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Big Girl: How I Gave Up Dieting and Got a Life
Kelsey Miller had done it all: crash diets, healthy diets, and nutritionist-prescribed "eating plans," which are diets that you pay more money for. She'd been fighting her un-thin body since early childhood, and at 29, she finally hit bottom. No diet could transform her body or her life.
With the help of an intuitive eating coach and fitness professionals, she learned how to eat based on her body's instincts and exercise sustainably, without obsessing over calories burned. But, with each thrilling step toward a healthy future, she had to contend with the painful truths of her past.
BIG GIRL chronicles Kelsey's journey into self-loathing and disordered eating--and out of it. This is a memoir for anyone who's grappled with a distorted body image, food issues, or a dysfunctional family. It's for late bloomers and the not-yet-bloomed. It's for everyone who's tried and failed and felt like a big, fat, loser. So, basically, everyone.
With the help of an intuitive eating coach and fitness professionals, she learned how to eat based on her body's instincts and exercise sustainably, without obsessing over calories burned. But, with each thrilling step toward a healthy future, she had to contend with the painful truths of her past.
BIG GIRL chronicles Kelsey's journey into self-loathing and disordered eating--and out of it. This is a memoir for anyone who's grappled with a distorted body image, food issues, or a dysfunctional family. It's for late bloomers and the not-yet-bloomed. It's for everyone who's tried and failed and felt like a big, fat, loser. So, basically, everyone.
278 pages, Paperback
First published September 1, 2015
145 people are currently reading
3796 people want to read
About the author
Kelsey Miller
5 books340 followersKelsey Miller graduated from Boston University with a BS in Film & Television. She began her career in the film production industry before transitioning to full-time writing. Soon after joining the staff of Refinery29, she created The Anti-Diet Project, one of the website's most popular franchises. She lives in Brooklyn, NY, and is currently working on her next book.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 330 reviews
April 13, 2016
As a curvy girl, I was hoping to fully embrace this book and be giving it as a gift to everyone I know. As a mother of a young daughter, I am constantly thinking about what I say and do in front of my child. I know she is always watching and listening and I want to her to grow up with a positive body image. I saw this book and thought it might be interesting. I lost interest well before the halfway point and really had to push myself to finish. I seem to really struggle with books written by bloggers or those who write online for a living. I often find the "book" to be collection of blog posts but in this case, it seemed to be a book with some random, unconnected chapters interspersed throughout...not very cohesive.
I love that she is challenging the absurd and unattainable image of beauty that is presented to young girls. I love her honesty about her own struggles. I love that she had an epiphany and realized she needed to change her way of thinking about her body and about food. I wish I loved the book. I suspect that those closer to her age might enjoy it more. 2.5 stars.
I love that she is challenging the absurd and unattainable image of beauty that is presented to young girls. I love her honesty about her own struggles. I love that she had an epiphany and realized she needed to change her way of thinking about her body and about food. I wish I loved the book. I suspect that those closer to her age might enjoy it more. 2.5 stars.
July 19, 2020
4.0 Stars
This is a wonderful body-positive memoir that provides an honest account of a woman's struggles with weight, dieting and body-image. This is a great starting point for anyone who is curious about intuitive eating or looking to normalize their relationship with food.
This is a wonderful body-positive memoir that provides an honest account of a woman's struggles with weight, dieting and body-image. This is a great starting point for anyone who is curious about intuitive eating or looking to normalize their relationship with food.
May 20, 2016
There’s no doubt that the way many of us eat tends to be a tad screwed up. We eat when we’re not hungry (because it’s mealtime, or for emotional reasons, or to be polite) or don’t eat when we are hungry (because it’s not mealtime, and/or we’re on a diet, and/or because no one else is eating and we don’t want to be the only one, etc.). Intuitive eating makes the case that if we work at it, we can eventually begin to listen to our own internal hunger cues, naturally eat a varied diet, and abandon some of our unhealthy attitudes about food and weight. This may or may not result in a loss of weight, but it will definitely result in a gain of health and sanity.
I think Big Girl would be a good place to start learning about intuitive eating principles. Kelsey Miller, like a lot of people, has tried every diet with little success and is finally fed up, so, out of desperation, she hires a nutritionist and embarks on the intuitive eating path. The book authentically depicts how discombobulating it can feel to have every food suddenly be allowed (yes, even so-called empty calories), how difficult it can be to shake the “diet” mindset, and how easily and perilously we can be made to feel ashamed of our food choices even when there’s nothing inherently wrong with them (I’m thinking of the boss who gave Kelsey a hard time for making a sandwich with—gasp!—potato bread instead of Ezekiel bread). Because Kelsey is a beginner, the novice intuitive eater can learn as Kelsey does, hopefully thus feeling less alone in experiencing the various pitfalls, triumphs, and somewhere-in-between moments along the way.
This memoir is based on Kelsey’s web series for the site Refinery 29, which I didn’t know when I picked up the book. Ordinarily I’m not crazy about the casual, disjointed feel of blogs-turned-books, but, perhaps because this writing was done for a professional site with actual editors, I didn’t mind it this time. In fact, I was impressed with Kelsey’s writing and also with her sense of humor. The girl is genuinely funny, not just amateur blog–level funny. (No offense meant—some amateur bloggers are definitely funny. Just... not all of them.) Admittedly, there were a few TMI moments (I didn’t really need to know about it when she , for example), but overall I felt this book was a good depiction of what it’s like to have food issues and body-image issues your whole life, and then make a change that aims less to shrink your body and more to expand your worldview. For a more detailed look at intuitive eating, I also recommend Michelle May’s Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat.
I think Big Girl would be a good place to start learning about intuitive eating principles. Kelsey Miller, like a lot of people, has tried every diet with little success and is finally fed up, so, out of desperation, she hires a nutritionist and embarks on the intuitive eating path. The book authentically depicts how discombobulating it can feel to have every food suddenly be allowed (yes, even so-called empty calories), how difficult it can be to shake the “diet” mindset, and how easily and perilously we can be made to feel ashamed of our food choices even when there’s nothing inherently wrong with them (I’m thinking of the boss who gave Kelsey a hard time for making a sandwich with—gasp!—potato bread instead of Ezekiel bread). Because Kelsey is a beginner, the novice intuitive eater can learn as Kelsey does, hopefully thus feeling less alone in experiencing the various pitfalls, triumphs, and somewhere-in-between moments along the way.
This memoir is based on Kelsey’s web series for the site Refinery 29, which I didn’t know when I picked up the book. Ordinarily I’m not crazy about the casual, disjointed feel of blogs-turned-books, but, perhaps because this writing was done for a professional site with actual editors, I didn’t mind it this time. In fact, I was impressed with Kelsey’s writing and also with her sense of humor. The girl is genuinely funny, not just amateur blog–level funny. (No offense meant—some amateur bloggers are definitely funny. Just... not all of them.) Admittedly, there were a few TMI moments (I didn’t really need to know about it when she , for example), but overall I felt this book was a good depiction of what it’s like to have food issues and body-image issues your whole life, and then make a change that aims less to shrink your body and more to expand your worldview. For a more detailed look at intuitive eating, I also recommend Michelle May’s Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat.
February 23, 2016
"In the mirror I saw a tilted, round face, craned upward to hide a potential double chin. I saw legs placed wide apart, with one hip jutted out so the thighs didn't touch. I saw hands on hips and elbows yanked back to narrow my broad shoulders. I saw everything I did to avoid seeing myself. It was full body duck-face. It was the only way I knew how to look in a mirror.”
When I read the title to this book I was pretty intrigued. Like majority of females I have been on several diets in my life, whether I needed them or not. The idea of giving up dieting was refreshing for a dieting addict like myself. This books method for doing so is through the intuitive eating method. A phrase many of us have heard before, it seems almost too simple to work. Surely for a diet to work it has to be overly detailed, restrictive and laid out step by ten thousand steps? Not so.
As expected this book is somewhat vague about intuitive eating because well...it's intuitive eating. It's about listening to your body and savoring your food and generally being mindful of what you eat and how you eat. Not exactly rocket science, but sometimes the simplest answer is the only answer. There is no diet layout in this book and it's more of a memoir with a large focus on intuitive eating rather than a “diet book”.
I did find a couple of contrary statements in the book, for example after her boss wrongly accuses her of wearing flip flops to work she angrily fumes to herself that she “ is not such an urchin to wear shower shoes to work!” But then literally on the very next page proudly proclaims that no one should be picked on for the shoes they wear. Not a direct contradiction but pretty close.
I also would have liked to have seen clearer progress. A before and after so to speak. However I understand the author's reasoning for not wanting to weigh herself, but it would have made it easier to see just how successful this type of eating was for her. At the end of the day though I suppose success is different for everyone, and if you are happy and healthy than that is all that matters. Sometimes self love is the best “diet” there is.
Random quote I enjoyed from the book: People say that food is the good girl's drug. But now I realize it was just one particularly cheap and sticky strain of my real drug of choice: distraction.
Buy, Borrow or Bin Verdict: Buy
Note: I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review.
When I read the title to this book I was pretty intrigued. Like majority of females I have been on several diets in my life, whether I needed them or not. The idea of giving up dieting was refreshing for a dieting addict like myself. This books method for doing so is through the intuitive eating method. A phrase many of us have heard before, it seems almost too simple to work. Surely for a diet to work it has to be overly detailed, restrictive and laid out step by ten thousand steps? Not so.
As expected this book is somewhat vague about intuitive eating because well...it's intuitive eating. It's about listening to your body and savoring your food and generally being mindful of what you eat and how you eat. Not exactly rocket science, but sometimes the simplest answer is the only answer. There is no diet layout in this book and it's more of a memoir with a large focus on intuitive eating rather than a “diet book”.
I did find a couple of contrary statements in the book, for example after her boss wrongly accuses her of wearing flip flops to work she angrily fumes to herself that she “ is not such an urchin to wear shower shoes to work!” But then literally on the very next page proudly proclaims that no one should be picked on for the shoes they wear. Not a direct contradiction but pretty close.
I also would have liked to have seen clearer progress. A before and after so to speak. However I understand the author's reasoning for not wanting to weigh herself, but it would have made it easier to see just how successful this type of eating was for her. At the end of the day though I suppose success is different for everyone, and if you are happy and healthy than that is all that matters. Sometimes self love is the best “diet” there is.
Random quote I enjoyed from the book: People say that food is the good girl's drug. But now I realize it was just one particularly cheap and sticky strain of my real drug of choice: distraction.
Buy, Borrow or Bin Verdict: Buy
Note: I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review.
December 31, 2015
I got this book for free from a Goodreads giveaway that I entered (who knew they actually gave away the free books?).
Big Girl very much exceeded my expectations. Kelsey Miller is fucking hilarious, first of all. I remember her R29 column being entertaining, but the book is next level. I think at least three pretty solid masturbation jokes and many more solid non-masturbation jokes. One pretty funny bit about adolescent girls who read Holocaust books. Anyway, very funny. I would recommend this memoir even to people who wouldn't normally think to read a "diet memoir" (which is actually a pretty inaccurate description of this book). If generations of men can win literary awards for their memoirs about, like, camping in the woods, books about women's lifelong battles with unattainable beauty ideals are "real literature" too. Read Big Girl if you've struggled with a fucked up body image, have mommy issues, or just really respect a well-placed masturbation joke (check, check, and check for me, tbh)
Big Girl very much exceeded my expectations. Kelsey Miller is fucking hilarious, first of all. I remember her R29 column being entertaining, but the book is next level. I think at least three pretty solid masturbation jokes and many more solid non-masturbation jokes. One pretty funny bit about adolescent girls who read Holocaust books. Anyway, very funny. I would recommend this memoir even to people who wouldn't normally think to read a "diet memoir" (which is actually a pretty inaccurate description of this book). If generations of men can win literary awards for their memoirs about, like, camping in the woods, books about women's lifelong battles with unattainable beauty ideals are "real literature" too. Read Big Girl if you've struggled with a fucked up body image, have mommy issues, or just really respect a well-placed masturbation joke (check, check, and check for me, tbh)
June 22, 2016
(It's a 2.5, but I'm rounding down because there were a couple of things that really bothered me about it.)
We got this book at the library a few weeks ago, and it's been sitting and staring at me from the New Arrivals shelf since. I grabbed it to read at lunch one day and ended up reading it in two days, so it obviously kept my attention, although closer to the end I kind of stopped caring. Anyway, it was an interesting enough read, a story of a woman's journey from a terribly unhealthy relationship with food to being able to listen to her body and eat what she truly wants to eat. There were some extraneous stories that didn't seem to relate to her journey, but they must have made sense to her, I guess. But my whole feeling about the book was changed by a line midway through. I returned the book already, so I can't write the quote exactly, but it was something along the lines of "your body can't control your life." Guess what? It really can. Your weight may not be able to control your life, but if you've ever had mono (or had it twice. as an adult.) or migraines or seizures or hundreds of other sicknesses and/or diseases, than you know that yes, your body can control your life. Kelsey may never have had that experience, but she shouldn't discount other people's experiences just because she's never had an issue with illness.
I was also annoyed at the conclusion, which was basically: "yes, I'm a late bloomer, but since I've gotten my life in order by the time I'm thirty, that's okay." As someone slightly older than Kelsey who graduated from college during the recession because of health problems that still haven't been solved and still doesn't have a dream job, a perfect man, or perfect, successful friends (that I've known since high school because I'm not a New Yorker and apparently, New Yorkers don't move at all after high school), I am really bugged at this sentiment. Everyone moves at their own pace. Some people are moving even slower than her. And that's okay, too. My life isn't over just because I'm past thirty.
Also, not everyone listens to audiobooks to escape from thinking about their lives. Some people listen to them because they don't feel the need to "mindfully" do the dishes, or drive down the freeway on their commute, or scrub the toilet. Sometimes it's okay to be entertained.
So yeah. If you're okay with reading about someone who has a really scary relationship with food and want to read about her journey into a better place, I recommend it. Just be aware that some of her "wisdom" comes off as judgey.
We got this book at the library a few weeks ago, and it's been sitting and staring at me from the New Arrivals shelf since. I grabbed it to read at lunch one day and ended up reading it in two days, so it obviously kept my attention, although closer to the end I kind of stopped caring. Anyway, it was an interesting enough read, a story of a woman's journey from a terribly unhealthy relationship with food to being able to listen to her body and eat what she truly wants to eat. There were some extraneous stories that didn't seem to relate to her journey, but they must have made sense to her, I guess. But my whole feeling about the book was changed by a line midway through. I returned the book already, so I can't write the quote exactly, but it was something along the lines of "your body can't control your life." Guess what? It really can. Your weight may not be able to control your life, but if you've ever had mono (or had it twice. as an adult.) or migraines or seizures or hundreds of other sicknesses and/or diseases, than you know that yes, your body can control your life. Kelsey may never have had that experience, but she shouldn't discount other people's experiences just because she's never had an issue with illness.
I was also annoyed at the conclusion, which was basically: "yes, I'm a late bloomer, but since I've gotten my life in order by the time I'm thirty, that's okay." As someone slightly older than Kelsey who graduated from college during the recession because of health problems that still haven't been solved and still doesn't have a dream job, a perfect man, or perfect, successful friends (that I've known since high school because I'm not a New Yorker and apparently, New Yorkers don't move at all after high school), I am really bugged at this sentiment. Everyone moves at their own pace. Some people are moving even slower than her. And that's okay, too. My life isn't over just because I'm past thirty.
Also, not everyone listens to audiobooks to escape from thinking about their lives. Some people listen to them because they don't feel the need to "mindfully" do the dishes, or drive down the freeway on their commute, or scrub the toilet. Sometimes it's okay to be entertained.
So yeah. If you're okay with reading about someone who has a really scary relationship with food and want to read about her journey into a better place, I recommend it. Just be aware that some of her "wisdom" comes off as judgey.
October 22, 2015
I hesitated before rating this five stars...the lusted after five stars!! But this book really clicked with me, and I will probably want to read it again, so...
There were several quotes in this book that I am going to have to find the time to type out, because they were just so profound. Kelsey Miller is really honest and straightforward in this book, and not only does she offer personal experiences and wisdom, but she also has lots of information scattered throughout the book that she culled from other sources. I may not be "big" but the mental state that Kelsey has? It can apply to all kinds of body image issues. I have come to realize more and more that whether you are "over weight" or "under weight" lots of times the thoughts and feelings around dieting remain the same.
If you have a body...READ THIS BOOK!
There were several quotes in this book that I am going to have to find the time to type out, because they were just so profound. Kelsey Miller is really honest and straightforward in this book, and not only does she offer personal experiences and wisdom, but she also has lots of information scattered throughout the book that she culled from other sources. I may not be "big" but the mental state that Kelsey has? It can apply to all kinds of body image issues. I have come to realize more and more that whether you are "over weight" or "under weight" lots of times the thoughts and feelings around dieting remain the same.
If you have a body...READ THIS BOOK!
September 2, 2022
After reading this, I'm pretty sure Kelsey and I would be friends. We would yell Sondheim lyrics to each other in lieu of conversation, it'd be like Darmok and Jalad but with Broadway lyrics. Captain Awkward could come hang out with us too, it would be the best dinner party EVER.
I'm constantly on the hunt for The Right Female Memoir. And I guess I found it? The point, to me, of reading someone else's story like this is to either a)learn more about their incredibly interesting lives or b)see yourself in their more mundane lives. This falls into the latter. While I do not have the same relationship with food as described here, I do have a long, complicated relationship with distraction. When I was younger, it was reading. Then it was World of Warcraft. Now it is my phone and alcohol.
I finished this book and immediately uninstalled every app on my phone that could possibly be used for entertainment. Except for Spelling Bee from the New York Times because wow back off I'm still human. I settled into the couch for a nap yesterday and scrolled aimlessly through the menu screens before I realized my phone offered me nothing to do.
And isn't that the best review I could give, that it inspired me to be more present? I can't think of higher praise.
I'm constantly on the hunt for The Right Female Memoir. And I guess I found it? The point, to me, of reading someone else's story like this is to either a)learn more about their incredibly interesting lives or b)see yourself in their more mundane lives. This falls into the latter. While I do not have the same relationship with food as described here, I do have a long, complicated relationship with distraction. When I was younger, it was reading. Then it was World of Warcraft. Now it is my phone and alcohol.
I finished this book and immediately uninstalled every app on my phone that could possibly be used for entertainment. Except for Spelling Bee from the New York Times because wow back off I'm still human. I settled into the couch for a nap yesterday and scrolled aimlessly through the menu screens before I realized my phone offered me nothing to do.
And isn't that the best review I could give, that it inspired me to be more present? I can't think of higher praise.
November 10, 2018
Full disclosure I only picked up this book because it was available in e-book when I went to put her latest book (I'll Be There For You) on hold from the library. I literally had no idea who Kelsey is or her Anti-Diet website, etc. I just wanted to read her book about Friends but had to get on the wait list so I picked up her first one to see what her voice was like. I went into this book very unaware of the author or its contents.
That said, I really grew to like Kelsey (it helps that we are around the same age). The first few chapters were a little rough, but about halfway in she started opening up and being vulnerable (and truthful) about herself and her triggers and I just really identified and fell for her. Food is not a vice for me but I have other vices and distractions that I need to consistently work on to be the best version of myself and having Kelsey show that she is flourishing and powers through even on days when everything goes wrong just gave me hope. We are not in this alone.
However I will say that I am not fond of her subtitle, she did have a life before she gave up dieting. She had friends and work and her relationship with her dad. It's not like she gave up dieting and everything magically became better (she even admits that).
That said, I really grew to like Kelsey (it helps that we are around the same age). The first few chapters were a little rough, but about halfway in she started opening up and being vulnerable (and truthful) about herself and her triggers and I just really identified and fell for her. Food is not a vice for me but I have other vices and distractions that I need to consistently work on to be the best version of myself and having Kelsey show that she is flourishing and powers through even on days when everything goes wrong just gave me hope. We are not in this alone.
However I will say that I am not fond of her subtitle, she did have a life before she gave up dieting. She had friends and work and her relationship with her dad. It's not like she gave up dieting and everything magically became better (she even admits that).
November 19, 2017
I loooved this book. Kelsey's writing is so engaging; at times hilarious, at times moving, and always really damn relatable. There were so many moments in this book that made me go, "Oh, wait, that's not just me?!??!" It was such a reassuring and comforting read, and ultimately very empowering. Following Kelsey's journey, with all its ups and downs - and the knowledge that it's still ongoing - was eye-opening. I listened to the audiobook narrated by Kelsey herself, and hearing her story told in her own voice was even better. She may not have become an actor like she dreamed as a child, but her performance here was excellent.
March 15, 2021
This was a very interesting and helpful read at times. I have always had a struggle with food, and diets have always been difficult for me. Reading this helped me apply some of the same questions to my life and helped me understand my relationship with food and my health a lot better.
March 12, 2021
i'm not above logging books i'm reading for therapy on goodreads if it means i meet my reading challenge goals
March 26, 2018
This book should not exist. We shouldn't have to struggle with eating and with body image. Sadly, a life of dieting, obsessing about food and calories, and obsessing about weight has ruined my self-esteem and my body image. have finally stopped dieting but still struggle with "permitting" myself to eat certain foods and accepting that I may gain weight because of it.
I appreciate Kelsey's honesty as she takes us on her journey of dieting and then intuitive eating. Especially when she revealed that she had episodes of emotional eating even after she was succeeding at intuitive eating for many months, and when she realized it would take longer than she thought to change her life-long relationship with food.
I appreciate Kelsey's honesty as she takes us on her journey of dieting and then intuitive eating. Especially when she revealed that she had episodes of emotional eating even after she was succeeding at intuitive eating for many months, and when she realized it would take longer than she thought to change her life-long relationship with food.
January 28, 2016
Firstly i should state that I got this book through a Goodreads giveaway, sent with the hope of honest feedback in review form.
It's a very good book - approachable and unflinching. I'm not quite the target audience because at 15 years Kelsey Miller's senior, I've already done this journey, and at about the same age she is now, so for me it's more like a jaunt down memory lane than a voyage of discovery for someone 30 or younger. Which I think is the audience that would get the most out of Miller's journey.
It starts with a literal pratfall, while on a Dieter's Nature Hike. That was the moment Miller finally sat up and said, "I'm done." Specifically, with dieting and the obsessive-compulsive behaviors and manically distorted thought processes it engenders. But giving up dieting altogether means unlearning decades - in her case three-quarters of a lifetime's worth - of deeply ingrained psychic bullshit. (A favorite bit of mine is her description of how she, a consistent grade-D math student, mastered and practiced Dieter's Trigonometry with Points and Calories and Carbs and Gluten Content.) Unlearning things, it turns out, is a hell of a lot harder than ingraining them.
So Miller found help, in the form of an "intuitive eating" nutritionist and a personal trainer. To keep herself honest, she chronicled the Anti-Diet Project in a column on Refinery29.com. Even after she managed to de-freight the moral and emotional loads she'd put on specific foods (Kale Good, Bread Bad) and listen to her body's messages on what it needed and wanted her to feed it, it took some time to adjust to this as a new way of eating. It took even longer once that enforced mindfulness began seeping into the rest of her days and she realized food was only one of a steady stream of distractions and entertainments she habitually used to deflect engagement with her own life.
It also involved real, honest-to-God therapy - because Miller didn't learn to deflect her true emotional responses overnight, and unlearning disordered eating meant untangling the experiences and emotions of her childhood and family relationships she'd smothered with food and other entertainments.
It also meant ceasing to believe in the myth of the "before" and "after" pictures. Once you stop dieting and realize it's just some food, nothing good or bad or special, then there is no "after" - there's just today, and then another today, and another after that, and they make up a life.
These are all valuable lessons, just ones I already had in my back pocket. (For the record, Kelsey, I don't get how other people just seem to be born getting this stuff either.) I do recommend this book to anyone ready even to think about walking down this path, or already at some point along the way.
It's a very good book - approachable and unflinching. I'm not quite the target audience because at 15 years Kelsey Miller's senior, I've already done this journey, and at about the same age she is now, so for me it's more like a jaunt down memory lane than a voyage of discovery for someone 30 or younger. Which I think is the audience that would get the most out of Miller's journey.
It starts with a literal pratfall, while on a Dieter's Nature Hike. That was the moment Miller finally sat up and said, "I'm done." Specifically, with dieting and the obsessive-compulsive behaviors and manically distorted thought processes it engenders. But giving up dieting altogether means unlearning decades - in her case three-quarters of a lifetime's worth - of deeply ingrained psychic bullshit. (A favorite bit of mine is her description of how she, a consistent grade-D math student, mastered and practiced Dieter's Trigonometry with Points and Calories and Carbs and Gluten Content.) Unlearning things, it turns out, is a hell of a lot harder than ingraining them.
So Miller found help, in the form of an "intuitive eating" nutritionist and a personal trainer. To keep herself honest, she chronicled the Anti-Diet Project in a column on Refinery29.com. Even after she managed to de-freight the moral and emotional loads she'd put on specific foods (Kale Good, Bread Bad) and listen to her body's messages on what it needed and wanted her to feed it, it took some time to adjust to this as a new way of eating. It took even longer once that enforced mindfulness began seeping into the rest of her days and she realized food was only one of a steady stream of distractions and entertainments she habitually used to deflect engagement with her own life.
It also involved real, honest-to-God therapy - because Miller didn't learn to deflect her true emotional responses overnight, and unlearning disordered eating meant untangling the experiences and emotions of her childhood and family relationships she'd smothered with food and other entertainments.
It also meant ceasing to believe in the myth of the "before" and "after" pictures. Once you stop dieting and realize it's just some food, nothing good or bad or special, then there is no "after" - there's just today, and then another today, and another after that, and they make up a life.
These are all valuable lessons, just ones I already had in my back pocket. (For the record, Kelsey, I don't get how other people just seem to be born getting this stuff either.) I do recommend this book to anyone ready even to think about walking down this path, or already at some point along the way.
May 17, 2016
I am obsessed with books about weight. Weight loss. Weight gain. Struggles with weight. Eating Disorders. You get the picture. As soon as I came across "Big Girl: How I Gave Up Dieting and Got a Life," I knew that this was the book for me. What I didn't know was that this book would be satisfying in a way that most other books about weight are not.
As someone who has struggled with her weight for the first 2/3 of her life, I understand the cycle of dieting. I know what it's like to think that "if only I lost weight, things would be better. I would be better. I would become the person that I am meant to be...if only...." I have been my version of thin for the last 11 years, and it feels great. I have conquered most of my food issues. I eat what I want in a portion controlled fashion, and it works for me. But I still struggle with other things.
I have been hiding (?) another addiction. It is one that I share with Kelsey Miller and one that I have never read or heard someone speak about before now. I am addicted to distraction. Like Kelsey, I feel the need to be entertained every moment of the day. I listen to audiobooks obsessively, I turn on the TV the moment I enter the room, I read during meals or when I should be listening to someone trying to talk to me, I watch movies at home while playing Candy Crush or Words with Friends, I exercise to "The Real Housewives" of every city, and fall asleep to the "King of Queens." I am afraid of the quiet. I am afraid of my thoughts. It has become clear that living this way is actually avoiding living in the first place. The question is whether I can change, and whether I want to in the first place.
Who knew such revelations would come about because of a light weight book?
As someone who has struggled with her weight for the first 2/3 of her life, I understand the cycle of dieting. I know what it's like to think that "if only I lost weight, things would be better. I would be better. I would become the person that I am meant to be...if only...." I have been my version of thin for the last 11 years, and it feels great. I have conquered most of my food issues. I eat what I want in a portion controlled fashion, and it works for me. But I still struggle with other things.
I have been hiding (?) another addiction. It is one that I share with Kelsey Miller and one that I have never read or heard someone speak about before now. I am addicted to distraction. Like Kelsey, I feel the need to be entertained every moment of the day. I listen to audiobooks obsessively, I turn on the TV the moment I enter the room, I read during meals or when I should be listening to someone trying to talk to me, I watch movies at home while playing Candy Crush or Words with Friends, I exercise to "The Real Housewives" of every city, and fall asleep to the "King of Queens." I am afraid of the quiet. I am afraid of my thoughts. It has become clear that living this way is actually avoiding living in the first place. The question is whether I can change, and whether I want to in the first place.
Who knew such revelations would come about because of a light weight book?
September 3, 2020
This was witty and moving, and a very personal account. Though I was never as deep into dieting and moralising food as she was, I can relate to some of the things she writes about. I'm glad I read it.
June 17, 2019
This is exactly what I wanted when I asked for an introduction to Intuitive Eating. I needed a story from a real person who experienced disordered eating and found a way to fight back. Reading about her struggles and her tactics to overcome them was encouraging and inspiring.
May 26, 2020
Did I write this book??? I feel like I just read my own memoir. I DEFINITELY recommend it for anyone who is struggling to give up diet culture
March 6, 2021
I've had this on a hard drive for a long time, and while contemplating my own weight loss history during a few quiet mindful moments this morning, I determined now was the time to red it.
I assume this was a blog somewhere before it became a book, and it has that herky-jerky patchworky feel to it, but it's somewhat better connected than a lot of blogs-turned-books I've read. Miller narrated the audio edition, and she was fabulous. If she sings as well as she narrates, I've no doubt the music would be memorable for all kinds of good reasons. The narration certainly was.
She describes years of broken diets and food obsessions that ultimately brought her to the concept of intuitive eating. She ultimately abandons the conventional diet plans that work until they don't in favor of more mindfully listening to her body and eating what and when it directs her to. I'm in no position to judge the success of such an idea; I've tried intermittent fasting, and while that seems to work for everyone else on Earth, it didn't for me. So who am I to judge someone else's success.
It was an interesting book replete with more information than I strictly needed, and the anxiety levels got to be more of an emotional investment than I wanted to make for a prolonged period of time. That said, I came away with the overall impression that Miller would be a good person to know--someone to whom I could build a bridge of friendship and good will. I've no idea what's happened to her in the ensuing years since she wrote this, but her courage in displaying her successes, vulnerabilities, and insecurities leads me to hope that time and life have been good to her.
I assume this was a blog somewhere before it became a book, and it has that herky-jerky patchworky feel to it, but it's somewhat better connected than a lot of blogs-turned-books I've read. Miller narrated the audio edition, and she was fabulous. If she sings as well as she narrates, I've no doubt the music would be memorable for all kinds of good reasons. The narration certainly was.
She describes years of broken diets and food obsessions that ultimately brought her to the concept of intuitive eating. She ultimately abandons the conventional diet plans that work until they don't in favor of more mindfully listening to her body and eating what and when it directs her to. I'm in no position to judge the success of such an idea; I've tried intermittent fasting, and while that seems to work for everyone else on Earth, it didn't for me. So who am I to judge someone else's success.
It was an interesting book replete with more information than I strictly needed, and the anxiety levels got to be more of an emotional investment than I wanted to make for a prolonged period of time. That said, I came away with the overall impression that Miller would be a good person to know--someone to whom I could build a bridge of friendship and good will. I've no idea what's happened to her in the ensuing years since she wrote this, but her courage in displaying her successes, vulnerabilities, and insecurities leads me to hope that time and life have been good to her.
May 2, 2018
Kelsey's journey is relatable. It is not my story or even similar, but her struggle with food is a common one that many can connect. She's funny and shoots straight making for a witty book that will leave you feeling like things are possible.
September 2, 2025
As someone who has dieted and yo-yoed with my
Weight I related hard to this book. It’s a very real and very interesting retelling of how hard it is to grow up and deal with weight in the diet culture of the 90s and early 2000s
Weight I related hard to this book. It’s a very real and very interesting retelling of how hard it is to grow up and deal with weight in the diet culture of the 90s and early 2000s
July 7, 2018
4.5 stars but rounding up because life is too short to be a star miser. Plus I decided to write a gigantic review because why not, right? Life, short, yolo, etc.
Maybe I liked it mostly because I rarely find someone who makes me think, “Yes, your inner monologue is quite similar to mine.” Her experiences were like mine, minus the parents and the childhood trauma. And a lot of sentences resonated with me, like (can’t remember exactly, paraphrasing): “Ever since I’ve been conscious that I had a body, I’ve known something was wrong with it.” And a lot of the life experiences, or particularly lack of experiences, echoed my own. Because I always say to myself that I’ll achieve that life milestone “once I’m skinny”.
Miller’s writing style is casual and clever, and listening to the audiobook is even better because it’s read by the author and she’s got a great book-readin’ voice. That might sound odd, but sometimes when authors read their own books, it’s a train wreck so yeah... kudos.
People might not rate this book as highly if they can’t relate, but as someone who is a bigger lady and has been her whole life, it’s nice to find someone smart and kickass that has struggled with the same thoughts and feelings and - I won’t say has “made it through” because there’s no finish line - but has found a way to successfully exist in her body without allowing a previously fucked up relationship with food to define her.
P.S. Not a diet book. Although it talks about intuitive eating, don’t read this expecting a shiny “before and after” weight loss story.
Maybe I liked it mostly because I rarely find someone who makes me think, “Yes, your inner monologue is quite similar to mine.” Her experiences were like mine, minus the parents and the childhood trauma. And a lot of sentences resonated with me, like (can’t remember exactly, paraphrasing): “Ever since I’ve been conscious that I had a body, I’ve known something was wrong with it.” And a lot of the life experiences, or particularly lack of experiences, echoed my own. Because I always say to myself that I’ll achieve that life milestone “once I’m skinny”.
Miller’s writing style is casual and clever, and listening to the audiobook is even better because it’s read by the author and she’s got a great book-readin’ voice. That might sound odd, but sometimes when authors read their own books, it’s a train wreck so yeah... kudos.
People might not rate this book as highly if they can’t relate, but as someone who is a bigger lady and has been her whole life, it’s nice to find someone smart and kickass that has struggled with the same thoughts and feelings and - I won’t say has “made it through” because there’s no finish line - but has found a way to successfully exist in her body without allowing a previously fucked up relationship with food to define her.
P.S. Not a diet book. Although it talks about intuitive eating, don’t read this expecting a shiny “before and after” weight loss story.
February 18, 2016
While the title is accurate: Kelsey did give up dieting and got a life, but as a memoir, I found this book disjointed. I was expecting to learn more about the process of intuitive eating: the daily struggles and an actual "how to" account of exactly how this philosophy works. Some of the chapters related to the one year journey to wellness, which was the crux of the book. Other chapters seemed superflous to the general arc of the book. For example, we did not need to know that Kelsey got some unspecified STD, which was transmitted to her by her first serious boyfriend. I did not really see how this mattered in relation to the central theme. Besides being extremely personal, it was irrelevant. It did not add to, inform, or enhance the narrative. Some back story is necessary for an over all understanding of the story, but I personally would rather have seen all elements tied into the central theme of freedom from dieting. In general, I enjoyed the book. But, I would have enjoyed a tighter focus and more attention to what details were either included or left out.
June 4, 2016
I listened to the author on a podcast and related so well to her. She's funny, not afraid of self-deprecating humor, and knowledgeable on the subject of Quitting Dieting.
The book really left me wanting more- the word "how" is in the title, but really the book is a bunch of super short chapters (like blog posts, as others have said) explaining why she started dieting, every ridiculous diet she did, and how her life changed after she gave up dieting- but not how she actually did it. I guess I was looking more for a "self help book" versus a memoir.
It's a funny, cute book, but I can't say I'd recommend it.
The book really left me wanting more- the word "how" is in the title, but really the book is a bunch of super short chapters (like blog posts, as others have said) explaining why she started dieting, every ridiculous diet she did, and how her life changed after she gave up dieting- but not how she actually did it. I guess I was looking more for a "self help book" versus a memoir.
It's a funny, cute book, but I can't say I'd recommend it.
March 20, 2016
2.75 Stars.
Miller is a good writer, and I did feel that she did a good job of making the reader feel like they know her. Part of the reason I didn't love this book was probably because it was different than I expected it to be: more about dieting and less about acceptance. I also thought that it didn't always read as well organized. Sometimes it felt like one cohesive book, while other times it read like a collection of essays. I think Miller has it in her to write enjoyable books, but I just didn't love this one.
Received from Goodreads.
Miller is a good writer, and I did feel that she did a good job of making the reader feel like they know her. Part of the reason I didn't love this book was probably because it was different than I expected it to be: more about dieting and less about acceptance. I also thought that it didn't always read as well organized. Sometimes it felt like one cohesive book, while other times it read like a collection of essays. I think Miller has it in her to write enjoyable books, but I just didn't love this one.
Received from Goodreads.
December 31, 2017
Too much fluff, and doesn't tie together well. The ideas are haphazard. Language was awful - I skipped several parts where foul language seemed to be the only way she could express herself. Would not read again or recommend because of this. She had a few "aha" moments, but not worth wading through everything else to get to those few gems. Disappointed. Another blog writer that can't make it flow into book format.
January 10, 2016
Having anyone speak honestly about anything can make you want to squirm, having them speak about things that are triggering for you can make it even more difficult. All of that aside I think it's important for more people to hear the message of not treating life and your health like an end goal but rather a constantly evolving process and journey.
January 10, 2016
I plowed through this audiobook enjoying Kelsey Miller's narration along the way. Thanks for telling your story and sharing it with the world. I hope to explore intuitive eating deeper and to continue to remind myself that I will never arrive and be finished, but will constantly be a work in progress. Thanks for sharing this message.
January 21, 2016
An entertaining and painful read for me. I love Miller's writing style and I needed to hear her perspective on a personal level. If you've ever had a tumultuous relationship with food, diets, self image, or that tenacious and cruel little voice that insists you are worthless, Kelsey Miller can show you that you aren't alone and health is about being mindful of both body and soul.
February 2, 2016
I enjoyed the author's honesty and I learned quite a bit about intuitive and mindful eating. I guess I would've given this four stars if more attention had been given to her experience integrating exercise, but I appreciate that this is her story to tell and it is credited as making a difference for her.
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