I want to commend the author for daring to enter the world of creative writing and fiction; it sounds like his first book from the acknowledgments. I could tell that the book is still a work in progress by the level of writing, the scantiness of characterization, and numerous typos.
I think the story is one that could, if fleshed out, could be one that is enjoyable to read. Maybe focus less on gaming, what did it mean to the gamer to be dropped into a fantasy world? I was confused if the catastrophic events that invade the "real world" did in fact occur, so that thousands of people actually died, or if it was a dream in his mind, or if it happened in a video game, outside of any dream.
There were two points of view and each was given equal weight, it seemed. It seemed that the author wanted to tell this book from Tolbert's point of view, but it ended up that another male gamer, Striker, had a pretty equal point of view because he was also witnessing the devastation and chaos inflicted upon the world that the two men know. As the observations were pretty equal it seemed kind of redundant to see the same thing "twice" so to speak. And is Striker the real name of the second man? We never see Striker in his real world so we don't know where he comes from. Maybe the author could either stick to Tolbert's point of view, or have both alternate, but have Striker have his own background and have him experience the chaos very differently so we sense he has something novel to add to the story. Maybe Tolbert could be a wimp and Striker an assertive man, and one of them married and the other not, so the two characters feed back into one another where they fulfill each other's shortcomings.
It was confusing who the mysterious woman, Gaby, was. She seemed to be a personification of the rogue computer, but how she appeared was not clear.
All in all, a story that could be better developed. The speculative fiction was fun to imagine but got repetitive after a while; it was the same three main threats that kept re-appearing and fighting together. It may be better to separate them and focus on the main character's strategy for each of those threats, otherwise they might as well be goblins, robots, or urchins. I did like the space fiction aspect though, but the two spacefaring women could be better toned down to avoid stereotyping. Just because a woman does stupid things that a man typically did in hackneyed fiction doesn't mean we think the escapades are cool again.