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Two of Me: Notes of Living and Leaving
What did I have to lose? I was going to die anyway.
A terrifying, rare cancer diagnosis prompted Eleanor Coppola to confront her role as the matriarch of an accomplished film family and her creative challenges as an artist late in life.
Her new and final book is an honest and revealing posthumous memoir about her struggle to balance her role as a wife and mother and her career as a writer and filmmaker (including the 1979 book Notes: On the making of Apocalypse Now, and the 1991 documentary film Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse).
Her story is both heartbreaking and heartwarming, and details the final years of her life over periods of creative growth and resilience despite artistic and physical setbacks.
Featuring an introduction by Sofia Coppola and an afterword by Alice Waters.
A terrifying, rare cancer diagnosis prompted Eleanor Coppola to confront her role as the matriarch of an accomplished film family and her creative challenges as an artist late in life.
Her new and final book is an honest and revealing posthumous memoir about her struggle to balance her role as a wife and mother and her career as a writer and filmmaker (including the 1979 book Notes: On the making of Apocalypse Now, and the 1991 documentary film Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse).
Her story is both heartbreaking and heartwarming, and details the final years of her life over periods of creative growth and resilience despite artistic and physical setbacks.
Featuring an introduction by Sofia Coppola and an afterword by Alice Waters.
- GenresNonfiction
215 pages, Paperback
Published November 11, 2025
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
July 20, 2026
“Your body and how you want to live your life is your choice.”
In late 2023, I knew something was not right with me. I had been experiencing a persistent cough, shortness of breath, and swollen lymph nodes. After months of bloodwork, scans, biopsies, and consultations with both my primary care physician, general surgeon and oncologist, I was diagnosed with cancer. I was offered immunotherapy along with chemotherapy. After extensive research, I chose immunotherapy alone, believing that this targeted treatment, which uses the body's own immune system to attack cancer cells, was the right path for me.
I declined chemotherapy because of what I witnessed with my father's cancer. The side effects were devastating, his quality of life diminished dramatically, and when his doctor finally told him there was nothing more they could do, he died within twenty-four hours. It seemed to all of us that he simply gave up once hope was gone.
That decision was deeply personal. I also recognize that every person facing a life-threatening illness must make the choice that feels right for them.
Gratefully, I listened to my body. Today I am in remission and on watch-and-monitor status for three separate cancers: Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, thymoma, and pre-malignant myeloma.
So why share my story?
Because, in many ways, Eleanor Coppola's journey mirrored my own. I understood the difficult decisions she faced after her diagnosis. One of her physicians tells her:
"Chemotherapy doesn't just affect your tumor, it affects many other aspects of your being."
Against the recommendations of many of her doctors, Eleanor chose a holistic approach. She continued living fully for another ten years, even as her tumor doubled in size.
Her story resonated with me on another level because I, too, have thymoma—a tumor located beside my lungs. Fortunately, mine has remained benign and unchanged since it was first discovered in 2024. Even so, as an unwanted guest, it occasionally reminds me that it is still there.
Many readers may know Eleanor Coppola as the wife of Francis Ford Coppola, director of “The Godfather” films and “Apocalypse Now,” and as the mother of filmmaker Sofia Coppola who won an Academy Award for Best Original screenplay for “Lost in Translation.” But Eleanor was an accomplished artist in her own right—a documentary filmmaker, screenwriter, photographer, and artist. She won an Emmy Award for her acclaimed documentary “Hearts of Darkness,” chronicling the making of “Apocalypse Now.”
This posthumous memoir, published in November 2025, is an extraordinary gift.
"What can I do that is worthy of this precious day? I feel an old burden of judgment about what I should be/could be doing to best serve this gift of life."
Eleanor passed away on April 12, 2024, at the age of eighty-seven, having remained steadfast in her decision not to undergo chemotherapy.
Written as a series of dated journal entries, this memoir beautifully captures both her artistic spirit and her growing physical fragility as illness gradually took center stage. It is deeply intimate, profoundly honest, heartbreaking, and ultimately life-affirming.
There is one passage that completely gutted me. On December 16, 2023, she wrote:
"I am dying of cancer, the body tells the truth. My tumor is lying on my lungs and heart, its heaviness restricting my blood and breath. That's the heart of the matter. It's in the center of me, breath and blood. I have no idea what's ahead, if I will live another month or a year, but no one really does. This past year has taught me about being in the moment as fully as possible since that is all we experience anyway. I am fully grateful and appreciative of this day, this hour, this moment..."
Those words capture exactly why I continue to live fully in the present.
This may be a difficult memoir for some readers because it speaks so candidly about dying. Yet I believe that is precisely why it is so valuable. Eleanor Coppola invites us to witness not only the end of a life, but also the grace, creativity, gratitude, and courage with which she continued to live it.
I also highly recommend reading the beautiful Afterword by Alice Waters. The intimate black-and-white photographs included at the end of the book make this remarkable memoir even more personal.
In late 2023, I knew something was not right with me. I had been experiencing a persistent cough, shortness of breath, and swollen lymph nodes. After months of bloodwork, scans, biopsies, and consultations with both my primary care physician, general surgeon and oncologist, I was diagnosed with cancer. I was offered immunotherapy along with chemotherapy. After extensive research, I chose immunotherapy alone, believing that this targeted treatment, which uses the body's own immune system to attack cancer cells, was the right path for me.
I declined chemotherapy because of what I witnessed with my father's cancer. The side effects were devastating, his quality of life diminished dramatically, and when his doctor finally told him there was nothing more they could do, he died within twenty-four hours. It seemed to all of us that he simply gave up once hope was gone.
That decision was deeply personal. I also recognize that every person facing a life-threatening illness must make the choice that feels right for them.
Gratefully, I listened to my body. Today I am in remission and on watch-and-monitor status for three separate cancers: Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, thymoma, and pre-malignant myeloma.
So why share my story?
Because, in many ways, Eleanor Coppola's journey mirrored my own. I understood the difficult decisions she faced after her diagnosis. One of her physicians tells her:
"Chemotherapy doesn't just affect your tumor, it affects many other aspects of your being."
Against the recommendations of many of her doctors, Eleanor chose a holistic approach. She continued living fully for another ten years, even as her tumor doubled in size.
Her story resonated with me on another level because I, too, have thymoma—a tumor located beside my lungs. Fortunately, mine has remained benign and unchanged since it was first discovered in 2024. Even so, as an unwanted guest, it occasionally reminds me that it is still there.
Many readers may know Eleanor Coppola as the wife of Francis Ford Coppola, director of “The Godfather” films and “Apocalypse Now,” and as the mother of filmmaker Sofia Coppola who won an Academy Award for Best Original screenplay for “Lost in Translation.” But Eleanor was an accomplished artist in her own right—a documentary filmmaker, screenwriter, photographer, and artist. She won an Emmy Award for her acclaimed documentary “Hearts of Darkness,” chronicling the making of “Apocalypse Now.”
This posthumous memoir, published in November 2025, is an extraordinary gift.
"What can I do that is worthy of this precious day? I feel an old burden of judgment about what I should be/could be doing to best serve this gift of life."
Eleanor passed away on April 12, 2024, at the age of eighty-seven, having remained steadfast in her decision not to undergo chemotherapy.
Written as a series of dated journal entries, this memoir beautifully captures both her artistic spirit and her growing physical fragility as illness gradually took center stage. It is deeply intimate, profoundly honest, heartbreaking, and ultimately life-affirming.
There is one passage that completely gutted me. On December 16, 2023, she wrote:
"I am dying of cancer, the body tells the truth. My tumor is lying on my lungs and heart, its heaviness restricting my blood and breath. That's the heart of the matter. It's in the center of me, breath and blood. I have no idea what's ahead, if I will live another month or a year, but no one really does. This past year has taught me about being in the moment as fully as possible since that is all we experience anyway. I am fully grateful and appreciative of this day, this hour, this moment..."
Those words capture exactly why I continue to live fully in the present.
This may be a difficult memoir for some readers because it speaks so candidly about dying. Yet I believe that is precisely why it is so valuable. Eleanor Coppola invites us to witness not only the end of a life, but also the grace, creativity, gratitude, and courage with which she continued to live it.
I also highly recommend reading the beautiful Afterword by Alice Waters. The intimate black-and-white photographs included at the end of the book make this remarkable memoir even more personal.
February 17, 2026
A window into a POV and a life I didn’t know I would enjoy looking through as much as I did. Eleanor Coppola has a level of awareness and so much heart, as she takes you along with her across her reflections on cancer and her identity as the wife of Francis and a mother - these moments that range from silly to touching, but always intimate.
January 1, 2026
I finished my first book of 2026, going in completely blind. Along the way, I was surprised by how much I shared with Ellie—especially being married to a showman artist who’s always in motion, while I’m more content staying home. Her life offered a perspective I didn’t know I needed, and I’m grateful for it.
January 30, 2026
Such incredible heart and insight ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ rip to a legend - I feel so moved and also understood in a beautiful way. The Coppola women have such an eloquent way of expressing themselves and feeling so fucking grounded in reality
January 31, 2026
After reading a few chapters of this memoir written by Eleanor Coppola, I was ready to return it to the library. But I decided to read a few more chapters and soon found myself really enjoying it. This is a short, somewhat “quiet” memoir of Eleanor’s last few years after being diagnosed with a cancerous tumor. The brief chapters include many memories from her journals written throughout her life.
In addition to the descriptions of her family life (raising a family of creative filmmakers, living a life often in deference to her famous movie director husband) she honestly examines her feelings of suppressing her own talents and putting her family first. As the forward says, “She struggled with how to be an artist and a mother and the unexpected role of the wife of such a celebrated film director.”
I was glad she did make time and generated opportunities to explore her own creativity by writing a script/screenplay and producing her own film, as well as sculpting, producing conceptual art, photographs, dance costumes, and always writing.
I felt like I came to know Eleanor through this book, which was part diary, part journal, part exploration and which was foremost “Notes on Living and Leaving.”
In addition to the descriptions of her family life (raising a family of creative filmmakers, living a life often in deference to her famous movie director husband) she honestly examines her feelings of suppressing her own talents and putting her family first. As the forward says, “She struggled with how to be an artist and a mother and the unexpected role of the wife of such a celebrated film director.”
I was glad she did make time and generated opportunities to explore her own creativity by writing a script/screenplay and producing her own film, as well as sculpting, producing conceptual art, photographs, dance costumes, and always writing.
I felt like I came to know Eleanor through this book, which was part diary, part journal, part exploration and which was foremost “Notes on Living and Leaving.”
January 25, 2026
This is essentially a very intimate diary of the last few years of Eleanor Coppola's life made up of memories and flashbacks, little vignettes of Hollywood life that were still obligatory for her as Francis Ford Coppola's partner, and lots of meditations about holding on to anger and pain, and how ultimately love and connection and creativity can overcome a lifetime of resentments. If you are seeking showbiz gossip look elsewhere, however she does write (with emotional restraint) about things the public is obviously interested in, especially that question that many ask themselves... "How did she stay married to him?"
This feels like a must-read for women filmmakers, if anything as a reminder of the women of the 60s and 70s who bravely embraced feminism at a time when these concepts were considered extremely radical. Eleanor was documentarian, adept with the hand-held camera, married to one of the most famous filmmakers in the world; she held her own even though it meant a lot of personal pain. There would be no Sofia Coppola without Eleanor, and I do not mean that in a strictly boring biological sense.
This feels like a must-read for women filmmakers, if anything as a reminder of the women of the 60s and 70s who bravely embraced feminism at a time when these concepts were considered extremely radical. Eleanor was documentarian, adept with the hand-held camera, married to one of the most famous filmmakers in the world; she held her own even though it meant a lot of personal pain. There would be no Sofia Coppola without Eleanor, and I do not mean that in a strictly boring biological sense.
March 5, 2026
I had the privilege of receiving this book last November as part of an A24 event in NYC. We flew up for a quick weekend trip to see a screening of Eleanor Coppola’s 1991 documentary Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse, introduced by her daughter, Sofia Coppola. After the film, Sofia spoke about her mother in an interview, and everyone in attendance received a copy of this book, a posthumously released collection of Eleanor’s journal entries.
I really appreciated the chance to get to know more of Eleanor’s deeply personal reflections. As one of the lesser-known members of the Coppola family, she comes across here as a quiet but essential backbone to it all. She’s candid about her resentment toward certain life choices and the timing of her upbringing, particularly when it comes to the freedoms and opportunities that later generations of women would have more access to.
This isn’t the first of her “notes” books to be published, but it’s the first one I’ve read. One of the earlier volumes informed much of Hearts of Darkness, so after this glimpse into her voice and perspective, I’ll likely seek out another one as well.
I really appreciated the chance to get to know more of Eleanor’s deeply personal reflections. As one of the lesser-known members of the Coppola family, she comes across here as a quiet but essential backbone to it all. She’s candid about her resentment toward certain life choices and the timing of her upbringing, particularly when it comes to the freedoms and opportunities that later generations of women would have more access to.
This isn’t the first of her “notes” books to be published, but it’s the first one I’ve read. One of the earlier volumes informed much of Hearts of Darkness, so after this glimpse into her voice and perspective, I’ll likely seek out another one as well.
December 23, 2025
Eleanor Coppola has many insightful, beautiful reflections about family and the disadvantages she faced in her career and personal life due to sexism. She also has a lot of cringey, privileged passages where she bemoans spending covid in her Napa mansion with 30 family members in her bubble, or decries the critical failure of her debut narrative movie despite admitting to not adequately preparing or even knowing what her responsibilities were on set. It is also agonizing to read her mistrust of western medicine and dependence on alternative remedial routes to treat her cancer, which eventually led to her passing.
March 23, 2026
This book is a treasure. What started as a collection of essays ended up leaving me in tears as I finished the book. What a beautiful and honest read. I had spent so many pages with Eleanor that when it came to the part of her passing, I felt like I was losing a friend.
I particularly enjoyed her honesty regarding what it is to be a mother, wife, and artist. Her honest confessions about where she fit in with this talented family of hers. In the end, she harnesses what we all hope to conclude about life and we can benefit greatly from her wisdom. I miss you already, Eleanor.
I particularly enjoyed her honesty regarding what it is to be a mother, wife, and artist. Her honest confessions about where she fit in with this talented family of hers. In the end, she harnesses what we all hope to conclude about life and we can benefit greatly from her wisdom. I miss you already, Eleanor.
December 5, 2025
honest & introspective!
January 7, 2026
Weirdly beautiful.
January 9, 2026
a saint
April 12, 2026
Favorite book this year
April 13, 2026
really, really beautiful. a must read for cinephiles.
June 10, 2026
A MUST read.
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews