Wow, what a ride! This is such a raw, unfiltered, and unapologetic story, and I loved and grimaced through every page.
There is certainly no boring, drawn-out preamble, it jumps straight in and sets the tone with the first page. From there you get to observe Jake McNally's struggles with porn addiction, and join him on one of his all too regular descents into porn. You see the vast, abhorrent, and intricate web Jake has weaved for himself. He is in too deep, but he can't help himself, and hasn't been able to help himself for a very long time. If his wife, or god forbid his children were to find out all of the lies, deceit, the money, and the selfishness, his life as he knows it would come crumbling down around him.
With the wife and kids coming back in a few hours he has plenty of time to indulge himself in his vice, until he suddenly collapses and blacks out... when he wakes the porn is still on max volume, set to repeat forever, he is on the floor in agony, and the worst part is, he can't move.
From here you get to experience a wonderfully written, thrilling and tragic thought process of a man, covered in his own bodily fluids, knowing if he doesn't do something, and soon, his entire world is going to be taken from him. Maybe he can move just enough to cover himself up, and hide his stash, hide the OnlyFans messages, and the secret credit card he has spent $6000 on this year. Or.... Maybe he can't, maybe he doesn't feel he deserves to. Maybe he is finally unselfish enough to be open and honest to his family... or maybe he would do anything to hide it from them.
I absolutely loved this book, completely out of my comfort zone, but it has left a lasting impression (scar?) that will not easily be forgotten, and nor would I want it to. This battle with addiction, is all too familiar to many, be it porn addiction, or gambling, drugs, or anything. The anticipation, then the binging, then the shame and rumination. Eric Nicholas has crafted a brutally honest exploration of Jake's reckoning with addiction, that forces readers to confront uncomfortable truths. This is a book that deserves to be read, discussed, and remembered.