My Boyfriend Has A Christmas Train Peen : And Other Holiday Classics

by Holly Wilde

When Fa-La-La brings the WTF, you know you’ve stumbled into a Holly Wilde Holiday!

If you’re craving a holiday read that’s completely unserious, Holly Wilde’s latest collection delivers! From a flirty red truck to a cursed candy cane crush, these four Christmas romances are silly, spicy, and totally bingeable.

Inside, you’ll My Boyfriend Has a Christmas Train Peen

One woman discovers the true meaning of full steam ahead when her date reveals that he’s part man, part train. All aboard!

Yule Be The Christmas Truck Who’s DTF

The hot bartender is the only woman who’s ever truly revved his engine. Can the iconic red truck shoot his shot and finally win her over? Or will his fantasy girl remain exactly that…only in his dreams?

One Night Stand with the Candy Cane Man

Never read mysterious Christmas hexes out loud on a first date. It might turn the poor guy into a candy cane…and then there’ll be some very creative—and intensely personal—magic to turn him human again.

(And a fourth title that can't be shared here...for reasons.)Four Holiday Tales of Sentient Object Shenanigans. It’s Holly. It’s Wilde. This Christmas—crank it all the way to climax.

Genres: Christmas, Novella, Smut, Holiday, Erotica

49 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 14, 2025

About the author

If you’re looking to escape the boundaries of reality that we are so often confined to, then look no further. Sentient-smutty-smut and literal personification of everyday items is what you’ll find here.

Hi! it’s nice to meet you, I’m Holly “no-explanation” Wilde, and if you don’t buckle your seatbelt up for this ride, your chair will do it for you.

Follow me over on IG to get updates on my latest releases!

Reviews

[Peter Topside · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ok, folks, let’s ‘get a little Wilde’ here. Holly Wilde is so creative and just a downright blast to read. And her approach to Christmas was no different. Each story was dripping wet with sex and holiday-themed plot points, and, while similar in a lot of ways, each became a somewhat unique experience. They were all fun, however, the ‘Boyfriend Christmas Peen’ short was, by far, the best one. I won’t spoil anything, but there were just so many one-liners and takeaways. The sex itself was solid and the dialogue will make you melt like a candy cane in the heat…both from sexiness and hilarity. I will never look at the Polar Express the same way again. This book was a great way for me to spend my Christmas Eve morning. Thank you, Holly Wilde, for another wild ride!

[Ash]

Soo umm… this was something?

[Manda Griffiths · Rating 2 out of 5]

How do I rate this? The puns were wild. Four stories in all, one being simply one word. Just….yeah 🚂🎄

Also, I lost a bet

[Monica Zydel]

Not the mistle-camel-toe. 🫠

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

🤦🏻‍♀️

The things I read during this time of year. Good lord. 🤣🤣

The puns run WILD in this little anthology of Christmas ridiculousness. The train one is my favorite, toot toot ☠️

[Lucy-Jane Burns · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed, I cringed, I went, "wtf?". What more can you ask of a 48 page book full of Christmas classics😂

In book 1, she accepts the fact this guy (who isn't actually her boyfriend, this is their first date) has a Christmas train for a penis far quicker (immediately) than I would've, I for one would have at least 2 questions, before we got down and dirty. .

So, in book 2 (Yule Be Coming: The Xmas Tree Truck Who's DTF) a woman shags the red truck with a xmas tree in the bed, and the tree is the dick? So she shags a tree penis?😂 I also cant figure out if she's a human, or another truck. So there is that to ponder on.

Onomatopenis - super quick (it's just one word😂)

One Night Stand with the Candy Cane Man - damn this one was a WILD ride, is Henri okay? Did he go to the hospital? Did he have to have his peppermint lolly wrapped in a cast to fix it? I have many questions.

If you like puns, this is the book for you. I think that the moral of the book, is if you're going to shag a train, as a human, use protection, or your children might end up with a human body & a train for genitalia. Happy reading & happy holidays🎄

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75 stars!
If I am looking for a fun, turn off my brain kind of read - I know Holly Wilde is my girl and this was no exception! The puns were absolutely hilarious and I loved how she tried to pack as many holiday things into such a small space as she could. Much like her other reads, this is 100% the most unserious collection of short stories, but I will say that a dropped off a quarter star for what was otherwise a 4 star read for me because I was hoping for more of a cohesive background plot like in Hallowpeen. Otherwise, this served it's purpose and I hope to see another Holly Wilde holiday read next year!

[Bookaholic__Reviews · Rating 3 out of 5]

How the hell do I even rate or review this? Why do I keep doing this to myself?

The puns are absolutely endless. Are they cringey? Yeah. Did they still amuse the hell out of me? Also yes.

Honestly...I kind of live for cringey smut... it's like a train wreck....dare I say a...
Locockmotive.... okay I'll see myself out.

I will never look at Christmas trains or that classic red Christmas truck with the tree in the back the same ever again.

[Dr CG · Rating 3 out of 5]

I laughed so damn hard while reading these 🤣 I think I’m addicted to Holly Wilde’s hilarious stories now. The big question remains… which one is next?! I think I might go with “Laid by the Lint Trap Monster.” 🤣

Thank you Holly for making these little treasures!!

[Cait Ireen | caitireenreads · Rating 4 out of 5]

4/5⭐️
4/5🌶️

Listen. We're here. We're reading Holly Wilde. We know what we're doing and what we're looking for. This was hilarious; the Christmas puns were at their peak. It's all smut, it's all spit-take-worthy and I had a jolly good time!

[Mikayla Standley · Rating 4 out of 5]

doing this is a read aloud for our book clubs overnight trip was nothing short of amazing. too funny for words.

[Kerry · Rating 3 out of 5]

The puns were next level.

[Kimbot the Destroyer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay, that last story was pretty funny.

[Cara Fox · Rating 3 out of 5]

LOL!! I have no words and no idea how to rate this😂

[Bek ✨ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Alright, alright! Another buddy read with the gals and wow, we’ve got so many questions! 😅

Picture this: three wild stories packed into one tiny book; under 50 pages; and it’s a rollercoaster of “What the heck?!”

We’ve got the train peen, the Christmas truck, and the candy cane man… my cheeks are still hurting from laughing and smiling! 😂

If you’re after a spicy, silly, pun-filled gem like “My Winter Wonderland Squeezes His Trainhood,” or “What if I’m clumsy? What if instead of parallel parking in the right spot, I veer off course and crash into her mud puddle?” and want something that’s totally binge worthy for the holidays, look no further! Just brace yourself for the delightful chaos and enjoy the hilarious smutty ride.

Seriously, don’t take it too seriously; just dive into the fun and see what madness unfolds! 🎉🎄📚

[Jaymie | Girlogic Reads]

@sammysreads needs therapy and now needs to pay for my therapy.

You can’t rate this. Is not rateable.
I just can’t with it.

1. I will never own a train set for the Christmas tree and if I did own one I’d never be able to look at it the same again. I would chuck it in the bin.

2. It was all a dream although, I’d personally call it a nightmare.

3. …

4. A twisted candy cane. Minty burn. Screaming man. Stunned guests. - At least in the beginning it was a man?

No words.

Never again.

Read for a laugh or to be traumatised.

[Ashley Treder · Rating 2 out of 5]

All I’m saying, it’s it counts for the book challenge. This book was exactly what you would expect. A total WTF and cringe fest packed with Christmas puns. Read this with a couple friends for a Christmas novella laugh and left this book wondering how the heck the author even had the idea for these short disturbing stories. To each their own!

[Karleen Burke · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not proud of this read, the premise was just so off the wall I had to figure out how the author approached the situation

[cheyanne jae · Rating 4 out of 5]

a fun, hilarious, holiday read

[Madison · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hilarious

Such a funny read for the holidays. Each story got more wild and I definitely didn’t know what I was in for

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I will never have a candy cane again.

[Daisy Gonzalez · Rating 3 out of 5]

I hate myself

[Louise · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐️ Christmas silliness!! Very fun! Very silly!

(Had to think about my rating but I recommend!!!)

[Ashley Johnson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wasn’t sure (I’m still not) how I was going to rate this. I agreed to read this for the accurately expected absurdity. It did not disappoint.

The puns were on a special seasonal level I wasn’t entirely prepared for. I snort-laughed at story three. There was quite a bit of cringing. But, I was entertained. And isn’t that the one big point of reading?

[Ashton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holly never misses

I’d read literally anything Holly writes. I’ve never enjoy sentient romance so much - anything you can imagine, Holly will write about it hahah

[Sabrina · Rating 3 out of 5]

My friend told me about this book this morning, so of course I read it while on my walk. I’m pretty sure my neighbors were wondering what I was reading that was making me laugh so hard to myself. Seriously, wtf? 🤣 The first story was by far my favorite. The other ones were just okay. The puns in the first story were train-tastic!

[Avellyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Guys, reading is so unserious. I love this shit.

[Sara Phillips · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely hysterical

[Alexis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Look, it’s exactly what it says it is. Yes, it’s unhinged. Yes it’s full of more holiday season puns than anything I’ve ever read. But wow I laughed so hard.

[Tropes_and_Taboo · Rating 4 out of 5]

My boyfriend has a Christmas train peen and other holiday classics by Holly Wilde
⭐⭐⭐⭐🌶️🌶️ 🌶️ 🌶️
Sentient Romance * Christmas * UNHINGED JOY * 48 Pages

This week is special because this book doesn’t just treat us to one unhinged holiday delight… it gives us FOUR. Truly, the spirit of Christmas generosity. It’s like a sentient Advent calendar, except instead of chocolate you get curses, chaos, and anatomically questionable holiday icons.

If you want to impress or violently irritate your friends with enough Christmas puns to last the entire holiday season, our Christmas Pun Queen Holly has you covered. By page 2 I was wet... with tears, I ascended and left my physical form like a ghost with seasonal depression.

“…should I be concerned about myself?”
Spoiler: yes. Always yes

---

Book 1: My boyfriend has a Christmas Train Peen
I would like to personally thank the author for explicitly clarifying "which lips" she meant.
Because left to my own imagination? I am WRONG 100% of the time.

Do you want to know what a **loCOCKmotive** feels like?
Do you want to know what *food item* you can lick to replicate the experience?
Do you want to know WHY he has a train peen??


And yes…I did try licking the food.
And yes…our FMC was right.
And yes…my husband walked in at the wrong time and now thinks I’ve completely lost it.
Choo. Choo. Board the trauma express. No seatbelts required.
---
Book 2: Yule be Coming
A lonely Christmas Peen Truck that hasn’t… finished… in decades?
A bartender who says “I can fix him”?
A release so intense I worried for the structural integrity of the building?

And THE TWIST! I violently spat hot chocolate onto my kindle making it look like a Yuletide crime scene.

---
Book3:
No spoilers for this one. Just know I laughed so hard I made a noise that can only be described as “ferret in distress.” Absolutely worth it.
---
Book 4: One Night Stand with the Candy Cane Man
Less punny, but still extremely “This shouldn’t be hot, yet here we are.” We start with a sexy French man. Oui! Add in a magical spell gone wrong. Accidentally turning him into a candy cane? OUI OUI OUI.

Naturally, our FMC handles the situation with the calm logic of any unhinged holiday heroine: she uses her lips. BOTH SETS (Thank you, Holly, for finally sparing my brain the agony of guessing which pair you mean once again.)

She's sticky, he's sticky, and she's just hoping the sugar-coated chaos is enough to transform him back into a man instead of, you know... a festive snack.

Read this one to the end because that twist?
I had to sit down. My jaw dopped into a "O"... you know, the kind you normally see on Christmas cookies or orgasm charts.