What do you think?
Rate this book
Shut Up: A journey into the lost art of listening
When was the last time someone truly heard you?
Not just nodded along while preparing their response. Not offered advice you didn't ask for. Not jumped in with "I know exactly how you feel" before redirecting to their own story.
When someone really heard you. Stayed with you. Made space for what you needed to say.
If you can't remember, you're not alone. In a world addicted to being right, to broadcasting opinions, and to filling every silence, we've lost the art that holds everything the ability to listen.
This book is about getting it back.
THE PROBLEM WE DON'T SEE
We think we're good listeners. We make eye contact, we nod at the right moments, we say "I hear you." But underneath, we're composing our next sentence, scanning for solutions, managing the conversation. Our partners feel lonely even when we're in the room. Our children learn to stop sharing. Our colleagues speak but never feel heard.
We've replaced presence with performance. And it's costing us everything.
A DIFFERENT KIND OF GUIDE
Richard Dillon didn't set out to write a book about listening. He set out to understand why his relationships kept hitting the same walls, even when he was trying so hard to be good, to be helpful, to be there.
The answer came through unlikely A café conversation with a friend who needed silence, not solutions. A son who went quiet mid-meltdown when his father finally stopped trying to fix it. A business customer whose fury transformed the moment someone truly stayed with his pain.
Drawing from 20 years of Aikido practice, training in Nonviolent Communication and counselling, the dissolution of one relationship and the deepening of another, and countless moments of getting it wrong before learning to get it right, Dillon maps a path back to the listening we've forgotten.
WHAT YOU'LL DISCOVER
Why the urge to give advice often does more harm than good, and what to offer insteadHow your nervous system broadcasts whether you're truly present (and how others feel it instantly)The neuroscience of how staying calm helps others find their groundWhy "I'm fine" rarely means fine, and how to listen for what's underneathThe difference between waiting to speak and actually listeningHow to hold space for anger, grief, and uncertainty without trying to fix itWhy your children need your presence more than your wisdomHow listening transforms leadership, conflict, and intimacyThe practice of listening to yourself, the hardest conversation of allTHIS ISN'T THEORY. IT'S PRACTICE.
You won't find five-step formulas or communication hacks. Instead, you'll find honest stories of failure and return, of learning that the most powerful thing you can do is often nothing at all. Just staying. Just breathing. Just being fully, undividedly there.
Woven throughout are insights from Carl Rogers, Marshall Rosenberg, John Gottman, and Stephen Porges, alongside Japanese concepts like ma (sacred silence) and haragei (listening beneath words). Ancient wisdom meets modern neuroscience. Personal memoir meets practical philosophy.
THE INVITATION
If you're tired of conversations that drift without landing. If you're weary of feeling unseen or of watching others shut down.
Not just nodded along while preparing their response. Not offered advice you didn't ask for. Not jumped in with "I know exactly how you feel" before redirecting to their own story.
When someone really heard you. Stayed with you. Made space for what you needed to say.
If you can't remember, you're not alone. In a world addicted to being right, to broadcasting opinions, and to filling every silence, we've lost the art that holds everything the ability to listen.
This book is about getting it back.
THE PROBLEM WE DON'T SEE
We think we're good listeners. We make eye contact, we nod at the right moments, we say "I hear you." But underneath, we're composing our next sentence, scanning for solutions, managing the conversation. Our partners feel lonely even when we're in the room. Our children learn to stop sharing. Our colleagues speak but never feel heard.
We've replaced presence with performance. And it's costing us everything.
A DIFFERENT KIND OF GUIDE
Richard Dillon didn't set out to write a book about listening. He set out to understand why his relationships kept hitting the same walls, even when he was trying so hard to be good, to be helpful, to be there.
The answer came through unlikely A café conversation with a friend who needed silence, not solutions. A son who went quiet mid-meltdown when his father finally stopped trying to fix it. A business customer whose fury transformed the moment someone truly stayed with his pain.
Drawing from 20 years of Aikido practice, training in Nonviolent Communication and counselling, the dissolution of one relationship and the deepening of another, and countless moments of getting it wrong before learning to get it right, Dillon maps a path back to the listening we've forgotten.
WHAT YOU'LL DISCOVER
Why the urge to give advice often does more harm than good, and what to offer insteadHow your nervous system broadcasts whether you're truly present (and how others feel it instantly)The neuroscience of how staying calm helps others find their groundWhy "I'm fine" rarely means fine, and how to listen for what's underneathThe difference between waiting to speak and actually listeningHow to hold space for anger, grief, and uncertainty without trying to fix itWhy your children need your presence more than your wisdomHow listening transforms leadership, conflict, and intimacyThe practice of listening to yourself, the hardest conversation of allTHIS ISN'T THEORY. IT'S PRACTICE.
You won't find five-step formulas or communication hacks. Instead, you'll find honest stories of failure and return, of learning that the most powerful thing you can do is often nothing at all. Just staying. Just breathing. Just being fully, undividedly there.
Woven throughout are insights from Carl Rogers, Marshall Rosenberg, John Gottman, and Stephen Porges, alongside Japanese concepts like ma (sacred silence) and haragei (listening beneath words). Ancient wisdom meets modern neuroscience. Personal memoir meets practical philosophy.
THE INVITATION
If you're tired of conversations that drift without landing. If you're weary of feeling unseen or of watching others shut down.
- GenresSelf Help
240 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 4, 2025
1 person is currently reading
620 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
January 7, 2026
Shut Up by Richard Dillon reads as part memoir, part guide to understanding the importance of fully being present with those around us instead of passive communication. Pulling from years of martial arts training, an stories from his own experiences, he's able to help weave together many different scenario's that show the power of active listening. From conversations (or the lack thereof) with your kids and partners to bosses and customers, Dillon expresses the ways that being tuned into the present moment with this person, reading into not only their words, but they're posture and other body language, deeper connection is possible.
I'm already finding myself finding the moments I'm able to stop in a conversation and quiet myself, fully listening to the one I'm with rather than gathering my thoughts to turn the conversation back to me. I'm eager to put it into practice as a mother, friend and wife.
Highly recommend for anyone struggling with or interesting in learning more about how to enhance the connections around us.
**Thank you BookSirens and Richard Dillon for sending this book for review. All opinions are my own.**
I'm already finding myself finding the moments I'm able to stop in a conversation and quiet myself, fully listening to the one I'm with rather than gathering my thoughts to turn the conversation back to me. I'm eager to put it into practice as a mother, friend and wife.
Highly recommend for anyone struggling with or interesting in learning more about how to enhance the connections around us.
**Thank you BookSirens and Richard Dillon for sending this book for review. All opinions are my own.**
January 12, 2026
I am grateful to have received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily. This was an absolutely amazing book. It is nonfiction and educational, but is written much like a memoir. In this way the author shares principles, theories, and psychological/social insights about communication, listening, and being present, but shares stories of his own to support those ideas and help the reader understand how they can be applied, experienced and/or missed, which makes it a much more interesting, smooth, and enjoyable read. It is incredibly insightful and impactful. I was already recommending it before I finished it!
January 23, 2026
A personal journey of self-reflection and the lost art of listening.
The book offers raw honesty in the personal reflections and draws interesting parallels with the discipline and mindset of martial arts.
While I don’t agree with everything the author presents, I found value in the reflective moments and appreciated that some of the ideas are supported by research, prompting deeper consideration in how we communicate.
The book offers raw honesty in the personal reflections and draws interesting parallels with the discipline and mindset of martial arts.
While I don’t agree with everything the author presents, I found value in the reflective moments and appreciated that some of the ideas are supported by research, prompting deeper consideration in how we communicate.
February 10, 2026
3.5 Stars
Despite the aggressive look and title, this is gently written and carries important lessons.
″It is not a book of advice, and you will not find
five steps, communication hacks, or neatly drawn
diagrams. What you will find is not a manual, but a
practice.″
I found myself consciously slowing my breathing and relaxing tense muscles as I read, part of the mentality of being present and I guess mindful that the author explains, although the word mindful isn’t used.
We could all stand to so a little more listening and a lot less interrupting. That said, I wish there were more concrete examples of how to handle conversations – I know this book wasn’t meant as a how to guide, but just staying silent and waiting for a shift to happen doesn’t necessarily translate to every situation.
Some of the author’s experiences reeked of privilege, which was off-putting. It’s hard to relate to coming-of-age vision quest type experiences in Bali, to name just one of them.
Many thanks to Book Sirens and the author for the chance to read an ARC copy.
Despite the aggressive look and title, this is gently written and carries important lessons.
″It is not a book of advice, and you will not find
five steps, communication hacks, or neatly drawn
diagrams. What you will find is not a manual, but a
practice.″
I found myself consciously slowing my breathing and relaxing tense muscles as I read, part of the mentality of being present and I guess mindful that the author explains, although the word mindful isn’t used.
We could all stand to so a little more listening and a lot less interrupting. That said, I wish there were more concrete examples of how to handle conversations – I know this book wasn’t meant as a how to guide, but just staying silent and waiting for a shift to happen doesn’t necessarily translate to every situation.
Some of the author’s experiences reeked of privilege, which was off-putting. It’s hard to relate to coming-of-age vision quest type experiences in Bali, to name just one of them.
Many thanks to Book Sirens and the author for the chance to read an ARC copy.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews