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Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony
Why do you immediately click with some people while others just as inexplicably turn you off? Do people emit vibes? Is it possible to read a room? Are bad habits contagious?
Kate Murphy, author of the international bestseller You’re Not Listening, answers these and other fascinating questions in Why We Click, the first book that explores the emerging science and outsized impact of interpersonal synchrony, the most consequential social dynamic most people have never heard of. Interpersonal synchrony is the seemingly magical, yet now scientifically documented, tendency of human beings to fall into rhythm and find resonance with one another.
Not only do we subconsciously match one another’s movements, postures, facial expressions, and gestures; recent breakthroughs in technology have revealed we also sync up our heart rates, blood pressure, brainwaves, pupil dilation, and hormonal activity. The result is that emotions, moods, attitudes, and subsequent behaviors can be as infectious as any disease, and can have just as profound an impact on our health and well-being.
Interweaving science, philosophy, literature, history, business management theory, pop-culture, and plenty of relatable, real world examples, Why We Click explains why being “in sync,” “in tune,” “in step,” and “on the same wavelength” are more than just turns of phrase. From the bedroom to the boardroom and beyond, Murphy reveals with characteristic curiosity, concision, and wit how our instinct to vibe with others drives much of our behavior and how our deepest desires—to be known, admired, loved, and connected—are so often thwarted in modern life.
Kate Murphy, author of the international bestseller You’re Not Listening, answers these and other fascinating questions in Why We Click, the first book that explores the emerging science and outsized impact of interpersonal synchrony, the most consequential social dynamic most people have never heard of. Interpersonal synchrony is the seemingly magical, yet now scientifically documented, tendency of human beings to fall into rhythm and find resonance with one another.
Not only do we subconsciously match one another’s movements, postures, facial expressions, and gestures; recent breakthroughs in technology have revealed we also sync up our heart rates, blood pressure, brainwaves, pupil dilation, and hormonal activity. The result is that emotions, moods, attitudes, and subsequent behaviors can be as infectious as any disease, and can have just as profound an impact on our health and well-being.
Interweaving science, philosophy, literature, history, business management theory, pop-culture, and plenty of relatable, real world examples, Why We Click explains why being “in sync,” “in tune,” “in step,” and “on the same wavelength” are more than just turns of phrase. From the bedroom to the boardroom and beyond, Murphy reveals with characteristic curiosity, concision, and wit how our instinct to vibe with others drives much of our behavior and how our deepest desires—to be known, admired, loved, and connected—are so often thwarted in modern life.
8 pages, Audiobook
First published January 27, 2026
About the author
Kate Murphy
6 books319 followersJournalist Kate Murphy’s eclectic essays and articles for The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Economist, Agence France-Presse, and Texas Monthly have been shared and commented on by millions. She is known for her fresh and accessible style and ability to distill complex subjects, particularly the science behind human interactions. Her first book, You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters, was published in thirty-two languages and has become required reading in interpersonal communication courses at high schools, colleges, and universities worldwide. Kate lives in Houston, Texas, and holds a commercial pilot’s license.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 93 reviews
November 22, 2025
'How We Click' would be a more apt title.
This book is about interpersonal synchrony. I do not understand what interpersonal synchrony is. I do not think that the author does, either. But I think that this is fair, in that I do not think that anyone understands.
Loosely though, this is a book about group dynamics, and the power of individuals to shape those dynamics. It discusses several ways in which people look to use those dynamics to their advantage, whether dealing with one or a crowd of people.
There are studies or particular people who present interesting bits, specifically that are actionable. I love the term 'energy hygiene' and think it needs to be something more better understood. Probably the most passionate part of the book is when the author is discussing the malign uses of this sort of thing, specifically in terms of social media companies yanking the scholars for their own purposes. And there is no fault with the writing in general as a clear non-fiction book.
But in the replication crisis era, I am much more skeptical of a lot of these studies. In particular, I kept thinking of alternate interpretations: they think they proved X, but did they control for Y? The citation apparatus makes it difficult, and occasionally there are points where the author's interpretation of scholarship that I was more familiar with was off-base, in a manner that left me twitchy.
The book dips into active harm when it starts to get pseudoscientific. Let us leave it at quantum physics comes up. And periodically a character drifts into view who seems to me a charlatan or grifter, whom the author is credulous about because it affirms her science-y feeling.
The one-liner in the start is no quip. I was interested in this book because it sounded like this was something that was looking at the scholarship around that sense of 'click' that occurs between people. Instead, it is just as mysterious, but the sort of phenomenon that arise out of clicks and anti-clicks, as well as partial clicks, is described. The mystery remains mysterious.
My thanks to the author, Kate Murphy, for writing the book, and to the publisher, Celadon Books, for making the ARC available to me.
This book is about interpersonal synchrony. I do not understand what interpersonal synchrony is. I do not think that the author does, either. But I think that this is fair, in that I do not think that anyone understands.
Loosely though, this is a book about group dynamics, and the power of individuals to shape those dynamics. It discusses several ways in which people look to use those dynamics to their advantage, whether dealing with one or a crowd of people.
There are studies or particular people who present interesting bits, specifically that are actionable. I love the term 'energy hygiene' and think it needs to be something more better understood. Probably the most passionate part of the book is when the author is discussing the malign uses of this sort of thing, specifically in terms of social media companies yanking the scholars for their own purposes. And there is no fault with the writing in general as a clear non-fiction book.
But in the replication crisis era, I am much more skeptical of a lot of these studies. In particular, I kept thinking of alternate interpretations: they think they proved X, but did they control for Y? The citation apparatus makes it difficult, and occasionally there are points where the author's interpretation of scholarship that I was more familiar with was off-base, in a manner that left me twitchy.
The book dips into active harm when it starts to get pseudoscientific. Let us leave it at quantum physics comes up. And periodically a character drifts into view who seems to me a charlatan or grifter, whom the author is credulous about because it affirms her science-y feeling.
The one-liner in the start is no quip. I was interested in this book because it sounded like this was something that was looking at the scholarship around that sense of 'click' that occurs between people. Instead, it is just as mysterious, but the sort of phenomenon that arise out of clicks and anti-clicks, as well as partial clicks, is described. The mystery remains mysterious.
My thanks to the author, Kate Murphy, for writing the book, and to the publisher, Celadon Books, for making the ARC available to me.
November 30, 2025
I tend to not be a fan of books that tend to be categorized as self help books. They seem to lay out a step-by-step process of how you can improve yourself, implying often that you are somehow fundamentally broken and need fixing.
In both Why We Click and her preceding book, You’re Not Listening, Kate Murphy utilizes a more psychological approach, making the reader aware of all these things hiding under the surface of our conscious awareness that help us learn more about human beings, and about how we can improve our interactions with others without wagging a finger or making the reader feel fundamentally lacking.
This makes her books so much more engaging and fascinating. Why We Click seems to be a little more jargon heavy than its predecessor, but yet easy enough for me to follow that it was still full of aha moments for me.
The classmates and coworkers I instantly disliked, explained. The physical toll a previous job took on my body, and the mental effects I’m still recovering from because of someone that was a bad apple, explained. The way my deceased mother served as the cement in multiple relationships and how they’ve fallen on harder times since she passed away, explained. Why I’ve never really liked remote work despite being an introvert, explained.
At no point does Murphy make me feel like there’s anything wrong with me. Instead I have a clarity about why something made me feel the way I did. Her research also helps serve as a roadmap for helping me manage others and not let people who are bad apples adversely affect me as much as possible, if I’m willing to take the time to recognize that I’m absorbing their emotions instead of experiencing them directly.
The concept of synchrony can seem kind of hokey headed into this book, but I would challenge anyone reading it not to acknowledge there may be a connection between what they’ve experienced and an explanation that makes perfect sense for it. Unless of course the experts on the subject matter have sucked you in to a tailored experience that convinces you to think otherwise (did you know they were up to something)?
Once again, a well-written, thought provoking book from Kate Murphy I feel I should go back and read periodically for creating self awareness and resetting my perspective.
A complimentary copy of this book was provided by the publisher. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
In both Why We Click and her preceding book, You’re Not Listening, Kate Murphy utilizes a more psychological approach, making the reader aware of all these things hiding under the surface of our conscious awareness that help us learn more about human beings, and about how we can improve our interactions with others without wagging a finger or making the reader feel fundamentally lacking.
This makes her books so much more engaging and fascinating. Why We Click seems to be a little more jargon heavy than its predecessor, but yet easy enough for me to follow that it was still full of aha moments for me.
The classmates and coworkers I instantly disliked, explained. The physical toll a previous job took on my body, and the mental effects I’m still recovering from because of someone that was a bad apple, explained. The way my deceased mother served as the cement in multiple relationships and how they’ve fallen on harder times since she passed away, explained. Why I’ve never really liked remote work despite being an introvert, explained.
At no point does Murphy make me feel like there’s anything wrong with me. Instead I have a clarity about why something made me feel the way I did. Her research also helps serve as a roadmap for helping me manage others and not let people who are bad apples adversely affect me as much as possible, if I’m willing to take the time to recognize that I’m absorbing their emotions instead of experiencing them directly.
The concept of synchrony can seem kind of hokey headed into this book, but I would challenge anyone reading it not to acknowledge there may be a connection between what they’ve experienced and an explanation that makes perfect sense for it. Unless of course the experts on the subject matter have sucked you in to a tailored experience that convinces you to think otherwise (did you know they were up to something)?
Once again, a well-written, thought provoking book from Kate Murphy I feel I should go back and read periodically for creating self awareness and resetting my perspective.
A complimentary copy of this book was provided by the publisher. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
March 8, 2026
Thank you, NetGalley, for granting me a free digital copy of this audiobook in exchange for an honest review.
Located at the intersection of science and vibes, interpersonal synchrony describes the instinctual ways people interact with each other. Delivered in the author’s soothing southern drawl, Kate Murphy tries to break down a field that leans towards the abstract in Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony. The spectrum of interpersonal synchrony, as conveyed here, vacillates between riveting and incomprehensible. Some things are so obvious that one has to wonder why Murphy is explaining it in detail (ex. It’s not good to focus all our attention on others and none on ourselves), while others are so intricate that they're nearly impossible to follow. This is a dense book, chock-full of fascinating anecdotes about how our minds are subconsciously wired. I found myself frequently pausing the audiobook to take notes. A sample of some of what I learned:
- Mothers subconsciously hold babies on their left side, where their heart is.
- People who are attracted to each other mimic the other’s movements. Botox and plastic surgery limit the ability to mimic one’s expressions, thus putting the other person ill at ease.
- Phone calls are more psychologically satisfying than video calls, since video calls are often out of synch with voice.
- Empathetic people “synch” the most with other people and are the best at spotting AI.
- Mass hysteria is a form of social contagion. Social contagions began as a survival instinct.
- Charismatic figures have a commanding presence, intense gaze, and “rhythmic oratorial style.”
- Mental illness is fueled by a disconnect between the body’s signals and the brain.
- Disruptors (contrarians, rebels) are drawn to each other.
- There is a link between musical talent and strong social skills.
- Shakespeare’s use of iambic pentameter may have helped his audience connect with his work.
- Twins’ brains synch in the womb.
- Parasocial relationships reflect attachment styles and are a way of processing emotions in a safe environment.
This is a great read for anyone who is fascinated by psychology and the human condition. If there is one thing worth critiquing, it’s that some of the subjects covered in this book are so abstract that they veer towards pseudoscience. Only time will tell how well some of it holds up. For now, Why We Click provides much food for thought, both for your own consumption and to share with others.
Located at the intersection of science and vibes, interpersonal synchrony describes the instinctual ways people interact with each other. Delivered in the author’s soothing southern drawl, Kate Murphy tries to break down a field that leans towards the abstract in Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony. The spectrum of interpersonal synchrony, as conveyed here, vacillates between riveting and incomprehensible. Some things are so obvious that one has to wonder why Murphy is explaining it in detail (ex. It’s not good to focus all our attention on others and none on ourselves), while others are so intricate that they're nearly impossible to follow. This is a dense book, chock-full of fascinating anecdotes about how our minds are subconsciously wired. I found myself frequently pausing the audiobook to take notes. A sample of some of what I learned:
- Mothers subconsciously hold babies on their left side, where their heart is.
- People who are attracted to each other mimic the other’s movements. Botox and plastic surgery limit the ability to mimic one’s expressions, thus putting the other person ill at ease.
- Phone calls are more psychologically satisfying than video calls, since video calls are often out of synch with voice.
- Empathetic people “synch” the most with other people and are the best at spotting AI.
- Mass hysteria is a form of social contagion. Social contagions began as a survival instinct.
- Charismatic figures have a commanding presence, intense gaze, and “rhythmic oratorial style.”
- Mental illness is fueled by a disconnect between the body’s signals and the brain.
- Disruptors (contrarians, rebels) are drawn to each other.
- There is a link between musical talent and strong social skills.
- Shakespeare’s use of iambic pentameter may have helped his audience connect with his work.
- Twins’ brains synch in the womb.
- Parasocial relationships reflect attachment styles and are a way of processing emotions in a safe environment.
This is a great read for anyone who is fascinated by psychology and the human condition. If there is one thing worth critiquing, it’s that some of the subjects covered in this book are so abstract that they veer towards pseudoscience. Only time will tell how well some of it holds up. For now, Why We Click provides much food for thought, both for your own consumption and to share with others.
January 21, 2026
This book is about interpersonal synchrony and the human nature to feel, observe and interpret what’s going on around us. The chapters covered elements of synchrony that I hadn’t thought about in detail before, and while the scientific understanding is still growing, it’s a fascinating topic to explore. I can easily think of people I either click with or not, but the feeling of why often feels allusive — this book explores those feelings, tendencies, and “read the room” type of skills that people experience when interacting with others.
February 21, 2026
Thank you Celadon Books for this advanced reader copy and exchange for my honest review. I really enjoyed all of the facts and it didn’t feel like I was reading a textbook. I discovered new things, which really positively stimulated me. If anyone is interested in the science of how people connect, “Why We Click” is a great introduction.
January 28, 2026
Why We Click delves into the Neuroscience behind synchronicity and relationships. at times, it was difficult to move past the science-specific jargon. however, the underlying message is pretty clear in each chapter. I would not call this book extremely accessible to all readers. however, if psychology Neuroscience biology is your thing. this is the book for you. I learned quite a lot about how being in sync with others looks but also the impact it can have on both groupthink but also on the individual.
February 4, 2026
I went into this book completely blind and didn’t read the synopsis beforehand. At first, I honestly thought it was going to be focused on why we click on certain things online or how digital behavior shapes our decisions. I was partly wrong because it’s that but so much more.
This book turned out to be much more about human behavior, perception, and connection. It dives deep into how we read a room, how we read people, and how the way we present ourselves can influence situations in ways that are either positive or damaging. It really made me stop and think about how much energy, attitude, and body language matter, even when we don’t realize we’re putting anything out there.
One of the biggest takeaways for me (and probably the most obvious, but still powerful) is that one bad apple truly can ruin the bunch. A single negative attitude can bleed into everything, coworkers, family, relationships, and entire environments. The book does a great job explaining how negativity spreads and why it’s so important to be aware of the impact we have on others.
Another takeaway I appreciated was the reminder that you’re not for everyone and that’s okay. No matter how kind, personable, or well intentioned you are, there will always be someone who doesn’t connect with you. That doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. That perspective alone was refreshing and grounding.
It’s clear that an incredible amount of research went into this book. There’s a lot of information to absorb, and at times it can feel dense, but it’s packed with insight and practical observations that stick with you long after you finish reading. Overall, this was an unexpectedly thoughtful and informative read that gave me plenty to reflect on about how I show up in the world and how I interpret the people around me.
This book turned out to be much more about human behavior, perception, and connection. It dives deep into how we read a room, how we read people, and how the way we present ourselves can influence situations in ways that are either positive or damaging. It really made me stop and think about how much energy, attitude, and body language matter, even when we don’t realize we’re putting anything out there.
One of the biggest takeaways for me (and probably the most obvious, but still powerful) is that one bad apple truly can ruin the bunch. A single negative attitude can bleed into everything, coworkers, family, relationships, and entire environments. The book does a great job explaining how negativity spreads and why it’s so important to be aware of the impact we have on others.
Another takeaway I appreciated was the reminder that you’re not for everyone and that’s okay. No matter how kind, personable, or well intentioned you are, there will always be someone who doesn’t connect with you. That doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. That perspective alone was refreshing and grounding.
It’s clear that an incredible amount of research went into this book. There’s a lot of information to absorb, and at times it can feel dense, but it’s packed with insight and practical observations that stick with you long after you finish reading. Overall, this was an unexpectedly thoughtful and informative read that gave me plenty to reflect on about how I show up in the world and how I interpret the people around me.
February 3, 2026
I avoid "self-help" books. That marketing label always makes me think of preachy books by authors who think they have all the answers, with a one-size-fits-all approach to "fixing" people. That's my own bias. But if you also have an aversion to that label, don't let it deter you from reading this book.
I absolutely loved Kate Murphy's previous book, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING. If you haven't read it, you really should!
WHY WE CLICK is another winner.
The writing is conversational and engaging. No preachiness or overly drawn out scientific explanations.
The content is fascinating. I thought a lot about the energy I put out in the world and the ways in which it affects other people.
If you're curious why you automatically click with some people but are repelled by others, or what to do about that boss or family member who sucks the energy from you just by their proximity, this book is for you.
*Thanks to Celadon Books for the free copy!*
I absolutely loved Kate Murphy's previous book, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING. If you haven't read it, you really should!
WHY WE CLICK is another winner.
The writing is conversational and engaging. No preachiness or overly drawn out scientific explanations.
The content is fascinating. I thought a lot about the energy I put out in the world and the ways in which it affects other people.
If you're curious why you automatically click with some people but are repelled by others, or what to do about that boss or family member who sucks the energy from you just by their proximity, this book is for you.
*Thanks to Celadon Books for the free copy!*
April 8, 2026
I enjoyed this book! I feel like it is a universal experience to either “vibe” or “not vibe” with another individual, and this book helps me understand how to be more open to meeting people where they are. I think this is a valuable book for anyone who wants to understand why they find themselves feeling a certain kind of way in social situations. I’d recommend it to any of my introspective friends. :)
February 4, 2026
Mostly about syncing and human interaction. Only one chapter near end about actual clicking itself. However the syncing interaction obviously explains some of it. so interesting and relevant in today’s world.
March 14, 2026
Not sure I’m walking away with anything groundbreaking other than the scientific proof that bad vibes are real. But didn’t really need science to prove that tbh.
March 24, 2026
Thank you to Celadon books and Goodreads for this kindle copy!
Why We Click builds its case around interpersonal synchrony, the physiological alignment of heart rates, brainwaves, and hormonal activity that occurs between people in genuine contact, arguing this is not incidental to connection but constitutive of it. Murphy draws on neuroscience, evolutionary biology, and behavioral research without letting the sourcing overwhelm the narrative. One of the more uncomfortable sections documents how technology companies have studied synchrony science specifically to simulate it artificially, manufacturing the feeling of engagement without the underlying physiology. The book also traces how emotions and behaviors spread through social networks in patterns resembling contagion, making collective moods look less like individual choices than they feel from the inside. The writing is clean and accessible, though some arguments get smoothed over in favor of readability where harder theoretical grounding would have served better. A useful book that does what it sets out to do without quite reaching the level of something that reorganizes how you think permanently.
Why We Click builds its case around interpersonal synchrony, the physiological alignment of heart rates, brainwaves, and hormonal activity that occurs between people in genuine contact, arguing this is not incidental to connection but constitutive of it. Murphy draws on neuroscience, evolutionary biology, and behavioral research without letting the sourcing overwhelm the narrative. One of the more uncomfortable sections documents how technology companies have studied synchrony science specifically to simulate it artificially, manufacturing the feeling of engagement without the underlying physiology. The book also traces how emotions and behaviors spread through social networks in patterns resembling contagion, making collective moods look less like individual choices than they feel from the inside. The writing is clean and accessible, though some arguments get smoothed over in favor of readability where harder theoretical grounding would have served better. A useful book that does what it sets out to do without quite reaching the level of something that reorganizes how you think permanently.
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April 12, 2026"Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony" by Kate Murphy explores the invisible but powerful biological and psychological forces that shape human connection. The book explains how people unconsciously synchronize with one another through heart rates, breathing, posture, neural activity, and subtle body language. These hidden patterns influence why we instantly connect with some people while others make us uncomfortable. Rather than viewing chemistry as mysterious or random, the book presents it as measurable, observable, and trainable, offering insight into relationships, empathy, group dynamics, and personal well-being.
From birth, humans are wired to sync. Babies instinctively align with their caregivers through touch, rhythm, and eye contact. Mothers naturally hold infants near their hearts, creating shared rhythms, while fathers often engage through stimulating play that teaches children to adapt to changing emotional tempos. These early patterns help shape emotional regulation and social skills later in life. Research suggests that when early synchrony is disrupted, people may struggle with empathy and emotional connection as adults. While meaningful relationships later in life can help repair these gaps, early experiences create a strong foundation for how people connect.
The book examines how quickly synchrony forms between people. Historical forms of brief social interactions, like structured matchmaking events, showed that people often sense compatibility within seconds. Modern scientific studies using advanced tools such as motion sensors and brain imaging reveal that people who click naturally align their movements, expressions, tone, and physiological responses. This alignment occurs below conscious awareness, explaining why chemistry cannot be fully predicted by physical appearance, personality descriptions, or online communication. Virtual interactions lack the bodily feedback required for deep synchronization, which explains why digital connections often feel less meaningful than face-to-face encounters.
Synchrony is not limited to romantic attraction. It influences friendships, teams, and workplaces. People unconsciously mirror the emotional states of those around them. Someone who radiates warmth can elevate a group's mood, while a person who carries tension can spread discomfort. This phenomenon, sometimes described as emotional contagion, means individuals significantly affect the emotional climate around them. Studies demonstrate that one person's negative presence can influence group morale more strongly than individual personalities do. In professional environments, this can shape productivity, morale, and collaboration.
A key factor in building and maintaining synchrony is interoception, the ability to sense internal bodily signals such as heart rate, breath, and tension. People with strong interoceptive awareness tend to connect more easily with others, interpret emotions more accurately, and regulate themselves effectively. This awareness strengthens empathy because recognizing one's own emotional state makes it easier to understand others. Interoception also improves decision-making, resilience, and social functioning. Without awareness of internal signals, individuals may struggle to interpret emotional cues or respond effectively in social interactions.
However, synchrony must be balanced. Too little leads to isolation and disconnection, while too much can result in emotional overdependence. Over-synchronization can cause individuals to absorb others' emotional states too deeply, losing a sense of personal boundaries. Relationships marked by excessive fusion can feel overwhelming and unstable. Maintaining individuality and emotional regulation is essential. Techniques such as slowing breathing, adjusting posture, and focusing inward help restore balance when emotional boundaries blur.
Modern society presents new challenges to natural synchrony. Many everyday interactions have been replaced by digital convenience, reducing opportunities for spontaneous human connection. While technology simplifies tasks, it also eliminates small social encounters that help people develop social skills and emotional resilience. This reduction in real-world interaction contributes to rising loneliness despite constant digital connectivity. The book emphasizes that synchrony requires effort and presence. Meaningful human connection thrives in shared spaces, spontaneous exchanges, and moments of mutual attention.
The book argues that meaningful connection requires willingness to engage, take small social risks, and tolerate discomfort. Simple actions like making eye contact, acknowledging strangers, or initiating brief conversations strengthen social bonds. These small moments matter because they reinforce social belonging and reduce isolation. Even minor shared experiences can improve emotional well-being.
Ultimately, interpersonal synchrony plays a central role in human flourishing. It influences emotional health, relationships, teamwork, and overall life satisfaction. Understanding how synchrony works empowers individuals to build stronger connections and maintain emotional balance. It encourages cultivating presence, awareness, and openness in interactions while protecting personal boundaries. It also highlights the importance of environments that foster real human contact and shared experiences.
In conclusion, "Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony" shows that connection is not accidental but rooted in biological and psychological processes. Synchrony shapes attraction, empathy, teamwork, and resilience. While modern life can disrupt natural synchrony, awareness and intentional effort can restore it. By balancing connection with independence, recognizing bodily signals, and engaging meaningfully with others, people can cultivate stronger relationships and greater well-being. The book reveals that human connection is both a biological necessity and a skill that can be nurtured, offering a path to richer, more fulfilling relationships.
From birth, humans are wired to sync. Babies instinctively align with their caregivers through touch, rhythm, and eye contact. Mothers naturally hold infants near their hearts, creating shared rhythms, while fathers often engage through stimulating play that teaches children to adapt to changing emotional tempos. These early patterns help shape emotional regulation and social skills later in life. Research suggests that when early synchrony is disrupted, people may struggle with empathy and emotional connection as adults. While meaningful relationships later in life can help repair these gaps, early experiences create a strong foundation for how people connect.
The book examines how quickly synchrony forms between people. Historical forms of brief social interactions, like structured matchmaking events, showed that people often sense compatibility within seconds. Modern scientific studies using advanced tools such as motion sensors and brain imaging reveal that people who click naturally align their movements, expressions, tone, and physiological responses. This alignment occurs below conscious awareness, explaining why chemistry cannot be fully predicted by physical appearance, personality descriptions, or online communication. Virtual interactions lack the bodily feedback required for deep synchronization, which explains why digital connections often feel less meaningful than face-to-face encounters.
Synchrony is not limited to romantic attraction. It influences friendships, teams, and workplaces. People unconsciously mirror the emotional states of those around them. Someone who radiates warmth can elevate a group's mood, while a person who carries tension can spread discomfort. This phenomenon, sometimes described as emotional contagion, means individuals significantly affect the emotional climate around them. Studies demonstrate that one person's negative presence can influence group morale more strongly than individual personalities do. In professional environments, this can shape productivity, morale, and collaboration.
A key factor in building and maintaining synchrony is interoception, the ability to sense internal bodily signals such as heart rate, breath, and tension. People with strong interoceptive awareness tend to connect more easily with others, interpret emotions more accurately, and regulate themselves effectively. This awareness strengthens empathy because recognizing one's own emotional state makes it easier to understand others. Interoception also improves decision-making, resilience, and social functioning. Without awareness of internal signals, individuals may struggle to interpret emotional cues or respond effectively in social interactions.
However, synchrony must be balanced. Too little leads to isolation and disconnection, while too much can result in emotional overdependence. Over-synchronization can cause individuals to absorb others' emotional states too deeply, losing a sense of personal boundaries. Relationships marked by excessive fusion can feel overwhelming and unstable. Maintaining individuality and emotional regulation is essential. Techniques such as slowing breathing, adjusting posture, and focusing inward help restore balance when emotional boundaries blur.
Modern society presents new challenges to natural synchrony. Many everyday interactions have been replaced by digital convenience, reducing opportunities for spontaneous human connection. While technology simplifies tasks, it also eliminates small social encounters that help people develop social skills and emotional resilience. This reduction in real-world interaction contributes to rising loneliness despite constant digital connectivity. The book emphasizes that synchrony requires effort and presence. Meaningful human connection thrives in shared spaces, spontaneous exchanges, and moments of mutual attention.
The book argues that meaningful connection requires willingness to engage, take small social risks, and tolerate discomfort. Simple actions like making eye contact, acknowledging strangers, or initiating brief conversations strengthen social bonds. These small moments matter because they reinforce social belonging and reduce isolation. Even minor shared experiences can improve emotional well-being.
Ultimately, interpersonal synchrony plays a central role in human flourishing. It influences emotional health, relationships, teamwork, and overall life satisfaction. Understanding how synchrony works empowers individuals to build stronger connections and maintain emotional balance. It encourages cultivating presence, awareness, and openness in interactions while protecting personal boundaries. It also highlights the importance of environments that foster real human contact and shared experiences.
In conclusion, "Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony" shows that connection is not accidental but rooted in biological and psychological processes. Synchrony shapes attraction, empathy, teamwork, and resilience. While modern life can disrupt natural synchrony, awareness and intentional effort can restore it. By balancing connection with independence, recognizing bodily signals, and engaging meaningfully with others, people can cultivate stronger relationships and greater well-being. The book reveals that human connection is both a biological necessity and a skill that can be nurtured, offering a path to richer, more fulfilling relationships.
February 17, 2026
Thank you, Celadon Books, for the free Advanced Readers’ Copy! The following voluntary review contains my honest opinions.
This book is a good read, packed with science-backed information; however, about halfway through, it becomes a bit of a slog to get through. Additionally, I found some of the word choices off-putting; the author uses a fair amount of profanity throughout. While the language 'worked' within the context of the narrative, I personally don't care for that kind of language in my nonfiction and found it a bit distracting from the otherwise scholarly insights.
Among all the fascinating insights found here, the most interesting things I learned while reading this book are—listed in no particular order:
- Influence is 3 layers deep (pg. 64): For years, I have heard—and since becoming a parent, repeated—the saying: "You are who your friends are." As a result, I have long been aware that we are shaped by those we spend time with. However, I was fascinated to learn that studies have shown people are most susceptible to social contagion within 3 degrees of separation. This means we are influenced not only by people we actively spend time with, but also by the people those people spend time with—a layer we acknowledge but do not choose ourselves. Even more interesting, possibly frightening, we are affected by the people whom those second-layer individuals spend time with, a group most of us struggle to even comprehend due to an "out of sight, out of mind" bias.
- Singaporeans are the fastest walkers in the world (pg. 149): Learning that Singaporeans walk faster than New Yorkers was surprising. One year, my family and I traveled to New York City and stayed in Manhattan, bringing our 4-year-old husky with us. We often joke that our dog always has to be the “leader of the pack,” as he seems to dislike anyone walking in front of him. During our frequent walks in New York, this tendency made me feel like I was in the Iditarod Sled Dog Race—without the sled. Surprisingly, I did not mind the pace in New York when walking without the dog, but the addition of our dog made navigating the crowds a bit overwhelming. This experience influenced our decision not to bring the dog on subsequent trips to New York. Beyond travel, the pace of a place has also become a make-or-break criterion for our relocation decisions, because we often unconsciously speed up or slow down to match the rhythm of the city or the person next to us and we look for a pace that feels natural to us.
- Emotional Aperture (pg. 126): Micro-level syncing refers to one-on-one, person-to-person connections, while macro-level syncing involves matching the collective vibe created by a group within an environment. Emotional aperture is the ability to move along a spectrum between these two levels of awareness. Mastering this skill allows us to adjust our 'zoom' to fit the social context, ensuring we aren't tone-deaf to the collective or the individual, strengthening our ability to lead and manage. When a team is 'in the zone,' their heart rates and breathing patterns can actually begin to sync up, a phenomenon that explains why some group environments feel more harmonious than others. When leading groups, being able to ‘read’ individuals and ‘read’ the group vibe would help to sustain the harmony and reap the productive benefits.
Final Thoughts:
Because reading fosters empathy by allowing us to "step into" the mental states and experiences of others, it serves as a powerful tool for social intelligence. By engaging with these pages, we aren't just absorbing data; we are training our brains to recognize the subtle rhythms and emotional states of those around us.
I highly recommend this to Leaders looking to better understand their team’s dynamics, or anyone curious about the invisible, scientific threads that connect us to the people in our orbit. While the middle section of the book requires some stamina to get through, the payoff in the final chapters is worth the effort. It’s no surprise that this title has been highlighted by the Next Big Idea Club; its insights into human behavior are both profound and practical - it is essential reading for anyone navigating a high-stakes social environment.
This book is a good read, packed with science-backed information; however, about halfway through, it becomes a bit of a slog to get through. Additionally, I found some of the word choices off-putting; the author uses a fair amount of profanity throughout. While the language 'worked' within the context of the narrative, I personally don't care for that kind of language in my nonfiction and found it a bit distracting from the otherwise scholarly insights.
Among all the fascinating insights found here, the most interesting things I learned while reading this book are—listed in no particular order:
- Influence is 3 layers deep (pg. 64): For years, I have heard—and since becoming a parent, repeated—the saying: "You are who your friends are." As a result, I have long been aware that we are shaped by those we spend time with. However, I was fascinated to learn that studies have shown people are most susceptible to social contagion within 3 degrees of separation. This means we are influenced not only by people we actively spend time with, but also by the people those people spend time with—a layer we acknowledge but do not choose ourselves. Even more interesting, possibly frightening, we are affected by the people whom those second-layer individuals spend time with, a group most of us struggle to even comprehend due to an "out of sight, out of mind" bias.
- Singaporeans are the fastest walkers in the world (pg. 149): Learning that Singaporeans walk faster than New Yorkers was surprising. One year, my family and I traveled to New York City and stayed in Manhattan, bringing our 4-year-old husky with us. We often joke that our dog always has to be the “leader of the pack,” as he seems to dislike anyone walking in front of him. During our frequent walks in New York, this tendency made me feel like I was in the Iditarod Sled Dog Race—without the sled. Surprisingly, I did not mind the pace in New York when walking without the dog, but the addition of our dog made navigating the crowds a bit overwhelming. This experience influenced our decision not to bring the dog on subsequent trips to New York. Beyond travel, the pace of a place has also become a make-or-break criterion for our relocation decisions, because we often unconsciously speed up or slow down to match the rhythm of the city or the person next to us and we look for a pace that feels natural to us.
- Emotional Aperture (pg. 126): Micro-level syncing refers to one-on-one, person-to-person connections, while macro-level syncing involves matching the collective vibe created by a group within an environment. Emotional aperture is the ability to move along a spectrum between these two levels of awareness. Mastering this skill allows us to adjust our 'zoom' to fit the social context, ensuring we aren't tone-deaf to the collective or the individual, strengthening our ability to lead and manage. When a team is 'in the zone,' their heart rates and breathing patterns can actually begin to sync up, a phenomenon that explains why some group environments feel more harmonious than others. When leading groups, being able to ‘read’ individuals and ‘read’ the group vibe would help to sustain the harmony and reap the productive benefits.
Final Thoughts:
Because reading fosters empathy by allowing us to "step into" the mental states and experiences of others, it serves as a powerful tool for social intelligence. By engaging with these pages, we aren't just absorbing data; we are training our brains to recognize the subtle rhythms and emotional states of those around us.
I highly recommend this to Leaders looking to better understand their team’s dynamics, or anyone curious about the invisible, scientific threads that connect us to the people in our orbit. While the middle section of the book requires some stamina to get through, the payoff in the final chapters is worth the effort. It’s no surprise that this title has been highlighted by the Next Big Idea Club; its insights into human behavior are both profound and practical - it is essential reading for anyone navigating a high-stakes social environment.
Read
December 30, 2025#16:
The Good
I. Food for thought: So many concepts like bad apple, frictionless economy and etc. The testament to this book is the number of thoughts I had while reading it. And the thoughts that it left me with.
II. Took a lot of notes
III. This book could have been even longer!
The Bad
I would have loved to see more about fighting bad apples and the different concepts.
Thoughts
I. Metaphysical:
How much is one on non-physical realm? How much is natural human disconnect with people? In what ways in nature vs nurture are we failed?
I want to look more into nature & us- how we synch and connect/disconnect.
How does global warming, hate, etc effect the earth? Does the earth affect us? Or how does the earth affect us?
II. Non-conforming/Synching:
How do we not conform to the bad apple? What about the good apple? Are you the bad apple? The part about bad apple individual that spoils the bunch as a heavy force is important to me. How do you not get sucked into a negativity vortex?
Are we paying attention to how we affect people and how they are affecting us? Can we change the fundamental vibe we give off to people?
The most empathetic synch the most with people.
Are we out of synch with each other? Is it easier to synch us together with hate?
The jarring feeling of constantly being out of synch with others when you are supposed to be in synch.
III. Energy of spaces:
What is my space saying to me?
What is the science of the vibes different spaces give? What is the science with movie theaters specifically? I have been thinking about movie theaters with all the netflix more than likely buying HBO chatter. I’ve been particularly thinking about the particular space that movie theaters occupy compared to stores.
bookstores vs libraries= libraries have way more seating than bookstores which has more seating than other stores. In general, all these spaces are designed to give you a different feeling. Stores I’ve read are designed to make you move around and buy. Bookstores are a cross between the library which is not meant to be buy buy buy so they have a lot of seating for people to sit. Since bookstores have books they have seating so you can sit for a second read then buy whatever book.
IV. It took me almost 50% to realize this but the author of this book wrote 233: You’re Not Listening a eye opening good book as well.
V. With the push for more things to be digital there is a level of death to physical skills. There are people who have natural skills that manifest in the non-digital space. If we are online 24/7 we lose these skills.
VI. Ability to access individual vs group emotions:
A. There is pros and cons to both sides of the seeing things through a individual or collective standpoint. It is better to be able to see things from both perspectives.
If you are individually minded can you have a vision for humanity?
There is a safety and danger to humanity not being in synch.
There is a danger to not being able to read a person’s vibes.
I wonder about synching from a social media aspect
VII. Capitalism & AI: So many companies are using our psychology against us which is not new thinking about it. It is so icky thinking about these people who are struggling financially and/or studywise using their degrees on the science they know about humans against humans.
Synching of humans vs sentient beings vs AI- With Living things there is a synching for harmony element vs AI when the synch seems like it is for submission. Living beings are in a constant flow of synching and unsynching from each other because we are living ever changing beings.
VIII. Book Recommendations (you probably could just click on all the nonfiction I’ve read since it seems like so many books about nature, Ai/robots, and psychology are attracted to me): Off the top of my head recs= You’re Not Listening
Fluke: Chance, Chaos, and Why Everything We Do Matters
The Weight of Nature: How a Changing Climate Changes Our Brains
IX. I listened to a major part of the audiobook while wrapping gifts for Christmas so thank you book for keeping me company!
I received Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony for free in exchange for my review from Celadon Books
The Good
I. Food for thought: So many concepts like bad apple, frictionless economy and etc. The testament to this book is the number of thoughts I had while reading it. And the thoughts that it left me with.
II. Took a lot of notes
III. This book could have been even longer!
The Bad
I would have loved to see more about fighting bad apples and the different concepts.
Thoughts
I. Metaphysical:
How much is one on non-physical realm? How much is natural human disconnect with people? In what ways in nature vs nurture are we failed?
I want to look more into nature & us- how we synch and connect/disconnect.
How does global warming, hate, etc effect the earth? Does the earth affect us? Or how does the earth affect us?
II. Non-conforming/Synching:
How do we not conform to the bad apple? What about the good apple? Are you the bad apple? The part about bad apple individual that spoils the bunch as a heavy force is important to me. How do you not get sucked into a negativity vortex?
Are we paying attention to how we affect people and how they are affecting us? Can we change the fundamental vibe we give off to people?
The most empathetic synch the most with people.
Are we out of synch with each other? Is it easier to synch us together with hate?
The jarring feeling of constantly being out of synch with others when you are supposed to be in synch.
III. Energy of spaces:
What is my space saying to me?
What is the science of the vibes different spaces give? What is the science with movie theaters specifically? I have been thinking about movie theaters with all the netflix more than likely buying HBO chatter. I’ve been particularly thinking about the particular space that movie theaters occupy compared to stores.
bookstores vs libraries= libraries have way more seating than bookstores which has more seating than other stores. In general, all these spaces are designed to give you a different feeling. Stores I’ve read are designed to make you move around and buy. Bookstores are a cross between the library which is not meant to be buy buy buy so they have a lot of seating for people to sit. Since bookstores have books they have seating so you can sit for a second read then buy whatever book.
IV. It took me almost 50% to realize this but the author of this book wrote 233: You’re Not Listening a eye opening good book as well.
V. With the push for more things to be digital there is a level of death to physical skills. There are people who have natural skills that manifest in the non-digital space. If we are online 24/7 we lose these skills.
VI. Ability to access individual vs group emotions:
A. There is pros and cons to both sides of the seeing things through a individual or collective standpoint. It is better to be able to see things from both perspectives.
If you are individually minded can you have a vision for humanity?
There is a safety and danger to humanity not being in synch.
There is a danger to not being able to read a person’s vibes.
I wonder about synching from a social media aspect
VII. Capitalism & AI: So many companies are using our psychology against us which is not new thinking about it. It is so icky thinking about these people who are struggling financially and/or studywise using their degrees on the science they know about humans against humans.
Synching of humans vs sentient beings vs AI- With Living things there is a synching for harmony element vs AI when the synch seems like it is for submission. Living beings are in a constant flow of synching and unsynching from each other because we are living ever changing beings.
VIII. Book Recommendations (you probably could just click on all the nonfiction I’ve read since it seems like so many books about nature, Ai/robots, and psychology are attracted to me): Off the top of my head recs= You’re Not Listening
Fluke: Chance, Chaos, and Why Everything We Do Matters
The Weight of Nature: How a Changing Climate Changes Our Brains
IX. I listened to a major part of the audiobook while wrapping gifts for Christmas so thank you book for keeping me company!
I received Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony for free in exchange for my review from Celadon Books
January 29, 2026
As humans, we can usually tell pretty quickly when we’re going to get along with someone else. Likewise, we can tell when the vibe is completely off and want to walk away. Journalist Kate Murphy took a deep dive into this phenomenon, interpersonal synchrony, and how it effects our lives.
Basically, interpersonal synchrony is the ability to connect with someone else. Research has shown that it’s not just mental. If we sync with someone, then it means that we will match heart rate, blood pressure, pupil dilation, even hormones. It’s a far more complicated connection that we had previously thought, and that means that we can use it to improve our connections and find deeper meaning in our relationships.
Tech companies hire individuals with doctorates in psychology to help us feel more connected to and through our social media accounts. Attorneys use psychodrama (a dramatic retelling of the incident that caused someone to hire an attorney) to connect with their clients, and they absolutely use their interpersonal skills to know if the jury is with them or not. Animal trainers use synchrony to connect with animals, like The Horse Whisperer, who teaches people how to connect with their animals instead of trying to control them.
From a psychiatrist trying to connect with someone suffering from a painful mental illness to fighter pilots learning to become one with their jet, understanding interpersonal synchrony can help you become a better person, a better partner, and a kinder soul. This is what causes chains of people to pay it forward in drive-thru lanes, paying for the order of the person behind them, causing the next person to want to the same and so on. This is why everyone tries to avoid the downer in the office and why the right emotional balance in a restaurant makes the experience feel like magic.
Why We Click looks into all of this and more. With interviews from a wide variety people who have researched some version of interpersonal synchrony, real-life stories, down-to-earth writing, and smart takeaways, Murphy offers up explanations on why some people draw us to them and others push us away as well as advice on how to become more or less synchronous, depending on what the situation needs.
I listened to Why We Click on audio, read by the author. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience of listening to this book. It’s smart and entertaining, and since Murphy herself reads it, she doesn’t have to interpret any of the writing. She can just read it with her natural passion for the subject and the warmth that comes from understanding human connectivity.
I have a master’s degree in psychology, so this is a subject I’m naturally drawn to. But I think this is a book that could help anyone better understand their relationships. Reading it reminded me of the first time I read Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink, how that gave me insight into being a more successful human and how I wanted to tell everyone I knew to read the book. This is a book that could change your relationships, change your understanding of how you move through the world, and while it won’t solve all your problems, even your relationship problems, it might help you adjust your understanding enough to create some deeper connections.
Galleys for Why We Click were provided by Celadon Books, and a copy of the audio book was provided by Macmillan Audio through NetGalley, with many thanks, but the opinions are mine.
Basically, interpersonal synchrony is the ability to connect with someone else. Research has shown that it’s not just mental. If we sync with someone, then it means that we will match heart rate, blood pressure, pupil dilation, even hormones. It’s a far more complicated connection that we had previously thought, and that means that we can use it to improve our connections and find deeper meaning in our relationships.
Tech companies hire individuals with doctorates in psychology to help us feel more connected to and through our social media accounts. Attorneys use psychodrama (a dramatic retelling of the incident that caused someone to hire an attorney) to connect with their clients, and they absolutely use their interpersonal skills to know if the jury is with them or not. Animal trainers use synchrony to connect with animals, like The Horse Whisperer, who teaches people how to connect with their animals instead of trying to control them.
From a psychiatrist trying to connect with someone suffering from a painful mental illness to fighter pilots learning to become one with their jet, understanding interpersonal synchrony can help you become a better person, a better partner, and a kinder soul. This is what causes chains of people to pay it forward in drive-thru lanes, paying for the order of the person behind them, causing the next person to want to the same and so on. This is why everyone tries to avoid the downer in the office and why the right emotional balance in a restaurant makes the experience feel like magic.
Why We Click looks into all of this and more. With interviews from a wide variety people who have researched some version of interpersonal synchrony, real-life stories, down-to-earth writing, and smart takeaways, Murphy offers up explanations on why some people draw us to them and others push us away as well as advice on how to become more or less synchronous, depending on what the situation needs.
I listened to Why We Click on audio, read by the author. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience of listening to this book. It’s smart and entertaining, and since Murphy herself reads it, she doesn’t have to interpret any of the writing. She can just read it with her natural passion for the subject and the warmth that comes from understanding human connectivity.
I have a master’s degree in psychology, so this is a subject I’m naturally drawn to. But I think this is a book that could help anyone better understand their relationships. Reading it reminded me of the first time I read Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink, how that gave me insight into being a more successful human and how I wanted to tell everyone I knew to read the book. This is a book that could change your relationships, change your understanding of how you move through the world, and while it won’t solve all your problems, even your relationship problems, it might help you adjust your understanding enough to create some deeper connections.
Galleys for Why We Click were provided by Celadon Books, and a copy of the audio book was provided by Macmillan Audio through NetGalley, with many thanks, but the opinions are mine.
Review of advance copy received from Goodreads Giveaways
I received this book from a Goodreads giveaway.
That said, this book was an intriguing read, delving into how we form connections with people and even animals and objects in biological and neurological ways. Kate Murphy's writing style is informal and engaging, and while this is a scientific book, it is light enough where readers won't get lost or confused by jargon or abbreviations.
The book is a fast read, with most chapters being around ten or less physical pages, so you can easily get through it in a day. I would've preferred it to be longer, but, as Interpersonal Synchrony is a new science, there isn't going to be a ton of studies and multi-source evidence to flesh it out. Even so, I still think the book could have benefited from more embellishment from psychology, cardiology and neurology. Here's my short list of things that also affect a person's capability to sync and de-sync with others that weren't really touched on in the book:
Introversion and Extroversion: Obviously, this affects how often people interact with others and for how long. Do introverts have a more difficult time synchonizing with others, while extroverts reign supreme? Do extroverts tend to over-sync more, and if so, why or why not? Do introverts have a better way of monitoring their interaction impact on others due to increased introspection and isolation? Are introverts able to understand their effect on others' emotions better than extroverts? Do introverts lose the effects of synchrony faster than extroverts? Etc.
Personality: Every person is unique, and their experiences, upbringing, philosophies, beliefs, biases and inner baggage will affect who they connect and don't connect with, as well as how they'll connect with others. The book mentions that empaths are more likely to be an open conduit for synchrony, but then where does that place the rest of the population who aren't so empathetic? Does that mean they're at a lower capacity for synchrony? People connect with others in macro and micro ways regardless of empathy level and emotional intelligence every day--unless they're a hermit. What is the degree that empathy affects synchrony with others, and how often does it lead someone to over-sync or remain in a toxic connection? Does a person have to always be open, empathetic, kind and supportive in order to synchronize with others?
Jungian Psychology (or Analytical Psychology): The book mentions it in one sentence near the end and then never again. Perhaps the author didn't feel Jung's ideas fit, or that it possibly sounded too pseudoscience for her, but I believe that it should've been mentioned as an arguing point at least. The unconscious and even the subconscious in our brains influence how we interact with people and the world, and this would also affect how we synchronize with others. We are linked by evolutionary patterns, and these patterns help bring us closer as a species and affect how we interact with others. These patterns and the messages from our brain's inner spaces drive us and cause us to connect, react and progress. Even if Kate Murphy ixnayed on the spiritual side of Jungian Psychology dealing with synchronicities linking people and undergoing the process of individuation for inner healing, it still would've provided more fodder to bulk up what Interpersonal Synchrony is affected by.
That said, this book was an intriguing read, delving into how we form connections with people and even animals and objects in biological and neurological ways. Kate Murphy's writing style is informal and engaging, and while this is a scientific book, it is light enough where readers won't get lost or confused by jargon or abbreviations.
The book is a fast read, with most chapters being around ten or less physical pages, so you can easily get through it in a day. I would've preferred it to be longer, but, as Interpersonal Synchrony is a new science, there isn't going to be a ton of studies and multi-source evidence to flesh it out. Even so, I still think the book could have benefited from more embellishment from psychology, cardiology and neurology. Here's my short list of things that also affect a person's capability to sync and de-sync with others that weren't really touched on in the book:
Introversion and Extroversion: Obviously, this affects how often people interact with others and for how long. Do introverts have a more difficult time synchonizing with others, while extroverts reign supreme? Do extroverts tend to over-sync more, and if so, why or why not? Do introverts have a better way of monitoring their interaction impact on others due to increased introspection and isolation? Are introverts able to understand their effect on others' emotions better than extroverts? Do introverts lose the effects of synchrony faster than extroverts? Etc.
Personality: Every person is unique, and their experiences, upbringing, philosophies, beliefs, biases and inner baggage will affect who they connect and don't connect with, as well as how they'll connect with others. The book mentions that empaths are more likely to be an open conduit for synchrony, but then where does that place the rest of the population who aren't so empathetic? Does that mean they're at a lower capacity for synchrony? People connect with others in macro and micro ways regardless of empathy level and emotional intelligence every day--unless they're a hermit. What is the degree that empathy affects synchrony with others, and how often does it lead someone to over-sync or remain in a toxic connection? Does a person have to always be open, empathetic, kind and supportive in order to synchronize with others?
Jungian Psychology (or Analytical Psychology): The book mentions it in one sentence near the end and then never again. Perhaps the author didn't feel Jung's ideas fit, or that it possibly sounded too pseudoscience for her, but I believe that it should've been mentioned as an arguing point at least. The unconscious and even the subconscious in our brains influence how we interact with people and the world, and this would also affect how we synchronize with others. We are linked by evolutionary patterns, and these patterns help bring us closer as a species and affect how we interact with others. These patterns and the messages from our brain's inner spaces drive us and cause us to connect, react and progress. Even if Kate Murphy ixnayed on the spiritual side of Jungian Psychology dealing with synchronicities linking people and undergoing the process of individuation for inner healing, it still would've provided more fodder to bulk up what Interpersonal Synchrony is affected by.
April 19, 2026
I thoroughly enjoyed Kate Murphy’s Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony, even though I’d encountered some of the material in other books. A few ideas stood out for me.
Murphy notes that it takes less than thirty seconds for both men and women to decide whether they’re interested in someone—romantically or otherwise. Even with more time, our initial assessment rarely changes. We’ve long known first impressions matter, but the speed is striking.
She also describes how couples who “hit it off” are literally on the same wavelength: their movements, internal rhythms, and even neural firing patterns sync up. We’ve all seen people unconsciously mirror each other, but learning that this extends to brain activity adds a deeper layer.
The book highlights how shared activities bind us—singing in a choir, marching in a band, or jumping and clapping along to music. Most of us have felt that pull toward others during such moments.
One surprising point is our vulnerability to social contagion within three degrees of separation. Murphy explains:
Another eye-opener: many performance athletes are ditching fitness-tracking devices because they disconnect them from their bodies and actually hurt performance.
When someone triggers unpleasant feelings, you can break the unwanted synchrony by becoming aware of it and deliberately doing something different—deep breathing, shifting posture, or even grabbing an object. Interestingly, as you start feeling better, those around you often improve too.
The book also touches on familiar truths: exercise rests our neural networks, and people who talk with their hands tend to be more expressive and effective communicators.
Overall, Why We Click deepens our understanding of ourselves and the people around us. I recommend it.
Murphy notes that it takes less than thirty seconds for both men and women to decide whether they’re interested in someone—romantically or otherwise. Even with more time, our initial assessment rarely changes. We’ve long known first impressions matter, but the speed is striking.
She also describes how couples who “hit it off” are literally on the same wavelength: their movements, internal rhythms, and even neural firing patterns sync up. We’ve all seen people unconsciously mirror each other, but learning that this extends to brain activity adds a deeper layer.
The book highlights how shared activities bind us—singing in a choir, marching in a band, or jumping and clapping along to music. Most of us have felt that pull toward others during such moments.
One surprising point is our vulnerability to social contagion within three degrees of separation. Murphy explains:
While you can catch a cold from anyone, regardless of your relationship or lack thereof, several studies indicate your susceptibility to social contagion is in many cases greatest if your contact is within three degrees of separation—meaning you are more likely to be infected by the moods, attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors of your friends, your friends’ friends, and your friends’ friends’ friends. ... when each contact can have an impact within three degrees, and contacts within those three degrees can sway contacts within another three degrees, that is more than enough for social contagion to rip through a population like wildfire.
Another eye-opener: many performance athletes are ditching fitness-tracking devices because they disconnect them from their bodies and actually hurt performance.
When someone triggers unpleasant feelings, you can break the unwanted synchrony by becoming aware of it and deliberately doing something different—deep breathing, shifting posture, or even grabbing an object. Interestingly, as you start feeling better, those around you often improve too.
The book also touches on familiar truths: exercise rests our neural networks, and people who talk with their hands tend to be more expressive and effective communicators.
Overall, Why We Click deepens our understanding of ourselves and the people around us. I recommend it.
December 19, 2025
Kate Murphy’s Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony is one of those books that makes you pause mid page and think, “Wait, I do that.” A lot. It is fascinating, sometimes dense, and very much rooted in behavioral science, but it is also packed with experiments and examples that feel genuinely eye opening rather than abstract or academic for the sake of it.
Murphy sets out to explain something most of us have felt but never had language for. That moment when conversation flows effortlessly, when you feel instantly comfortable with someone, or when a room seems to share a collective mood. She calls this interpersonal synchrony, the human tendency to fall into rhythm with one another. It turns out this goes far beyond mirroring posture or matching facial expressions. Thanks to newer technology, researchers have discovered that people also sync heart rates, blood pressure, brainwaves, pupil dilation, and even hormonal activity. Reading about this was both amazing and slightly unsettling, especially when Murphy shows how easily emotions and behaviors can spread from person to person.
The book leans heavily on studies and experiments, which I appreciated, even when I had to slow down and reread a section. Murphy describes lab experiments where strangers unconsciously fall into sync, workplace studies showing how team cohesion affects performance, and research on couples whose bodies literally move together over time. These examples make it hard to dismiss synchrony as just a poetic idea or a feel good metaphor.
What really keeps the book engaging is Murphy’s range. She weaves science together with philosophy, literature, pop culture, business theory, and everyday observations. One moment you are reading about neuroscience, and the next you are thinking about awkward Zoom calls or why certain conversations leave you energized while others drain you completely.
Overall, Why We Click is an interesting, thoughtful read that rewards patience. It is heavy on behavioral science, but it never feels pointless or dry. Instead, it quietly changes how you think about connection, influence, and why our deep desire to be known and understood can be so easily disrupted in modern life. I finished the book feeling more aware of how much we shape, and are shaped by, the people around us.
#WhyWeClick #NetGalley
Murphy sets out to explain something most of us have felt but never had language for. That moment when conversation flows effortlessly, when you feel instantly comfortable with someone, or when a room seems to share a collective mood. She calls this interpersonal synchrony, the human tendency to fall into rhythm with one another. It turns out this goes far beyond mirroring posture or matching facial expressions. Thanks to newer technology, researchers have discovered that people also sync heart rates, blood pressure, brainwaves, pupil dilation, and even hormonal activity. Reading about this was both amazing and slightly unsettling, especially when Murphy shows how easily emotions and behaviors can spread from person to person.
The book leans heavily on studies and experiments, which I appreciated, even when I had to slow down and reread a section. Murphy describes lab experiments where strangers unconsciously fall into sync, workplace studies showing how team cohesion affects performance, and research on couples whose bodies literally move together over time. These examples make it hard to dismiss synchrony as just a poetic idea or a feel good metaphor.
What really keeps the book engaging is Murphy’s range. She weaves science together with philosophy, literature, pop culture, business theory, and everyday observations. One moment you are reading about neuroscience, and the next you are thinking about awkward Zoom calls or why certain conversations leave you energized while others drain you completely.
Overall, Why We Click is an interesting, thoughtful read that rewards patience. It is heavy on behavioral science, but it never feels pointless or dry. Instead, it quietly changes how you think about connection, influence, and why our deep desire to be known and understood can be so easily disrupted in modern life. I finished the book feeling more aware of how much we shape, and are shaped by, the people around us.
#WhyWeClick #NetGalley
February 14, 2026
Thank you to @celadonbooks & @macmillan.audio for giving me some grounding lately in the non-fiction 𝑾𝑯𝒀 𝑾𝑬 𝑪𝑳𝑰𝑪𝑲 𝒃𝒚 𝑲𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝑴𝒖𝒓𝒑𝒉𝒚, published in January!
"The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony" is a fancy way of explaining the science behind why we feel "vibes" or "energy" of one another, either instantly or over time. Indeed, why we click with some and not others.
I have a brilliant sister who has been studying and applying neuroscience skills in her coaching, so some of this vernacular and the ideas included seemed to be to be extremely complimentary to how she has been working to help people overcome emotional blocks on a personal level, as well as how to create work places where people enjoy and thrive. (See @juliaklefevre for more!)
I am not a huge nonfiction reader, so I was incredibly surprised at how absorbing this book was. While science is certainly given its proper due, this is a book that shares information in a conversational way, explaining without boring, and keeping it relevant.
I was fascinated by the proofs of what I have observed in people; the effects of a positive or toxic personality, the ease of which some can read others, and even how decreased connections steal our sync with others and leave us wanting. So many things made so much sense, even to the idea of instant feelings about a person. I did very much enjoy learning and making the connections I see in my life with the points made here.
If this book sparks any bit of curiosity, I highly recommend diving in. It is easy to get pulled in, and you will find yourself putting pieces together and learning ways to both use this skill for good and how to protect yourself from the negatives.
The audio & physical pairing was superb. Read by the author, it was clear she is well suited to explain, in layman's terms, how our brains are basically magical and we are just learning about them! She is also clearly knowledgeable and gives extensive research that backs up the easier-to -swallow terms. A fantastic nonfiction for me!
"The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony" is a fancy way of explaining the science behind why we feel "vibes" or "energy" of one another, either instantly or over time. Indeed, why we click with some and not others.
I have a brilliant sister who has been studying and applying neuroscience skills in her coaching, so some of this vernacular and the ideas included seemed to be to be extremely complimentary to how she has been working to help people overcome emotional blocks on a personal level, as well as how to create work places where people enjoy and thrive. (See @juliaklefevre for more!)
I am not a huge nonfiction reader, so I was incredibly surprised at how absorbing this book was. While science is certainly given its proper due, this is a book that shares information in a conversational way, explaining without boring, and keeping it relevant.
I was fascinated by the proofs of what I have observed in people; the effects of a positive or toxic personality, the ease of which some can read others, and even how decreased connections steal our sync with others and leave us wanting. So many things made so much sense, even to the idea of instant feelings about a person. I did very much enjoy learning and making the connections I see in my life with the points made here.
If this book sparks any bit of curiosity, I highly recommend diving in. It is easy to get pulled in, and you will find yourself putting pieces together and learning ways to both use this skill for good and how to protect yourself from the negatives.
The audio & physical pairing was superb. Read by the author, it was clear she is well suited to explain, in layman's terms, how our brains are basically magical and we are just learning about them! She is also clearly knowledgeable and gives extensive research that backs up the easier-to -swallow terms. A fantastic nonfiction for me!
January 30, 2026
Why We Click
- From the author of one of my favorite books ‘You’re Not Listening’
- Vibes, body language, tone
- We mimic each other
- We make first impressions
- The Maya Angelou quote ‘people won’t remember what you said or what you did, but they will remember how you made them feel’
- Speed dating
- Zoom fatigue and the challenges of connecting virtually
- A bad apple (negative person) can ruin the entire vibe of a group. One negative person can affect an entire work place
- Synchronized body movements; Islamic prayer, morning yoga at work, Tony Robbins seminars. Groups that do a collective movement have a closer bond
- We instinctively follow the beat. House music is set close to the human heart beat. Walking down the street people will fall into the same walking pattern as others
- The comedy cellar table, physical distance and intimacy, restaurant and room design
- Emotional aperture - the ability to read the room. See the vibe, energy, and synchronicity of the room. Macro level syncing
- Jury selection
- Quantum theory
- Mirror neurons
- That feeling you get that something is wrong and call that person - a sort of telepathy
- People’s walking pace. Singapore is the quickest city - I forgot what the numbers were
- Service dog, animals, nature - the synchronicity of the universe
- Attachment to fictional characters
- Some researchers think that the reason we are so attached to Shakespeare is because iambic pentameter is the same rhythm that the human heart beats (factoring the chambers)
- Fighter pilots and synching with their plane
- The loneliness epidemic, the disconnection of working from home
- The constant need to be busy and disconnection from friends
- I enjoyed this book and it was well written. It is hard to top her first book but this is still a wonderful read
- It was written is a Gladwell like way. Pulling connections, stories, and interviews from a myriad of places to form a synchronistic story.
- From the author of one of my favorite books ‘You’re Not Listening’
- Vibes, body language, tone
- We mimic each other
- We make first impressions
- The Maya Angelou quote ‘people won’t remember what you said or what you did, but they will remember how you made them feel’
- Speed dating
- Zoom fatigue and the challenges of connecting virtually
- A bad apple (negative person) can ruin the entire vibe of a group. One negative person can affect an entire work place
- Synchronized body movements; Islamic prayer, morning yoga at work, Tony Robbins seminars. Groups that do a collective movement have a closer bond
- We instinctively follow the beat. House music is set close to the human heart beat. Walking down the street people will fall into the same walking pattern as others
- The comedy cellar table, physical distance and intimacy, restaurant and room design
- Emotional aperture - the ability to read the room. See the vibe, energy, and synchronicity of the room. Macro level syncing
- Jury selection
- Quantum theory
- Mirror neurons
- That feeling you get that something is wrong and call that person - a sort of telepathy
- People’s walking pace. Singapore is the quickest city - I forgot what the numbers were
- Service dog, animals, nature - the synchronicity of the universe
- Attachment to fictional characters
- Some researchers think that the reason we are so attached to Shakespeare is because iambic pentameter is the same rhythm that the human heart beats (factoring the chambers)
- Fighter pilots and synching with their plane
- The loneliness epidemic, the disconnection of working from home
- The constant need to be busy and disconnection from friends
- I enjoyed this book and it was well written. It is hard to top her first book but this is still a wonderful read
- It was written is a Gladwell like way. Pulling connections, stories, and interviews from a myriad of places to form a synchronistic story.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Why We Click by Kate Murphy is an accessible, modern exploration of human connection. I finished it feeling more aware of how often, and how unconsciously, I move in rhythm with the people and environments around me.
The book is an easy read for a science-leaning work and is filled with ideas that feel immediately relevant. Rather than presenting dense theory, Murphy relies on real-world examples to give language to patterns many of us already recognize in relationships and social life. It felt less like discovering something entirely new and more like having long-held intuitions articulated and validated. What stood out most to me was how much the book encouraged reflection. It made me think about who I sync with, how that affects my emotional state, and how this dynamic extends beyond in-person interactions into digital spaces and the content we consume every day. I found myself becoming more aware of how easily moods, attitudes, and energy can transfer between people, both offline and online. That said, readers who prefer rigorous academic research may not enjoy this as much. The book prioritizes insight and accessibility over methodological depth, and those looking for tightly structured studies or heavily cited analysis may find it lacking.
This is not a prescriptive or self-optimization book. Instead, it invites awareness and attentiveness. Murphy’s writing is thoughtful, curious, and approachable, making this a timely and reflective read for those interested in human connection in a modern, highly mediated world.
I would recommend Why We Click to readers who are open to ideas that sit at the intersection of science, observation, and cultural commentary.
Publishing Date: January 27, 2026
Thank you to Celadon Books for the ARC.
The book is an easy read for a science-leaning work and is filled with ideas that feel immediately relevant. Rather than presenting dense theory, Murphy relies on real-world examples to give language to patterns many of us already recognize in relationships and social life. It felt less like discovering something entirely new and more like having long-held intuitions articulated and validated. What stood out most to me was how much the book encouraged reflection. It made me think about who I sync with, how that affects my emotional state, and how this dynamic extends beyond in-person interactions into digital spaces and the content we consume every day. I found myself becoming more aware of how easily moods, attitudes, and energy can transfer between people, both offline and online. That said, readers who prefer rigorous academic research may not enjoy this as much. The book prioritizes insight and accessibility over methodological depth, and those looking for tightly structured studies or heavily cited analysis may find it lacking.
This is not a prescriptive or self-optimization book. Instead, it invites awareness and attentiveness. Murphy’s writing is thoughtful, curious, and approachable, making this a timely and reflective read for those interested in human connection in a modern, highly mediated world.
I would recommend Why We Click to readers who are open to ideas that sit at the intersection of science, observation, and cultural commentary.
Publishing Date: January 27, 2026
Thank you to Celadon Books for the ARC.
Review of advance copy received from Publisher
Book review - Non-Fiction - Psychology - Self Help - Science
I just finished Why We Click by Kate Murphy and here are my musings!
Did you know that subconsciously we mirror people's tone, mannerism, postures and more when we are communicating? I knew this. It’s a sales tactic we were taught. Mirror the customer and they feel more at ease and familiar with you that they will automatically trust you.
That’s the surface part.. Did you know that we also sync our blood pressure, moods, brainwaves and heart rates as well? COLOR ME BLOWN AWAY. I had no dang idea and this book clued me right in and I found myself learning more and more.
This book was truly fascinating. The book was clear and easy to follow. Nothing overtly complicated and it was a super interesting read. The topics covered… Things like relationships in a social setting, working remotely all with real life offerings makes everything more relatable.
Have you ever wondered why some connections feel right and others don’t? This book will give you the insight you always wondered about but never actually asked outloud.
I don’t read a lot of self-help books, they tend to lean towards a certain type of person but I actually really enjoyed this book and ended up lending it to my husband who is basically a social pariah and he understood some things about himself that he put into action.
If you are looking into the psychology of how to understand social bonds then this book is one to look for!
4 stars
Thank you to @celadonbooks for my gifted copy.
Out 27th January 2026
#celadonbooks #bookblog #readersofig #booksbooksbooks #readingallday
I just finished Why We Click by Kate Murphy and here are my musings!
Did you know that subconsciously we mirror people's tone, mannerism, postures and more when we are communicating? I knew this. It’s a sales tactic we were taught. Mirror the customer and they feel more at ease and familiar with you that they will automatically trust you.
That’s the surface part.. Did you know that we also sync our blood pressure, moods, brainwaves and heart rates as well? COLOR ME BLOWN AWAY. I had no dang idea and this book clued me right in and I found myself learning more and more.
This book was truly fascinating. The book was clear and easy to follow. Nothing overtly complicated and it was a super interesting read. The topics covered… Things like relationships in a social setting, working remotely all with real life offerings makes everything more relatable.
Have you ever wondered why some connections feel right and others don’t? This book will give you the insight you always wondered about but never actually asked outloud.
I don’t read a lot of self-help books, they tend to lean towards a certain type of person but I actually really enjoyed this book and ended up lending it to my husband who is basically a social pariah and he understood some things about himself that he put into action.
If you are looking into the psychology of how to understand social bonds then this book is one to look for!
4 stars
Thank you to @celadonbooks for my gifted copy.
Out 27th January 2026
#celadonbooks #bookblog #readersofig #booksbooksbooks #readingallday
January 27, 2026
Even when the subject is interesting, non-fiction can be overwhelming, difficult to understand, dull, dry and full of words we need to look up. From its title, and even its description to a degree, Why We Click, The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony, by author Kate Murphy seems like it might be like that, another piece of non-fiction that has you jumping from the text to the dictionary to the footnotes. A topic that grabs your interest but a lot of work to plow through.
Well, let me assure you that Why We Click is nothing like that. Instead, it’s fascinating. Smoothly paced, almost conversational in tone, drawing on easy to relate to examples. At first you’ll be skeptical at the very concept of interpersonal synchrony, then you’ll jump fully on board, then as you keep reading you’ll question, accept, question again . . . draw your own conclusions. It’s a perfect book club book, full of topics and theories that beg for discussion and debate.
I received an advance copy of Why We Click from Celadon Books via NetGalley. It’s engaging and thought-provoking, easy to read and will stay with you long after you’ve finished. Another example of the amazing variety of fiction and non-fiction that Celadon Books seeks out and publishes. A carefully curated collection of books on a wide range of topics, guaranteed to keep your attention and always satisfy. I am happy to be a Celadon Reader. I enjoyed reading and discussing Why We Click, recommend it without hesitation and eagerly await whatever Celadon publishes next. I voluntarily leave this review; all opinions are my own.
Well, let me assure you that Why We Click is nothing like that. Instead, it’s fascinating. Smoothly paced, almost conversational in tone, drawing on easy to relate to examples. At first you’ll be skeptical at the very concept of interpersonal synchrony, then you’ll jump fully on board, then as you keep reading you’ll question, accept, question again . . . draw your own conclusions. It’s a perfect book club book, full of topics and theories that beg for discussion and debate.
I received an advance copy of Why We Click from Celadon Books via NetGalley. It’s engaging and thought-provoking, easy to read and will stay with you long after you’ve finished. Another example of the amazing variety of fiction and non-fiction that Celadon Books seeks out and publishes. A carefully curated collection of books on a wide range of topics, guaranteed to keep your attention and always satisfy. I am happy to be a Celadon Reader. I enjoyed reading and discussing Why We Click, recommend it without hesitation and eagerly await whatever Celadon publishes next. I voluntarily leave this review; all opinions are my own.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony
by Kate Murphy
Narrated by Kate Murphy
Publish date January 27. 2026
I requested this book because I like non-fiction books and learning new ideas. Also, like a crow, I am attracted shiny new things and this book is 2026 publication. I requested it in 2025 excited all about the coming year.
Later on when the excitement subsided, I regretted my decision. I have read plenty of very dry, very boring non-fiction books. This book cover looked like one of those books. "Why We Click," well, who cares?? As it turns out, I do! The audiobook is expertly narrated by its author, a journalist who specializes interpersonal communication and an author of a best selling book, "You're Not Listening." I haven't read her previous book, but after listening to this audiobook, I am now interested in checking out her backstock.
This book explores how we "click" with our environment - sometimes with other human and sometimes with animals and inanimate objects. I have had many occasions like this and found the contents fascinating. This book is approachable and fascinating. It would appeal to general audience - regardless if you are a fan of non-fiction books or not.
I would recommend this book to fan of Freakeconomics. And people who are scared of non-fiction books. This book is highly entertaining and not too long, and everyone would be familiar with the topic.
An advanced copy of this audiobook was provided courtesy of NetGalley and Macmillan Audio. Thank you! Opinions stated herein are my own.
by Kate Murphy
Narrated by Kate Murphy
Publish date January 27. 2026
I requested this book because I like non-fiction books and learning new ideas. Also, like a crow, I am attracted shiny new things and this book is 2026 publication. I requested it in 2025 excited all about the coming year.
Later on when the excitement subsided, I regretted my decision. I have read plenty of very dry, very boring non-fiction books. This book cover looked like one of those books. "Why We Click," well, who cares?? As it turns out, I do! The audiobook is expertly narrated by its author, a journalist who specializes interpersonal communication and an author of a best selling book, "You're Not Listening." I haven't read her previous book, but after listening to this audiobook, I am now interested in checking out her backstock.
This book explores how we "click" with our environment - sometimes with other human and sometimes with animals and inanimate objects. I have had many occasions like this and found the contents fascinating. This book is approachable and fascinating. It would appeal to general audience - regardless if you are a fan of non-fiction books or not.
I would recommend this book to fan of Freakeconomics. And people who are scared of non-fiction books. This book is highly entertaining and not too long, and everyone would be familiar with the topic.
An advanced copy of this audiobook was provided courtesy of NetGalley and Macmillan Audio. Thank you! Opinions stated herein are my own.
February 24, 2026
I had many kinds of jobs over my work life. I remember some work environments that just burned me out right away with people telling me what a lousy place it was to work, warning me about the other employees. Then there was a quilt guild I visited; during the business meeting members attacked their elected officers. It was not a welcoming group and they were inflexible about membership requirements.
What happens to create these kind of toxic environments? Was it one bad apple who spoiled the others? Was it a bad attitude that became contagious?
There were times when I felt right at home with a new group, like the quilters at one church who invited me to join and were so supportive, and the women’s circle who were readers and passed around their favorite books.
Sometimes a group just clicks. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes we click with other people, and some turn us off.
Kate Murphy’s new book Why We Click explores the emerging science of interpersonal synchrony. Chapters include Love at First Sync and How to Resist Getting Sucked into Someone Else’s Emotional Vortex. Murphy covers enmeshment, connecting with fictional characters, how social media and working from home impacts connection, flow, and even how we click with animals.
I was surprised how often I connected with the issues the book was talking about.
This deeply researched book is also very readable and accessible. It would make an interesting book club selection, and would be a useful read for organizations and buisness.
Thanks to the publisher for a free book.
What happens to create these kind of toxic environments? Was it one bad apple who spoiled the others? Was it a bad attitude that became contagious?
There were times when I felt right at home with a new group, like the quilters at one church who invited me to join and were so supportive, and the women’s circle who were readers and passed around their favorite books.
Sometimes a group just clicks. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes we click with other people, and some turn us off.
Kate Murphy’s new book Why We Click explores the emerging science of interpersonal synchrony. Chapters include Love at First Sync and How to Resist Getting Sucked into Someone Else’s Emotional Vortex. Murphy covers enmeshment, connecting with fictional characters, how social media and working from home impacts connection, flow, and even how we click with animals.
I was surprised how often I connected with the issues the book was talking about.
This deeply researched book is also very readable and accessible. It would make an interesting book club selection, and would be a useful read for organizations and buisness.
Thanks to the publisher for a free book.
Review of advance copy received from Publisher
I read about half of this book before going to a yoga class, during the class I realized just how in sync we all were at the moment, everyone may be at a different level in their practice but when we got into a flow the air was electric. It made the moment more powerful to me because I was able to put what I was relate to what I was reading.
*
When someone experiences interpersonal synchrony you subconsciously match movements, postures, gestures, etc. It has been noted that heart beats, blood pressure, brain waves, etc also all sync up which to me is quite interesting.
*
One of my favorite chapters was about when you relate to your animal; there was actually a part that made me laugh 'cause I will talk to my dog in full sentences, not just simple words. I learned that she does like to listen and doesn't fully understand what I'm saying but she will respond correctly to what I am trying to get across to her.
*
When I was in college I went to take a psychology class but the professor and I did not match up well, so I dropped out, a year later I took it with a different professor and we hit it off just fine, by reading this book it actually made me realize that what I was feeling in the moment in the original professors class was actually a valid feeling.
*
This was an entertaining book that satisfied my scientific side while also validating my "people watching" side.
*
When someone experiences interpersonal synchrony you subconsciously match movements, postures, gestures, etc. It has been noted that heart beats, blood pressure, brain waves, etc also all sync up which to me is quite interesting.
*
One of my favorite chapters was about when you relate to your animal; there was actually a part that made me laugh 'cause I will talk to my dog in full sentences, not just simple words. I learned that she does like to listen and doesn't fully understand what I'm saying but she will respond correctly to what I am trying to get across to her.
*
When I was in college I went to take a psychology class but the professor and I did not match up well, so I dropped out, a year later I took it with a different professor and we hit it off just fine, by reading this book it actually made me realize that what I was feeling in the moment in the original professors class was actually a valid feeling.
*
This was an entertaining book that satisfied my scientific side while also validating my "people watching" side.
March 23, 2026
I really enjoyed reading Why We Click and the way it explores that almost instant sense we get when meeting someone new—the unspoken knowing of whether you’re vibing or not. It’s something I’ve always been curious about, especially why it happens so naturally with some people and not at all with others.
What fascinated me most was learning that this kind of human syncing actually begins in utero—and never really stops. The book does a great job of uncovering all the subtle, behind-the-scenes processes we’re usually unaware of, from how we mirror and mimic each other to what’s happening biologically and neurologically in those moments of connection.
I also appreciated the discussion around what can disrupt that sync, leading to that familiar “we just don’t click” feeling. Also, the idea that sometimes, for reasons we may never fully understand, certain people simply won’t sync with us was both interesting and oddly validating. That said, I do wish this aspect had been explored more deeply.
The section on social contagion was another standout for me—it added an extra layer to understanding how connection and behavior ripple through groups in ways we don’t always notice.
Overall, I found this to be an engaging and thought-provoking read that gave language and insight to something we all experience but rarely stop to analyze.
Special thanks to Celadon Books and NetGalley for the gifted copy
What fascinated me most was learning that this kind of human syncing actually begins in utero—and never really stops. The book does a great job of uncovering all the subtle, behind-the-scenes processes we’re usually unaware of, from how we mirror and mimic each other to what’s happening biologically and neurologically in those moments of connection.
I also appreciated the discussion around what can disrupt that sync, leading to that familiar “we just don’t click” feeling. Also, the idea that sometimes, for reasons we may never fully understand, certain people simply won’t sync with us was both interesting and oddly validating. That said, I do wish this aspect had been explored more deeply.
The section on social contagion was another standout for me—it added an extra layer to understanding how connection and behavior ripple through groups in ways we don’t always notice.
Overall, I found this to be an engaging and thought-provoking read that gave language and insight to something we all experience but rarely stop to analyze.
Special thanks to Celadon Books and NetGalley for the gifted copy
Review of advance copy received from Publisher
This book was a bit of a letdown for me. As interested as I was to request an ARC, the information presented here could have easily been condensed down to an article. Some of the anecdotes were interesting, but there wasn't enough data here to make it a worthwhile book.
The audiobook narration by the author kept me going, but I kept thinking "sinking" every time she said "syncing" and I heard the word "vibes" far too many times than I would've liked. There was also not enough information from the author as to her background and expertise at the start, so I kept wondering why I should trust any of the information she presented.
Overlooking those things, I didn't feel like the studies that were presented had enough information on WHY we actually click. My overall takeaway is that we click/sync with others physiologically sometimes, and other times not. It's new science and we don't really know why we fundamentally click with some people more than others. I didn't need several hundred pages to get to that point.
I think this book definitely has an audience, but it wasn't for me, unfortunately.
Thanks to the publisher for the advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
The audiobook narration by the author kept me going, but I kept thinking "sinking" every time she said "syncing" and I heard the word "vibes" far too many times than I would've liked. There was also not enough information from the author as to her background and expertise at the start, so I kept wondering why I should trust any of the information she presented.
Overlooking those things, I didn't feel like the studies that were presented had enough information on WHY we actually click. My overall takeaway is that we click/sync with others physiologically sometimes, and other times not. It's new science and we don't really know why we fundamentally click with some people more than others. I didn't need several hundred pages to get to that point.
I think this book definitely has an audience, but it wasn't for me, unfortunately.
Thanks to the publisher for the advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
**ARC REVIEW**
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Why We Click is a fascinating exploration of why we naturally connect with some people while feeling disconnected from others. I really enjoyed the psychology and science behind interpersonal synchrony, and Kate Murphy explains complex ideas in a way that feels clear, engaging, and relatable.
Murphy discusses topics such as social relationships, loneliness, and remote work, weaving in studies and real-life examples that make the science easy to understand. What stood out to me most was how this book encourages readers to reflect on their own interactions and better understand why certain connections feel comfortable while others don’t.
As someone who isn’t much of a “people person,” I appreciated how this book helped me understand why I form deep connections with only a few individuals and why absorbing others’ emotions can feel draining. Why We Click gave me insight into those experiences and how interpersonal synchrony plays a role in them.
Overall, this is a thoughtful and insightful self-help book that offers a deeper understanding of human connection. I would definitely recommend it to anyone interested in psychology, relationships, or personal growth.
Thank you to Kate Murphy, NetGalley, and Celadon Books for the ARC.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Why We Click is a fascinating exploration of why we naturally connect with some people while feeling disconnected from others. I really enjoyed the psychology and science behind interpersonal synchrony, and Kate Murphy explains complex ideas in a way that feels clear, engaging, and relatable.
Murphy discusses topics such as social relationships, loneliness, and remote work, weaving in studies and real-life examples that make the science easy to understand. What stood out to me most was how this book encourages readers to reflect on their own interactions and better understand why certain connections feel comfortable while others don’t.
As someone who isn’t much of a “people person,” I appreciated how this book helped me understand why I form deep connections with only a few individuals and why absorbing others’ emotions can feel draining. Why We Click gave me insight into those experiences and how interpersonal synchrony plays a role in them.
Overall, this is a thoughtful and insightful self-help book that offers a deeper understanding of human connection. I would definitely recommend it to anyone interested in psychology, relationships, or personal growth.
Thank you to Kate Murphy, NetGalley, and Celadon Books for the ARC.
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