I Hate When My Christmas Tree Tries To Eat Me!: Three LGBTQ Cozy Horror Stories

by Mary Black Rose, Black Rose Reads

What happens when your Christmas tree has a mind of its own—and it’s hungry?I Hate When My Christmas Tree Tries to Eat Me is a collection of three queer, light-hearted, cozy-horror stories about love, chaos, and carnivorous evergreens. Each tale stands alone but secretly shares the same twisted roots—Dirk’s Tree Farm, where the trees aren’t the only things being trimmed for the holidays.


⭐ Story 1: Menacing Trees & Mixed SignalsI’ve dodged my parents’ “come home for Christmas” guilt trips for years. Nothing kills the holiday spirit like a brood of Mormon cousins running helter-skelter, Uncle Orem’s weird odor lingering like bad potpourri, and two snot-faced toddlers nose-mining, before diving for marshmallows in that… salad? Green Jell-O and marshmallows together, do not constitute a salad! This year, my excuse-job went belly-up, so I grabbed a seasonal gig at Dirk’s Tree Farm. It seemed like easy money, until the “baby trees” started whispering, my boss gave off low-key Hills Have Eyes vibes, and Tali—the cute coworker from Brooklyn who might be flirting—is either my reason to stay… or the final nail in my holiday coffin.



🎄 Story 2: O’ Christmas Tree, Why Are You Trying to Kill Me?All I wanted was to impress my pregnant girlfriend, Marcie, by buying the perfect Christmas tree. Cute, festive, domestic bliss. Instead, I brought home something with teeth. Now the cat’s furious, my baby mama’s probably traumatized, and the tree keeps trying to eat us between our carefully planned Hallmark-movie moments. I just wanted to decorate, not die trying.



❄️ Story 3: From Horror to A Carnivorous Tree’s JourneyI watched all my siblings on Dirk’s Tree Farm come and go. They always seemed so happy to leave, and I want that too! But I’m a good tree. I stay in my nursery and do as I’m told. Then the needles started flying, chaos broke loose, and I realized this might be my only chance to venture into the big, wide world—and learn what it means to become a real Christmas tree. Maybe I’ll pick up a human snack or two along the way. I’ve gotten pretty tired of that pig meat Dirk feeds us all the time...

Who knew surviving Christmas could be so… complicated? Grab some cocoa, light a candle, and pray your tree stays in its stand—because this season, something evergreen and evil is invading the holidays!

This is a 45k-word, LGBT themed anthology.

❣️ Content light swearing, mention of child neglect, mild violence, and a whole lot of festive mayhem.

228 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 7, 2025

Reviews

[Rachel M · Rating 5 out of 5]

I actually really liked this one. In the book there are 3 stories all told from different POV’s. It starts off on the run up to Christmas in a Christmas tree lot, we get to meet the staff and learn about their somewhat strange job guarding the trees. Then we move on to a couple that buy a tree from the lot. And finally a heartwarming story of a girl and her Christmas tree.

[Micki-D · Rating 4 out of 5]

A collection of 3 stories about Christmas tree that aren’t all that they seem to be. No they are aliens who look like Christmas trees & happen to have a taste for meat. All stories interconnected in some way

Menacing Trees & Mixed Signals
Getting a job at Dirks Christmas tree lot over the holidays seems like a good job. Just sit around and watch the baby tree water them once an hour…. But sometimes when something seems too good to be true it probably is. Whatever you do follow the rules

O’ Christmas Tree, Why Are You Trying to Kill Me
He has to have the prefect tree to propose to his girlfriend and the baby tress and Dirks lots look prefect, even if he had to sweet talk the ladies watching them into letting him have one. But why is the cat scared of it?

From Horror to A Carnivorous Tree’s JourneyI
What happens when a tree wanders away from the tree lot in the middle or a storm and finds a little girl all alone in a cabin.
This one was so sweet it made me
Cry a few times the love and relationship between Lily and Quick was so heartwarming & beautiful.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

I Hate When My Christmas Tree Tries to Eat Me is an interesting collection of three short stories that interconnect. The first story focuses on a young lady who finds work at a Christmas tree farm over her college break. The Christmas trees are not all that they appear to be. I was not fond of how this story turned, but after reading all three stories ended up really liking the overall theme. The second story follows a couple who get what they think is a normal Christmas tree from the same Christmas tree farm. They quickly find out it is far from normal. The last story is about another tree from the same Christmas tree farm and a little girl who is abandoned by her mother over the holidays. The last story ends on a very heartwarming note. LGBTQ is mentioned in the stories some, but not prevalent in the theme of the book at all. I would recommend this book. It is a quick read and decent overall. I did receive a copy from the Hidden Gems program and am giving my honest review.

[Zimbellina · Rating 5 out of 5]

A collection of 3 interconnected stories about aliens who look like Christmas trees and have a taste for meat.

This was a wonderful set of stories. I loved how each story was a totally different perspective and aspect of the whole tale. And the last story was heart warming, exactly what you want out of a cozy Christmas horror. Excellent story for the holidays. I got this book free for an honest review.

[Abby · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this unconventional Christmas tale! The three stories each brought their own perspective to this cozy-horror world and I was pleasantly surprised by how cohesive they were and how they built upon each other. My favorite was the last story. I loved following Quix along their journey and seeing the way this alien tree was able to build a wholesome relationship with the world. It was quirky in an interesting and cute way!

[Mx Phoebe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Man eating Christmas trees is the ingredient missing from your holiday season so pick up I Hate When My Christmas Tree Tries To Eat Me! to make your holiday complete.

“Thank you, Black Rose Media Arts LLC, for providing this book for review consideration via NetGalley. All opinions are my own.”

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This collection of stories focus on Christmas trees and the dark side of them.
Three separate stories that are told from different perspectives. But why would your tree try to eat you?
I loved this short collection, and yes the stories are short and easy to read. My personal favorite was about the tree wanting to leave the farm.

[Tanya · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wonderful and creepy read which will make you jump in places. There are three stories in this collection best not read at night
I received an advance copy from hidden gems and a great creepy read

[Rachel Kendrick · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ok so I freaking loved this book. It really was meant for the adults that loved goosebumps as kids. It was just such a fun and silly holiday read.