Making Peace with What I Can’t Control: Find Relief from the Exhaustion of Overthinking, Trying to Fix Others, and Wanting to Figure It All Out

by Lysa TerKeurst

#1 New York Times bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst offers a life-giving alternative to the exhausting madness of trying to change people who don't want to be changed, prevent outcomes we fear, and manage things outside of our control.

It's not that we want to be controlling people; it's just that we want to prevent bad things from happening and bring stability to the chaos. Especially when we are afraid of what God seems to be allowing. So we come up with plans and get very intentional about trying to make everyone around us line up with what we really think is best.

We don't have bad motives. We're just desperate to prevent another hardship, more heartbreak, and all the emotional turmoil that feels so unnecessary. But this only leads to a counterfeit version of control where we believe everything depends on us--a crushing weight we were never meant to bear.

In this book, Lysa TerKeurst addresses the tension so many of us live in, where it seems like the Lord isn't paying attention and the only reasonable option is to take matters into our own hands. She shows us how to:

Identify the core fears that fuel us to reach for control but only compound the chaos.

Know when we're crossing the line from healthy responsibility into the dangerous territory of fear-driven control.

Recognize specific tactics of the enemy that keep us in spiritual confusion (about God) fueled by emotional exhaustion (from the relentlessness of life).
Stop allowing the decisions of others to rob our peace by learning what to do when we feel tempted to inappropriately intervene, rescue, or control the narrative.

Wrestle honestly with the Lord about hard questions like, Why aren't You doing more to change this person or these circumstances? and I didn't see You do it then, so how do I know You'll do it now?

Genres: Christian Living, Faith

256 pages, Hardcover

Expected publication September 15, 2026

About the author

Lysa TerKeurst is President and Chief Visionary Officer of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She is also an 8x New York Times’ bestselling author of I Want to Trust You, but I Don't, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, Uninvited and more. Her devotional Embraced won the ECPA book of the year for 2019. Lysa was also recently awarded the Champions of Faith Author Award and has appeared on the Today Show many times as one of the leading voices in the Christian community.

Each year, Lysa is a featured keynote presenter at events all across North America and online, including the Global Leadership Network. She also tours state-to-state regularly with TPR. She has a passion for equipping women to share their stories for God’s glory through Proverbs 31 Ministries’ annual She Speaks Conference and her writer training program called COMPEL Pro. Connect with Lysa on social media @lysaterkeurst or at lysaterkeurst.com.

Reviews

[Jennie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lysa TerKeurst is coming out with a new book titled, Making Peace with What I Can’t Control – Find Relief from the Exhaustion of Overthinking, Trying to Fix Others, and Wanting to Figure It All Out. I so related to this book, since I am a recovering control freak, well a work in progress in Christ.

Each chapter she shares from situations she has faced, along with biblical application and several Scriptures to pray and ponder over to provide encouragement and help. She offers a QR code after each chapter that you can click on to take you for additional information and lessons on that chapter.

Here are some of my highlights from the book:

We want things to be good. We want things to be right. We want security, sanity, and a steadiness to life. But if this stability depends on us getting it right all the time and pretending everything is find, then that’s not true peace. That’s control.
God reminds us that we are like branches that cannot do anything if we separate from Him, the Life-giving vine: “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me youc an do nothing.”John 15:5
The more we fight against letting God have control, the more we fight against the very thing we desperately want: what is truly best.
A heart that is seeking Him with questions is so much better than a heart that stays deceived.
Anything we place in the hands of our God will never, ever truly be gone. “Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being? declares the Lord. These are the ones I look on with favor; those who are humble and contrite in spirit, and who tremble at my word.” Isaiah 66:2
Prevention is often what I try to accomplish with my control. Maybe for you it’s a different word. Maybe you are using variations of control because you want to protect, pretend, prepare, perfect, perform, or predict.
If He’s my Lord, I acknowledge that I’m safe to turn over to Him that which I cannot control.
Stepping in to save others could block them from seeking and feeling the need to turn to Jesus for themselves.
People who don’t think they are a part of the problem usually aren’t eager to put in the effort to help solve the problem.
If the other person is an adult, then they are not your responsibility to manage. You are, however, responsible to manage yourself.
The secret is remembering that staying calm is not an endorsement of their behavior. It’s an endorsement of your spiritual maturity and emotional health.
Being overly involved is a type of control, but so is avoiding someone and giving them the silent treatment, making passive-aggressive comments, or using overly harsh boundaries as punishment.
Obedience is my job. Outcome is His.
I can bring solutions without having to be the whole solution.
Don’t assume other people are motivated by feeling good, happy, and at peace…sometimes people have chaos inside them and they don’t feel good unless they stir up chaos around them.
Self-control means we can let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts. Self-control means we can think through the consequences of our actions ahead of time and make better choices. Self-control means we get to put on display the life-giving fruit of the Spirit.
It is not my responsibility to try to manage another person’s thoughts and feelings.

So many more highlights I could share, so I highly recommend this book. It will help deal with controlling behavior, boundaries, and learning to truth in Jesus more and more as we deal with difficult circumstances. We were never meant to be in control!

[Julianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grab a tissue BOX, a pen, highlighter, tabs, your Bible, and notebook! Lysa TerKeurst's books are always a must read and this one is even better than the last with wisdom that helps readers find real peace in the midst of this very broken world. I've never wanted to read a book word for word alongside my loved ones more!

In Making Peace With What I Can't Control, Lysa puts into words what I have struggled with for years now: anxiety arises when you want to control life- even for good and beautiful reasons. God never designed us to be our own saviors, after all, He provided the only hope in Jesus. But are we just supposed to let life fall apart around us? Control by itself is not sin, but one must ask themselves, "what do I aim to control?" Myself, my thoughts, and responses or other people? Self-control glorifies God; the other kind often leads to heartbreak, anger, and burnout.

Throughout the book, Lysa teaches us to recognize our own behaviors and how to let other people make their own choices. She introduces the 6 P's of control- some I had never even thought of as control!- and how to develop the emotional maturity necessary to "stop co-signing chaos" in others' lives. Lysa never shys away from biblical Truth, gently helping us understand that real suffering is when we take our eyes off God, not the pressure we feel believing we control and are responsible for all of life. It's only by giving everything to the Lord that we can experience deep peace. Decay occurs. Disaster will strike. Our hope is not in getting our way every single time, but in the Almighty Lord who loves us enough to die for us. Our hope is heaven with Him, not earth without him.

Each chapter ends with relevant verses, reflection questions, and a prayer to center your mind and heart on Truth. What's new is the QR code leading readers to additional videos which further expand upon the topic! Just scan and watch! I know I will come back to this book time and time again as I work through the stages of letting control go and accepting that the God of the universe really does care for me and who I care about too. The journaling questions from chapter 6 really helped my mind process through and heart accept the reality of situations I didn't think I could ever mentally or emotionally let go of- or didn't even know I was trying to control! I am so thankful for this book!

A few of my favorite quotes:
"I'm surviving my life, but sometimes I wonder if I'm even enjoying my life."
"... if I couldn't find safety with God then I wouldn't be able to find safety by counting on anyone else. The only one I could truly count on was me."
"So what is within my ability to control? My choices. My actions. My reactions. My attitude. Those are my responsibility."
"Control is fear disguised as strength."
"I'm afraid to let others have the power to choose. And I'm afraid God might use his power in a way I would never choose."
"A fool is one who disconnects their actions from the consequences that will follow."

Thank you to Lysa TerKeurst, Nelson Books, and NetGalley for this ARC!

[Bianca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Making Peace with What I Can’t Control by Lysa TerKeurst was a thoughtful and helpful read overall. The book does a very good job of helping readers identify patterns of control in their lives, recognize anxiety and overthinking, and learn to surrender these things to the LORD. I especially appreciated the practical side of the book — journalling through fears, reflective questions, reminders about healthy boundaries, and the included prayers throughout the chapters.

There are also many encouraging lines that stayed with me, such as: “God doesn’t need my help; He wants my obedience,” and “I either trust in my own efforts or I trust in God. This is the rhythm of recovery from control: repentance and trust.” The book also contains a large section of Bible verses readers can turn to, so it is clearly written from a Christian perspective and intended to encourage believers toward trust in God.

Personally, one of my struggles with the book was that it often reads more like a self-help or therapeutic-style book mixed with Christian faith and encouragement rather than a deeply doctrinal or theological work. There is a strong emphasis on emotions, personal healing, self-reflection, and practical coping tools. Readers who prefer deeper doctrinal exposition or a more Scripture-centered teaching style may not connect as much with this approach.

There are also many personal stories throughout the book. Some examples are very relatable and helpful, though at times the storytelling can feel longer than necessary or could have been handled more directly. Still, the stories do help illustrate the themes of surrender, fear, trust, and control in practical ways.

Leaving those concerns aside, I still found the book beneficial and well written. Even non-believers could likely find useful insights about control, anxiety, and relationships. For Christians, the strongest parts of the book are the reminders to trust God rather than ourselves and to surrender our lives into His hands. At the same time, I do think Scripture calls us to surrender not only the things we cannot control, but ultimately everything to God.

Overall, I’d personally rate this around 3.5 stars because I’m generally not a big fan of Christian self-help style books. However, since Goodreads doesn’t allow half stars and I do think this is better than a 3-star read, I’m giving it 4 stars. In the end, it is a good reminder that the surrender God invites us into comes with the assurance that what we willingly place into His hands, He is faithful to care for according to His will.

[Kalen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve always appreciated Lysa TerKeurst’s writing style, and this book reminded me why. She has a way of taking difficult topics and making them approachable through personal stories, biblical truth, and practical encouragement. Her writing is easy to read, relatable, and filled with compassion.

The book started very strong for me. The premise of learning to make peace with things we can’t control is something many people struggle with, and I was excited to see where Lysa would take the topic. However, as the book progressed, I felt the focus became much more centered on dealing with difficult or destructive people, those making harmful choices, refusing help, or creating chaos in relationships.

While those sections will undoubtedly resonate with readers navigating situations involving addiction, unhealthy relationships, or loved ones who won’t listen to wise counsel, I found myself wishing the message had remained more broadly focused. When I picked up this book, I was hoping for more discussion about surrendering control over circumstances in general—things like work situations, family concerns, unexpected life changes, and the many outcomes we simply cannot manage no matter how hard we try.

That said, there is still a great deal of wisdom here. Lysa does an excellent job pointing readers back to God, challenging fear-driven control, and reminding us that we were never meant to carry burdens that belong to Him. Her vulnerability and honesty make the book engaging, and her biblical foundation remains strong throughout.

If you’re struggling with a difficult person in your life or finding yourself constantly trying to fix someone else’s choices, this book will likely be especially meaningful. I simply wish the scope had been a little broader to address the many other forms of control we wrestle with in everyday life.

Thank you to Nelson Books and NetGalley for this advanced copy.

[Jessica Ashe · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for allowing me to read this book in exchange for an honest review.

You know those books that come into your life at exactly the right moment—books that feel like a gift from God, placed in your hands when you need them most? Making Peace with What You Can’t Control was that book for me.

The past several months have been a bit tumultuous, and Lysa’s words spoke directly to my heart. This book reminded me that true peace doesn’t come from trying to control every outcome or fix every problem. Peace comes from trusting God, even when circumstances feel uncertain. Like Lysa shares throughout the book, what we often believe is the “right move” can sometimes be our attempt to take control rather than surrendering the situation to God.

One of my favorite aspects of this book was how much Scripture was woven throughout each chapter. Lysa doesn’t simply share her experiences—she grounds them firmly in God’s Word, providing encouragement and truth for readers who may be facing their own struggles. I also loved her reminder that God’s gifts and evidence of His presence are all around us if we are willing to open our eyes and see them, much like the beautiful illustration of the earrings shared in the book.

What made this book especially impactful was Lysa’s honesty. She has walked through incredibly difficult seasons and openly admits that she still wrestles with the desire to control, fix, and figure everything out. That vulnerability made her message all the more powerful. God’s ways are not our ways, and His plans are always better than anything we could orchestrate on our own.

Thank you, Lysa, for writing this book. Reading it felt like sitting down with a trusted friend over a cup of coffee, sharing life’s hard truths, and leaving with a renewed sense of hope. It was exactly the comforting hug my heart needed.

[Kari · Rating 3 out of 5]

*Thank you NetGalley and Nelson Books for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own*

3.5 ⭐️

“Control is fear disguised as strength.” This suggestion was very thought provoking for me and makes me reflect on my need to control.

I was excited about the topic of this book as I certainly have a propensity for being controlling, and though it was full of reflections and scripture that was helpful, there was no personal “aha” moment for me that is really going to make me adjust going forward. I do hope to be more intentional and aware after studying the topic, but that’s the biggest takeaway.

I did absolutely LOVE the QR codes at the end of each chapter linking to the companion videos. All Bible studies should do this!

[Elisabeth Addington · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for those struggling with anxiety that leads to control issues. What God’s plan is for me, what others choose, and what happens around me is not my control. Submitting to the will of God and peace in Christ is necessary for a fulfilled life. Lysa touches on these principles and more in this straightforward guide.