You Need More Sleep: Advice from Cats

by Francesco Marciuliano

Our feline friends have spent eons observing, napping, pondering, napping, and taking notes about the human condition. In between naps, they've realized that we humans could use some catlike guidance when it comes to handling the ups and downs of life. In this book they've condescended to share their invaluable wisdom in short advice columns such as "Always Stay at Least 30 Feet from a Loved One" and "Never Let Anyone Dress You." Whether it's coping with romance, surviving a social gathering, or clawing your way to the top of the corporate ladder only to realize you can't get down, the cats in this book will have you relaxed and ready to take on the world! Just after one more nap.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Cats, Animals, Self Help, Comedy, Adult

112 pages, Hardcover

First published July 28, 2015

About the author

Francesco Marciuliano...
Pens the comic strips Sally Forth and Medium Large.
Has written for the Onion News Network, Smosh, McSweeney’s, and had a play produced at the New York International Fringe Festival.
Served as head writer for the PBS series SeeMore's Playhouse (for which his script won two regional Emmys).
Was afraid of the color yellow until about age nine.
Tans a little too well to be trusted by security.

Reviews

[karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Be adorable and be in charge.


cats - enviable masters of grace, confidence, independence, indifference, grooming…

this book's convincing assertion is that you can learn all of life's most valuable lessons from observing cats, and when you apply these feline behaviors to your own life, you are bound to be successful in all of your endeavors.

this is from the same guy that gave us all those books where pets write poems:

I Could Pee on This And Other Poems by Cats

I Could Chew on This: And Other Poems by Dogs

I Knead My Mommy: And Other Poems by Kittens

and those are cute and funny and all that, but this book doesn't have time to be cute and funny.

How many times have you been stymied by indecision only to watch your cat walk straight up to a glass and slap it to the floor because it's Tuesday and things have got to get done?

this book is here to help!

here are some sample chapter titles, to give you an idea of the many ways cats (and this book) can inspire you to live a more rewarding life:

-Always Stay at Least 30 Feet from a Loved One

-Keep Changing When and Where You Like to Be Touched

-Personal Space Means Your Space, Not Theirs

-Enter a Room Like You Own It and Everyone Inside It

-Dismiss Everyone Equally

-Everything is Prey. EVERYTHING.

-Be Extremely Independent Until You Need Something

this is self-help gold, my friends!

other chapters include What's Theirs Is Now Yours, in which you will learn that:

Relationships are about two loving individuals coming together to cram all their things into one studio apartment. That's why it makes perfect sense to assume your partner's belongings are now yours, no matter how well or how high they hide them.

and

The more you treat it all as communal property, the more you don't have to worry about breaking a few things.

how freeing is that?

also Just Because Others Can't See It Doesn't Mean You Shouldn't Chase It, which encourages you to make your own opportunities no matter how outlandish:

Love. Friendship. Success. Ghost mice. If you can picture it in your head then you should pursue it with all your might, sometimes at speeds achieving sonic booms.

done and done!

or how about Rest Assured Someone Else Will Clean Up after You, which reminds you that other people have your back, even when they are not super enthusiastic about it:

…whenever you do make a mess - sometimes figuratively but mostly literally - someone will always appear to clean it for you.

Of course, who these people are and why they keep cursing you out will probably forever remain a mystery. But thanks to these strangers who somehow know your name, you'll never have to glance back to see what you've done or how many paper towels it involves, letting you happily forge ahead to find out what happens when salsa tries to fly.

thanks, strangers! i go live the dream now!

you will also discover the many ways in which your cat is like oscar wilde, except (hopefully) still alive:

-Being in a relationship means being in danger of having a conversation at any moment…

-Do you get annoyed when people talk? Especially about themselves and not enough about when's food?

-…what every cat already knows - the world in fact does not go on without you.

-Never plead, implore, or ask. That puts all the power with the other person, allowing them to demand something in return, like an indication of gratitude. And who wants to enter that infernal nightmare of a barter system?

not maggie, that's for sure!

this book provides tips for many different segments of your life, from the business world:

Clear the Desk Every Morning

Inbox. Outbox. To-do list. Pens. Coffee. Phone. Computer. Whatever is made of glass. Start each office day with a clean slate by wiping the workspace clean of any distraction that can be shoved or tilted off the ledge.

This will alert your coworkers that you mean business and that maybe if they paid a little more attention to you then you wouldn't be smacking all that stuff off their desks in the first place.

Maintain a Schedule Inconsistent with Everyone Else's

Anyone who's ever worked in an office can tell you that business isn't about getting work done. It's about attending meetings to discuss how much work needs to get done. And that's a time-suck you can easily avoid by starting your day just as everyone else is going to bed.

Commence work at 1 A.M., making enough noise so that if your coworkers live within a 50-mile radius of the office they'll know you're up to something big. Keep working until about 5 A.M., at which point you should start calling fellow employees to make sure they bring your breakfast. In between, do whatever you feel like, remembering to blame any mess on whichever employee brought their dog to work that one day.

Network by Stepping on People's Crotches

Networking isn't about making friends. It's about meeting new contacts, making an impression on possible corporate alliances, and quickly leaving before you realize you hate the whole lot of them.

Hence why whenever business people gather you should leap on the sofa, look purposefully and commandingly straight ahead, and carefully make sure to step on each and everyone's genitals before exiting the room without making a sound. People will exclaim, "Who WAS that?!" between short gasps of air, ensuring they all know your name as you stride down the hallway, not certain where you are going except towards bigger and better things.

to managing interpersonal relationships:

Keep Sizing People Up

People are a mercurial lot. One day they couldn't be happier to see you. The next day they're screaming at you while surrounded by the shredded remains of what they keep calling "My birth certificate! My only birth certificate!"

In other words, you never know where you may stand with anyone. Therefore it's wise to keep a big distance but a close watch on others at all times, throwing off any suspicion of judgment with an expression of utter boredom that indicates you might yawn should they suddenly burst into flames. After all, even the calmest, happiest person today may be the very one sobbing over six shattered antique vases saying, "It's like you hate me!" tomorrow.

to matters of self-preservation:

When Proven Guilty, RUN

Sometimes you will do something so wrong your only option is to flee, since staying put will involve their yelling and your insincere apology. That's when it's best to reflect on your actions from under a bed, behind a fridge, or wedged between sofa cushions, believing you are now indistinguishable from upholstery.

Then after an hour or five return neither contrite nor comprehending of their anger but radiating the message, "All is forgiven." They'll be surprised by your total inability to recognize your own wrongdoing. You'll be surprised to find someone else living in the house. And it is on this common ground of utter bewilderment that a new relationship can be built.

self-possession:

Wake Up Each Morning As If You Did Absolutely Nothing Wrong the Day Before

If you can get out of bed and walk into a scene of utter destruction that clearly has your prints everywhere on it, if you can look at the very things you dangled from just the prior evening before screws and fastenings gave way, if you can actually climb over someone on their knees, picking up the shattered remains of their once cherished possessions and cheerfully sit expectantly at the table with a beaming smile and a hungry stomach, then yours will be a life without a stress or second guesses.

and the importance of rewarding yourself after you've spent all day impressing the world with your badassery:

Make Time to Enjoy Yourself. Thoroughly.

Some days you will run and run and run and run and run and run and run in circles and just stop, never knowing what the hell all that running was about. And you will call those days "weekdays."

And on those hectic days it's important to occasionally stop, take a breath, and whip out your hind limb so you can lick yourself like you're made of ice cream down there. After all, we all have to make our own fun.

but the most important lesson here is perception and presentation - it's all about the words you use to frame your own narrative. always spin a criticism into an admirable quality and you'll have them all emulating you (and cats) in no time.

Indecision Shows that You're Thinking!

You want to stay in. You want to go out. You want to stay in. You want to go out. You want to stay in. You want to put your foot in mayo. You can entertain numerous, often conflicting ideas at the same time because you're a thinker. You're an intellectual. And you know the longer you take your time deciding, the longer everything remains a possibility

now i have to go clean up a mess that someone made.

come to my blog!

[Thibault Busschots · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m not a cat person and I actually bought this by mistake. Was not disappointed. A funny and enjoyable read.

[Flo]

In the middle of this solemn atmosphere of important Russian and French writers, I just need to thank Goodreads for this recommendation. I forgot about this author and his adorable and always entertaining books. He truly understands cats and their canine slaves. And poetry! Oh, I must have this one. By the way, I just love the fact it has been also labeled as a self-help book...

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I firmly believe that everyone can benefit from reading self-help books that pertain to their life challenges. I own four cats. And they are four of the most chill beings that I have ever encountered. Nothing seems to faze any of them. So when I saw this book, I had to have it. Self-help quips from a feline perspective...what's not to love?

This book joins several other books by Francesco Marciuliano on my keeper shelf. I love his collections of poetry by cats and dogs. Each has lovely, cute photographs....and wonderful humor. With everything going on in the world right now, I prize anything that can bring a smile and a laugh. You Need More Sleep made me smile and even chuckle so many times!

Each little snippet of advice has a bold headline and then a couple paragraphs of pithy feline advice on that subject. Many entries also have cute full-color photographs of cats. Fun book to read! The books are small (4" x 6") and are hardback with dustjackets. They look great on display! And make for attractive little gifts for animal lovers. :)

Another great book in this series! I keep my collection of books by this author on my keeper shelf for whenever I need a quick smile!

[aPriL does feral sometimes · Rating 2 out of 5]

Kitty tried hard to sound like he was a fount of wordy cat wisdom. But it turned out to be a very dull and boring speech for too many pages. He, and it very likely was a he, basically chewed over repeatedly three small cat habits as if it was sage advice in different ways until all that was left was an incomprehensible hairball mess of words on the floor. Typical conman patter saying nothing while sounding like it will be something, only it wasn’t even the slightest bit charming. Cute photos.

[Delta · Rating 5 out of 5]

My husband gave me this book as a joke, but after reading the first few pages I told him I would follow the advice exactly. That'll show him!

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really cute book! This one is a keeper for the shelf. Also a great book for a coffee table for others who visit you to thumb through. Loaded with lots of fun advice from kittys. Love the pics too. Beautiful book for the cat lover!!

[Traci · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cute!

Love the advice for "The Three Rules to Pure Happiness:

1. Love everyone, but secretly, so people keep trying to curry your favor.

2. Take everything as it comes - before someone else can grab it.

3. Never let anyone rub you the wrong way, especially from butt to head.

[Bill · Rating 3 out of 5]

An amusing little book that shows you when it comes to good advice your cat is always the best place to go!

[Arta · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kad man radās brīnumaina iespēja tikt pie Frančesko Marsjuljāno kaķu padomu grāmatas "Tev derētu vēl pasnaust", man divreiz nebija jādomā, jo tur, kur ir kaķi, esmu arī es (un, ja es tur neesmu, tie nav kaķi!bēdz!!!). "Tev derētu vēl pasnaust" ir humora pilniem padomiem pārbagāta grāmatiņa, kurā padomus sniedz nevis Bhāgavans Šrī Radžnišs, Ofra Vinfrija vai kāds cits garīgais skolotājs, kura vārds sākas ar Andris un beidzas ar Kivičs, bet tieši kaķi – planētas gudrākās radības. Jo neviens cits, kā tikai viņi, ja kādu dienu sāktu runāt, spētu atklāt visu, ko savām acīm redzējuši. Gan to, kā vannasistabā pie spoguļa mēģināji ar mēli aizsniegt elkoni, gan to, kā pie rīta kafijas, aiz avīzes noslēpies, centies no nāss izvilkt pirkstu, kuram tur nebija jābūt.
Vairāk par kaķiem, kaķu saimniekiem un grāmatu blogā: https://austra.lv/2020/01/14/francesk...

[Batool Fardan · Rating 5 out of 5]

well , it's been a while since I've read a book that made me laugh. it does have great advices for different life majors like relationships, career and loving yourself, really great advices with a lot of humour flavour in it because, well it's from a cat's perspective. great book , it was very useful and I loved it.

[Erikka · Rating 5 out of 5]

These books are just fantastic. I laughed out loud at "Take a moment to wonder why" and "Invest heavily in string." I also laughed at the rest, but those got me. This one is not poetry like the others, but still amazing. Just amazing.

[Krista · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me laugh so much - one entry so much I was crying! A hilarious read for all cat lovers!

[Agris Fakingsons · Rating 3 out of 5]

..kaķi ir forša padarīšana :)

[Cat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tuleb välja, et ma olen väga paljusid asju elus õigesti teinud. Nii mõndagi on aga veel kassidelt juurde õppida. Näiteks seda, et tööle tuleb ilmuda alasti ning parim tööruum tuleb oma lõhnaga märgistada. Väga õpetlik lugemine!

"Ühesõnaga, tee kõike, mis ta enne kella nelja hommikul voodist välja ajab. Sest just siis peaks ta üleval olema ja sulle hommikusööki valmistama, vastasel korral tuleks ta ametlikult surnuks kuulutada." - Anna mulle andeks, kallis! :D

[Ris · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't particularly want to shelve this as nonfiction, but for lack of a better answer, here we are.

This was really cute, and I giggled more than I expected to. It was exactly what I needed on a Wednesday.

I'll probably be annoying my friends with random quotes from the book for a few weeks, at least.

[Minh Nhân Nguyễn · Rating 3 out of 5]

3,5 sao.

Tác giả có ý tưởng khá sáng tạo và thông minh, diễn giải những hành động, thói quen vô tư lự, thậm chí "lố lăng" của lũ mèo thành những lời giáo huấn nghiêm túc, mang tầm "vĩ mô" cho các vấn đề trong cuộc sống.

Đây đúng là cuốn kinh thánh cho những ai theo "đạo mèo", phát cuồng hay sùng bái lũ boss sang chảnh này. Chính vì thích cái ý tưởng đó mà mình mua sách, nhưng có vẻ tác giả chưa bỏ nhiều công sức vào đó nên khai thác nó chưa được tốt. Sách cũng ngắn gọn thôi, nội dung trong đó cũng khá đơn giản, tuy thế vẫn có nhiều ý bị lặp lại giữa các chương, nếu chỉ đọc lướt 1, 2 trang sẽ thấy khá thú vị nhưng đọc xong cả cuốn lại thấy hơi nhạt.

Đây là một cuốn sách ảnh nên mặt hình ảnh cũng khá quan trọng. Ngoài việc minh họa cho các ý trong sách thì nó còn mang lại sự thích thú cho những ai yêu thích việc ngắm nghía các chú mèo ở mọi tư thế từ đáng yêu đến đáng xấu hổ :). Tuy vậy các hình ảnh trong sách không phải thuộc về "chính chủ" mà là do tác giả thu nhặt trên instagram nên có phần lộn xộn, và không biết có phải do in ấn không mà hình hơi bị nhòe, nhiều tấm màu sắc rối, mang tính nghiệp dư.

Dù sao thì đây cũng là một cuốn sách xứng đáng có trong bộ sưu tầm của những người yêu mèo, những ai chỉ cần được ngắm mèo, được bàn luận về lũ mèo thôi cũng đã thấy sung sướng. Và không như ở Mỹ nơi có các sách loại này tràn lan để đòi hỏi này kia thì ở VN bước đầu có 1 cuốn sách như thế này cho các "con chiên" cũng là đáng quý rồi :).

[J · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quirky book that gives tips to inferior humans on how to reach the almost superior lifestyle of cats.

The writing is insightful and reads of Cat. And interspersed with pictures of actual cats this is a wonderful book for cat fans and collectors of cat books.

[Whitney · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cute little collection of advice from cats, but after a while the theme seems repetitive despite being sectioned out into different chapters. There's very little distinguishing them in the pages. The editor also missed a few grammatical errors. Still would make a great gift for the childless cat mom. 🐈
- Written by a childless cat mom

[Jeanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read all of Marciuliano's cat poetry books and thought this was one of the same, but it is indeed advice. Still very funny, very cat-like. The only off note was the career advice which didn't quite fit with cats at some points. (I do read the comic Business Cat which is more on the mark for that.). But I quite enjoyed it and do heartily recommend it for cat fans.

[Heather McC · Rating 5 out of 5]

A highly intelligent, and often underappreciated animal, the ferocious feline is full of wisdom, common sense, and humor. Whether you live with a cat, are considering adoption, or choose to believe that the canine is the more superior animal, this book has a little knowledge for everyone.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really cute little book. A happy, fun read.

[Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious and adorable!

[Betsy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book to pick up when insomnia hits--- witty, pithy short pages of wisdom given by cats to humans. And, yes, sleep is essential!

[Pınar Aydoğdu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eğer bir kedi bana hayat tavsiyeleri vermeye kalksaydı, tam olarak bu kitaptaki cümleleri kurardı! Her kedicinin baş ucu kitabı olmalı!

[Mehsi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved Francesco Marciuliano's other 3 books, so when I heard about this one I just knew I had to get it some day. And now I finally did, and boy, did I just laugh my butt of during reading this one.

All the advices are from the cats, so you can just imagine what kind of advice you are actually getting. From things like getting stuck in stuff, to how to handle visitors, to how to handle getting food, it all in there, and even though I have no cats as pets myself, I have heard enough tales (and seen enough clips and photographs) to know what cats do, and these advices are just spot on cat behaviour. I was just laughing and nodding along with everything that was said. :)

Sure some of them took a bit longer to get, but when I got it I was laughing again at the silliness of it all.

Like all the other books the book is accompanied by cat photographs (all which made me go awwww). I just wish there were more photographs. Sure, there are a lot, but it is never bad to have more? Right?

The book is separated in various parts. And each part has corresponding advice to go with it. From work, social, to life and more. If you aren't interested in one part (though who wouldn't be interested) you can always skip to the next one. :)

All in all, this is one book I would highly recommend to everyone! You will laugh your butt off!

Review first posted at http://twirlingbookprincess.com/

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

"If you can get out of bed and walk into a scene of utter destruction that clearly has your prints everywhere on it, if you can look at the very things you dangled from just the prior evening before screws and fastenings gave way, if you can actually climb over someone on their knees, picking up the shattered remains of their once cherished possessions and cheerfully sit expectantly at the table with a beaming smile and a hungry stomach, then yours will be a life without stress or second guesses."

[Juliet · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were certain parts that were really funny, but also really disturbing. There are things that this book suggests that cats do that human beings should NEVER EVER EVER do. I guess that's the point, but it's sometimes really inappropriate. It should be renamed: "Ways to Earn Solitary Confinement; Advice From Cats"

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Show appreciation so your partner keeps giving you stuff" and "Don't end rivalry. Eliminate rivals." and one of my favorites, "Don't be nice to unpleasant people."

All great advice from our cats. They rule our world for a reason. :)

[Betsy · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is one of those small books that are sold at every bookstore checkout counter. Someone gave it to me for Christmas a few years ago. It purports to be advice from cats. It's mildly humorous. But only for die hard cat lovers. But it has a bunch of nice cat photos.