5 Amo ergo sum: I need a Ronin in my life stars
I am not sure I can write the review this book deserves at the moment. Too many distractions, and I need to switch off a bit actually. The problem is, I loved this little thing with a fierceness I didn't expect, and it hurt so much when I finished it I got angry at the whole damn world, scolding tears keeping me awake next to my kids. Silly, really, true nonetheless.
In a way it is a classical sci-fi storyline: post-nuclear war dystopian future, humanity is decimanted and scattered in few very isolated places, scrapping and scavanging. In Cheyenne humans live in favelas, practically enslaved to robots who leave in a still pristine part of the city, lead by the sadistic scarfaced Warlord. In the midst of this misery, abjection, violence and hopelessness, an absolutely epic love will develop between young human Lara and Ronin, a synthetic creature, perfectly humanoid with additional war-apt gearing.
I don't want to spoil the plot, the important twists were unexpected and the explanations to some crucial points surprising and hard to hear at the same time, the world building is fabulous, the sense of grit and despair oozing from every page. Some parts were more descriptive than others but I could have read about this world forever. The reality level of human reactions when faced with constant fear of death and/or maiming, severe scarcity of food and water and any other aid, total absence of medical care, with the inevitable betrayals, was stunning and all in a very easy, uncomplicated style. Every single character, human or artificial, was alive and believable. The villain Warlord had a more complex background for his blind hatred.
Lara slowly changed from some sort of feral cat, set in hateful ways due to a lifetime of bot oppression and rape, into a dedicated, devoted, passionate, justice-seeker, selfless woman, a leader even, her need to save others like a straight arrow the whole time, and thank god for that, she had some asinine and mean reactions in the beginning that made me cringe. The way she moves from seeing Ronin as a thing - a it - to a man, her man, was magical to follow, her internal battle between unexpected attraction and learned hatred totally convincing. Once she opened her heart to him, all doubts and barriers disappeared. Lust for life and fairness, in that world, is a very precious thing. My heart, though, fell hard for Ronin.
Everything about him is fascinating, he's probably one of the most humane characters I've encountered in a looooooong while. An immortal being willingly facing the quasi-sure death out in the Dust, intellectually more taken by finding his own purpose than worried about his own safety, with a military program but allergic to just following orders. His self-discovery journey, the final revelation of where he came from and how he had been created, his constant ruminations/examinations on life and its ultimate sense, on what makes you alive, on his own feelings and the reality of them - fascination, lust, care, protection, possessiveness, need, undying love - from their first seeds to their full bloom is, quite simply, heartwrenching and heartmelting. His patience, control and will to learn, apologise even when he doesn't need to, his respect for Lara's feelings and choices over his own desire or fears are just some of the reasons why I adored him and felt for/with him till the very last word. He's a pained hero, considerate, tender, compassionate, strong, worried about his own and his specie's war crimes, about his immortality in the face of his human, fragile partner.
The sex scenes are so charged with unadulterated desire, surprise, discovery, emotion, raw need and pleasure they are scorching even if not overly graphic. The authors are so consistent in the description of his internal diagnostics and physical reactions you never lose sight of his mechanical body and synthetic skin, while making him one of the most romantic, and utterly desirable, male leads ever. And for once, is the male lead who finds his ultimate purpose and reason to be in his love for the partner. Old-fashioned or not, it was poignant to read and intense.
There are a few little errors throughout the book, but who cares when the story is so full of social commentary on politics, war, science, progress creating its own monsters, fear of what's different, genetics, memory, belonging vs selfishness, melting-pots societies, tyranny, revolutions, even bot humour and so much more? The end came too suddenly for me. After so much struggling and loss, I just needed a little bit more of Lara and Ronin, whose hearts are unaffected by time or physical changes.
No, not enough time to love you, you kept your promise to stay together in the darkness.