Love's Refraction: Jealousy and Compersion in Queer Women's Polyamorous Relationships

by Jillian Deri

Popular wisdom might suggest that jealousy is an inevitable outcome of non-monogamous relationships. In Love's Refraction, Jillian Deri explores the distinctive question of how and why polyamorists - people who practice consensual non-monogamy - manage jealousy. Her focus is on the polyamorist concept of "compersion" - taking pleasure in a lover's other romantic and sexual encounters.

By discussing the experiences of queer, lesbian, and bisexual polyamorous women, Deri highlights the social and structural context that surrounds jealousy. Her analysis, making use of the sociology of emotion and feminist intersectionality theory, shows how polyamory challenges traditional emotional and sexual norms.

Clear and concise, Love's Refraction speaks to both the academic and the polyamorous community. Deri lets her interviewees speak for themselves, linking academic theory and personal experiences in a sophisticated, engaging, and accessible way.

Genres: Nonfiction, Relationships, Sexuality, Queer, Polyamory, LGBT

168 pages, Hardcover

First published March 18, 2015

Reviews

[Clarity Burt]

This was the first book I read about non-monogamy. I very much enjoyed it though it was a slower read, despite being a smaller book. I most enjoyed its focus on women; Non-monogamy is too often seen as product of patriarchy. It's focus on jealousy and compersion are likely to be very helpful for individuals who are struggling with either in their relationships. I strongly recommend it if navigating jealousy has been a challenge for you.

[Lady V.]

First of all, I just want to commend the author for the excellent scholarship at display here; it has been a wonderful breath of fresh air after pouring over so many sloppy and mangled academic works. The analysis is well structured, comprehensive, does not put forth excessive opinions or baseless speculations beyond the scope of the work, is honest about the short-comings of the setting (e.g. smallish sample size), indicates the locations future research should probably focus on, and finally, is written by an actual member of the relevant group. It is *the* definitive book if you're particularly interested about jealousy and compersion from a polyamorous, feminist perspective, and every scholarly work should aspire to this level.

[Lauren Elizabeth]

Somewhat academic but overall very worthwhile read.

[Meg]

yes

[Laura]

Reads like a research paper because it is someones research project. Very interesting subject and findings!! contains some very beautiful insight.