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How to Grow Up Without Becoming a Grown-Up: Big Lessons from Little Kids
A guide to finding your way back to the joy, imagination, silliness, and creativity of being a child
When we were children, we were imaginative, curious, confident, and loved without judgement. Now we are neurotic, anxious, socially inept, and lonely. What did we lose when we grew up? How can we get it back?
Creator and host of the viral, beloved show Recess Therapy, comedian, and former child Julian Shapiro-Barnum has spent the past four years talking to thousands of about love, anger, the environment, their love of corn, and every other curiosity under the sun. And he’s gathered a wealth of information leading him to believe that kids are onto something. After all, babies are born with a profoundly complex, beautiful, and healthy view of everything, and somewhere along the way we trade in that wisdom for whatever this is.
With tender humor and real wisdom, Julian gets to the heart of life’s biggest issues, seen through the eyes of the littlest among
How to fully feel your feelings (and then let them go)Why reclaiming your imagination can make your life richerHow to bring a sense of wonder back to your workWhy sometimes breaking the rules is the right thing to do
How to Grow Up Without Becoming a Grown-Up is a guide for grown-ups on how to getting back in touch with a vital sense of play, with the silliness and pure joy you may have been missing lately.
When we were children, we were imaginative, curious, confident, and loved without judgement. Now we are neurotic, anxious, socially inept, and lonely. What did we lose when we grew up? How can we get it back?
Creator and host of the viral, beloved show Recess Therapy, comedian, and former child Julian Shapiro-Barnum has spent the past four years talking to thousands of about love, anger, the environment, their love of corn, and every other curiosity under the sun. And he’s gathered a wealth of information leading him to believe that kids are onto something. After all, babies are born with a profoundly complex, beautiful, and healthy view of everything, and somewhere along the way we trade in that wisdom for whatever this is.
With tender humor and real wisdom, Julian gets to the heart of life’s biggest issues, seen through the eyes of the littlest among
How to fully feel your feelings (and then let them go)Why reclaiming your imagination can make your life richerHow to bring a sense of wonder back to your workWhy sometimes breaking the rules is the right thing to do
How to Grow Up Without Becoming a Grown-Up is a guide for grown-ups on how to getting back in touch with a vital sense of play, with the silliness and pure joy you may have been missing lately.
- GenresNonfictionSelf Help
288 pages, Hardcover
Published August 4, 2026
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
June 6, 2026
we would be doing a disservice to all of mankind if we didn’t think that we can learn just as much, if not more, from kids as they do us. this book brought me a lot of joy, just as recess therapy does. this whole book is the reason i work with kids and why i forever want to be a member of the kids table.
July 19, 2026
“How to embrace your inner rebel” would be my title for this book. I had hope for child-like traits like joyous wonderment, innocent curiosity and how we can emulate them. Diving in blind, my initial reactions were mix. I’m not entirely convinced that by breaking trivial rules for the sake of breaking them is altogether liberating. It came off sounding trite.
Adults have the capacity to cope with bias worldviews and inequalities but children cannot. It’s hard to admire their level of freedom, simplicity, and ignorance because their cognitive awareness and emotional regulation is underdeveloped and I do not envy it.
I did enjoy the casual humorous tone and fully emphasize with other key points expressed by the author. Still, I couldn’t get past the reasoning behind rule breaking other than for pure amusement and how it makes us feel in control. This title will appeal to emotional-minded adults who seek validation over hard logic. In other words, a free pass to childhood shenanigans and other mischief that doesn’t violate the laws.
Thanks to Viking Penguin & NetGalley for my DRC.
Adults have the capacity to cope with bias worldviews and inequalities but children cannot. It’s hard to admire their level of freedom, simplicity, and ignorance because their cognitive awareness and emotional regulation is underdeveloped and I do not envy it.
I did enjoy the casual humorous tone and fully emphasize with other key points expressed by the author. Still, I couldn’t get past the reasoning behind rule breaking other than for pure amusement and how it makes us feel in control. This title will appeal to emotional-minded adults who seek validation over hard logic. In other words, a free pass to childhood shenanigans and other mischief that doesn’t violate the laws.
Thanks to Viking Penguin & NetGalley for my DRC.
July 24, 2026
This was a cute read, but it didn’t really meet my expectations. It feels more like a memoir from someone who is still very young, and a lot of the lessons from children seem very trite and overly simplified. I totally agree with the idea that we can learn a lot from children! He just makes it seem like children have no struggles, everything is sunshine and roses, they all make friends easily and never feel lonely, they’re all totally uninhibited and creative and joyful at all times. It’s kind of a weird vibe and doesn’t really feel accurate.
I LOVE that he appreciates kids so much as someone who is not a parent! But I also feel like if this book was written by a parent, someone who sees the child at every low point too, every developmental phase, every meltdown, it would be a very different vibe, and more nuanced too.
My favorite part of the book was the chapter where Julian played with his cousins like he was still a little kid and let himself go totally feral with them in the woods. That was really beautiful and touching.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC!
I LOVE that he appreciates kids so much as someone who is not a parent! But I also feel like if this book was written by a parent, someone who sees the child at every low point too, every developmental phase, every meltdown, it would be a very different vibe, and more nuanced too.
My favorite part of the book was the chapter where Julian played with his cousins like he was still a little kid and let himself go totally feral with them in the woods. That was really beautiful and touching.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC!
August 13, 2026
Do you have kids in your life? If so, this book is for you! I absolutely love the interviews, how Julian relates to kids and the part where it emphasized to date your friends, cuddle them and love them. This is so easy for kids. A simple invite. This book reminds us to be silly and find the joy in the little things because those things add up! I do suggest you check this one out!
June 27, 2026
Received advanced readers copy through NetGalley
This book made me chuckle in the introduction and proceeded to bring me joy. It also made me think about how I approach my daily life and relationships. I’m glad to have read this book and would recommend it to anyone else looking for a different way to approach life.
This book made me chuckle in the introduction and proceeded to bring me joy. It also made me think about how I approach my daily life and relationships. I’m glad to have read this book and would recommend it to anyone else looking for a different way to approach life.
August 9, 2026
I like the concept but should have been written by someone with kids or more wisdom.
August 8, 2026
How to Grow Up Without Becoming a Grown-Up: Big Lessons from Little Kids by Julian Shapiro-Barnum is a warm, funny, and thoughtful exploration of what adults can learn from children. Built largely from Shapiro-Barnum’s years of interviewing thousands of children through his popular series Recess Therapy, the book challenges the common idea that growing older should automatically mean becoming more serious, restrained, practical, and emotionally guarded. Instead, it asks a surprisingly simple question: What if growing up did not require us to give up the best parts of being a child?
The book begins with an observation that many adults quietly recognize: adulthood does not always deliver the wisdom and happiness we expected. As children, people tend to be curious, imaginative, expressive, enthusiastic, and willing to become completely absorbed in whatever interests them. Adults, by contrast, often become anxious about money, careers, relationships, appearances, social expectations, and the opinions of others. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, many people exchange spontaneity for caution and wonder for routine. Shapiro-Barnum's central argument is not that adults should literally behave like children. Rather, he believes we should recover the qualities of childhood that make life richer while keeping the responsibility and perspective that come with age.
The author's unusual authority comes from his experience listening to children. For years, he has asked them questions about subjects ranging from love and anger to death, the environment, friendship, superheroes, and the wonderfully ordinary things that fascinate them. What began as humorous conversations gradually became something more meaningful. Shapiro-Barnum noticed that the most valuable lessons were not necessarily the clever answers children gave. They were often found in how children approached life itself. In a recent discussion about the book, he explained that the way children act and move through the world ultimately interested him more than the individual things they said.
One of the book's most important lessons concerns emotions. Children can experience feelings intensely and openly. They may become furious, frightened, excited, disappointed, or heartbroken, but they often allow the emotion to happen without immediately turning it into a complicated story about what it means. Adults frequently do the opposite. They suppress emotions, overanalyse them, hide them from other people, or carry them long after the original situation has passed. Shapiro-Barnum encourages readers to become more emotionally honest. Feeling something deeply does not necessarily mean being controlled by it. Sometimes the healthiest response is simply to acknowledge a feeling, experience it fully, and then allow it to move on.
Another major theme is imagination. Childhood imagination allows ordinary objects and situations to become extraordinary. A cardboard box can become a spaceship. A living room can become a battlefield. A stick can become a sword. Adults often lose this ability because they become preoccupied with usefulness and practicality. The book suggests that imagination is not merely a childhood entertainment; it is an important human capacity. It can help adults solve problems, approach relationships differently, create new possibilities, and find pleasure in everyday experiences. Reclaiming imagination therefore means giving ourselves permission to wonder, experiment, and entertain ideas that do not have an immediate practical purpose.
The book also explores curiosity. Children ask questions because they genuinely want to know things. They are not usually embarrassed by admitting that they do not understand something. Adults, however, can become afraid of looking uninformed. As a result, they sometimes stop asking questions and begin pretending that they already know the answers. Shapiro-Barnum presents curiosity as a form of intellectual freedom. Remaining willing to ask "Why?" or "What if?" can keep people open to new experiences and prevent life from becoming a predictable repetition of old assumptions.
This curiosity naturally connects to the author's discussion of work and purpose. Adults frequently approach work through productivity, status, salary, and achievement. Children, on the other hand, can become fascinated by an activity simply because it is interesting. The book encourages readers to bring some of that sense of wonder back into their professional lives. This does not mean abandoning financial responsibility or pretending that every job must be a passion. Instead, it means looking for opportunities to become interested again—to notice what is satisfying, creative, surprising, or meaningful about what we do.
Another important lesson involves rules. Children are often curious about rules because they have not yet accepted them as permanent truths. They ask who created a rule, why it exists, and whether it can be changed. Adults tend to become more obedient to social expectations, even when those expectations no longer serve them. Shapiro-Barnum argues that sometimes breaking a rule—or at least questioning it—is necessary. The point is not irresponsible rebellion. It is the willingness to examine conventions rather than automatically accepting them. Some of the rules that limit adult happiness are not actual laws but invisible expectations about careers, relationships, success, appearance, and behaviour.
Underlying all these lessons is the idea of play. Play is often treated as something that belongs to childhood and disappears once responsibilities arrive. Yet the book suggests that play has genuine value for adults. It can create connection, relieve pressure, encourage creativity, and make ordinary life feel less mechanical. Adults may believe they are too busy or too old to play, but that seriousness can itself become a burden. A playful approach does not make a person immature. It can make life more flexible and enjoyable.
The book's humour is important because Shapiro-Barnum does not present these ideas as a stern self-help programme. His style is conversational, self-aware, and deliberately light. The publisher describes the work as combining "tender humor and real wisdom," while Kirkus Reviews praised its conversational and vulnerable voice. This tone makes the message approachable: readers are not being told that they have failed at adulthood. They are simply being invited to reconsider what they may have left behind.
Ultimately, How to Grow Up Without Becoming a Grown-Up is about preserving wonder while gaining wisdom. Shapiro-Barnum does not suggest returning to childhood or rejecting adult responsibilities. Instead, he proposes a more balanced version of adulthood—one in which people can pay their bills and still be silly, build careers and still play, experience difficult emotions without becoming trapped by them, and take life seriously without taking themselves too seriously.
The deepest message of the book is that maturity should not mean becoming less alive. Growing older can bring experience, independence, and wisdom, but those gains do not require sacrificing curiosity, imagination, openness, enthusiasm, or joy. By looking closely at the natural qualities of children, Shapiro-Barnum offers adults a gentle reminder that some of the things they thought they had outgrown may actually be things they need most.
In the end, the book encourages readers to grow up without growing dull. It asks us to become responsible without becoming rigid, knowledgeable without becoming closed-minded, and mature without losing our capacity for wonder. Its lesson is simple but powerful: adulthood should not be the process of becoming less like ourselves. It can instead be the process of becoming more fully ourselves—while carrying the best, brightest, and most curious parts of our childhood along for the journey.
The book begins with an observation that many adults quietly recognize: adulthood does not always deliver the wisdom and happiness we expected. As children, people tend to be curious, imaginative, expressive, enthusiastic, and willing to become completely absorbed in whatever interests them. Adults, by contrast, often become anxious about money, careers, relationships, appearances, social expectations, and the opinions of others. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, many people exchange spontaneity for caution and wonder for routine. Shapiro-Barnum's central argument is not that adults should literally behave like children. Rather, he believes we should recover the qualities of childhood that make life richer while keeping the responsibility and perspective that come with age.
The author's unusual authority comes from his experience listening to children. For years, he has asked them questions about subjects ranging from love and anger to death, the environment, friendship, superheroes, and the wonderfully ordinary things that fascinate them. What began as humorous conversations gradually became something more meaningful. Shapiro-Barnum noticed that the most valuable lessons were not necessarily the clever answers children gave. They were often found in how children approached life itself. In a recent discussion about the book, he explained that the way children act and move through the world ultimately interested him more than the individual things they said.
One of the book's most important lessons concerns emotions. Children can experience feelings intensely and openly. They may become furious, frightened, excited, disappointed, or heartbroken, but they often allow the emotion to happen without immediately turning it into a complicated story about what it means. Adults frequently do the opposite. They suppress emotions, overanalyse them, hide them from other people, or carry them long after the original situation has passed. Shapiro-Barnum encourages readers to become more emotionally honest. Feeling something deeply does not necessarily mean being controlled by it. Sometimes the healthiest response is simply to acknowledge a feeling, experience it fully, and then allow it to move on.
Another major theme is imagination. Childhood imagination allows ordinary objects and situations to become extraordinary. A cardboard box can become a spaceship. A living room can become a battlefield. A stick can become a sword. Adults often lose this ability because they become preoccupied with usefulness and practicality. The book suggests that imagination is not merely a childhood entertainment; it is an important human capacity. It can help adults solve problems, approach relationships differently, create new possibilities, and find pleasure in everyday experiences. Reclaiming imagination therefore means giving ourselves permission to wonder, experiment, and entertain ideas that do not have an immediate practical purpose.
The book also explores curiosity. Children ask questions because they genuinely want to know things. They are not usually embarrassed by admitting that they do not understand something. Adults, however, can become afraid of looking uninformed. As a result, they sometimes stop asking questions and begin pretending that they already know the answers. Shapiro-Barnum presents curiosity as a form of intellectual freedom. Remaining willing to ask "Why?" or "What if?" can keep people open to new experiences and prevent life from becoming a predictable repetition of old assumptions.
This curiosity naturally connects to the author's discussion of work and purpose. Adults frequently approach work through productivity, status, salary, and achievement. Children, on the other hand, can become fascinated by an activity simply because it is interesting. The book encourages readers to bring some of that sense of wonder back into their professional lives. This does not mean abandoning financial responsibility or pretending that every job must be a passion. Instead, it means looking for opportunities to become interested again—to notice what is satisfying, creative, surprising, or meaningful about what we do.
Another important lesson involves rules. Children are often curious about rules because they have not yet accepted them as permanent truths. They ask who created a rule, why it exists, and whether it can be changed. Adults tend to become more obedient to social expectations, even when those expectations no longer serve them. Shapiro-Barnum argues that sometimes breaking a rule—or at least questioning it—is necessary. The point is not irresponsible rebellion. It is the willingness to examine conventions rather than automatically accepting them. Some of the rules that limit adult happiness are not actual laws but invisible expectations about careers, relationships, success, appearance, and behaviour.
Underlying all these lessons is the idea of play. Play is often treated as something that belongs to childhood and disappears once responsibilities arrive. Yet the book suggests that play has genuine value for adults. It can create connection, relieve pressure, encourage creativity, and make ordinary life feel less mechanical. Adults may believe they are too busy or too old to play, but that seriousness can itself become a burden. A playful approach does not make a person immature. It can make life more flexible and enjoyable.
The book's humour is important because Shapiro-Barnum does not present these ideas as a stern self-help programme. His style is conversational, self-aware, and deliberately light. The publisher describes the work as combining "tender humor and real wisdom," while Kirkus Reviews praised its conversational and vulnerable voice. This tone makes the message approachable: readers are not being told that they have failed at adulthood. They are simply being invited to reconsider what they may have left behind.
Ultimately, How to Grow Up Without Becoming a Grown-Up is about preserving wonder while gaining wisdom. Shapiro-Barnum does not suggest returning to childhood or rejecting adult responsibilities. Instead, he proposes a more balanced version of adulthood—one in which people can pay their bills and still be silly, build careers and still play, experience difficult emotions without becoming trapped by them, and take life seriously without taking themselves too seriously.
The deepest message of the book is that maturity should not mean becoming less alive. Growing older can bring experience, independence, and wisdom, but those gains do not require sacrificing curiosity, imagination, openness, enthusiasm, or joy. By looking closely at the natural qualities of children, Shapiro-Barnum offers adults a gentle reminder that some of the things they thought they had outgrown may actually be things they need most.
In the end, the book encourages readers to grow up without growing dull. It asks us to become responsible without becoming rigid, knowledgeable without becoming closed-minded, and mature without losing our capacity for wonder. Its lesson is simple but powerful: adulthood should not be the process of becoming less like ourselves. It can instead be the process of becoming more fully ourselves—while carrying the best, brightest, and most curious parts of our childhood along for the journey.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
How to Grow Up Without Becoming a Grown-Up reflects on how adults should embrace the imagination, curiosity and wonderment of children in order to improve yourself. I liked the quotes and stories about the children the author has interviewed. Honestly, the book needed more of that. The best examples of being childlike were not being afraid to talk to others (children easily talk to each other, adults not so much) and using your imagination more. Another part I enjoyed was where the author, a young man in his twenties, played with his younger cousins all day long.
I didn't like how the author repeatedly called the qualities childish. Childlike would be a much better term as it usually refers to more positive attributes. Childish tends to be negative, immature, and annoying. Towards the beginning of the book he writes, " ...help me achieve my mission of making the world a better, more childish place." That doesn't seem appealing. The author is very young, not a parent, and I think it shows in his writing and actions. For example, in the chapter on Breaking the Rules, he chases a child (the child asked him to play) around a crowded venue. After a woman asked them to stop, the author remarked that she'd need to tell the child to stop having fun. He continued to chase the child. That kind of stuff is disrespectful and not cute or funny. I also felt like the author portrayed children in a way that makes them seem all sunshine and rainbows all the time. Kids are way more complex than that.
Thank you, NetGalley and Viking Penguin, for this ARC!
I didn't like how the author repeatedly called the qualities childish. Childlike would be a much better term as it usually refers to more positive attributes. Childish tends to be negative, immature, and annoying. Towards the beginning of the book he writes, " ...help me achieve my mission of making the world a better, more childish place." That doesn't seem appealing. The author is very young, not a parent, and I think it shows in his writing and actions. For example, in the chapter on Breaking the Rules, he chases a child (the child asked him to play) around a crowded venue. After a woman asked them to stop, the author remarked that she'd need to tell the child to stop having fun. He continued to chase the child. That kind of stuff is disrespectful and not cute or funny. I also felt like the author portrayed children in a way that makes them seem all sunshine and rainbows all the time. Kids are way more complex than that.
Thank you, NetGalley and Viking Penguin, for this ARC!
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
Really lovely little book. It's super refreshing at this time in our country to read something that truly feels hopeful about humanity (while also not being unrealistic about the major issues we're facing). It's basically a call to action to not hold back. To live our lives beyond the expectations of "adulthood" and society. Really also loved the personal touches about Julian and his life. The writing style varied quite a bit from more modern lingo to more beautifully descriptive language in some of the more descriptive stories. It all seemed purposeful and effective at the point that he was trying to get across or the emotion he was trying to convey in the moment. Lovely breezy read that made me chuckle and smile.
April 23, 2026
*RECEIVED ADVANCED READER’S COPY FROM NETGALLEY*
I’m a big fan of Recess Therapy on TikTok so I was happy to see that Julian had written a book. I loved how he shared quotes and parts of an interview from the kids. A lot of them made me laugh and some were even profound. This book was a great reminder that even though we’re adults, we should be open to feeling that childlike joy every once in a while. I highly recommend this book. The publishing date is August 4, 2026.
I’m a big fan of Recess Therapy on TikTok so I was happy to see that Julian had written a book. I loved how he shared quotes and parts of an interview from the kids. A lot of them made me laugh and some were even profound. This book was a great reminder that even though we’re adults, we should be open to feeling that childlike joy every once in a while. I highly recommend this book. The publishing date is August 4, 2026.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
I’m not sure if this book really does tell you how to grow up without being a grown up but it is a joy to read. It’s a good reminder to not take things too seriously and also to try and keep that self-conscious adult at bay. It made me think about my interactions and it is nice to realise that properly no grown ups feel grown up. The author is young so he may think that one day we believe it but I’m not sure that is true - and thank goodness. Thanks to NetGalley and Penguin Life for the ARC.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
A truly inspiring and refreshing book. As an adult, I admit I rarely look back on my childhood, and this book gives me new insights. I felt really engaged while reading it because of how fun the writing is. Maybe, sometimes, we need to look at the world the way kids do. This book is a gentle reminder that growing up doesn't have to mean losing that sense of wonder. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to reconnect with their inner child and find a bit more joy in everyday life.
August 12, 2026
This was such a cute book, the author was a guest on BNCMAP and I thought he was hilarious!! I would give it 5-stars, but the constant milennial-esque jokes and tidbits threw me off and took me out of it :/
But, I'd still recommend! As someone who loves to add some whimsy to her life and live to make her younger self proud, this was a sweet read 🥹🫶
But, I'd still recommend! As someone who loves to add some whimsy to her life and live to make her younger self proud, this was a sweet read 🥹🫶
Review of advance copy received from Author
I loved this book. It was a gentle reminder that we don’t have to take life so seriously. I’m so excited to see what’s next for him! Would love to read more of his writing.
Review of advance copy received from Author
giveaway at outside tn! living w childlike wonder is the way and I’ve always said that
August 8, 2026
I love recess therapy
August 10, 2026
Thank you to the publisher for the ARC via Netgalley!
I love Julian's videos and when I found out he was writing a book I was pretty excited and even more when I got an early copy. I would say I felt overall meh about this after reading. I really enjoyed the way he writes and I think the topics he did talk about were done in a fun manner but I think we should have covered a wider variety of things we can learn from kids. I feel like a lot of the things covered were more generic than what I was expecting and it disappointed me.
I love Julian's videos and when I found out he was writing a book I was pretty excited and even more when I got an early copy. I would say I felt overall meh about this after reading. I really enjoyed the way he writes and I think the topics he did talk about were done in a fun manner but I think we should have covered a wider variety of things we can learn from kids. I feel like a lot of the things covered were more generic than what I was expecting and it disappointed me.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews