You Could Be Having Better Sex: The Definitive Guide to a Happier, Healthier, and Hotter Sex Life

by Nicole McNichols

The definitive guide to a happier, healthier, and hotter sex life, from professor at the University of Washington and TikTok star Dr. Nicole McNichols.

The science is good sex with an attentive partner is one of the most powerful and effective sources of joy. Good sex is also a gateway to better health, stronger relationships, and the diverse forms of self-actualization we all crave. The problem is that good sex is not what most people report.

So how do we start having better sex? Enter Dr. Nicole McNichols, professor of social psychology at the University of Washington and social media’s favorite sex professor. She is here to give you the data you need to elevate your sex life through practical tools and relatable case studies, relayed with a gender and orientation inclusive, pleasure-forward perspective.

You Could Be Having Better Sex highlights cutting-edge research on everything from sexual anatomy to orgasm and response, hook-up culture, long term relationships, ethical non-monogamy, kink, pornography, and consent. Throughout, Dr. McNichols emphasizes a holistic philosophy that eliminates shame and stigma, normalizes open and frank conversations, and illustrates how connected sex is a pathway to the self-awareness, self-understanding, and self-expression that drives human thriving and happiness.

Empowering and enlightening, You Could be Having Better Sex will change your life both inside the bedroom—and out.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Health, Psychology, Feminism, Science

1 pages, Audio CD

Published February 3, 2026

About the author

Dr. Nicole McNichols is a human sexuality professor at the University of Washington, where she teaches the largest human sexuality course in the United States, educating more than 4,000 undergraduates each year. She is the author of You Could Be Having Better Sex (Simon Element, 2026) and one of today’s most trusted public voices on modern intimacy.

Reviews

[Meike · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author teaches the largest human sexuality course in the United States, educating more than 4,000 undergraduates each year - and I was suprised to learn from this book how directly she connects theoretical research with practical advice. Or would you have thought there's an undergrad class in Trump's US of A where the prof invites a dominatrix who demonstrates spanking? On said prof? Kudos to this woman, she's doing the Lord's work by spreading knowledge about sex and pleasure without moral judgement.

So granted, the book title is unfortunate in its pop science appeal, and the way McNichols employs the Socratic method with (I guess) invented dialogue about people who ask her intimate advice is clumsy, but the author actually tells readers what to do and say in certain situations, based on scientific findings, and encourages her audience to be bold and direct. And there are some sections that challenge commonly held beliefs and standards, for instance the idea of consent: McNichols suggests that the concept should go beyond talking about physical boundaries, and that it should consider emtional boundaries as well, for instance by making clear beforehand that sex will be casual, so there's no confusion or disappointment afterwards.

The book includes chapters about consensual non-monogamy, kink, porn, queerness etc., it's easy and entertaining to read, and I applaud those young students who have decided to question societal preconceptions about pleasure as a study subject, because this knowledge holds the power to improve their physical and mental health longterm. Kudos to the University of Washington!

[Anna Makowska · Rating 4 out of 5]

If this is your first self-help title of this kind, this is a very approachable compendium of common advice all collected in one place. The stories of (I hope fictional) characters sharing their sexual life woes and the narrator giving them advice makes for a very casual and understandable format.

If you read loads of these kind of books, it will feel like a very familiar path going from "know your body" through "get out of your head", covering consent, communication, fighting shame, dispelling myths around subjects both common (like how to prevent a "dead bedroom" in a long term relationship) and more unusual people might be curious about (like kink or non-monogamy).

Interesting tidbits:

- Most efficient communication relies on positive reinforcement and suggestions of improvement, rather than criticism or punishment.

- Sex positivity and hookup culture was supposed to free women from slut-shaming, but instead is promoting a culture where wanting tenderness and care or a long term relationship is viewed as uncool and "not liberated". Glorifying "sex without feelings attached" is an aspect of toxic masculinity.

- Two most common problems in sexual life of long term couples are: "how do we bring back passion?" and "should we even bother?"; the author suggests scheduling date nights so people would actually bother instead of only living for the chores.

- You shouldn't be afraid to discover new things about yourself even if they challenge labels you assigned yourself and you feel your identity is tied to them. Labels should not hold back growth or potential for happiness.

Thank you Netgalley and Simon Element for the ARC.

[Pook · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't love the title because it's a little weird to tell my partner "hey I'm reading a book called You Could Be Having Better Sex" and to get a response like "You could be having better sex?? 🥺".

This is the fourth book on this topic I read in a year (yup I'm a little obsessed with my "problem") and this book is the best one so far. It's actionable and most importantly, it works.

And it's not just about sex...the book gives concrete evidence-based advice and data on FWB, dating apps, and emotional intimacy which I find very interesting, even though they're not entirely applicable to me.

I would recommend this book to all my friends.

[Bella · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly, I was surprised by how good this book was. I like that it focused on "taboo" topics with an open-minded view and encouragement. While I did already know a lot of the information provided, I enjoy the fact that it will be broadcasted to a larger audience who weren't informed of core parts about themselves.

Overall, I liked this book and think that any adult should read it with an open mind.

[Alexandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

4/5 ⭐️

It’s always refreshing to read a good book about sex ed. This is such a taboo area of the self improvement genre but so important because it’s integrated into everyone’s lives.

Not a huge fan of the title only because it gives off the impression that you’re wanting a better sex life or that yours sucks, when really the book just discusses updated statistics and is a good touch point on how to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner.

I recommend it to anybody! stay informed and your relationship reaps the rewards :)

[Penelope Bloom · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book once, in probably less than a day. And then I immediately read sections of it again.

Before I opened this book, I was a bit confused - who is America’s #1 Sex Professor, what is a sex professor, and how was this title granted?

But I like sex, and I’d like to be having better sex, and I love the blurb from the Gottmans, so I am sold.

I am going to refrain from revealing any more personal details including the various ways in which the book resonates with me personally. But let’s just say I wish I had read this book ten (or 20) years ago. It would have clarified a lot of things way more quickly than the many confusing and - let's be honest, not to kink shame - sometimes terrifying internet rabbit holes, many of which were not particularly educational.

As a purely hypothetical example – let’s say I had a friend who knows that there are all kinds of kinks out there, and statistically thinks she might be into one or more to-be-determined kinks, but has absolutely no idea how to begin to figure this out. Guess what - typing "kinks" into a search engine does not lead to particularly helpful information. And, in fact, is a good way to genuinely scare off someone who may want to dabble in a kink but is being brave by even doing the search.

In sum, this is a very helpful, nonjudgmental book written by your accepting older sister who is a great teacher, but also knows a lot of things about an important topic and knows how to break down all kinds of aspects of sex and sexuality in a very user-friendly way.

A+ work, America's #1 Sex Professor. I see the title is well-earned.

[Jim Beatty · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rather basic.
When one comes along better than the bowl of raisins book, will let you know.

[Kevin Dufresne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hi,

I hope all is progressing well.

You Could Be Having Better Sex: The Definitive Guide to a Happier, Healthier, and Hotter Sex Life by Dr. Nicole McNichols, PhD, offers guidance to exploring sexuality personally, in partnership, and with a broader awareness of what may be happening sexually in a society, to a degree, by way of a memoir-journaling experience of conversations beyond inquiries pertaining to the author’s research direction. Engaging my interests in healthful progressions of life as well as of being a more mindful romantic/life partner, I decide to buy then read the text to further broaden and deepen my healthfully progressing understanding of healthfully progressing parameters of life. The text is not a full-on comprehensive guide about any particular area of sex. The text acknowledges not being the end- and be-all of books on sexual health and encourages continuing to become more honestly aware of oneself and what one wants. The style of the text really engages how judgement- and shame-free conversations of sex may be. Even so, the text skirts certain topics, so, one may find benefit exploring a particular area of a conversation by way of a different legitimate sexual health learning pathway. Here are a few of my ponderings when reading the text; consensual safety is of a parameter of sex which may be set before meeting anyone in a more private space for any form of consensual sexual behavior which may involve exchanging of bodily fluids/putting anyone in a precariously unhealthy situation which may bring one to contract a sexually transmitted infection (STI); properly testing for an STI with a choice, at the least sexual, partner, is operating by healthier and safer dating/living parameters—if horny, in heat of a moment, and yet to test, there are a lot of joint sexual-like activities possible with clothes on; I’m healthfully reasonable; attraction may vary to different forms of seeking connection and connecting; better to be with one that one may grow enjoyably, respectfully, and truthful with to grow healthfully well; one must self-culture oneself; the world contains so much beauty and wonder; everyone does not subscribe to new relationship energy (NRE); there are a lot of cultures, not just broadly of a nationalistic sense though of a particular area like sex—which may have even more particular areas; if one needs inebriating substances to approach sex, I think it’s important to evaluate dimensions of one’s health in general, let alone one’s sexual health; one must be thoroughly mindful of sample sizes observing perspectives of data, especially to prevent confirmation bias of incompletely accurate/inaccurate induction or deduction; one may greatly benefit from exploring other fields of research pertaining to human behavior or development to well-round comprehensions of social or sexual dimensions; one may benefit from respecting what the world presents; every relationship may differ; good-honest communication may help with directing a relationship well, even if the truth is partners in a relationship enjoy knowingly lying to each other—not the relationship for me, though may somehow be ideal for certain people, somehow, I’m not referring to playful joking; a recent complete STI test with results is like a sex driver’s license which receives optimal support from openness and honesty about sexual behaviors though immediately requires renewal if preparing to enter a new relationship or adjust one’s current relationship; good sex education is so important; being sexual relies on many factors which connect with parameters of choice and decision-making; communicating about toning is extremely important considering people comprehend quite differently in ways which may affect perception; and one may benefit from guidance from an expert or researcher, let alone accessible-available research, to address any inquiry one may have to better engage one’s living experience.

Additionally, I find the following texts may assist with further deliberating concepts of contexts within You Could Be Having Better Sex: The Definitive Guide to a Happier, Healthier, and Hotter Sex Life by Dr. Nicole McNichols, PhD: The Penis Book: A Doctor's Complete Guide to the Penis—From Size to Function and Everything in Between by Dr. Aaron Spitz, M.D., All in Her Head: The Truth and Lies Early Medicine Taught Us About Women's Bodies and Why It Matters Today by Dr. Elizabeth Comen, MD, Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst by Dr. Robert M. Sapolsky, PhD, The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins and Sawyer Robbins, The New Emotional Intelligence by Dr. Travis Bradberry, PhD, Not In Your Genes: The real reasons children are like their parents by Oliver James, Working with Emotional Intelligence by Dr. Daniel Goleman, PhD, Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Dr. Julia R. Heiman, Ph.D., & Dr. Joseph LoPiccolo, Ph.D., (illustrations by David Palladini), Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence by Dr. Anna Lembke, MD, Feel It All: A Therapist's Guide to Reimagining Your Relationship with Sex by Casey Tanner, LCPC, CST, The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy by Dr. John Gottman, PhD, and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD, Why Good Sex Matters: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life by Dr. Nan Wise, PhD, Exploring Sexuality and Disability: A Guide for Human Service Professionals with contributions and edits by Dr. Shanna Katz Kattari, PhD, MEd, CSE (with further contributions from contributors which receive credits at the beginning of the book), The Complete Idiot's Guide to Enhancing Sexual Desire by Judy Ford, MSW, LCSW, with Rachel Greene Baldino, MSW, LCSW, Soulmates: The Six Essentials for Connected Sex by Susan Bratton, Great Sex for Life by Linda Sonntag, Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire by Dr. Lori A. Brotto, Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex by Joan Price, Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us by Dr. Jesse Bering, PhD, The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality by Sam Jolman, MA, LPC, Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century by Barbara Carrellas, Idiot's Guides: Kama Sutra by Dr. Ava Cadell, SEX EDUCATION FOR TEENAGERS: ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS YOU DON’T WANT TO ASK YOUR PARENTS ABOUT PUBERTY, DATING, AND STAYING SAFE by Riley Rhodes, You Are Not Broken: Stop "Should-ing" All Over Your Sex Life by Dr. KJ Casperson, MD, Dr. Nita’s Crash Course for Women: Better Sex, Better Health, Better You by Dr. Nita Landry, MD, OB-GYN, Positive Discipline: The Classic Guide to Helping Children Develop Self-Discipline, Responsibility, Cooperation, and Problem-Solving Skills by Dr. Jane Nelsen, Ed.D., A Field Guide to Men's Health: Eat Right, Stay Fit, Sleep Well, and Have Great Sex―Forever by Dr. Jesse N. Mills, MD, The Dating Divide: Race and Desire in the Era of Online Romance by Dr. Celeste Vaughan Curington, PhD, Our Bodies, Ourselves by the Boston Women's Health Book Collective (there are Authorship and About the Contributors pages offering more specificity in the rear of the book), Dr. Jennifer H. Lundquist, PhD, and Dr. Ken-Hou Lin, PhD, and It's Your Body: The Young Woman's Guide to Empowered Sexual Health by Dena Moes, RN, CNM.

Onward and Upward,
Kevin Dufresne
www.Piatures.com
IG: @Dufreshest

[RandomPlotDevice · Rating 3 out of 5]

A Valuable But One-Sided Look at Improving Intimacy (From a man’s perspective)

3.5 Stars, here’s why.

I believe this is a book that every adult should read—or at least be exposed to its core ideas—because it tackles important conversations about intimacy, desire, and relationships that are often missing from our culture. Even though I didn’t agree with everything, there’s real value here worth considering.

Nicole McNichols starts strong by examining the current state of sex education in America, using its shortcomings as a foundation for why we need better personal education around sex and intimacy. While I understand her point about the gaps in formal education, I personally believe sex ed is primarily the responsibility of parents, not the government. With so many quality free resources available online today, parents have powerful tools to have these important conversations with their children on their own terms. The author returns to the “lack of education” theme frequently, which felt like a recurring excuse rather than a complete picture.

One of my bigger frustrations with the book is that it leans heavily toward a woman’s perspective. Most of the examples, frustrations, and solutions are framed from the female point of view. As an educator, I’m sure McNichols has heard plenty from male students and clients, but those voices feel largely absent. Sex takes two to tango, and the title is “You Could Be Having Better Sex,” not “Women, You Could Be Having Better Sex.” This one-sided approach made some sections feel incomplete.

I particularly disagreed with her take on desire types and the idea that “opposites attract” in the section on Relationship Myth #1. In my experience, the early novelty and excitement of a new relationship can mask differences in spontaneous versus responsive desire. Later on, many people with spontaneous desire genuinely wish their partner experienced desire the same way they do. She suggests couples shouldn’t stress too much about lopsided desire, but I see it as a real issue that reflects deeper matters of love, effort, and accountability.

That said, I really appreciated the discussion around Relationship Myth #2 and the practical conversations it can spark between partners. That section felt spot-on and useful for any couple.

The chapters on “hidden culprits” ruining sex lives had some strong insights, especially around mental load and exhaustion (often experienced by women) and the challenges of balancing motherhood with being a sexual partner. However, these sections again felt one-sided. As a man who handles a majority of the household chores plus an ever-growing “honey-do” list, I felt the same mental fatigue she describes—yet there was little acknowledgment of men’s experiences in these areas. The same goes for the difficulties fathers face. The advice is often sound, but it lacks half the picture.

I also noticed a pattern where problems are frequently framed as something men need to fix (more oral sex, better technique from her other book “She Comes First,” etc.), with far less discussion about how women can improve or contribute. Even the section on “corn” during her girls’ retreat focused almost exclusively on visual content for men while largely overlooking romance novels, erotica, and audiobooks that many women enjoy and use for inspiration.

On a minor but persistent note, listening to the audiobook was occasionally grating because the author repeatedly said “woman” (singular) when she clearly meant the plural form “women,” which is pronounced ˈwɪmɪn (WIM-in). That small but consistent error pulled me out of the material throughout the entire book.

Overall, You Could Be Having Better Sex is well-written and contains genuinely helpful ideas that could improve intimacy for many couples. It shines when encouraging open conversations and addressing common myths. However, the heavy female-centric perspective, lack of balance in examples and solutions, and missed male viewpoints leave some significant gaps. A second edition that includes more male perspectives and a fuller picture of partnership would make this even stronger.

Recommended with the caveat that readers should supplement it with perspectives from both sides of the relationship.

[Kelly · Rating 2 out of 5]

I won a copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway in exchange for my honest review.

Hey, if there is a better way... let's go. But I can truly say I did not learn a thing from this book, nor was I enlightened to try anything "different" in the bedroom. This is maybe more of a self-help book for those who are not comfortable enough to tell their partner(s) what they like, what they would like to try, or are simply just not very comfortable in their own skin. If that is the case, I'd say there is some guidance for that and ways to approach your partner(s) to start the conversation. I think if one is feeling insecure or wrong in their sexual thoughts or ideas, this book could also be helpful to make you realize you are not some crazy deviant (unless of course, as the author does point out, you are wanting to ACT ON fantasies that are a crime or against the law, then yes, get help). She also does discuss how sex is a somewhat taboo topic in the U.S., something we don't discuss or talk about, and can lead people to feel shame for something that is both natural and stress reducing. This to me was definitely more of a self help book than a how-to or idea generating book. Does that make the title a little misleading? I don't know. Maybe. It just wasn't really what I expected.
Many of the conversations and dialogue that the author presented with various friends or people she was assisting with sex, trying new things or re-sparking their relationships seemed super hokey. I did appreciate the section on consent and aftercare, and thought they were pretty well done, even if they are what I would consider obvious information, as safety and security should always come first. Maybe others will find some good threads of information here, but this was a miss for me.

[Ivi · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’re familiar with Nicole McNichols from Instagram, you’ll immediately recognize her voice here — direct, warm, funny, and refreshingly uncringey. The tone is approachable and down-to-earth, making this a very accessible read.

The book covers a wide range of topics, from anatomy and sexual health to relationships, sexual orientation and identity, fantasy, and how to keep intimacy alive in long-term partnerships (including when kids are in the picture). It’s geared toward adults broadly, I’d say people in their 20s through 50s, and meets readers wherever they are.

What stood out most to me is how practical and actionable it is. This isn’t abstract theory; it’s full of tangible advice you can actually apply. At the same time, it includes plenty of references if you want to explore specific topics more deeply. It strikes a nice balance between giving a solid overview and offering next steps.

I completely understand why her classes are so popular. The book underscores how sexual health is deeply connected to overall mental health, contentment, and happiness and it does so in a way that feels empowering rather than preachy.

An easy, informative read where most people will find at least one takeaway they can use.

Thanks to Simon Element for the eARC

[xim Sauriol · Rating 4 out of 5]

(En livre audio)

Malgré des exemples divers, le fait qu'elle enseigne à des étudiants de l'université (18-22 ans) transparaît dans cet ouvrage, mais ça reste ouvert à un grand public.

Les grandes lignes sont quand même des évidences. En voici quelques-uns :

1- La communication (et la curiosité) sont d’une importance primordiale dans tous les aspects d’une relation
2- Le désir se cultive au quotidien, avec de petits gestes, des attentions et de la tendresse
3- Les représentations culturelles donnent de faux repères; chaque couple doit plutôt trouver son propre rythme et sa propre définition du plaisir
4- La sxxualité ne se résume pas qu'à la circlusion (p3n3trat!on)
5- Dans un monde occupé, il ne faut pas avoir peur de planifier des moments intimes, ou encore d’en profiter pour explorer des « nouveautés » (changer la routine)
6- Nous sommes tous plus "k!nky" que l'on croit; faisons place à l'imagination

[ladieniqma · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this with an open mind and you might just agree, you could be having better sex. Whether you are experienced or not, chances are you might learn something new (or at least the terminology for a concept you're already familiar with). Nicole McNichols introduces everything from the basic, entry level anatomy of sex, getting out of your head, and discovering your sexuality to exploring new relationship dynamics and kinks.

The best part about all of this information: everything is taught in a shame free space. It's presented through relatable exchanges as if you were asking advice from the author herself. She teaches effective communication with your partner, even providing example scripts to use in those more challenging conversations.

Thank you to Simon Element for this giveaway ARC.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thought this book came across as a very accessible, honest, and open conversation about such an important aspect of any relationship and life in general! More of these kinds of reads should be out there, period, as a way to normalize sex, and for folks to dive into anytime they feel inclined. I suspect lots of people would be interested in reading this, especially as the writing is clear and to the point, while allowing space and time for folks to make sense of their own thoughts and assumptions about sex, their partners, and themselves. Glad to have won a paperback ARC of this title in a Goodreads Giveaway!

[Heidi]

I feel the need to add the disclaimer that I have no complaints in this department lol I just wanted to read this after I saw those viral videos of the author and a bunch of her students chasing a Nazi out of their class. Badass!!
And I actually learned a lot from this book, so it was a worthwhile read!! Highly recommend, even if you’re happy with your intimate life. The book covers everything from anatomy, to the importance of consent and communication, to relationship styles, to kink, etc.

[Luke Foege · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was incredible. Truly a one-stop shop for everything surrounding sexuality. Covering topics like sexual communication, a full consent manifesto, and even touching on topics like kink, this book is a wonderful way to explore pieces of yourself that you aren't always learning about. Final verdict: a must read.

[Kayla! · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 🌟 Stars

I loved this book! Learned a lot of new things, and read some topics I was already aware of thanks to the last sex book I read. I also loved how the book emphasized that porn use can have a potential negative impact in underdeveloped brains 🧠. Sometimes I don't think people realize this. Overall, enjoyed!

[Stacy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't find this very groundbreaking. It had a mix of medical info and scenarios that the author has had with people she has in her classes, friends, and apparently random people from places she happens to go. It felt like some of the scenarios were made up to fit into where she wanted her book to go.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read a lot of sex education books for work and didn't think I would learn much but I did! This has all the latest research too and is easy to ready and organized well. I love Nicole's writing style and her invitation to curiosity.

[Sam · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's kind like a combination of a textbook (one of those one's with the kind of cheesy case scenario examples) and an awkard therapy session where the therapist is trying too hard to be the cool kid and your friend.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a thoughtful and informative guide to understanding and achieving sexual intimacy, told from the perspective of an empowered educator. The author’s style is both relatable and authoritative. Highly recommend!

[Jeremy Huffman Proctor · Rating 5 out of 5]

A contemporary and open discussion about sex and sexuality, mostly for and by women (but still very informative and helpful for men). The personable delivery and latest research made this a highly enjoyable and educational read.

[Abed Pablo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great overall knowledge on the spectrum of sex. Takeaway is that communication is key and you have to be comfortable with yourself and self exploration to move forward. Who are these friends/acquaintances that just outright ask her about their sex life :/ 4/5

[Abbie McCullough · Rating 5 out of 5]

100⭐️ genuinely one of the most helpful books I’ve ever read. Not only does the improvement of your sex life improve sex, it also improves emotional connection. This is must read for everyone I know. It also helped me understand certain parts about myself, and will seriously help others too!!!!

[Alexandra Z · Rating 4 out of 5]

filled with immense science backed vocabulary - the topic never taught well in schools!

[Rachel Shin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truly inspirational woman and amazing book. Love what Doctor McNichols had to say in this piece, and she is such an impressive woman! Must read!!

[MG's Book Nook · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was fortunate enough to take Nicole's class in college and it was incredible - this book is no different!

[Julianne Woodle Carson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun and informative, just way way way too long and, at many times, repetitive.

[Kelsey Koenig]

Unfortunately this was not at all what I thought it was going to be which is why I DNF at 30%

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heard about this from the Mel Robbins podcast and was an interesting read about norms and myths that persist in our society