct. Unfortunately, I didn’t find the writing to be terribly engaging. It is the character’s neuroses that come to life, rather than the characters as whole people. But what is really missing for me is the journey. Some of these “stories” took literal years to achieve closure. I would have been far more interested in learning how the essential problem and possible resolution came to light. I have enjoyed books by Oliver Sacks, Irvin Yalom, and Lori Gottlieb quite a bit and was hoping to get some similar understanding from reading this book but it seemed to be missing the essential parts that would have led me to learn more about how human beings work and how people can solve their problems (the answer seems to be “spend several years in therapy” and I need a little more than that!
November 29, 2025
a book friend (Kirstin) had given this five stars, so ordered it from blackwells before it’s published in the states next year, as felt so drawn to it…
& so grateful that I did. definitely recommend.
I haven’t read anything previously by this author, but might later seek it out too.
[read the hardcover edition]
& so grateful that I did. definitely recommend.
I haven’t read anything previously by this author, but might later seek it out too.
[read the hardcover edition]
December 11, 2025
Remarkable collection of short stories from a long career in psychotherapy, each one as engrossing and captivating as the last. The psyche in relationships as the most difficult unpredictable mystery.
September 23, 2025
So fascinating, entertaining, thought provoking. It could be a fiction even ….
April 1, 2026
3.5 stars -
I happened on this completely by accident on Libby one day and I thought I would give the audiobook a try since I am trying to read more nonfiction this year. And overall I did enjoy this. There are some really great and heart wrenching stories in here about people's personal experience with love and how it can make or break you sometimes. I especially liked the ending story about a young man and his experience loving an addict. I think the main issue I had with this is that it felt really disjointed. The stories themselves are great but the way they are compiled and oriented in the book seemed a little disorganized and all over the place. Not sure if this author is for me.
I happened on this completely by accident on Libby one day and I thought I would give the audiobook a try since I am trying to read more nonfiction this year. And overall I did enjoy this. There are some really great and heart wrenching stories in here about people's personal experience with love and how it can make or break you sometimes. I especially liked the ending story about a young man and his experience loving an addict. I think the main issue I had with this is that it felt really disjointed. The stories themselves are great but the way they are compiled and oriented in the book seemed a little disorganized and all over the place. Not sure if this author is for me.
March 14, 2026
this was fun and often poignant; i love gossip (case studies). i appreciated the author's inclusion of stories from his own life and his colleagues' lives-- all mental health workers are nosy as hell!!!-- and his writing of himself as someone persistently trying to understand, and sometimes stumbling, rather than someone with answers or even able to help.
February 27, 2026
2.75 ⭐️.
I had higher expectations.
I had higher expectations.
March 10, 2026
I highly recommend the audiobook. Great voice!
November 9, 2025
Thank you to the publisher, Random House, an imprint and division of Penguin Random House and the author, Stephen Grosz, for the privilege to read this advanced copy through NetGalley. Opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own.
This is a book of true stories from the author's work as a psychoanalyst. The challenges a psychoanalyst encounters during treatment of patients, such as identifying the root cause of problems. Examples include how a person's parents addressed issues during childhood (because of events in childhood, he dreaded the idea of surrender to someone else), or a girlfriend threatens suicide if there's a breakup. An interesting aspect of treatment is "if his psychoanalysis was to be a success, this was a mystery we would have to solve." I didn't realize the degree of sleuthing these clinicians had to do to help their patients.
There are numerous pearls of insight into the reasons this psychoanalyst's patients seek help. Such as, "Because love ends, Osman [the patient] avoided love." It is like a book of short stories about people in therapy. At times, patient sessions triggered memories and the psychoanalyst was even analyzing himself.
I found it interesting and an easy read. It gave me food for thought when trying to figure out somebody. This is not written like a textbook but like stories of people and their troubles. It also provides tips of the psychoanalyst's trade, that is, details a clinician looks or listens for, looking for "habits of mind." Topics include, in part, adultery, brokenheartedness, suicide, depression, drug addiction, guilt. It's not your typical nonfiction, but worth reading if it's an area you're interested in.
To summarize the book, "a journey to the underworld is a necessary part of every psychoanalysis: to see the light, you have to go down into the dark."
This is a book of true stories from the author's work as a psychoanalyst. The challenges a psychoanalyst encounters during treatment of patients, such as identifying the root cause of problems. Examples include how a person's parents addressed issues during childhood (because of events in childhood, he dreaded the idea of surrender to someone else), or a girlfriend threatens suicide if there's a breakup. An interesting aspect of treatment is "if his psychoanalysis was to be a success, this was a mystery we would have to solve." I didn't realize the degree of sleuthing these clinicians had to do to help their patients.
There are numerous pearls of insight into the reasons this psychoanalyst's patients seek help. Such as, "Because love ends, Osman [the patient] avoided love." It is like a book of short stories about people in therapy. At times, patient sessions triggered memories and the psychoanalyst was even analyzing himself.
I found it interesting and an easy read. It gave me food for thought when trying to figure out somebody. This is not written like a textbook but like stories of people and their troubles. It also provides tips of the psychoanalyst's trade, that is, details a clinician looks or listens for, looking for "habits of mind." Topics include, in part, adultery, brokenheartedness, suicide, depression, drug addiction, guilt. It's not your typical nonfiction, but worth reading if it's an area you're interested in.
To summarize the book, "a journey to the underworld is a necessary part of every psychoanalysis: to see the light, you have to go down into the dark."
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January 24, 2026LOVE'S LABOR: HOW WE BREAK AND MAKE THE BONDS OF LOVE.
BY: STEPHEN GROSZ
This second book by experienced, and well educated, Author named STEPHEN GROSZ, who has had me so excited to read his EXCELLENT volume of Case Studies from this decades of experience practicing Psychoanalysis is my Most Anticipated Non Fiction reading experience in fourteen years. He is most definitely a top favorite Author who I read, and also loved his first book called, THE EXAMINED LIFE, when it was first Published in the U.S. in December of 2012 which were shorter essays and right before I switched over to reading everything on my Kindle. I remember looking on this Good Reads website hoping to find something very similar to no avail. Back then I had been recommended it by a friend of mine, and I owned the physical hardcover which within the last year I also bought the Kindle version since it was so unforgettable. I never forgot the first short story that was probably longer than the rest about a man who Dr. Grosz met with as an out patient at his office. The two met regularly for an extended amount of time when he suddenly stopped showing up to his sessions without any indication, or notice that he was stopping his therapy without so much as a phone call. Either Dr. Grosz called him, but I think he instructed his wife to tell Dr. Grosz that he was dead. It was astonishing since he turned up after awhile back to see Dr. Grosz very much alive, and resumed treatment or they saw each other, and he admitted to some excuse that he didn't seem to think how shocking that deliberate act was for Dr. Grosz who kept his composure, and compassionate describing the incident seemingly unaffected, and it struck me as the oddest, patient in that entire first volume compared to any other essay he wrote about. Nothing prepared me for that, since the man who pretended to be dead didn't seem embarrassed, but maybe Dr. Grosz just ended the story just like he does with these in "LOVE'S LABOR," sort of surprising me that when I turned the next page seeing that his demeanor is so unfazed, but also this second book has more longer Case Studies that seem more like short stories than his first book with essays.
I found this second book to be easier for me to capture the process of every nuance of each case since he has done a more comprehensive detailed job of including the Case Studies with how this book I know is more masterfully written which I don't know if I've become more skilled at analyzing in the past fourteen years. All I know was that this second book is my favorite one, even though they are both fantastic. I would have to reread the first again, but I remember that his soothing mannerisms with how he presented himself are identical as I remembered even after all of these years. I also remembered that he was from the United States where he went to the University of California, Berkeley. He has had the same practice that has a separate office with it having a private entrance that is attached to his home where he lives with his wife, and children in the U.K, He attended Oxford. I remember that in "The Examined Life, except for that first case about the man, seemed longer than the essays in the rest of the variation of themes having to do with human connections was less structured than this second book, "LOVE's LABOR." In both he has the same writing style, and his admirable, subtle, and laid back way of practicing psychoanalysis is also my favorite style of how much more calmly, and quieter more understated, yet effective he seems when counseling his patients about the vastly different multitudes exploring love with each case distinct with different ways they connect, and interacting with others. He is extremely Brilliant, and highly perceptive while remaining humble that I intuit from his tone that he expresses through his writing. This book was fascinating and describing from each short chapter taking me, or the reader vicariously sharing his thoughts which we witness him preparing for a brand new case with the client's name that begins with each new consultation a couple of brief sentences about who his next person's reason for why they're seeking his help. The patient may or may not speak at first. Sometimes nobody speaks but we witness it as if we are invisible and usually that person will have to come back, with most times it takes exploring ideas, dreams, or a problematic relationship having to do with love of a parent or a partner. He sometimes interprets something the patient mentions and helps them by asking a question and he and the patient go through the therapeutic process as he is always kind and patient and he might get an altogether different case where he will consult and in most cases it unfolds with intrigue and the process ends with this book having more clarity. Some patients it doesn't always end abruptly as he so often ends the chapter with me having to think for a couple of minutes which is what I loved so much about this book compared to the one I read fourteen years ago. I am going to be recommending this to all the readers I know. Psychoanalysis is not written about here as much for the general audience except for one other practitioner that I can think of who I know you can read much more about regular psychologists but i adore Dr. Stephen Grosz and his work in this one "LOVES LABOR," was so spectacular that it is going to be my favorite Non-Fiction reading experiences for years. I hope that he writes more books since he is a gifted communicator so his writing is very high caliber. This should be accessible for most people with the way he's made this accessible, and it's worth many more than the Five Stars! If you like psychology you will love this. I'm very sad that it ended. It is an honor and a privilege to witness how Dr. Stephen Grosz writes about how he treats his patients compared to the several abundant Practitioners in the United States. He communicates eloquently starting the book with so much honesty, and vulnerability how he has to visit his own Psychoanalysis appointment with which he explains what love is when it is and how different it becomes as when it is surrendered as opposed to love given on a transactional basis differs from submission. He talks about transference and counter transference. His explanation of sitting and discussing dreams, memories, thoughts and when we free associate how comforting it is to stop analyzing his own during those meetings knowing you're with someone who is listening. You both are figuring out together, and interpreting whatever you're saying and it can be an emotional release.
Publication Date: February 10, 2026
Thank you to Net Galley, Dr. Stephen Grosz, and Random House for generously providing me with my STUNNING ARC, in exchange for a fair and honest review. All opinions are my own, as always.
#LovesLabor #DrStephenGrosz #RandomHouse #NetGalley
BY: STEPHEN GROSZ
This second book by experienced, and well educated, Author named STEPHEN GROSZ, who has had me so excited to read his EXCELLENT volume of Case Studies from this decades of experience practicing Psychoanalysis is my Most Anticipated Non Fiction reading experience in fourteen years. He is most definitely a top favorite Author who I read, and also loved his first book called, THE EXAMINED LIFE, when it was first Published in the U.S. in December of 2012 which were shorter essays and right before I switched over to reading everything on my Kindle. I remember looking on this Good Reads website hoping to find something very similar to no avail. Back then I had been recommended it by a friend of mine, and I owned the physical hardcover which within the last year I also bought the Kindle version since it was so unforgettable. I never forgot the first short story that was probably longer than the rest about a man who Dr. Grosz met with as an out patient at his office. The two met regularly for an extended amount of time when he suddenly stopped showing up to his sessions without any indication, or notice that he was stopping his therapy without so much as a phone call. Either Dr. Grosz called him, but I think he instructed his wife to tell Dr. Grosz that he was dead. It was astonishing since he turned up after awhile back to see Dr. Grosz very much alive, and resumed treatment or they saw each other, and he admitted to some excuse that he didn't seem to think how shocking that deliberate act was for Dr. Grosz who kept his composure, and compassionate describing the incident seemingly unaffected, and it struck me as the oddest, patient in that entire first volume compared to any other essay he wrote about. Nothing prepared me for that, since the man who pretended to be dead didn't seem embarrassed, but maybe Dr. Grosz just ended the story just like he does with these in "LOVE'S LABOR," sort of surprising me that when I turned the next page seeing that his demeanor is so unfazed, but also this second book has more longer Case Studies that seem more like short stories than his first book with essays.
I found this second book to be easier for me to capture the process of every nuance of each case since he has done a more comprehensive detailed job of including the Case Studies with how this book I know is more masterfully written which I don't know if I've become more skilled at analyzing in the past fourteen years. All I know was that this second book is my favorite one, even though they are both fantastic. I would have to reread the first again, but I remember that his soothing mannerisms with how he presented himself are identical as I remembered even after all of these years. I also remembered that he was from the United States where he went to the University of California, Berkeley. He has had the same practice that has a separate office with it having a private entrance that is attached to his home where he lives with his wife, and children in the U.K, He attended Oxford. I remember that in "The Examined Life, except for that first case about the man, seemed longer than the essays in the rest of the variation of themes having to do with human connections was less structured than this second book, "LOVE's LABOR." In both he has the same writing style, and his admirable, subtle, and laid back way of practicing psychoanalysis is also my favorite style of how much more calmly, and quieter more understated, yet effective he seems when counseling his patients about the vastly different multitudes exploring love with each case distinct with different ways they connect, and interacting with others. He is extremely Brilliant, and highly perceptive while remaining humble that I intuit from his tone that he expresses through his writing. This book was fascinating and describing from each short chapter taking me, or the reader vicariously sharing his thoughts which we witness him preparing for a brand new case with the client's name that begins with each new consultation a couple of brief sentences about who his next person's reason for why they're seeking his help. The patient may or may not speak at first. Sometimes nobody speaks but we witness it as if we are invisible and usually that person will have to come back, with most times it takes exploring ideas, dreams, or a problematic relationship having to do with love of a parent or a partner. He sometimes interprets something the patient mentions and helps them by asking a question and he and the patient go through the therapeutic process as he is always kind and patient and he might get an altogether different case where he will consult and in most cases it unfolds with intrigue and the process ends with this book having more clarity. Some patients it doesn't always end abruptly as he so often ends the chapter with me having to think for a couple of minutes which is what I loved so much about this book compared to the one I read fourteen years ago. I am going to be recommending this to all the readers I know. Psychoanalysis is not written about here as much for the general audience except for one other practitioner that I can think of who I know you can read much more about regular psychologists but i adore Dr. Stephen Grosz and his work in this one "LOVES LABOR," was so spectacular that it is going to be my favorite Non-Fiction reading experiences for years. I hope that he writes more books since he is a gifted communicator so his writing is very high caliber. This should be accessible for most people with the way he's made this accessible, and it's worth many more than the Five Stars! If you like psychology you will love this. I'm very sad that it ended. It is an honor and a privilege to witness how Dr. Stephen Grosz writes about how he treats his patients compared to the several abundant Practitioners in the United States. He communicates eloquently starting the book with so much honesty, and vulnerability how he has to visit his own Psychoanalysis appointment with which he explains what love is when it is and how different it becomes as when it is surrendered as opposed to love given on a transactional basis differs from submission. He talks about transference and counter transference. His explanation of sitting and discussing dreams, memories, thoughts and when we free associate how comforting it is to stop analyzing his own during those meetings knowing you're with someone who is listening. You both are figuring out together, and interpreting whatever you're saying and it can be an emotional release.
Publication Date: February 10, 2026
Thank you to Net Galley, Dr. Stephen Grosz, and Random House for generously providing me with my STUNNING ARC, in exchange for a fair and honest review. All opinions are my own, as always.
#LovesLabor #DrStephenGrosz #RandomHouse #NetGalley
September 6, 2025
"We deceive ourselves about love—the who, what and why."
Much of LOVE'S LABOUR reads like a strange variant of the mystery novel. Grosz outlines the case history of his client, and the personal or relationship anxieties they experience, and he and they sit down in his office to resolve this riddle. Whether it's a husband collecting nonsensical evidence that his wife is unfaithful or a man traumatised by his girlfriend's suicide, the process of psychoanalysis and the solutions it uncovers in turn speaks to Grosz' overall question of the work that is needed to make a relationship flourish.
However, unlike the tidy resolutions of Doyle and Christie, Grosz' cases frequently end with a note of uncertainty, with some patients quitting therapy, others attaining some respite, and a few (including Grosz himself) continuing to look for answers. Refreshingly, this book offers few sweeping claims or easy self-help answers, regularly highlighting the difficulties that even seasoned psychoanalysts have in seeing themselves honestly. Intimate and thought-provoking, LOVE'S LABOUR is a revelatory look at the difficulties posed by love.
Much of LOVE'S LABOUR reads like a strange variant of the mystery novel. Grosz outlines the case history of his client, and the personal or relationship anxieties they experience, and he and they sit down in his office to resolve this riddle. Whether it's a husband collecting nonsensical evidence that his wife is unfaithful or a man traumatised by his girlfriend's suicide, the process of psychoanalysis and the solutions it uncovers in turn speaks to Grosz' overall question of the work that is needed to make a relationship flourish.
However, unlike the tidy resolutions of Doyle and Christie, Grosz' cases frequently end with a note of uncertainty, with some patients quitting therapy, others attaining some respite, and a few (including Grosz himself) continuing to look for answers. Refreshingly, this book offers few sweeping claims or easy self-help answers, regularly highlighting the difficulties that even seasoned psychoanalysts have in seeing themselves honestly. Intimate and thought-provoking, LOVE'S LABOUR is a revelatory look at the difficulties posed by love.
October 2, 2025
Stephen Grosz writes beautifully about the challenges and rewards of love, about the ways in which we sometimes struggle to face up to the truth of our lives, and about how we can move on if we understand things better. I liked this book a little more than his book The Examined Life, because the stories were longer and there were many thoughtful moments that stayed with me.
November 12, 2025
Somewhat underwhelmingly short, but excellent, clear storytelling. Perceptive, wise and often very moving. Enjoyed it almost as much as The Examined Life, and very similar to Frank Tallis’s The Incurable Romantic.
November 23, 2025
Deeply moving
I was looking forward to learning about myself by learning about Grosz’s encounters with his patients and with himself. This book was deeply satisfying and moving. I recommend it very highly. Although, do read The Examined Life first if you haven’t already.
I was looking forward to learning about myself by learning about Grosz’s encounters with his patients and with himself. This book was deeply satisfying and moving. I recommend it very highly. Although, do read The Examined Life first if you haven’t already.
October 18, 2025
Amazing addition to his first book “The Examined Life” Grosz takes us through real life stories of LOVE in many forms and how we deal with it. Highly Recommended.
December 13, 2025
Read this if you like stories about the human condition and if you want to love better.
December 26, 2025
so fascinating, you feel like a fly on the wall of his sessions
February 28, 2026
A deceptively straightforward and surprisingly short exploration of a weighty subject: what it means to be a person who loves, and inevitably loses love, and anticipates one's own death.
In these often elliptical essays, Grosz considers the case histories of patients he has worked with over the years in a range of setting, including his own private practice. He portrays their struggles with love and autonomy, with interdependence and intersubjectivity. At its core, the book is an exploration of the haunting question of who and how much to trust in the wake of the betrayals of love that begin in early childhood. Psychoanalysis, in Grosz's depiction, is a relationship that enables considering the past and present in order to achieve greater insight, which may also spur more happiness.
Or not. One of the more disquieting essays is not about his clients but about a group of four psychoanalysts, two couples, he became close to while attending the same professional conference over a number of years. When the wife of one couple falls in love with and announces her intention to claim the husband in the other couple, some chaos ensues. Grosz, intriguingly, elects to observe and comment but not to judge: not the woman who believes that psychoanalysis gives us tools to choose happiness, even at the expense of others; not the betrayed wife, who believes that psychoanalysis offers, rather, the maturity not to seek pleasure and joy at the expense of the other. The final moments of the vignette, which take place while sitting shiva, are lovely (but raise further questions).
Grosz is a psychoanalyst who appears to take a relatively eclectic approach, with a nod to Freud and object relations theory but also the contemporary work of writers like Jessica Benjamin, author of The Bonds of Love: Psychoanalysis, Feminism, and the Problem of Domination. There's a nod, too, to Barthes's Lover's Discourse. So while this is an accessible and eminently readable volume, I suspect that some knowledge of Grosz's literary and psychoanalytic antecedents may be helpful.
I found this book absorbing and transformative; it clarified my thinking about a fraught relationship. But it also reminded me that I miss reading writers like Benjamin and Klein, and I need to get back to them.
In these often elliptical essays, Grosz considers the case histories of patients he has worked with over the years in a range of setting, including his own private practice. He portrays their struggles with love and autonomy, with interdependence and intersubjectivity. At its core, the book is an exploration of the haunting question of who and how much to trust in the wake of the betrayals of love that begin in early childhood. Psychoanalysis, in Grosz's depiction, is a relationship that enables considering the past and present in order to achieve greater insight, which may also spur more happiness.
Or not. One of the more disquieting essays is not about his clients but about a group of four psychoanalysts, two couples, he became close to while attending the same professional conference over a number of years. When the wife of one couple falls in love with and announces her intention to claim the husband in the other couple, some chaos ensues. Grosz, intriguingly, elects to observe and comment but not to judge: not the woman who believes that psychoanalysis gives us tools to choose happiness, even at the expense of others; not the betrayed wife, who believes that psychoanalysis offers, rather, the maturity not to seek pleasure and joy at the expense of the other. The final moments of the vignette, which take place while sitting shiva, are lovely (but raise further questions).
Grosz is a psychoanalyst who appears to take a relatively eclectic approach, with a nod to Freud and object relations theory but also the contemporary work of writers like Jessica Benjamin, author of The Bonds of Love: Psychoanalysis, Feminism, and the Problem of Domination. There's a nod, too, to Barthes's Lover's Discourse. So while this is an accessible and eminently readable volume, I suspect that some knowledge of Grosz's literary and psychoanalytic antecedents may be helpful.
I found this book absorbing and transformative; it clarified my thinking about a fraught relationship. But it also reminded me that I miss reading writers like Benjamin and Klein, and I need to get back to them.
November 26, 2025
📚Love's Labor
✍🏻Stephen Grosz
Blurb:
An acclaimed author and psychoanalyst shares moving true stories from his practice to expore the central question of our how do we find and keep love?
In these brief but powerful true stories drawn from his more than thirty-five years counseling patients, Stephen Grosz brings us into the lives of people who cannot fully connect with lovers, spouses, parents, or friends. With patience and compassion, Grosz helps each patient draw a map of their internal world in order to uncover the unconscious fears and desires sabotaging their relationships.
One man obsessively tends to everyone around him, hoping to avoid love’s end; another retreats from the world, unable to live fully until he’s able to confront a tragic romance; adultery and betrayal tear apart two married couples, but love persists between spouses in surprising ways. Each one works with Grosz to decipher the language of their heart and learns to surrender to the difficult reality of truly connecting with another person.
More than just case histories, these deftly rendered encounters of everyday suffering—and profound relief—are true short stories, marked by Grosz’s deep understanding of the human condition and of obstacles on the path to true connection.
My Thoughts
I loved every page and only wish it was longer. Such insights, such compassion, so much food for thought. I was especially captivated by the episodes from Grosz‘s training and his supervisions: he shows that he continuously learning and developing as a psychoanalyst and a human being, which in itself is such an encouraging perspective. There is a lot of hope in this little gem of a book.
Thanks NetGalley, Random House and Author Stephen Grosz for the advanced copy of "Love's Labor" I am leaving my voluntary review in appreciation.
#NetGalley
#RandomHouse
#Love'sLabor
#StephenGrosz
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
⚠️Trigger Warnings: Death, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide
✍🏻Stephen Grosz
Blurb:
An acclaimed author and psychoanalyst shares moving true stories from his practice to expore the central question of our how do we find and keep love?
In these brief but powerful true stories drawn from his more than thirty-five years counseling patients, Stephen Grosz brings us into the lives of people who cannot fully connect with lovers, spouses, parents, or friends. With patience and compassion, Grosz helps each patient draw a map of their internal world in order to uncover the unconscious fears and desires sabotaging their relationships.
One man obsessively tends to everyone around him, hoping to avoid love’s end; another retreats from the world, unable to live fully until he’s able to confront a tragic romance; adultery and betrayal tear apart two married couples, but love persists between spouses in surprising ways. Each one works with Grosz to decipher the language of their heart and learns to surrender to the difficult reality of truly connecting with another person.
More than just case histories, these deftly rendered encounters of everyday suffering—and profound relief—are true short stories, marked by Grosz’s deep understanding of the human condition and of obstacles on the path to true connection.
My Thoughts
I loved every page and only wish it was longer. Such insights, such compassion, so much food for thought. I was especially captivated by the episodes from Grosz‘s training and his supervisions: he shows that he continuously learning and developing as a psychoanalyst and a human being, which in itself is such an encouraging perspective. There is a lot of hope in this little gem of a book.
Thanks NetGalley, Random House and Author Stephen Grosz for the advanced copy of "Love's Labor" I am leaving my voluntary review in appreciation.
#NetGalley
#RandomHouse
#Love'sLabor
#StephenGrosz
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
⚠️Trigger Warnings: Death, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide
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