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217 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1953
I caught the train at Castanheira station, after Calhau stopped hugging me. It was he who brought me in Dona Estefânia’s ox cart, in whose house, as we know, my destiny was sealed. My mother came to church in the early hours of the morning to see me leave but feeling so distant from me as if I were trapped, as if I already belonged to a world that wasn’t hers – she barely spoke to me.
In truth, I would not like to cry. But abruptly robbed of my childhood, stunned by loneliness, I felt as if I was weeping deep inside. Unexpectedly, I discovered within myself the beckoning of the past. The past was the great mountain to the east, unrestrained freedom, it was the warm breath of the lost mother’s love, the original flower of joy that now wilted.
Everyone was tormented by waiting and then the Spiritual Director fired: “Since when could this house of God be considered a prison?”
He machine-gunned us passionately, frenzied with rage, to destroy any possible resistance beforehand. And, taken by surprise, we all retreated into the depths of our fear.
«O luar gelado entrava pelas grandes janelas, transfigurava tudo em aparições de espectros. Eu descobria então, sentado aos pés da minha cama, o meu demónio solitário. Mas já o não temia nem quase reparava nele, tão habituado e quase desejoso da sua presença eu estava. Ali o esquecia, silencioso, com os olhos fosforescentes no halo verde da Lua. E, tranquilo, soerguia-me na cama, rodeado vastamente do lento resfolgar dos companheiros como de mortos que respirassem, e olhava através do janelão a cerca emudecida, povoada de sombras, o ermo da mata que subia devagar pela colina.»