The summary of my review? Read Intimacies first. That’s a taut gem—smart, efficient, introspective, sad, hopeful, unique. This is also unique, but much more difficult to absorb. I highly recommend reading this with a buddy (which I didn’t do).
Here are some of my issues:
1. As I was starting to sink into these characters and premise, (where a famous actress is approached by a young man who thinks he’s the son she gave up, but the reader is confided in as to why this is impossible), Part 2 comes and shifts the whole reality. It’s just as interesting and well-written a reality as Part 1, but it means I was jolted out of the intimacy we were establishing, and sent back to start all over again.
2. The interior of the main character in this one is harsh compared to Intimacies’ hazy, vulnerable lead. Here I wondered if she was even capable of empathy, and my stomach was in knots at times. There wasn’t the humor needed to mitigate this. Before I got to feeling the empathy-lack, the voice was reminding me of Rachel Cusk. I loved Cusk’s trilogy, but was surprised by the distance I felt Kitamura wanted to keep here.
3. The interior musings in Intimacies were deep, yet efficient. Here, as early as Part 1, I was already feeling we were going over and over some things too compulsively.
So, why these alternate realities for these characters in this particular way? I could come up with all kinds of theories that involve storytelling and writing, wish-fulfillment and facing who you would be, even within the path not taken. But I don’t really know, and it all feels like a creative exercise rather than a naturally occurring emotional synthesis.
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I did love the question of whether or not it matters if an actor feels good about their performance. My first job was ASM to an off-Broadway show, and I remember distinctly being less impressed with the performances where the actors felt they had total control. The ones where they would beat themselves up for losing the thread always contained the most riveting, human moments. And there’s lots to think about in this novel about preparedness and control of one’s entire body as a trained performer, and whether that leads to excellence in life and art.
I also loved how the actress faces herself and her assumptions about who she is in relationships intermittently—that felt brave and true. Kitamura is still an artist with her prose. I’m happy I read this, and happy she’s experimenting with the form. I just usually feel this magic moment of synthesis when I read literature where themes come together, and the truth underneath the details emerges fresh and whole.
I still look forward to reading A Separation, and anything else Kitamura writes. My reading experience with Audition still makes me want more.
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And I must share her prose, with some examples of her quiet dread:
“I was aware that Xavier was watching me closely, with a hunger that sat too close to the surface.”
“I felt, in his departure, a feeling of regret so pronounced it seemed to exert a gravitational pull, it seemed to pull me to the ground. I could have gotten to my feet and called him back. I could have run after him, tugged at his arm. But there had been something that stopped me.”
“Anger surged through me, a sharpening of all my instincts. The situation was more dangerous than I had previously understood, below the surface demands and obtrusions of his personality was a ruthlessness I had not perceived or prepared for.” [this is how I ended up feeling about the narrator. Deliberate projection?]
“…I had learned to live with greater discipline, to inhabit a certain quietude, so that I no longer fully remembered what it felt like to be so open to the world, to take such pleasure in throwing myself onto the crashing waves of other people’s temperament.”
“When he was younger there had been something grasping in his manner, which was not unusual in someone so ambitious, someone who wished to make his mark upon the world and who cared what people thought of him. But as he attained further success in his work, he became less interested in what other people thought, his ego no longer requiring external reinforcement, and then less interested in other people more generally.”
“Said had a successful gallery career that was predicated on small shifts in his practice, sufficiently minute that his market remained untroubled, but together substantial enough to create the impression of artistic revolution. Lately, however, Said had talked of making larger changes in his work, he was tired of pandering to the market, even if it had made him enormously wealthy.”
“There are always two stories taking place at once, the narrative inside the play and the narrative around it, and the boundary between the two is more porous than you might think, that is both the danger and the excitement of the performance.” [this seems key thematically, but I still can’t make sense of the whole].
“…the success of the film happened to coincide with a change in the culture, in the writing, a change in the way of seeing. For the first time, I was allowed to be human. I could even be at the center of a story. And later still, there were parts that consumed me, so that I could say the life that was performed, on a set or in a theater, could at times feel more real to me than my actual life.”
I think she’s hinting at something with that last quote, too, how strange a profession acting and writing must be to so fully inhabit characters in a fictional world.
3.5