Mind Games: Emotionally Manipulative Tactics Partners Use to Control Relationships and Force the Upper Hand

by Pamela Kole

Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner? Or that the wrong phrase might set them off? Are you unhappy in your relationship, but can’t bear to pull yourself away from it? Do you feel inadequate and sometimes deserving of the treatment you get? Recognize that your partner is your manipulator and abuser - don’t allow them to force the upper hand. Mind Games uncovers a host of underhanded, sneaky, and malicious emotional manipulation tactics that manipulators and abusers use to beat you down and control you. We might all be able to recognize blatant abuse, but when we’re emotionally invested, it’s tough to see the little signs that are in front of our faces sometimes. They’ll lead to you feeling worthless and vulnerable, making it almost impossible to truly leave your situation. In this book, I identify many common tactics that you may be intimately and sadly familiar with, complete with real life examples for each to help you identify them in your daily life. What emotionally manipulative tactics will you learn to identify and stop? * Gaslighting and telling you that your concern is an overreaction, or quite simply wrong. * How the silent treatment is used as punishment and forces compliance. * Playing the victim and how it transforms your issues into guilt and pity. * Your abuser's time machine and how they use it to their advantage. More * An analysis of the psychology behind why your partner acts they way they do... and why you stay. * Guidelines for how to deal with a partner that is your manipulator and abuser. * Why your abuser loves controlling you, not necessarily you. Emotional manipulation tactics are still abuse, even if there are no physical signs. Gain the knowledge and subsequent courage you need to leave your situation and find true happiness, not someone else's definition of it. Learn to detect when your abuser is not acting in your best interest, and exactly how they make you believe that they are. Start re-writing the rules to your abuser's mind games. This is the first book in the “Emotional Freedom and Strength” series, as listed 1. Mind Emotionally Manipulative Tactics Partners Use to Control Relationships and Force the Upper Hand - Recognize and Beat Them 2. Break Free From The Narcissist and Escape Toxic Relationships and Emotional Manipulation 3. The Psychology of Abusive How to Understand Your Abuser, Empower Yourself, and Take Your Life Back

Genres: Relationships, Self Help, Psychology, Psychological

119 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 2, 2015

Reviews

[Aliya · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about emotional abuse carried out by a spouse/romantic partner in an intimate setting. Some reviewers may have bought the book expecting to see info about mind games, covering the whole gamut of human interactions. If that is what you are looking for, then this book will not help you.

The trend with self-published pop psychology books, is to read a few traditionally published best selling titles, and then write a mini-book summing all the points gained from those books. This mini-book is then uploaded on Kindle Unlimited (KU) so that people can seemingly borrow it for free, and the author can earn $$$. It's not really free because KU costs $9.99/month and that's a lot of money to pay for reading mainly self-published books.

Having said that, even with this reality, some mini-books are written better than others, and since I like to get my money's worth from KU, I do dig out these highly rated mini-books as refreshers on topics. The better ones are also good as primers on subjects, if you are unfamiliar with the subject. This book is one of the good ones in the self-published category.

This book is good as a primer and as a refresher. We are all naïve when we are young, atleast the emotionally healthy people with good moral values are. If they cross paths with twisted, two-faced individuals who put up a charming façade, then these naive folks are in for some serious emotional and verbal abuse, which may include financial and even physical abuse.

The abused person has little clue of what is happening, because the emotional assault is insidious and underhanded. The experience leaves them broken in spirit, and they still don't have a clear understanding of what is actually going on. In such cases, this book gives a very clear account of the games that sick people play with the ones close to them.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book, one of the best I have read about the emotional abusive patterns in a relationship. It provides not only the examples along with the description of the abusive behaviour, but - what was the most important for me - the insight into the victim's and abuser's mind, how and why this pattern works. The book contains also a lot of sentences which will help during the healing process. The last chapter contains a general advice how to respond to abusive behaviour of your partner, although I would very much like to see more details (how to respond to the specific categories described in the previous chapters).

[DJey · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a short (100 page) handbook. Not particularly a detailed resource on the topic by any means. The "mind games" listed under different heading honestly could have been lumped together with more helpful examples.

Having said that, there were a few things I can take away from the book which I'm sure will help my relationships:
- abusers are in it to feel good. That's pretty much all they care about. Deny that and it'll illicit a response
- insist on addressing the issue directly. Right from what-about-ism to gaslighting to overblown outbursts, the abuser will do whatever they can to distract or shift the blame. Don't allow that
- did you know that inconsistent positive affirmations create a dependency in the brain similar to a drug addiction? I did not know that. Or realize that this could be an effective emotional manipulation strategy
- it's possible to phrase manipulation in a way that sounds like love and caring, it's called the disguised putdown. Basically the abuser frames it as them caring for you by telling you this, but whatever it is that they told you makes you feel like crap
- it not always only your fault. Really. This sums it up. This and also that the surest way to not fall into an abusive trap is to have good self-esteem. The most vulnerable victims are those that doubt themselves and don't have strong social support systems

p.s. for worried friends -- I am well, my partner is not abusive, just curious about the topic.

[Cynthia Rivera · Rating 3 out of 5]

Opens your eyes because love is blind

It's a very good informative book, I used to be in a relationship where there was a lot of just the mind games, and manipulation big time all the time, and just reading really opened my eyes to just even think how I never saw this because I chose not to, but it's definitely a very informative read for people in this very unfortunate situation, please realize what's going on, we don't deserve this treatment no one does educate yourself!!!

[KatherineKruger · Rating 5 out of 5]

FINALLY got out ..

Extremely good read!!! Wish I had this 20yrs ago. Maybe I would of left before it began. After being with in a relationship with a Narcissist for 20yrs... All these signs were there and I always thought that things were my fault or it would get better. I know I'm not perfect, who is? But being financial dependant on my husband made it hard to leave. Don't let that stop any of you!!! Yes it's a struggle... But I'm slowly getting back on my feet!!

[Summer Bourne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has really helped me have a better understanding of this subject and how to deal with the narcissist in my life. It explains the various techniques that these people employ in a relationship in a concise and easy to understand manner. I have read quite a few books on this subject but I learned some new info from this one.

[Terry Vagliani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book

I actually thought you were talking to me personally. It was like you have been living in my house and a lot of the things hr does to me I never knew they meant as much as it dows

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book

At.times this book made me feel like cameras were in my home. Some actions listed are precisely what has been happening. If you need help understanding a selfish relationship I would highly recommend you read this book.

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Read

This really brought some good insight on the different types of relationship manipulation from both perspectives. It really helped me realize some patterns in previous relationships and what to look out for in future ones.

[April Alcon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every woman needs to read

Great information. I enjoyed how the author breaks down each type of manipulation abusers use and gives examples. I agree that they steal self-worth and it's amazing she reminds us we are not the problem.

[Rose Fetchko · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent

Love it. It was fast reading as usual except it has warning signs and clear notes of examples. I don't mind recommending to friends as a fast basic reading.

[Margaret Reape · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful and definitely informative

For someone like myself who has A.s.d and whom struggles with tones, behaviours &attitudes this is&was helpful, I enjoyed the book

[Cocoa Trinidad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mind blowing

This is book is direct and on point. It speaks truth and has helped me to view things differently. I am in control and will not be manipulated ever again.

[Mrs Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyable

This book was easy to read and explained traits in a clear way. The behaviour pattern of the narcissistic personality was well explained. I learnt a great deal.

[Greg · Rating 2 out of 5]

I respect and recognize that many more women (and even men) experience abuse than most people want to accept. It is messed up and wrong and anyone who’s been abused or mistreated should seriously consider competent, research supported professional help. When I was in my angry stage at the end of my marriage, I could’ve written this book if I swapped the pronouns from he (abuser) and she (abusee) to she (abuser) to he (abusee.) Mileage may vary, and if reading this book helps women get out of abuse situations, then wonderful. I might just encourage one on the journey to give careful thought to moving on from this kind of book after they get out of the abuse situation and they’re progressing past the self-love deficit/I can’t survive without the abuser-partner stage. These are some very helpful treatment modalities out there: CBT, ACT, EMDR, etc. as well as SSRIs or other FDA “on-label” drugs that are effective without severe side effects. I don’t have any personal experience in this area, but I understand there is growing evidence that psychedelics such as ketamine and/or psilocybin can be helpful in some people’s healing journeys. I hope that any reader of this review will forgive me if they see this book differently or it seems like I’m man-splaining. I am speaking primarily of my own journey. Each has their own journey. Please know you have the love, respect, and encouragement of all of us who are on parallel journeys (if I may be so bold as to speak on behalf of anyone besides myself.) I wish you the very best of healing. You are enough. You’ve always been enough. You deserve all the best experiences life has to offer. You’re not a victim or a survivor. You’re a warrior. You’re a bad @$$. You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

[Kavish · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brilliant!
It's a short book but very useful. The author teaches you wisdom without wasting your time.
Every abuse victim needs to read it. You can never protect yourself from emotional abuse without gaining knowledge about it. Knowledge gives power to the victim and protects them from current and future abuse.

[Eric · Rating 3 out of 5]

I decided to read the book thinking it might relate to my spouse, but instead; to my surprise, it laid out excellent examples where "I" was the one playing Mind Games. It was a complete 360 on my purpose of reading the book. Read it, accept responsibility, were not all perfect.

[Joanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

The How is explained

I’m grateful for this author who carefully took the time to explain both the ‘how’ and the ‘why’, abusers carry on the way they do. Not only that they provided examples and explanations of the impacts.

I’m grateful.

[Nabeel Mohammed · Rating 5 out of 5]

Massive help in a quick read

Short but very to the point. With clear-cut examples of every point and well thought out explanations of each behaviour, this is an accessible, brisk read that empowers and informs. I'm happy to have received this perspective. Thank you, Pamela Kole.

[Melissa Garbes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mind games

Definitely would recommend this book to someone especially if there in a controlling g relationship. U learn a lot of their tactics they use.

[Kristine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Informative, lots of typos. Short and easy to read.

[Anovia Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every empath should Read

This book describes a very bad relationship I’ve experienced first and foremost I’d like to thank _ Lucy _It Explains the bad behavior of an narcissistic

[Bianca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Book!

She tells it like it is and gets straight to the point. I needed to hear all of it! Thank you Pamela!

[Tiffany Townsend · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing Read

This book was spot on and helped me to truly understand my thoughts and feelings! This book was pure validation for me!

[Intruder911 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good read

Good read, would definitely recommend it to anyone in a relationship. Written in plain and simple English. Easy to follow and comprehend.

[Michelle Cardones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eye opening

Very helpful read…straight to the point with examples and effective solutions. I will refer to this book often as I plan my next life chapter.

[Andrea Garratt-James · Rating 5 out of 5]

Spot On!

Related to every single one of these, realise I have been turned into a doormat too. Really brings clarity so you can’t dismiss it as easily. Thanks

[Mary Evans · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really good book

Really enjoyed this book it helped me think clearer about the break up I am going through with my partner

[Pablo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm struggling to rate this book three stars as it had a few issues. First, there's a few editing problems, such as typos but also formatting of sections. I understand publishing ebooks is not trivial and this looks like self-publishing, so I'm trying to do my best to ignore this issues and judge the content by itself, as an author can be a great writer without being a great ebook-formatter.

For me, the content focused too much on a catalog of types of abuse. I wish it focused more on how to deal with abuse. At the same time I think the examples problematic. The example about gaslighting seems to be about something else (maybe gaslighting has different definitions in different places?).

Another issue is that the book clearly sees abusers as malevolent people and I'm not sure this is true. As I was going through the catalog I noticed some I'm probably guilty of and it was not intentional. Sometimes we mistreat people because we don't know how to do better.

I have to applaud the author's courage to say "If this is happening, this is an abusive relationship, and you have to leave, it'll be hard but it'll be good". I think too much relationship advice ends up being "well, if that works for you, that's ok" because people are afraid of giving a clear directive, having someone follow it, have something bad happen, and be blamed. I understand the latter, but I think we need more bravery. I think we need more bravery because there are a lot of people stuck, suffering that need to take action, that need to hear "yes, you need to change things, go!" and not "maybe that's ok for you" and this is why I ultimate give this book 3 stars and not less. I think maybe someone out there will read it and will manage to identify, with the long catalog, the abuses they are victim of and then take action. That's invaluable.

[trinity buddie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sounds like everything I went through its sad to say but so true. I hope this book will empower anyone who needs help. God Bless.

Sounds like everything I went through its sad to say but so true. I hope this book will empower anyone who needs help . God Bless .