Separation Anxiety: A Coming-of-Middle-Age Story

by Miji Campbell

The woman in this book is not famous. The events of her life are not tragic. The setting is not exotic. This is an ordinary story. Which makes it an extraordinary memoir.

Miji Campbell grew up in a close-knit family in the 1960s and ’70s. The youngest of three girls, she was raised under her parents’ watchful eye, in a middle-class Calgary suburb called Kingsland. Her life proceeds in an orderly fashion: coming-of-age, university, first job, first apartment – and then suddenly, inexplicably, it begins to unravel.

Night after night, Miji wrestles with insomnia and increasing anxiousness. Despite her independent spirit, she yearns for her mother’s presence and feels overcome by homesickness. These anxious feelings will haunt her through career, marriage, and the birth of her children. It’s not until middle age that Miji learns she has an anxiety disorder and finds ways to quiet her mind and body. Through acts of courage and grace, she learns to stand – tentatively, hopefully – on her own.

Beautifully written, insightful and funny, Separation Anxiety chronicles the pivotal moments in a woman’s life where she lets go of her childhood beliefs about happily ever after, and discovers her true self.

“Anyone who has struggled with anxiety and depression will be consoled by the author’s fearless, vivid portrait of breakdown and recovery.”

- Marni Jackson, author of The Mother Zone.

An honest and courageous memoir. The narrator's voice sparkles with intelligence, with a sharply observant eye, and with a quirky, wry sense of humour. She charts the ties that bind, sometimes far too tightly, the bond of love between mother and daughter."

- Wendy Donawa, co-author of Reading Canada.

Genres: Memoir

272 pages, Paperback

First published January 24, 2015

Reviews

[Jill Griffith · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's difficult to read let alone review a book of someone who grows up with much of your experience, and whom you also have known, albeit not well. This book is honest, courageous, raw and also highly readable. As a woman of similar age, I relate to so much of this book - relationships with parents, growing up in 1960's Alberta, the difficulties of motherhood, the guilt one feels as a woman, wife and mother, the permission to be human. What was a little harder to relate to was the anxiety disorders, but Miji Campbell writes so clearly and so well that you understand. Interestingly enough, Marni Jackson, who has provided a book endorsement as well as, I understand, guidance in writing Separation Anxiety, wrote my bible of new motherhood The Mother Zone and made me feel normal as a new mother. Miji made me feel normal as a grownup. An incredible book debut.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am reading books for the IPNE awards, and this is far and away the best one I've read so far. If you have ever struggled with the notion that needing help mentally makes you weak, read this book. It's really good, and while a lot of memoirs that I've read in the past feel like a work of "sure why not" rather than necessity, this definitely feels like a story that needed to be told.
I can see that if Miji had this rolling around in her brain, it would have been hard to focus on anything else.

[Emily Andrews · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn't really sold in the first few pages, but it was just hard to put down. it turned out to be a great read and I am happy to know her journey.
and Yes, I may have cried once.

[Paula Lefaivre · Rating 5 out of 5]

Miji Campbell's memoir kept me up well past bedtime! This is a highly readable account of growing up in Calgary, Alberta in the 1960's. Laced with humour, it traces the journey from childhood to the challenges of adulthood including marriage, motherhood, divorce, aging parents and remarriage. It is filled to the brim with both laugh-out-loud and tear-jerking moments as the author learns to deal with severe anxiety. This book is insightful, honest and funny. Well worth reading.

[Terri Rombough · Rating 5 out of 5]

Miji Campbell crafts an intimate, honest and compelling memoir. Tempered with witty humour, Campbell chronicles her struggle with anxiety, and her journey to capture courage: the courage to sever the confining mother-daughter bond, the courage to abandon her need to be rescued, the courage to persist in seeking help, and the courage to live life with suspense. Campbell's quirky humour keeps her story grounded, and her candid honesty compels the reader to care! Highly readable!

[Nikki Tate · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyed reading this memoir of growing up in Alberta, struggling with anxiety, and finding her way. Miji Campbell has done a super job of finding that sweet spot between the personal and the universal. Her writing blends just the right amount of humour, reflection and seriousness. Can't wait to see what she has in store for her readers next!

[Laura Frey (Reading in Bed) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just did not connect with this one. Last couple of chapters were good but first 3/4 did not make me want to keep reading. It was like Eat Pray Love without the eating, praying, and loving.

[ianridewood is on Storygraph · Rating 4 out of 5]

An affecting portrait of struggle and success that shows the value of reading and understanding "normal" stories.

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn’t in the mood for this type of memoir (I typically enjoy lighter, more comedic types), but thought it was worth the read. Though I started and finished it in a week’s time, I truly kept putting it down and probably finished it more so in the last 2 days. Discussing it with my book club group also made for more insight and perspective. Miji tackles anxiety through this candid/honest narrative. I was quite curious about her mother’s story and wished there was more on that (maybe a future book? Hopeful). Her POV on her dad was her honest feelings, which (though I empathized with her dad) I appreciated. I thought though that her memoir seemed a bit surface level - she tackled anxiety bravely, but I didn’t feel like I really knew her in the end. Also, I thought her memories were quite detailed - did she do research? - a bit of a lack of transparency. I didn’t grow up in Calgary, but my book club group seemed to find the details accurate - which is impressive. The pictures at the end of the book really tied the setting together. Overall, good memoir!

[Sheila · Rating 2 out of 5]

Anxiety and/or mental illness seem to be popular topics. The author is an ordinary girl/woman living in Calgary, teaching and doing other ordinary things. But this memoir is probably more suitable for just her sisters and should have been private. If it is a cathartic exercise for the author to get her life and anxieties on paper then fine, but why publish it? As someone said already in a review ‘like eat, pray, love without the eating, praying or loving’. Self indulgent. It offers no advice to those in similar ‘anxious’ situations. I admit to speed reading the last quarter of the book just to say I finished. For my book club.

To redeem my harsh review, it was well written although her tenses were suspect at times.

[Mary Elizabeth Morton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Miji Campbell's honesty about her struggles with Generalized Anxiety Disorder leading to Depression are inspirational and hopeful to both sufferers and those who love and support the sufferers. My only difficulty with this book was when Miji would share a story from the past right in the middle of the present day...making it difficult to differentiate between the past and the present. I loved reading about a fellow Calgarian growing up in and observing our amazing city change and evolve.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely have to meet this author! I feel like I have walked in her footsteps.... she grew up very close to where I lived and there are connections between her family and mine. She writes in a very real way about her struggles, and I really sense the common threads that connect us all in these decades of our lives.

[Cathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was really well written. She has the skill to turn a story that really didn’t have much meat into something readable. The truth is though, I just wasn’t that interested. I think one of my favourite things about the book was actually that it is set in my hometown so it was fun to be able to clearly envision so much of what she included location wise.

[Marion Malsbury · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved that the author lives in my hometown and was raised in Calgary. This story is of her anxiety that threatens to take over her life and the measures she goes to battling the monster. Anyone who has had experience with this disease will relate and understand what a difficult and lonely battle this entails.

[Frances Peck · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this memoir very much. The author writes about inner turmoil beautifully and naturally, and in a wonderfully concrete, visual way. I especially loved the book's wry tone. A generous cup of humour is a welcome ingredient in almost any memoir. In this book, the laughs blend perfectly with the tears.

[Lisa Eyamie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Was an ok read. Didn’t love the writing style, was tough to follow along with which tense (past / present) she was in. I read 2/3 which felt slow-ish and then skimmed the end cuz book was due back to book club. The end seemed like it could’ve been more interesting!

[Wendy Johansen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me realize that I am definitely not afraid. I pity those who are. It reminded me how fearless and independent I am, boundlessly adventuresome.

[Monique · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mindy Kaling meets Tina Fey meets regular middle-aged Canadian girl next door. Miji's story of growing up in a middle-class Calgary neighbourhood in the 60s and 70s, going to university, getting married, having kids, getting divorced and finding her way is not a run of the mill story. She's funny, offbeat and insightful in her observations of the dynamic between her parents, between her and her sisters, and herself and the world at large. Controlling depression and anxiety get away from her but Miji's story is still triumphant, even when she hits bottom. A great read. I would recommend it to all my female friends 30-50. Of course I'd recommend it more broadly as well but I think the closer you are to 45, the more cultural references you'll get and the more social cues you'll recognize in our own life.

[Kristy Thackeray · Rating 5 out of 5]

I happened to be driving home one afternoon after work and heard the host of the radio show praising this book. I bought this book on a Thursday and started in on Friday and almost finished the entire book. I wanted to keep reading as I couldn't book the book down. I loved this book as it provides a very honest and raw account of becoming an adult but still requiring the love and safety that your parents provide. Although the author and I grew up in a different decade, I still found myself feeling like I could connect so much with the story and the author. I have a couple more chapters to go. I am definitely going to be recommending this book to my family and friends. I also love that the book is set in Calgary and the author is from Alberta.

[Betty Hegerat · Rating 4 out of 5]

Separation Anxiety is a brave, wryly funny, thoroughly engaging memoir. It is evocative of a time and place (Calgary, AB Canada in the 70's and 80's) and the societal expectations that a young woman would travel smoothly through education, independence, marriage, family. This is a book so finely crafted, with a narrator so open and honest, that I forgot at times that it is a memoir. Vividly descriptive of agonizing insomnia and the accompanying dread that descends into deep depression and anxiety, the knowledge that this author emerged with a sense of herself and the talent and determination to write about the journey pulled me through the book.
Beautifully done, Miji Campbell. Thank you for sharing.

[Adrienne Michetti · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a late review -- I read this much earlier this year, and loved it. Disclaimer: Miji was my 7th and 8th grade English teacher. I loved the honesty in this memoir. At times sad, at other times self-depreciating, but at all times searching for the truest version of herself, Miji leads you through a journey of self-discovery and true love of many kinds. Read this if you want to know how to get through the rough patches in a "smooth on the outside" life. Hint: you will make it -- and even the anxiety will pass.

[Marlene · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great read, and so close to home! Congratulations on your book Miji. Difficult to write a review as I grew up around the corner. Your honesty and recollection of your struggle, reliving the challenges you faced are admirable. I'm glad you were able to share your experiences and sure it will be a great help to the many sufferers who struggle with anxiety and depression.

[Heather Lewchuk · Rating 5 out of 5]

A novel that I think every woman can identify with at least once in the book. A wonderfully written piece that is sincere and honest. MC tells her personal trials, tribulations and triumphs in such a way that you will grow to love and relate to her.

[Stephanie Brugos · Rating 5 out of 5]

While it normally takes me quite a while to finish a book, this one kept calling me back every time I put it down. I finished it in two days (a record for me), marveling at how much it resonated. Miji shares her heartfelt story with incredible honesty and humour. The book club I belong to is comprised of a diverse variety of women of different ages and walks of life. Each and every one of us was able to relate to Miji’s story on multiple levels, whether in terms of the emotional ups and downs of relationships, parenting, managing a meaningful career, or venturing off into the “real world” after leaving home. Separation Anxiety outlines both the challenges and the triumphs of navigating through such experiences. For me personally, I found the book amazingly accurate in describing what dealing with anxiety can be like. I would highly recommend this book, whether as a personal read or a book club choice.