All My Dead Cats and Other Losses: Practicing Good Grief in a Culture That Fears Mourning

by S.E. Smith

Have you suffered a loss? How was your life changed by the grief you experienced? Did you feel like your grief was properly acknowledged? Mourning is a personal experience and shouldn't be judged. There are no do-overs in death, but there are do-betters.

All My Dead Cats is not a book about pet loss. You will meet award-winning journalist and debut author s.e. smith’s cats and read small slices of their stories. Their vignettes serve as an opening to scary conversations about loss, so grief can feel less intimidating and more relatable.

This is a book about grief and mourning as collective activities best undertaken in community. s.e. interviews dozens of experts—from death doulas to funeral home directors to therapists and psychologists—and discusses the different stages of grief. The shared perspectives help us understand that grief is not fixable but it can be livable. They teach us that if we have the courage, which begins with honest conversations about how we navigate grief, then we can learn how to do better.
After reading you'll better understand:

Disenfranchised grief and how you can be part of the solution and not the problem

How to be an advocate for people subjected to trauma and violence

The stages of grief and how to process your experiences

Grief is not over once the body is neatly disposed of, the rubble of the house has been taken away in dumpsters, the final fit on the prosthesis is done, the law is passed and withstands legal challenges, or when the permanent peace is brokered. It is an ongoing shift in our relationship to the world, and one that deserves attention and care as well as time and space to be amongst fellow mourners, to whom we do not need to justify or explain, because they understand where we are.

Readers will feel seen rather than being chastised for how they grieve and better understand how to process mourning--and how to help others. All My Dead Cats provides an entry point, by beginning the conversation about a beloved pet, so readers can think about the larger stakes of death and live a more fulfilled life.

Genres: Nonfiction, Grief, Self Help, Psychology, Memoir, Mental Health, Audiobook

320 pages, Paperback

First published July 28, 2026

About the author

s.e. smith is a Northern California-based journalist, essayist, author, and critic who explores contemporary culture and topics around labor, disability, technology, feminism, death and dying, and animal welfare. smith's cultural criticism and reported features have appeared in publications such as The Washington Post, Time, The Guardian, Rolling Stone, The Verge, Esquire, and The Nation, and were recognized with a National Magazine Award in 2020 in Columns and Commentary for the “An Unquiet Mind” column in Catapult Magazine. Their forthcoming book, All My Dead Cats and Other Losses: Practicing Good Grief in a Culture That Fears Mourning (HarperOne, 2026), explores death, dying, and conversations about loss; smith’s work also appears in numerous anthologies, most recently Disability Intimacy (Vintage, 2024). smith is a cofounder and a worker-owner of The Flytrap, a feminist journalism collective.

Reviews

[Naylaaa_Storyyy]

All My Dead Cats and Other Losses — s.e. smith 🐈‍⬛🖤

I thought this was going to be a book about cats. Well… technically, yes. But not just cats. 😭

s.e. smith uses the stories of the cats they’ve lost as a doorway into a much bigger conversation about grief, mourning, death, trauma and how society expects us to grieve.

And honestly, this book made me stop and think.

We always hear things like “time will heal” or “you need to move on”, but what if grief isn’t something that needs to be fixed? What if it simply becomes something we learn to live alongside?

I really appreciated how the author talks about different kinds of grief, including the grief that people sometimes don’t acknowledge because they think the loss isn’t “important enough”. And yes, losing a beloved animal can hurt deeply. 🥹🐈

The cat stories were definitely my favourite parts. They made the heavier discussions feel more personal and easier to connect with. But some chapters? My heart was NOT prepared. 😭☝🏻

This isn’t exactly a “fun” read, but I think it is an important one. It reminded me that there is no correct timeline, perfect method or universal rule for mourning.

Sometimes, we don’t need someone to tell us how to feel.

We just need someone to sit with us in it.

A thoughtful read about loss, compassion and learning how to make space for grief. 🖤

And yes… the title had me thinking about cats, but this book had me thinking about life.

Sofie- Long haired calico cat
Die during accident- father did buried but not let him know- just because he was a kid

Mr Shadow- Friendly Grey Tabby Cat

[Book Riot Community]

Book Riot’s Most Anticipated Books of 2026:

Grief is a perpetually interesting topic, and a large reason why is because western culture chooses to pretend it's not a foundational, universal human experience. This book, penned by journalist s.e. smith, explores the many manifestations of grief that nearly each and every one of us experiences at some point. smith interviews a range of experts in the field of grief and mourning—including funeral home directors, death doulas, and therapists—to not only understand the complex processes but also shine a light on the role community plays in supporting and healing those living these experiences. —Kelly Jensen

[Tara]

This was a good meditation on grief and loss in this capitalist hellscape. I appreciated the way this was split up into different types of grief experiences and explored both through pet and human loss. It was a good, but hard read.

[Rachael Jakubowski]

Thank you to Netgalley and HarperOne for the eARC of this book in exchange for e for my honest review.

Where do I start with this? Did I give this book a 4 star rating? …. Yes, yes I did. This book also very seriously made me question why the hell I requested it as an arc with the number of times I was in tears throughout it.

Did I enjoy this book? Yes, and also absolutely not. Now, let me explain before you veer off and decide to not look at this book. The parts I did not “like” were the parts I NEEDED to read.

As someone who found their soul cat at a very young age, and also lost said cat already in life; let me tell you that pain and grief is excruciating, it never leaves you. And reading that the author has also dealt with that and that so many others do and that it’s ok— normal even was something deep down I truly need to hear.

Now, as someone who had recently lost a beloved younger sibling, something I wouldn’t wish on anyone, reading about how different people deal with grief, bottle it up, never deal with it, carry it with them for ever; or simply wear it on their sleeve forever like their hearts and emotions.

I am still grieving my soul cat, and I always will; that’s not new. But navigating the loss of my younger brother has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. Helping my parents navigate their grief in his passing has been one of the most surreal moments/ times in my life.

This book went through how grief patterns work their way through society and people, and I have definitely seen that in my circle as time has passed since my brother’s death. But also I have seen as the author mentions the lack of empathy from the outsiders of that grief, the ones not taking part in that emotional response with you— and just how hard it truly can be to truly feel that it’s ok to grieve those we’ve lost.

Also, kindly, because I am an animal lover, the entire chapter— Tab4— can suck it, my heart was not ready for that at all. Like at all.

So many emotions through this read. But at the end of it, I’m glad I read it, because I really did need it.


#AllMyDeadCatsandOtherLosses #NetGalley

[ELK]

I appreciate this book so much, and have been waiting for something like this to come along. Want to recommend this to everyone.

It's deeply affirming and encouraging to see narratives and frameworks that validate, legitimize and fiercely defend grief beginning to emerge from the cultural mainstream -- especially ones like this, which necessarily indict capitalism and come from a larger structural analysis to reframe grief as inherently collective rather than individualistic in nature. Especially appreciated the author's tying in of (dis)ableism throughout (even taking an opportunity to gracefully elevate the conversation on assisted death from a politically disabled perspective) and the role of grief in marginalized people's lives. It wasn't always easy to get through, but well worth the journey (akin to, as this book ultimately argues, grief itself).

[Kelly]

Beautifully and thoughtfully written, expansive in scope, my only complaint is that the author did not pay the cat tax.

[Evette]

s.e. has crafted a brilliant ode to navigating grief of all kinds.

[Laura]

As a person who just lost their soul cat three weeks ago, I need this book noooooow

[heidi]

Grief is an emotion. But it's also a process, a cultural construct, a state of being, and a right.

This book frames different types and constructions of grieving around smith's pet loss, but it is also very much a book about all the types of loss we experience. As I read it, I found myself thinking about my own losses, especially my miscarriages. I cried the first time I came across an HR policy listing miscarriage leave. It never occurred to me that was possible, and I really needed it.

I also read and re-read the chapter on euthanasia/good death/assisted suicide/ableism, because there was so much there. What is a good life? What is bodily autonomy? How much of our feeling about a life not worth living has to do with our societal failures, not our bodies? When I was 17, I wrote my college admissions essay about assisted suicide, having watched several family members mistreated at the end of their lives. But then I met a lot of disabled activists, and my beliefs got a lot more nuanced, and I certainly wouldn't write the same paper. This book pulled out that evolution, but a lot more gracefully.

It's a book that doesn't have a lot of answers, but it has a lot of observations. Grief is weird, and awkward, and hard to witness and hard to do, and all of us have to do it sometimes, and keep doing it. There are a lot of flashes of ways to do it in many cultures, but that feels more like a way to prevent solipsism than a deep study, because this is not that book. Those books exist elsewhere. It's not a book about afterlife. It's a book about a part of being human. In many ways, it reminded me of all the books I've studied on comprehensive sex education, and how much it matters to give people room to find their own values and provide factual information.

Read if: You are a human, and have ever wondered why you're not "over" something, even when you feel you should be.

Skip if: You are currently too raw to read about other people hurting.

Also read: Here If You Need Me

[Addison Dean]

This book took me some time to read, in part because it is a pretty long book, and in part because of the heaviness of the topic. I felt like I could only read one chapter a day, as I needed more time than usual to process what I was reading. Was it an enjoyable read? Of course not! But I think it's a necessary read for anyone who wants a better understanding of all facets of grief, organized within a framework of the author's experiences with cat deaths.

As someone who has experienced quite a few losses in the last couple of years, both humans and animals, this book appealed to me because it put to words a lot of the complexities of the grief I have been feeling. It also covered some aspects of grief that I hadn't given as much thought to, such as the experiences of those grieving loved ones whose deaths were highly politicized. There were also some topics included that I felt could have been served better in their own books, specifically, the chapter on euthanasia in the context of the disability community, which seemed kind of tangential to the theme. Overall, I found the book well researched and broad reaching, and it addresses a subject we really need to discuss more openly as a society.

One quick note from my perspective as an ADHD reader: This book contains long chapters with no section breaks, so the formatting made it a little less accessible for me than I'd have liked. If you're someone who struggles with reading research-heavy nonfiction like me, keep this in mind when picking up this book.

Many thanks to NetGalley and HarperOne for the opportunity to read this ARC and share my honest review!

[Lyana A.]

As the poet Hanif Abdurraqib puts it, “grief makes a home within us if we allow it to.”

All My Dead Cats and Other Losses invites us to meet each cat Smith has loved, and uses those stories as springboards into bigger conversations about grief. Whether she’s preparing for the inevitability of death or wrestling with the complexities of euthanasia, Smith turns personal experience into a way to talk about topics we usually avoid.

This book made grief feel approachable. I was skeptical at first about how it would work, somehow it was able to bridge the gap between something that often feels isolating and deeply personal, and makes it feel open and shared even if you haven’t experienced every kind of loss she describes.

Over decades of pet ownership, Smith has said goodbye to at least half a dozen cats. Some deaths came quickly and without warning. Reading this made me reflect on my own childhood pets and the grief I carried but never really had words for.

This is an unflinching look at loss, and it can be challenging if you’re not ready to stare it in the face. But maybe that’s the point. We talk about grief too rarely. It leaves people feeling isolated, unsure how to navigate their own, or how to show up for someone else’s.

Smith’s writing is well-researched and grounded. You can feel her background as a National Magazine Award-winning journalist in the care she takes with each story.

I’d recommend this book to anyone who’s loved and lost, or who knows they will at some point. (*coughs* that means everyone) :’(

[Kris]

I really appreciated All My Dead Cats and Other Losses by s. e. smith, a thoughtful and honest exploration of grief. My favorite parts were the stories she shared about her cats, how they came to live with her, and their eventual exits. Those moments felt personal and grounded, and they stayed with me long after reading.

Although the book deals with death, it is ultimately uplifting. It encourages treasuring time together and holding emotions close rather than hiding from them. This book helped me reflect on my own relationships with both people and animals, and to see value in them even in the face of loss.

While it includes meaningful reflections on relationships with animals, the book goes beyond pet loss. It examines how our society approaches grief and suggests that we would be better served by not shying away from sadness, but instead embracing our feelings and seeking healing through community. Smith also raises important points about how, in many Western societies, adults try to shield children from suffering. The book argues that this is not helpful in the long run, and that children need space to process grief rather than have it hidden away.

This is a compassionate and insightful book that invites readers to think differently about loss, connection, and healing.

Many thanks to #NetGalley for the advance copy of the book

[Mariah]

This is not a book about dead cats, but a book that challenges western perception of death and hiding grief. Grief is everywhere and we almost never make time to talk about it. Smith discusses the hardships that come with being an animal lover and watching your pet grow through their lifespan. They remind us that pets are not a “beginner death” but our family that we grieve. Grief leaves deep wounds when culture forces you to forget it ever happened.
What does death mean to you? This is one of the many questions Smith proposes we take our time to think about. They are asking the audience to reflect on how we respond and perceive death. I appreciated the references to other death authors, journalists, and funeral directors. If death is something you spend your time reading about then some of this material will feel familiar. Death is a hard topic to grapple and it is complex. So, our grieving process just be a space go be open about those complexities.
This is an impactful read that I will find myself pondering over the next few months. I think it is special to have read this right as the barrier thins and loved ones deathaversary’s are arising. A deep read that will make you challenge beliefs for the better. All opinions are my own.
For tarot readings, recommendations, and reviews, check out my blog, brujerialibrary.wordpress.com

[Luv2TrvlLuvBks]

It comes for all of us and it's rarely discussed.

Death is a universal experience for all living beings. With a title, sure to snag your attention, the Author makes significant strides in prompting Readers to rethink assumptions. For example, how Western white culture denotes the proper, almost efficient way to handle funerals and celebration of life. Or, how, society defines who it is acceptable to mourn ie. human vs beloved pet? Length of time that is appropriate for the grief? The Author also prods the Reader to reconsider how the concepts of economic, racial, gender identity and disability, affect end of life choices.

Drawing from different sources from death doulas to animal shelter workers to fellow authors, the result is a comprehensive look at this difficult topic. While the Author integrates some personal experiences, the book largely is a commentary of the Western's perspective on grief and dying. It's a heavy subject on its own and, the amount of analysis and research, will give the patient Reader plenty to ponder.

Thank you HarperOne for providing this book for review consideration via NetGalley. All opinions are my own.

#AllMyDeadCatsandOtherLosses #NetGalley

[Lexi readingwhilehot]

Yay for S.E. smith. As a fan of their perspectives on / during the initial waves of COVID I was so happy to see a work on grief. They’re a fantastic storyteller for this kind of work, weaving in disability justice and the reality of hard conversations into how we traditionally view loss.

Each chapter outlines a topic of grief such as anticipatory grief, sudden loss, complicated, disenfranchised, and ambiguous loss. The author ties each of these to cats they’ve lost in this lifetime, which feels so simply perfect for the humanity of the topic. I’m always collecting syllabus content, and this would be fantastic for a college/graduate level grief course for mental health and allied professionals. Thoughtful high school students may even benefit, as well as anyone looking to better understand the complexity of grief beyond “death and dying”

[Susan]

I’m fascinated by grief and I love cats, so this book was made for me. The author uses the death of their own cats as a springboard to explore death and grief in a culture mostly afraid of both of these things. I appreciated the discussion around cultural differences within the dominant culture, and how this can make things even more fraught for people in those communities.

I found particularly interesting the chapters on working in an animal shelter or veterinary clinic, planning well ahead for end of life, anticipatory grief, and euthanasia. Grief is complex and difficult, whether you’re experiencing it yourself or trying to support someone else entangled in it. This book made me ponder my own experiences with grief and what I’ve learned about end of life through those experiences. It also opened my eyes about some issues I’d never considered before, especially around quality of life.

Thank you to NetGalley and HarperCollins for allowing me to read an ARC of this title.

[l]

I picked this up for thet title and flipped to the chapter on euthanasia as a litmus test on whether this would be worth reading. it isn't.

she recalls having to sign a pre-surgery form asking her if she wanted to be revived if she might be a burden to people around her, and hammers in that this question is 'disablism' - she claims by this question, she is being "objectified" and "talked over."

you are being asked a question about how you value your autonomy and you are pretending that choice is being taken away from you. choice is being given to you.

I don't want to write more because it gets mean but I'm tired of this stupidity. the push for MAID came from patients based on their experiences, not from Nazi doctors, not from politicans who want to kill the poor. the push for MAID's expansion also comes from patients based on their experiences. have some respect.

[Viktor]

This beautiful, compassionate collection of stories reimagines how we can better preempt, experience, and integrate grief into our lives and reads like an elegy to life and those we’ve lost. Each chapter invites the reader to meet a cat that Smith has loved, and uses those stories as springboards from which we are invited to learn about people from other places and times. We’re invited to contemplate ways to process grief, disability, ambiguous loss, and other related experiences so we can do better for ourselves and with each other. This book is profound and Smith’s writing is well-researched, tactful, and fully immersive. I’d recommend this book to anyone who’s loved and lost, or expects to experience loss at some point (*coughs* that means everyone).

[Tracy]

4.5 stars. This was a thoughtful exploration of grief and mourning that I hope will help move the needle on mainstream conversations around death and dying. smith makes a compassionate, compelling case for developing healthier relationships around these parts of life. They center and give nuance to conversations about culture, disability, COVID-19, animal rescue, and other issues that too frequently get painted with a broad brush. This wasn’t an easy, breezy book to read, but smith treats their topic, and their readers, with care. I’m grateful for their work.

[maidenofrohan]

A book I'll want to keep returning to. I went through this one slowly - a chapter a day sitting in my balcony surrounded by plants and birds chirping.

What I appreciated most about this book is the consciousness that there isn't just one type of grief and loss. It can take many forms. The author connects personal grief, collective grief experienced through political, social and environmental crises. There's something in this book for everyone.

[Abigail]

Death and grief have been very present companions of mine since I was 17. It’s taken decades to learn to have healthier relationships with them, despite our crap death culture. Smith is my people and may even have given me an alternative to my multiple boxes of ashes in artist Angela Kirkpatrick.

It was not at all surprising when Smith referenced Doughty and I loved that Rosie Grant made an appearance as I own her cookbook

[Jordan]

This was such an approachable look into grief and grieving; it really surprised me. I was a bit skeptical of how this was going to work, using an emphasis on pet death as a lead into grief culture as a whole. Somehow it manages to bridge the gap very well making an often alienating and individualistic topic feel much more accessible and open, even if the reader hasn't had to deal with each type of grief or scenario mentioned.

[Lynne]

This was an interesting book to read, think about, and learn from too. The stories about the author's cats are an introduction to a different part or type of grief. Different types of grief including a sudden death, a prolonged death, euthanasia, grief about how we see or treat disbabilities; a big topic but broken into parts that you can think about, put away for a bit, and then think about some more. Grief is not something to fix.

[Amanda]

A non-fiction book that fully uses all its space and well. I loved how she weaved the stories of her pet losses with different kinds of death, grief, etc. Death is such a big part of life and she works through all the different parts in such a careful, thorough, respectful way.

[Christine B.]

A gentle but important rumination on death coupled with deeply-researched information on the ways that we deal with death.

[Seancat]

All your dead WHAT 🙀

[Faith Danneil]

It wasn't the book I wanted but it was the one I needed.

[Audrey Marie]

I would caution anyone reading this to take your time and possibly only read one chapter a day so you can absorb and reflect on the concepts presented. This book does a fantastic job of highlighting the various forms of grief and how we, as individuals and society at large, can make grief a more "normalized" part of our every day experience.